Month: June 2024

Egads, I don’t know how.

Egads!

Yikes!

Geezzz!

I have stumbled on a frustratingly frustrating truth…

I don’t know how!

😳

I don’t know HOW to:

Rest. For me.

Dream. For me.

Hope. For me.

Not really.

I’m used to ALWAYS going.

For others.

Never for me.

I’ve never been given a turn. Always told to do for others. Work for others. Try for others.

I’m not complaining. I love doing for others. Yet, God has told me to rest. God has asked me what I desire for ME. God wonders what I hope for. For me.

I am trying. To rest. I can’t seem to find it. There seems to be so much to DO. Ack!

How do we get off this hamster wheel, beloveds? How do we stop chasing all the things we have been told to chase all of our lives?

Someone let me know.

I am tired.

asking for a friend(me),

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: If some pieces seem unfinished….*shrug*. I am unfinished. My heart is straining to say things I don’t yet understand. I am too busy wondering where in the fresh hell all this hard has come from and dammit when in the hell is it moving outta here already!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don’t know HOW and am driving myself up ten walls. God, please show me how. Please. Asking for a friend(me).

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Uprooted: Blessed.

My life has been uprooted.

Literally.

I am in limbo.

Literally.

I am at peace.

Truly.

I am blessed.

I’m blessed to be alive.

I’m blessed to have a few friends who love me.

I’m blessed to have some fam members who amazingly puts up with me.

I’m blessed to be loved by God.

I’m blessed to be cherished by The Universe.

I’m blessed to be looked after by Life.

I’m blessed.

No, my bank account is not full.

Still, I’m blessed.

No, I do not have a significant other to hold me through these dark/lonely times.

I’m blessed, still.

No, I have NO idea how/where/when I shall make it.

That said, I’m blessed.

Why?

I am loved.

I am NOT alone.

My life has been uprooted.

Yet, I stand:

On The Word.

Supported by His Hands.

Uplifted by His Love.

My faith, daily tested.

My heart, forever restless.

My joy, ceaselessly abounding.

Why?

I am loved.

I am NOT alone.

Neither are you, beloveds.

No matter your circumstance.

No matter your situation.

Be encouraged, today.

Don’t waste your time worrying about tomorrow. None of us knows what tomorrow may bring.

Live today.

Let all the rest come out in the wash as it will.

asking for A Friend,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Being uprooted is no fun. It’s disconcerting. It’s frightening. It’s discouraging. It’s discomfiting. It’s all the awful ‘ings one can think of. Still, there is an immense amount of joy to be found in the very heart of the disaster, no pun intended.

You shall find sooooooooooooooooo many things whilst combing through the remainder. And, what remains is what has ever remained before: You. Him. All else SHALL be added, in time.

Be at peace. Even as you heal. Even as you wait. Even as you wonder. Even as you wander. You got this. God has us all. How do I know? For the bible tells me so…lol

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

It’s okay.

It’s okay.

It’s okay to fall.

It’s okay.

It’s okay to fail.

It’s okay.

It’s okay to feel.

It’s okay.

It’s okay to cry.

It’s okay.

It’s okay to wonder why.

It’s okay.

It’s okay to wonder why not.

It’s okay, God said to me.

I have been doing ALL of these things. Seemingly, all at once. All the time. I’m exhausted.

It’s okay…lol.

I wish I could be writing of other things. Soon, hopefully, I shall be writing from the beach as some wonderfully chesty hunka hunka burning love is feeding me grapes and fanning me as I read and wonder what other delightfully lazy thing I shall NOT do for the rest of the lazy day.

Ah, God. Hurry up, wouldja please?

asking for a friend(me),

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: It’s okay, beloveds. Be how you are. From right where you are. Only you know what you are going through. Others may try and sympathize. They have NO idea of all that you have gone through. All you are going through now. Be encouraged. All things have their end.

God sure does seem awfully slow this time, eh?

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Real talk: I’m trying to be.

I’m trying to be.

The friend I need.

I’m trying to be.

The support I desire.

I’m trying to be.

The hope I require.

I’m trying to be.

The joy I seek.

I’m trying to be.

The love I long for.

I’m trying to be.

The help I have asked for.

I’m trying to be.

The care I need.

