YOU matter. Your thought matter. Your dreams matter.
2020 has us questioning everything. Has us questioning our sanity and ourselves. Has us wondering if the nightmare will EVER end.
2020 may also have some questioning if THEY matter. There has been days when I have wondered what the point in writing to get folks to understand how hurtful 2020 and before has been for POC. I have grown weary of the fight of trying to educate, encourage other folk of color to hang in there. I have wondered if my words have mattered at all.
After it was announced that there would be no charges filed in the Breonna Taylor case I cried ALL NIGHT. I wanted not to care, wanted to do as before and to stay silent and hide my tears. My tears matter. As does yours.
Your life matters. Your thoughts, hopes, fears, dreams and on and on. I find that my heart won’t let me rest. I don’t want folks to live in a world where they feel they don’t matter. You do. Every last one of you matters. You matter to God. You matter to this world. This world won’t make it without YOU. Just because folk, out of fear, has labeled you worthless does not make it so.
Your life means so much. YOU make a difference in the world around you. Your family needs you. Your friends care for you. They would be there for you if you would only let folks see inside the real you. THE REAL YOU. Away with the mask! Life is just too damned short.
Your life has an affect. When you withdraw, life hurts. When you hold your heart apart from others it hurts them. They grieve. You have folks in your world, right now, who just want to show love and care for you. They are waiting for you to stop being afraid of being you.
You think that you have to have a bunch of money before folk will love you. Think you have to look a certain way or hang with a certain group or wear this or have that. You don’t. Beloved, you don’t.
You are enough, you hear me? You ARE!
Your life matters. Your life causes ripples that wind themselves among eternity.
If I could give the world only one thing I would give them the KNOWLEDGE that they are seen, heard and loved by God. By me. Let the world see you. It’s okay. It will be okay. Be afraid and reach out anyway. Let your life drops make a ripple that will turn into a wave that will turn into a sunami!
I love chili. Love me some chili!!! Bean-less, of course. I know. I know. We could get into an endless debate about chili with or without beans. Another story for another day. Will say, though, that folks who eat chili with beans….smh….*Cassandra doesn’t know what to think about folks who would mess up a perfectly good bowl of chili putting beans in it!*….*shiver*….
Anywho, I have been wanting to make chili. For aeons. At least for the last two years. Yes, like a big moron, I have been too afraid to try to make some blasted chili. I was afraid I wouldn’t season enough. Or, worse, I would over season it. Yech. Eww. Nothing worse than salty chili or stale crackers.
So, I warily looked at different recipes, online. I asked advice of this person and that one. How do YOU make yours? What do you put in it? How much? How long do you let it cook? Simmer? Which seasonings?
Dear God there are so many choices when making chili. Even bean-less chili. Intimidated by the unlimited choices I did nothing……*sigh*……*Cassandra remembers the nightmare of doing nothing about taking out the garbage*….*shiver*
Think of Percival, the fly, I decided to take the chance and try my hand at some chili. Percival thought this a great idea. Yes, he is STILL around, bugging me. Darn it all.
I called my guy cook friend. Man, he can cook yall. He is my teacher. Tells me how much and how long and Cassandra just cook the damn chili would you? Okay, okay, I told him. I made the blasted chili.
Must admit, it was kinda fun. Tinkering around. Measuring the different spices. Being WILLING to try new and different spices. Before I would stick with only the basics: Lawrys and pepper. That’s it! Wasn’t willing to branch out. One day, though, I got tired of the same old, same old spices. I was ready to try something new.
That had me thinking about life and how I had learned to try and do new/different things since mom passed away. Funny how losing something major can teach you how to enjoy the minor things in life, huh? I learned it was okay to try and fail and laugh and get up and fail again and to try again and fail and laugh….rinse and repeat. 🙂
I learned that it is perfectly okay not to be okay at times. It’s okay not to get things right the first time or second time or even the tenth time or maybe not at all.
