Month: May 2023

Are you willing to be someone else’s umbrella?

There are times, beloveds, when God and Life will ask you to be there for another.

And, for me, at least, They tend to pick THE worst times. Times when I am:

Tired.

Broke.

Tired AND broke.

HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Doing so, has stretched my heart so wide. Awesome. Ow! Whew!!

It is super easy, don’tcha think, to be there when one is fully stocked up, able, ready, nuttin else to do, yada, yada?

Far more difficult, when you barely have enough scrapings to scrape your way through your current whatever the world you are scraping your way through.

This time, He asked me to do some completely ridonkulous things. Left me shaking my head. I went ahead and did said ridonkulous. By God’s Standard was a completely reasonable request. By the world’s standards I would be considered 10 kinds of fool…*shrug*.

I was foolish.

Held out an umbrella, for someone else’s rain.

It began to rain.

For me.

Nervously, I peered around, waiting for God and Life to rush in and take care of MY rain.

They didn’t showed up.

Rather, They showed up and remained silent.

Again.

As rain pounded, outside my door.

Cautiously, I peered through blinds, now blinded by a torrent of rain. I couldn’t go outside. It was raining. I had given my umbrella to someone else.

God whispered, Go outside, beloved.

I told Him it was raining and I had no umbrella.

I know, He replied. He told me to go outside, anyway.

I was afraid.

Go outside, Life whispered.

I told ife it was raining and I had given my umbrella to someone else.

Life told me to go outside anyway.

I was afraid.

Go outside, my heart, whispered to me.

I’m afraid, I told my heart.

I know.

Go outside, anyway.

I went outside.

The rain was warm.

I stretched my arms wide.

The rain welcomed me.

Looking up, I saw a rainbow.

The rainbow thanked me, for being someone else’s umbrella.

My heart grew, was ministered to, by the rain I had been afraid to dance under. I wasn’t afraid of the rain. I was afraid of the sounds of thunder and approaching lightning.

God protected me, from the thunder.

Life protected me, from the lightning.

The rainbow gave me so much more than I ever gave when being an umbrella for someone else.

In being willing to trust that God would take care of MY rain. In being willing to trust that God would look after my needs. In being willing to help bear the burden of another, I found my own burdens lifted.

Yes, the rain still came for me. But, I had found something so much more priceless than any old umbrella. I found I was safe, always, as God and Life walked, walks, and forever shall walk WITH me through every rain storm. What’s more, They stomp through the puddles with me!

YYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!

Fear not, beloveds. If God and Life asks you to be an umbrella for another, go on ahead and bless in whatever way asked. You will be blessed. Not just from what you gave. But, in what God and Life will return to you. Especially when you do so not expecting a thing in return.

As I write this, an actual storm has popped up. How amazing is that??! The rain is gently tapping at my door. God is truly amazing!

Keep going, beloveds. If rain shall befall you, don’t be afraid to go on out there and stomp in some puddles. Okay, maybe not literally unless you are for cleaning up a big mess….lol…

Take care. Be encouraged. Can you hear it? The rain is coming. Who knows? Someone may be coming by with an umbrella just for you.

dancing figuratively in the rain,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Remove someone’s pebble.

I was carrying the weight of the world, on my shoulders. It was soooooooooo heavy.

I struggled.

I tried to carry it on my own.

I tried to keep from bothering God about this.

I told myself ‘I got this’.

I realized I did not got this.

In fact, this had gotten me, today.

I told wombie about it.

She carried it, for me.

She let me speak about it.

She let me worry, just a bit, about it.

Then, she made sure I took it to God and left it with Him.

I appreciated it.

I appreciated her.

She removed a pebble for me.

My shoulders felt as if the weight of the wide world was lifted up off my spirit.

I was no longer tired.

I carried on.

Minus a pebble.

Yet, that pebble had been weighing me down for quite some time.

I can breathe now.

Ah…

thankful,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Someone, somewhere, is struggling. It may well look like only a pebble to you. Yet, that one teeny weeny pebble is blocking the whole stream/river/ocean/tsunami. Help someone move forward, just a tad, today. Start with you.

A hot mess: It matters not.

It matters not, what the world thinks.
What do you think?
It matters not, what the world says.
What do you say?
It matters not, what the world does.
What will you do?

Think.
Say.
Do.
Then, live with the results of your try.

Nuff said.
Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: The world may think/say you are a hot mess. Are you? Goulash can be quite tasty!❤

Joy was just waiting for you to ask her to dance.

YYYYYYYYYYAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSS!!!

*Cassandra spins joy around, laughing, whilst Life spins with her*

Come on, somebody, chair dance with me.

HHHHHHEEEEEYYYYYYYYYY!!

The joy, my heart feels, is miles and miles away from the sad, tired, soul, called Jaybird, which woke, this morning.