I’m trying to be.

The laughter I strain to hear.

I’m trying to be.

The passion I wish to hold near.

I’m trying to be.

The heart I hope to cherish forever.

I’m trying to be.

All I hope to have shown towards me.

Until then…

being me,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: When I was finally ready to ask The Universe to help me to fulfill my dreams, The Universe asked me to look at, look out, for champion the needs of, exhort, cheer for, root for, give to and pray for others.

I wondered why. I asked God why this ask. God told me to ask Life. I asked Life how this would help me to fulfill MY ask, MY dreams, MY goals.

They all asked me to trust. Then to do.

I have. I did. To my surprise/joy/humor, I found doing those things were my dreams, my heart’s desire, my true ask.

Whodathunkit?

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

I deserve to BE. Here.

I deserve to BE.

Here.

Now.

In THIS space.

In THIS place.

I do NOT have to earn my spot.

My spot was given to me simply by my birth.

I am worthy.

Of love.

To be loved.

I am able.

To love.

To receive love.

I am fearfully and wonderfully made just as the Bible says!

I deserve to be here.

I embrace where I am. Difficult though my am finds itself to be right now.

It feels good to feel.

Ah.

Aha!

alive,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: ❤️‍🩹❤️🥰

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Uprooted: Putting down the weight🏋‍♀️.

I’m done.

Finished.

Tapped out.

I’m done with:

Carrying the weight of the entirety of the black community/culture.

I was raised to spend my life walking on eggshells around white folk. I had to speak softly. I had to work extremely hard but quietly. I was NOT to exhibit too much fight or passion or try.

Why? Because I would not be hired for any decent job. I couldn’t make waves. I had to sit quietly, with my eyes down and hope/pray to be noticed enough to be chosen for a job I would not be able to advance in.

I did that. For years. For decades.

Even now, as a black woman, I am expected to keep it shut and keep it moving. For the most part I have and I do.

I made sure to ALWAYS bear in mind that MY actions, around white folk, would determine if other black women and other folk, who look like me, might be given a job, a chance, a loan, space to breathe without too much skepticism and scrutiny.

Since the tornado, I have been confronted by sooooooooooooooooooo much reality.

I’m thankful for this. Why? Because I have FINALLY found the strength, the courage, the temerity to look reality, to look the world, to look myself, to look God, to look Life, to look The Universe, in the eye and say:

Enough!

I’m done!

I’m finished!

I’m tapped out!

I’m done with:

Carrying the weight of the entirety of the black community/culture!

All I can be, all I CHOOSE to be is me!

Which happens to be black. Which happens to be a woman. Which happens to be a black woman.

I shall love the world the best I can and will leave it at that.

I am my legacy.

My try is my legacy.

My love is my legacy.

Simple as that.

Believe me.

Or not.

Believe IN me.

Or not.

Love me.

Or not.

Ready, or not, here I come 🗺 world!

here to stay,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: 🏋‍♀️🦅🥊❤️‍🩹❤️🎤

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Look past(it).

If you can look past the grief.

You can see the sun.

If you can look past the pain.

You can see Son.

If you can look past the anger.

You can see The One.

Ah, God. I see You. Even when I can’t see Your Hands moving in my circumstances.

Things happen. Hard things. Awful things. Discouraging things. Disappointing things. Embarrassing things. Lonely things. Unfair things. Hopeless things.

Look past them, beloveds. Look up and see all that is in store for your life.

It has been truly difficult making the choice to look past. I look upon that which has befallen me and want to cry out in anger and disbelief.

Instead, I look past. With hope. With Thanksgiving. These hard things are nothing but opportunities to stand on my faith and shout to the world that God is good. Even when things are hard.

Keep going. Even if going through a hard place you have no idea if you can make it through.

You CAN. You WILL.

going through hard things with you,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: I wish I could rewind the clock. I can’t. All I can do is do my best with the rest of this thing called my life. Fresh hell.😳❤️‍🩹🥊

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

I’m a dope.

I’m a dope.

I like to call my wombie and say the dumbest things.

Why?

Because I’m a dope.

I like to say really dumb things that will make me laugh.

Why?

Because I’m a dope.

I love to think of folks and say ridiculous things to encourage them to keep on going.

Why?

Because I am a dope.

I get a kick out of loving a world who either does not care for me because I am a dope. Or, doesn’t like me for this, that or every other reason. I still love the world.

Why?

Because I’m a dope.

I STILL believe God is good. Even in the midst of trials that never seem to end.

Why?

Because I’m a dope.

I still believe I shall find love in my life. Even after being told I’m too loud, too black, too ugly, too poor. Too this, too that and every other thing. I still believe.

Why?

Because I’m a dope.

I adore daydreaming of all that I may, perhaps, might be. Someday. Somehow. Some kind of way.

Why?

Because I’m a dope.

I choose to love, laugh, hope, give, share and believe. Even in the midst of all these terribly unbelievable happenings.

Why?

Because I’m a dope.

I’m His dope.

I’m YOUR dope.

I can’t help it. God made me this way. God loves me this way. God continues to ask me to BE this way.

Too many folk are ashamed to live in their own skin. Too many are trying to change who they are because they feel ashamed to BE.

Life is short, beloveds. Be…YOU.

Receive you.

Respect you.

Love you.

God did NOT make a mistake when He created you. And, if you are not a believer, that’s okay. You are still you. He loves you anyway.

The world is lying to folk and trying to convince them there’s no such thing as right or wrong, up or down, or yes or no.

Be who you are. Be what you are.

I’m a dope. And, that’s okay.

being me,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Nuff said. Don’t be ashamed of you, beloveds. There is an entire world out there waiting to be loved and to love you back.

Just because you have been hurt by some, beloveds, does NOT mean you will be hurt by all!

Put yourself out there. Open your heart to give and receive love. Don’t leave your heart exposed to those who have and are taking advantage of it.

Life is short. Let your inner dope out. Asking for A Friend.

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

God, I’m trying. To be.

Me: I’m trying.

God: Yea, I know you can be trying. 🥰😂

Me: I’m being serious.

God: My Bad. Trying to what and why?

Me: To be.

God: To be? What?

Me: That’s the problem. I’m trying to hard just to. Just to…ack!

God: To be what?

Me:

Me.

Genuine.

Authentic.

Loving.

Hopeful.

Helpful.

God: Why can’t you, don’t you, won’t you just be those things?

Me: Life keeps getting in the way. I keep getting in my way. I keep letting other folks expectations of me, or lack thereof, get in my way.

God: Well, why don’t you get out of your own way?

Me: What if I do and I fail?

God: Then you fail. What if you do and you succeed?

Me: Then I succeed.

God: So, beloved, is success your goal?

Me: I’m not sure what that success ought look like. Is MY success YOUR success?

God: Ah. Great question! Keep asking.

Me: Gee thanks for nothing. You were supposed to give me the answer.

God: I AM The Answer. Keep seeking ME, with ALL your heart, and the rest SHALL be added unto you.

Me: Aha! Seems like I have read that 📖 somewhere.

God: All you need to do is to keep doing what you tell everyone EVERY day.

Me: Drink coffee and eat chicken strips?!😳🥰

God: 😂. Tell her, Mags.

Mags: You are loved. You are NOT alone. Keep on being…YOU.

Me: Oh, yea. K

doing my best to be,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Nuff said.

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Underneath it all.

Your dreams are still there.

Underneath it all.

Underneath:

The hard.

The long.

The trying.

The trials.

Love is STILL waiting for you.

Beneath it all.

Beneath:

The rejection.

The ghosting.

The dismissals.

Joy still lives within you.

Despite:

The hard.

The fear.

The doubt.

The wondering.

The wandering.

You are covered, beloveds, underneath it all.

Underneath:

God’s Care.

The Universe’ Blessings.

Life’s Bounty.

Be encouraged, beloveds. Things are NOT as they appear. Keep going. You are creating diamonds, in your shoes, as you continue to walk towards and up Joy Mountain. That which you think has been your toughest tests/trials, shall turn out to be your closest friends.

walking still,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Well I know, beloveds, how hard the way has been. Enjoy your day. Try not to focus on the hard. Focus on the incredibly YOU that is being created/fashioned/remade/restored/renewed as you walk your way through the hard! Ah, beloveds, you got this! What’s more, God has got us all. In case no one has told you today: I love you

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!