How did the chili come out? Pretty well, I think. I adapted it and added a bit of BBQ sauce. My cooking guru told me his auntie had put BBQ sauce in hers and it came out well. I enjoyed it in mine. Yet, something was missing. A bit of something I could not put my finger on no matter what I tried. I finished it off and promised myself I would try again.
This past weekend, I tried my hand at another small pot of chili. This time I was more confident. I was more prepared. I had purchased different spices, felt confident enough to add a bit more of that, a bit less of that. Wonderful! It tasted wonderful.
Do you want to know something really weird? In taking the chance, in FINALLY summing up the courage to go ahead and make that chili whether it was a disaster or master piece, gave me the courage to try some other things. Gave me the gumption to work on my life dream of being able to write and work from home, for myself. I began to do those things that will bring me closer to achieving that goal. Yet, in beginning, haven’t I already found success? I am writing. Sharing with you. Not knowing the outcome. Open to new adventures, to meeting new friends to seeing if this writing dream will be a dream or turn into a disaster.
I have no idea. Only know I enjoyed that chili. Only know I am enjoying writing, now, and entertaining myself and hopeless one or two or ten or a thousand or….
What if no one is entertained, you may ask? What if your dream(s) never come to pass? To that I say, so what. I tried. I have grown. In the chili making. In the Me making. In the writing. EVERY day that I try I grow. Every day that I reach out is one more day someone is getting encouraged, hopefully.
I want to say back to you: what is it, in your own life that you have been afraid of trying, for fear of failure? What do you honestly want to do but are afraid folk may laugh at you, life may tell you to get to stepping, or your friends may say what kind of dumbness is that?
I encourage you to go ahead and make the blasted chili, as my friend encouraged/admonished me. The world needs your ‘chili’. The world needs what you have to share. YOU need to know that you can do this thing called life. You CAN. You WILL. As you try. And fail and try. And fail. And laugh. And Fail. Rinse and Repeat.
Life is short. Folk are hungry. Let me know how your chili came out, wouldja? Don’t allow another day to go by controlled by fear: fear of what may happen or what may not happen. Life is short. LIVE! Aren’tcha tired of simply existing?
I finally changed my living room around to make it homey. Have been wanting to do so since I first moved here in 2016. I wanted to make it my own, get it all situated and invite mom up to see my ‘spot’. Her passing three months later brought all of that to a screeching halt. If I were to be honest, mom’s passing had brought ME to a screeching halt.
In one moment,…..ah……ONE moment. One moment can change your forever, can’t it? I know you have your ‘one moment’. Something that happened that not only snatched your breath away but also snatched your courage/confidence/faith….*sigh*…..life not fair to sneak up like that, is it>
I literally stopped unpacking. Left my bedroom as a storage space with boxes still anxiously awaiting my new life and adventure. Left those boxes packed away. Kept the bedroom door closed. Those unpacked boxes were a reminder of ‘that day’. Every day since mom passed I have been living after ‘that’ day trying to make my way in a world that no longer made sense.
How could I laugh again? Who could I call to say really stupid things to and make them laugh? Who could I call and say ‘mom I don’t know what to do’ and here her say ‘It will be okay’. When something awesome happen who could I call. Yes, I had fam and friends. But, some things, some things you just want to pick up the phone and say ‘mom, I did it!’ or ‘mom, I didn’t get it…*sigh”
What do we do when the rug gets snatched from us? When a love we thought we had forever has walked away? What do we do when the job we loved is taken or thing thing we were banking on doesn’t come through or came through but was snatched without notice? We are left to keep packed boxes behind a lock door, right? We carry on, best we can. When folks ask how we are, we tell them ‘I’m okay’. What else can we tell them, tho? Can we share with them that we are devastated, that we are heart broken, that we don’t feel like ME anymore?
Do we admit that we don’t know what to do? Do we tell someone that we feel small now? Do we admit that we lost an anchor, a compass, a comfort and now the world just seems awfully cold out here?
For a long time, after mom passed, all I did was cry and carry on. Worked and carried on. With boxes packed. With a closed bedroom door. Over the course of time, I reached out to one or two. Had one or two help snatch me back into life. Thank GOD for folk who love us enough to support us at our darkest times. Yet, they can only support as we take the chance and open our hearts to let folk know we are hiding our boxes behind closed doors. We can only heal as we let God know we got those boxes locked away and ask for His help to help us find the courage to open that bedroom door and unpack our lives and begin again.
Begin again to what, tho? Mom is gone, I told myself. How can I enjoy my ‘spot’ without her? Ah! There is the question: how do we make a new life out of the new life we now have because our old one was cruelly snatched away? We liked that old life. DAMMIT, WE LIKED THAT OLD LIFE!!
I didn’t want to lose my mom. I never wanted to learn these terribly hard lessons of how to go on when your get up and gone has said to hell with this and has left you to fight things out on your own.
Yet, healing did come for me. Slowly. And, only as I made the choice EVERY day to keep trying, to move forward tears or no. We have to keep going, yall. Have to keep trying. Even when it hurts. Especially as it hurts. The ONLY way to get through something is to actually go through the damned thing. Good yikes. I never used to swear. Okay, every now and again I would tear loose a word here and there. Since mom passed I want to have a good cuss fest and yell and scream at the world you stole my mom from me!!….*stamps foot*. Couldn’t you just have a cuss fest about something that you lost, someone you lost, something that was cruelly taken, through no fault of your own? Dammit, world, we were doing the best we could! We are good people, dammit! Why you have to go and pick on us!!!!!????…*sigh*…..having a cussfest is exhausting. And, losing a whole world, trying to recover and start again is exhausting. Don’t have the extra energy for a cussfest. Good yikes…..
One day, I felt life and mom whispering to me to get my living room situated. Move stuff around. Unpack some things. Make your ‘spot’ homey. Felt mom cheering me on. So, I took a day and rearranged. Made things cute. Put this here, hid that there(another story for another day. Why do we kick things behind something instead of putting it away correctly….*sigh*…we can be dummies, can’t we?), put in some fancy mood lights and scented oils.
Finally I had my living room all homey. Yet, I felt guilty about truly enjoying it without mom. Finally gave myself permission to try. Had one cup of coffee in a lounging chair with mood lit room slowly blinking in approval. That felt so nice I tried another cup only this time I added reading to the mix and playing some music, softly in the background. How peaceful. How peaceful. I’m sure mom was smiling from heaven.
The following weekend I admit to feeling tremendous guilt. Felt as though I was walking away from mom. Wrestled ALL week with that. Could feel mom speaking to me that I HAD to let her go. Let go of the notion that I would have her here with me in her earthly body. She’s not here. Will NEVER be here. Never is such a big word. Had to wrestle NEVER down to the ground. It is so hard accepting things we have truly lost. Things that no amount of effort or crying will bring back…..*sigh*…..
Yet, life and God will help us to live in our new lives. In fact, there are things in our new lives we would never have had in the old one. I have kicked fear to the curb. Used to be afraid of expanding myself due to my age, due to not having a college degree. Due to this or that. Decided age was just a number, a college degree is a piece of paper I can always go back and get. And, as for the other excuses, just began to kick those dummies to the curb. The world took my mama from me. Couldn’t take anything else more precious.
I learned it’s okay to venture out. Don’t have to drive the same route all the time. Don’t have to be a creature of habit. I began to meander my way through life. Before, I wanted to get there. Needed to get THERE. Had to work hard so I could get there. Had no idea where ‘there’ was only that I wasn’t where I was ‘supposed to be’. Where the hell is that? Seems like we all, at times, get to chasing things we think we are ‘supposed’ to chase, have and do.
Since ‘that’ day, I have learned to live in the moment. The NOW moment. I have no idea what tomorrow holds for me and no longer care. Yes, I still work hard. I still dream. I still want. I still long for. Yet, now, I can enjoy a cup of coffee and yak with mom. I have learned to love her a different way. She can no longer be with me in body but is with me in spirit and I am with her that way.
I have learned to enjoy my ‘spot’ alone, yet not alone. I type these words, in my spot, day dream from my spot. Realize I am living a dream, NOW, from my spot. All I ever really wanted was to be able to write, encourage folk and dream from my own place. 30 years ago I had the same dream. To have my own place, tapping away on my own laptop and dreaming of what the future would look like.
Today, I sit here, tapping these keys, looking forward to a nice cup of coffee in my fave clear coffee cup(feel awfully writery and scholarly sipping coffee in a clear coffee cup), and yakking with mom ‘hey, mom look at what I did?!’
Look at what I did, mom!? I opened up that bedroom door, mom. I have moved beyond ‘that day’ mom. I have opened my arms to life and have asked God to fill them up, mom. Whatcha think about that, mom?
Life can be cruel in asking us to learn how to love it and folk a different way. God sure does seem like a Big Meanie at times when He lets us know we can’t go that way no more, can’t have him/her no more, can’t go to that job/thing no more. We have to head in a different direction and learn to love a different way. A new way.
Covid has literally flipped all of our lives upside down. We have to learn to live and love a different way. We can’t go back to the way things have been. We can’t do that. Us POC, people of color, can no longer live in a world where our lives are disposable. We can no longer hide or pain/hurt. White folk can no longer go back to pretending they don’t see. Now that you do, white folks, you can’t keep turning away because you don’t want to feel uncomfortable. POC you can’t keep pretending you don’t hurt. We all we got but we all we need.
We need to open our doors and allow others inside. We HAVE to be willing to see another view point, to hold a hand that looks different from ours. We have to support and love one another. We have to learn to come together and learn to love each other in a different way. We can and we will.
Learning to love a different way is terribly hard. Yet, it is so very rewarding. I miss my mom, miss her every second of every day. But, I know she is right here, over my shoulder, giving it a squeeze and letting me know that I got this. I got this mom!
There is only one you. Of all the billions of folk, God only made one you. The world needs what you have to give. Your words. Your thoughts. Your dreams.
You scrounge around in your heart and don’t see much. You don’t see anything special.
You try and dress yourself up with things. With money. With a job. With fancy clothes. With…..gets exhausting all the things you use to add on to yourself thinking you are not enough.
Beloved, you are more than enough. Your life was worth the death of a king! His name is Jesus, by the by.
Anywho, the world NEEDS what YOU have. Do you, boo. You don’t have to try and do someone else. That never turns out well. Makes folks scratch their head and wonder why you being someone or something you ain’t?
It’s time. Time to get up and start living. Life has bopped you upside the head more times than you can count. Disappointment has laughed at you, mercilessly. Rejection has haunted you. Your goals have all taunted you and keep saying ‘nah, nah, you can’t catch me’. You are sick of it. Dammit, you are sick of this!!
Good. Great. Now that you are tired of going around in endless circles, it’s time for you to LIVE. You are not your past. You are not those things that you have gone through. You are NOT your worst mistakes. You are not even your best successes. You are all those things and much more.
EVERYTHING you have gone through has helped shape who you are now. That can be a good thing or a bad thing. It’s up to you. See, we tend to use our life experiences, the experiences of others, the expectations of others to shape the way we see ourselves.
Then, we take that often WRONG perception and live up to or down to those perceptions. We don’t go for that job as we don’t have a degree or enough time in. We don’t know the right people. We don’t look the right way. We don’t run in the right circles.
We don’t reach out for love because we are too fat, too old, too ugly, too pretty, too poor, have too much money so folk can’t see us.
We don’t let on that we are lonely, sad, grieving, afraid as we have to keep hiding behind our masks. We don’t want folk to know that we are not okay, that we have not been okay for quite some time.
We go through the day, silent screaming inside to be seen, to be loved, to be accepted. Just for us. Dammit, why can’t/won’t you see me!? See me!!!!!!
*sigh*…..
So, we end up entering into a silent pact with life: we promise life we will hide behind a mask and work hard and be giving and loving people, so long as life will leave us be and STOP TORMENTING ME WITH THINGS I WILL NEVER HAVE.
It hurts. It hurts. Not having hurts. Not being loved hurts. Not being seen hurts. We grow tired of hurting. Tired of being unloved. Tired of being alone.
Dammit, God, I am tired!!!!….huh?….what’s that?
It seems that God has heard our silent screams. He lets us know that He is there. That He DOES care. He knows we are hurting. Knows that we rage, deep inside, where only He can see. He calls to us, quietly, to rise. Rise from that anger. Rise from that fear. Rise and let that fire burn away the darkness.
Life is short. It’s time to rise. Your life is sooooooooooooo very worthy of love and all of life’s good things. You don’t have to hide. There ARE folks who will gladly and joyfully love you for y0urself.
It’s time. Time for YOU to rise. It’s okay that you have been afraid. It’s okay that you have not been okay. It’s okay that you don’t know how to reach out for love. It’s the beginning that counts. All you have to to is to turn on the light, rise from your bed. Get on up. You can do this. You can.
I can not tell you how many days I had to talk myself from beneath the covers. I wanted to use mom’s death and the grief that came with it to hide away forever. Mom wouldn’t want that. God didn’t want that. My heart really didn’t want that. So, one day, I talked myself in turning on the light. Lay on my back, in bed still. Afraid still. Yet, I had made the first step. I turned on the light.
Ah! The light. Felt a tiny flicker, inside my heart. One small ember of hope that maybe, just maybe, I could get out from under the darkness. I had no idea how I could live and breathe on this earth with my mom gone. She meant everything to me. How can one go on without their everything?!
I don’t know what the ‘everything’ in your life is. I don’t know that thing, person, situation that you lost forever. I don’t know what keeps you in your bed, in the darkness. Afraid to rise. Afraid to live. No longer knowing how to.
Yet, I KNOW, of a certainty, that you CAN rise. It’s hard but you can. A choice that only YOU can make. I write these words in earnest as there are so very many folks who are walking around, afraid to rise and live. They walk around in a prison only they and God can see.
God sees you and wants you free. He calls to you, today. Tells you to rise. You can do this. You can! Begin by turning on the light. Then, roll over and sit up on the side of the bed. Allow yourself the space and time to try. You may be too afraid and will dive back under the covers. That’s okay. Try again tomorrow. Turn on the light. Sit on the edge of the bed, take a breath and rise.
And, once risen, let your spark of life become a raging fire that will consume all your darkness. And, once in the light, please go and get someone who is in there bed and call them to rise. Encourage them. Let them know they are NOT alone. Let them know they can do it.
YOU can do it. Yes, you. If your eyes are reading these words, they were meant for you. You have never been seen/loved/valued the way your precious and priceless soul deserves to be loved.
You are not alone. You will be free. God will help you rise. You can do this. God loves you. I cheer for you as you make your way towards turning on the light, sitting on the side of the bed and rising up to live.
Life is hard but so worth living. Even the hard days. Keep going. I pray for you as you go. I sit with you as you find the strength to rise. You got this.
We all we got, but we all we need.
praying peace/love/blessings for every heart and every man, woman and child,
I FINALLY decided to come out of the flip phone age, purchased me a Samsung Galaxy s8…fabulous phone, by the by. Was sooooooooooooooooooooooooo excited. I hesitated buying it as it’s one of those phones that does not have a battery you can take out and put in another. I debated about getting it, fretted about the life of the battery. Two years? Hmm…stared at it forever. Two years, huh?….hmmm……
Decided to take a chance and bought my Galaxy s8. Was love at first sight!! The photos it took was awesome. The movies crystal clear! Music sounded fantastic. I was in heaven. Until….
I got to thinking about the battery life. Started fretting about that and began to cut down my usage. HAD to save the battery. I found myself on it less. I stopped watching movies and listened to music sparingly. I made sure to put it in power saving mode which cut down on the apps I could use or their function….*sigh*….started missing my fave apps and just pecking around, hanging out with online friends and checking on fam I don’t get to see.
I HAD to save the battery, tho, to make sure I got my full two years worth of battery life. I started to get annoyed. I missed my love affair with my Galaxy s8!…*stamps foot angrily*…..
One day, I was laying bed, and got to thinking. What the world was the point in having a phone I enjoyed and afraid to enjoy it? Great question. Sadly, we do that with our lives, don’t we? We hold ourselves back from love, from trying new things, from using the things that we love.
Why, you may ask? We do so for fear of ‘running out’. We want to save what we have, to hoard it. We want to relive those good memories, over and over, instead of embarking on making new ones.
I got to thinking about that…..hmm…..darn it I want to binge watch Grey’s Anatomy!….*stamps foot angrily*…..hmm….
One day, I decided, to heck with this…..grabbed up my Galaxy s8, started up Season 8 of Grey’s….*hugs phone*…..*sigh*…..heaven!!!
I visited old friends, made some new ones. I blasted my music with my ear buds, sang lustily and semi badly….sorry neighbors…..hugged myself and rocked out enjoying my phone, enjoying my life. Who knows where I will be or where life may take me in the next two years?
Life is sooooooooooooooooooooooo very short. Don’t be afraid to live it, yall. Grab hold of life. Live it to the fullest. If you are missing that friend, call and make up with them. If you would like to live in that cool place, start researching and get after it. If you want a new job, pursue it.
Time to live! Time to do YOU. Fear not, dear heart. This life is waiting for you to live it. Yes, there are hard times. There will be some sad ones. Don’t let fear of sad or hard days keep you from living in the NOWNESS of life. Life can be so hard and seem cruel. But, o, peeps, life surely is worth living!!….*Cassandra gives herself a big hug*…..delish.
Use up that battery. You can always get a new phone. Don’t let that phone sit, waiting for you. Life is waiting for YOU. You have been praying for this, hoping for that. Get on up, keep on praying and live. We got this yall.
We all we got, but we all we need. This POC love all my brothers and sisters of every race, creed, political party. Love me back.
Oftentimes, we ask life for things, beg God for things. We ask and fret, beg and fume, not realizing that we already have ot already beem given those things that we seek.
I needed groceries. Had a hankering for some oj, brats, and chicken breast. Wouldn’t you know it the oj and chicken and brats were out of stock
I figure okay and order some other thingss. Knowing I have had to cram things in the freezer and jam things in the fridge I figure I need to clean both to make room. I know. I know. I have been promising myself, cajoling myself and threatening myself to clean the fridge and freezer, Cassandra already!! You know what happened last time you waited to take out the garbage?!😡
Thinking of Percival the fly I tear over to the fridge and begin the massive clean up. After I came to after about five minutes, I cleared out oj, chocolate milk, darn it I had been wanting some chocolate milk!, found no less than 5 packages of brats!!?, AND a plump chicken breast!!!!
*SIGH*…hhhmm….*sigh *…oopps.🤔🤷♀️
Not only had I had plenty of what I had been wanting, I also was able to make room for fresh groceries. I had been wasting money buying things I already had, not able to buy things I wanted due to lack of space and smelling up what was left on top of that. Good yikes.
There are times that we blame life and God for some smelly things when the fault lies with our own laziness or lack of effort or belief.
Nowadays folks just don’t want to get their own act right. Folk want to be patted in the head and told they are fabulous all the time. Or, they want to point fingers at other folk fridge/freezer!
Time to clean out the fridge, folk, get some act right and acknowledge we didn’t move when life or God told us to. Or, we didn’t follow the instructions to the letter. We took a short cut, tried to use the thing without utilizing the needed instructions or just didn’t do…well, just cuz!
Time to look ourselves in the eye and get our act right and move on. No need in beating yourself up for all the food wasted and space you could have used.
Time to begin, again. It’s okay that you weren’t okay enough to clean the fridge. You are doing it now.
Look up and look ahead to the goodies that life and God can now deliver to and for you.
You got this. Keep going as will I. Be sure to let someone know they are loved. I love you, my blog fam. Love me back, wouldja?😎❤
I have/had been using Google Play Music for years. Loved it. So, imagine my immense displeasure that Google Play Music would be discontinuing. It was integrating to YouTube Music Prime. What? What?!!! WHAT!!!!!!!!!…*stamps foot*…..*considers tossing around a few things then decides against as not wanting to clean up a mess*…..*angry pout/snort*….*sigh*…
I thought longingly of all of my fave playlists. Good yikes I would lose my playlists!!….*gasp*…..
Okay, I admit it. Threw a music tantrum for a few days. I did not bother reading about the benefits of switching over to YouTube Music Prime. Who cared about that! I was used to what I was used to!…..*stamps foot*…..
Pouted a few more days then wandered over to the new details about transferring my playlists over to YouTube Music Prime….hmm…only took a few minutes to transfer. The app easy to use….hhmm….wow, you can watch videos and create playlists.
I found out something amazing. The app takes note of the songs you like and create some recommended playlists. Wow, gave some recommendations on some oldies but goodies as well as many new artists I had never heard of.
I found myself listening more and more to the recommended playlists. This thing knows me. This thing KNOWS! Yasssssss!
This got me to thinking about God. Here lately, He has been pointing me to things I have absolutely adored, had NO idea existed. Things that have expanded my mind, has made life easier and more enjoyable. How good is that? How great is HE!?
God KNOWS. He knows the things you like. He knows when you hurt. He knows when you are up, late at night, fretting about this or that. Oftentimes, He has ALREADY made the way, long before you came to Him, in prayer. He loves you. He LOVES you. And, when a Parent, loves a child, they look out for him/her. They think on them, constantly, wanting to keep them from harm. They prepare the way. They fight for them, behind the scenes. They smooth out situations the child had no idea was coming or had happened.
God loves us the same way. He looks out for us. He leaves hints along our path. He allows us to live and grow and learn. He offers us relationship but does not demand it. He allows us to dismiss Him or love Him back. He waits, patiently, for us to choose fellowship with Him. Man wants folks to be afraid of God. They want to see Him as this big judge-mental and unseeing/unknowing thing that forever chastises us. He is not like that. He loves us. Loves us the way we are. Yet, loves us enough not to let us stay in hurtful/harmful places.
God wants us to try new things. He made them for us to enjoy. He also wants us to know that He knows us. Knows what we need. All we need to do is download Him into our hearts and minds and be OPEN to new things, new folks, new experiences.
Folks who supposedly love God have acted such a fool, here lately, they have turned folk away from even wanting to get to know God. I invite you to reach out and say ‘Hey, God, what’s up with You? If you up there, holla at a sista/brotha, wouldja please?’
The bible says that you WILL find God if you seek for Him with your whole heart. So many folks have opinions about this or that. Folk want to make an enemy out of anyone who disagrees. Don’t waste your time on all that. Try Him and see. Try some new things. Try listening to someone else’s playlist. Be open to new folks, new environments. You learn so much when you get out of your own way and your comfort zone. A comfort zone can turn into a casket or prison. Get outta there!
jamming with you,
Cassandra
Be at peace, this day. Fear not, you are NOT alone. You are loved. By God and prayed for by me. We got this. We all we got, but we all we need.
I admit it. I have been defeated. There is this stubborn fly that will NOT leave the television alone. I have named him Percival. Percival says hi…*sigh*.