Life is much too short to leave joy buried underneath whatever you may have it buried under. Scrape your way out. Sing your way out. Love your way out. She is there. Waiting. Quietly rooting for you.

Ask joy to come dance with you. She shall. It is true that weeping may endure, for the night. Yet, joy shall be there, in the morning. Waiting. For you.

The trick is CHOOSING to try. Just try. I know. The very thought of trying, is awfully trying, some days.

Try anyway.

You shall find joy was just waiting for you to ask her to dance.

Time to split. Joy is waiting her turn. She says to hurry up already…..lol….

joyful through it all,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Lucky Charms and me.

The weekend is over. Memorial Day has passed. I feel like I lost more than I won.

Tally:

Lucky Charms – 2

Cassandra – 0

I am a bit miffed with life. Just a bit. Okay, am extremely annoyed with life. I have done all, supposedly, life told me to. I have loved. I have tried. I have given. I have thissed. I have thated. Still. Waiting. Crap.

Am I loving, giving, thissing and thatting just to get something from life?

Yes and no.

I am tired of trying to figure it out. So, I went in on a family sized box of Lucky Charms Smores I had never tried. I had tried to get the small box but they only had family sized.

Initially, I was all about that keeping it moving life. Yea, I was all up in life’s face telling it to bring the hard. After all these years, I am telling life enough already! Enough!

GIVE UP MY BOUNTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Life just keeps staring at me. Silently. Waiting.

Waiting for what?

If I knew that, beloveds, I wouldn’t be down 2 games to 0 with Lucky Charms!

Yet, I keep showing up.

Yes, I will keep showing up!

Ha!

Ah.

Aha!

Hmm…

HHmm?

Do you mean, Life, the whole point of this thing is to keep showing up?

*Life continued to stare silently. Only now, Life appeared to have a satisfied gleam in It’s eye”

Ah, God said.

Aha, Life replied.

Both stared at me, silently. Proudly. Relentlessly silent.

I listened to Their Silence.

I listened to MY silence.

I enjoyed the harmony in both.

The silence, Theirs, mine, ours, began to minister to the depths of my soul. The silence, now one, gave me every answer to every question I have been asking all these years.

What did/has the silence revealed?

Aha!

Great question.

Keep asking, beloveds.

Life is short. It’s not about what you are chasing. It’s all about what/who is chasing you.

What is chasing you?

Who is chasing you?

Keep asking.

Keep going.

Keep trying.

In the meantime, stop giving yourself such a hard time. You are doing all you know. Enjoy where you are now. This time will never come again. Enjoy the you that is coming from your try. Enjoy the progress. Smile at the setbacks. Understand the mistakes. You shall have all of these things, and more, during the journey.

What am I trying to say to you, to me?

You tell me.

I am enjoying the silence.

listening,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: I don’t know why some have dreams answered immediately. I have no idea why others never seem to get their dreams answered. I have not the first clue why this or that happens or does not. I DO know life is worth living in all of it’s frustrating ages and stages. I do know if I had gotten the things I wanted, I probably would not be the me I am now. I would not have learned how important the try is. I would never have discovered my best friend, me. I would probably not have grown as close to my wombie and fam in that I had to learn to deal with me and pride and fear and despair and all the things I used to use to keep me away from life.

Now, I run towards the hard. Now, I rejoice in the midst of the impossible. Now, I love no matter who loves. Now, I love me regardless if anyone gives two hoots about me. Now, I reach out to fam and get my act right no matter what. Now, I leave everything, and I mean everything, and no longer get upset if nothing is left for me.

Now, I KNOW for sure, I am loved. Now, I KNOW I am NOT alone. So many things I probably would not know, now, if I had received the finances I thought was the miracle I needed to prosper. Now, I know it was never about promoting, in my job. Now, I know it was never about having a mate or not having one.

I know, now, it’s all about the try. I know, now, it’s all about loving me. I know, now, it’s all about loving others. I know, now, it’s all about loving God. I know, now, it’s all about loving Life. I know, now, it’s all about, as the bible says, getting wisdom, getting understanding that are much more priceless than rubies.

Trying brings wisdom. Simply trying, brings and gets understanding. When you try, you understand you won’t always win. In fact, you understand and experience that you lose, seemingly, so much more than you won. In understanding these things, you have, in fact, won!

I say all that to say this:

Don’t despair that you had to fight your way back to life via Lucky Charms. Don’t put yourself down because you have not yet shaken this crutch or that. You are a fighter. You are fighting, still, the best you know how. This is enough. Keep trying. You CAN. You already HAVE.

When no one believes in you.

What do you do when no one believes in you?

Keep it moving.

Nuff said.