I have decided to make Percival my muse. We have a wary truce. He can have the corner of the television. Just stay out of my…blast it, Percival, wouldja cut me some slack already and get out of the way! Tiger is fixing to putt…*pout*.
Apparently, Percival, my muse, has also decided to be a cautionary tale for me. He is a stubborn reminder that sometimes our dumbness provides us with leftovers, called consequences that we must endure/live with. Sometimes, those consequences are short lived. Others, hang around until we understand that life ain’t playing with us. Still, others can last a lifetime. They turn us into something/someone else.
Three decades ago, I had the opportunity to get married. I turned it down. Now, I lie here, in the dark, watching the golf tournament with my fly friend Percival…*sigh*. I wonder what me I would be now, if I had gotten married back then.
Would I be fulfilled? Or, would I be wishing I was alone, in the dark, watching golf with my fly friend, Percival? Who knows? God does and He’s not telling. Life has to be lived, dontcha know.
None of knows the future. We have no idea what our choices, or lack of making choices, will bring. All that we can bring to the table is our attitude and effort. The rest is up to Percival. Believe me I have tried to get rid of him. He won’t go.
Sooner or later, you are just going to have to surrender to the fact that the outcome of life does not reside with us. All we can do is either eat the bananas or take out the garbage. Life will take care of the rest.
In case no one has told you, today. I love you and am praying that you find friendship, blessings and love in this big old thing called life.❤
I am determined to enjoy my day off, flies or no! I made my bed now I have to put on my big girl pants and lay in it. Rather, had I just taken five minutes to take out the garbage I wouldn’t be in this fix…*grumble*.
Nevertheless, I am choosing to make lemonade out of these lemons. I am bound and determined to enjoy the golf tournament. Go Tiger!
Hhmm, I see the flies are enjoying the television as well. Get out of the way!!!! Seeing they are distracted by the golf, I stealthily creep to the television, with my homemade fly swatter, and vow to vanquish these blasted flies if it’s the last thing I do. Egads!!! OMG!!!!! GET OUTTA THE WAY!!…*Cassandra remembers her vow to make lemonade out of this plague, this swarm, this….move!!!*
I surrender. Am enjoying the golf tournament, in the dark, contemplating a chicken sandwich. Sounds good. Good yikes may entice the rest of the Lord of the Flies. I settle for the less of two evils and munch a chicken salad, in the dark, whilst stealthily sneaking up on my now avowed enemies. How blessed many flies can there possibly be in here already!
Have to end this blog early. Tiger fixing to putt and I have another fly in my sights. TWACK. One down, am scared to know how many left to go…*whispers Go Tiger*
To be continued…unfortunately.
O, yea, almost forgot the moral of this story. When you have been a dumbsky and have failed to take out the garbage due to laziness, no need in compounding said dumbness by wasting your day off on whining and complaining. You can either beat yourself up because of your dumb choice. Or, you can get to whacking flies and ENJOY your day. The flies will be there no matter what your choice is. Yes, you shoulda taken five minutes and taken out the garbage. Yes, you gave yourself three days of irritation and unexpected workout chasing down flies. Yes, you look like a complete moron hollering at flies and jumping around like a loon, in the dark, bathed by the light of the television. But, alas, there is ALWAYS a silver lining. You have had a good laugh. You have had flies for company. You have gotten some needed exercise and a fantastic blog post.
Life is short. Forgive yourself for present and past dumbness. ADMIT to said dumbness. Correct the mistake and move on. Since when did owning up to OUR mistakes become a bad thing? It’s okay to be a dumbsky. Perfectly okay to admit to being a dumbsky. The trick is understanding that being a dumbsky does not have to be a permanent condition. All it takes is the willingness to own mistakes, fix them the best we can and keep it moving.
That, and a good fly swatter. 😉
I love you, my bros and sis. We all we got but we all we need.❤
Why Can't I Be Loud?! 