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: When no one believes in you, keep it moving. No one knows what is in your heart. No one can read your future. No one knows your fight. No one knows how much you love. No one knows all you have gone through to be where you are now. No one, but God and Life. They have your back. They are in your corner. They believe in you. They fight for you. They uplift you. They cheer you.

Keep it moving.

So long as YOU continue to believe, in you, you CAN keep it moving. Keep going.

Hide from life no more.

I love the night.

Early morning hours, to be more precise.

In the wee hours, I journey. In my mind, with God, yakking endlessly about every subject underneath heaven and the stars.

I often wonder, and wander, in my mind, beloveds, about you.

Yea, YOU. If you are reading these words, my mind/heart often wonders how you are doing. I ask God and Life to keep you safe. I wonder if you are lonely. I wonder if you have a Jaybird in your life that makes you laugh. I wonder if you truly KNOW you are not alone in this great big world.

I wonder why you hide. From life. From yourself. I wonder what has made your heart grow so…*shrug*. I don’t know. Which is why, I yak, incessantly so, to/with God and Life, about YOU. I wish I could wrap my arms around the whole world. I wish I could take away the hurt from EVERY heart. I wish I could pay off every bill so folks wouldn’t have to fret and fear so much.

I wish I could sit with EVERY heart just to let them know I was there. So, he/she/they would know they were loved and not alone.

Oh, that I could remove your mountain, beloveds. I can’t. Hopefully, through these meager words, through me being the somtimes stale oyster cracker I am, can feed your soul. Just a bit. Just a smidge.

Life is worth living. It saddens me so many give up before the journey has ended. I understand why they did. They just could not bear the pain a second longer. I pray for those who are hurting. Hurt is so loud it drowns out EVERYTHING. Pain blots out the sun. That I could remove every pain from every heart.

I can’t. So, I climb up on the lap of The Father and ask that He whispers in your ear that you are loved and you are not alone.

Hide from life no more, beloveds. Life has so much to offer. Stick around long enough to find out, would you? You are much too priceless to be hiding, still, behind your walls of glass. Come out. Come out from there.

Finally, beloveds, I just want you to know I shall be here. On the daily. Shouting into the void to let folk know they are loved and that they are not alone. May seem utterly ridiculous to keep doing so, after all these years. I have lots of stamina, when it comes to loving on some folk. If you don’t know, why, you had better ask somebody!

Be encouraged.

Things really will work out for you.

They will.

here,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Blooming: From the inside out.

Something is happening.

Deep inside.

I feel as though I am blooming.

Now, I want my outside to reflect my inside.

I am trying not to be too hard on me. About this scuffed up version of me, on the outside.

There are days I look at this old, run down body, in mini despair. I despair I will ever get her back in shape. Purring, shiny, ready to take the road, again.

That I could be that freshly new version, of me. Not this old, worn out, jalapi kind of me.

That I could be the off the show room new, version of me. Not this refurbished, used car version of me.

That I had that cute little tree smelly thing hanging from newly polished glass. Not this tired, used up, empty glade thingamajig.

Still, I AM blooming, from the inside out. Just need to cut myself some slack, as the rest of me catches up.

One day, though, I shall come roaring out of the drive. Top down, polished like new. I shall rev my over hauled engine. I shall mash my foot to the floor board. I shall be freshly painted. I shall have that new car smell again.

Then, ah world, I shall adjust the rearview mirror, tip my head, ever so slightly to the left, let out a whoop of laughter, and shall be off.

Where shall I go?

Who knows?

Who cares?

In the meantime, I daydream. In the meantime, I keep loving me, still, this tired old jalapi, as I keep blooming from the inside out.

growing even when it’s dark out,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: It’s no how you start. It’s how you finish. It’s all in the try. Keep trying…..

Keep throwing hands.

Life ain’t playing with me.

Ha!

I ain’t playing with Life, neither!

*Cassandra flings another haymaker grief’s way*

Grief ain’t playing with me.

I ain’t playing with grief, either!

Ha!

*Cassandra pops fatigue upside the head*

Fatigue ain’t playing with me.

I ain’t playing with fatigue, neither!

Ha!

*Cassandra flattens despair, and walks away with hands in the air*

handlin’ hard bidnezz,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: There are just some days, beloveds, where you have got to let life, grief, fatigue, despair, and all the other things that come up, KNOW you ain’t about that quittin’ life. Ha! Go on ahead, beloveds, with yo bad selves!

YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSS!

Keep going.

You got this.

God and Life has us all.

I asked Life.

I asked Life, why it had to be so damned hard.

Life looked at me, in compassionate silence.

I asked God, why He had to be so frustratingly silent when Life was being so blasted hard.

God looked at me, in Compassionate/Companionable Silence.

I listened, to Their Silence.

I sat with Them, through the silence.

I grew.

I asked Life…

I asked God…

asking still,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe