https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=aWjQNZir79Y&feature=share
I love You, Lord. Happy birthday, Jesus!❤
Your grateful servant,
Me
P.S. I love You, My Homie, My Forever Friend, My Savior and Lord. ‘Nuff said.😍❤
Happy birthday, Jesus!
“Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.” – John 15:13
I have been thinking about that lately. How much Jesus must have loved you and I to lay His life down for me, for you. Overwhelming thought. To be loved so thoroughly and so very much.
I pondered who or what I would be willing to lay down my life for. While pondering this, God flipped the script and asked me what I was willing to LIVE for?
What was I willing to give words to? What was I willing to put ACTION to? What was I willing to give my heart, my mind and my might to?
Awesome questions. Sobering questions. It’s easy to wax poetic about being willing to lay down one’s life: for this cause or that one. For this person or that one.
It is a whole other thing to speak aloud what one is choosing to LIVE for. Those declarations require proof. The other is just hypothetical. God rarely requires the last few measure.
Only those in high risk professions or callings have to literally answer that bell. Thank God for them and bless them as they serve, knowing their lives may require that last full measure.
The rest of us only have to answer what we are willing to LIVE for. Good yikes, that’s a doozy question!😱
What am I willing to LIVE for, you ask?
I am not only willing, but I CHOOSE, to spend the rest of my days: loving folks, encouraging folk to make room for Life and God, and giving Him, me, to serve, at His pleasure, until breath comes for me no more.
What are you willing to LIVE for? We all must answer. Opting not to answer is also an answer, I’m afraid. If you won’t choose, for yourself, life and others will choose for you. And, you will be living by THEIR direction and hand. Best YOU choose and live your own path and not the opted out one.
What are you willing to LIVE for? Can’t wait to see your list. Life is short. Get a going!
His servant and your friend,
Cassandra
I was tired of spending Christmas grieving for mom and feeling sorry for me. I wanted to spend Christmas, ONE Christmas with Christmas being about the day Jesus was born instead of the morning mom died.
I decided to rent me a really nice room and spend all weekend making new memories. I reserved the room, packed days early and was actually looking forward to spending Christmas with mom, in a new way.
I check into the room on Christmas Eve. Gorgeous! Huge bed, nice sitting area and huge, flat screen tv to enjoy all the fantastic NFL and NBA games….hhmm……no NFL Network, no Redzone….*gasp*….figured it was no big deal as I could use my laptop to enjoy the games. Also, I would need my laptop so I could watch Hulu and binge watch ‘This is Us’. Awesome show, by the by.
I set up my laptop, make a big production out of turning it on and preparing to watch my show. Had myself all set up to enjoy, you see. Had this experience already mapped out, in my mind: chillaxing with snacks and ‘This is Us’. Was going to binge watch ALL Christmas Eve evening! Fantastic.
Only problem is the internet had no plans to comply with my wishes. Worse still, the front desk had NO clue how to get things going and really had no inclination of helping in any real way. Four hours later, her only option, and mine, was to give me a refund and I could find another hotel to have my Christmas staycation with.
I sat in that beautiful room, and at my bags, half unpacked, and wanted to cry. Truly, wanted to just burst into tears. I had not allowed myself to get frustrated. Kept taking the high road the whole time. Assured the front desk clerk it was okay, that I was okay and we would get things situated. I didn’t mind the hours wasted, er spent, trying to get set up. Five hours of no ‘This is Us’, for crying out loud!!…..opppppps……ehem….*Cassandra gets back on the high road*….
By 7:15 I was out of options and sitting, in the lobby, with the gorgeous Christmas tree, waiting/fighting to be refunded. Don’t even get me started on THAT story. It was too late to get another hotel. Everything was closed. Couldn’t stop for groceries or eats. Defeated, I drove home. Sat in the car for what seemed like ages. Wondered, what in the world was the point of it all?
I was too tired and disappointed to get angry at God and demand to know why, in the world, He had laid it on my heart to try this, anyway! I could have spared myself days of excitement, and hours of frustration, just by staying home and not getting my hopes up.
DAMMIT, I HAD GOTTEN MY HOPES UP!!
I sat in the car and fumed about all the effort it had taken to try and move beyond my mom grief. Blast it all, I had drug myself out of bed. Crimeny, I had begun to dream of a future with new friends and experiences. Egads, I had even day dreamed of spending Christmas yakking with mom over coffee and football, like we used to. Only, she would be screaming, with Jesus, in Heaven and I would just be hollering in a hotel room, hoping not to get arrested from all the aforementioned screaming at the huge and awesome flat screened tv.
I noisily drag my suitcase up the stairs, sorry neighbors, and flounce in half darkness. I kept my mood lights on so as not to enter in total darkness. I leave the mood lights on the dark/forlorn deep dark blue setting and pout. Yea, I pouted. Had abandoned the high road back in the hotel lobby.
I pouted ALL night. Woke the next morning in full pout mode. My phone had been blowing up, for hours, with folks wanting to reach out and extend love and Christmas greetings. Pride whispered ‘leave the phone be. You didn’t get the experience you wanted. Hang out with me and feel sorry for yourself. Your mom is dead, don’t you know. You are used to your Christmas grief. Hang out with me, Pride, and grief, and leave the world be’.
I asked myself if I was going to allow Pride and the known entity of Christmas grief, to keep me from moving forward and actually making new memories and loving family and friends. It took all of two seconds for me to tell Pride and Christmas grief to both go kick some rocks. Kicked off the covers, snatched up my phone, made a delish cup of coffee and spent two delicious hours making room, in my heart, for loved ones and LET THEM love me.
Life and God were not being mean to me in asking for me to get that hotel room. The purpose was NOT the room. The whole purpose, the moral of the story, the lesson was that life and God was just asking me to try: to make the baby steps, of making ROOM, in my heart, for healing and moving forward.
And, in moving out Pride and Christmas grief. I was making room for other things like love and healing and laughter.
I had my eyes on what I THOUGHT would happen, what I WANTED to happen. I had already pre-determined the outcome for the weekend. I did not allow for unexpected blessings and giftings. In my mind, I was going to that hotel for some healing, dammit. I was going to do this. Life and God was going to do that and I would go home, refreshed.
I spent two hours realizing how much of a moron I had been to folks who truly did care for me. I enjoyed coffee and honest conversation and friendship all from home. I made peace with the fact mom was no longer with me, in body, but was with me in spirit.
Yea, she passed Christmas morning. No getting around that. Yea, I missed her. Will ALWAYS miss her. Yet, I was sitting, alone, drinking coffee and enjoying my spot. It was quiet and I was enjoying today was Jesus’ birthday. Happy birthday, Lord! Felt good to be enjoying His day, WITH mom, not mourning for her. She up in Heaven, kicking it with Jesus, on His Birthday, no less. Awesome.
Having made room, for life and God, to enter my heart and move around some things, such an awesome experience. Such a gift given. One that was received, gladly.
We get in our own way, at times, don’t we? There are things that life and God want to help us heal from. Things that forever get in our way. Yet, we allow pride or grief or anger or fear or all manner of things to keep us from being honest. Being honest, with ourselves. Being honest, with Life. Being honest, with God.
We allow those things to keep us hidden and broken. Life and God wants us free. Wants us free to have an abundant and full life.
God does NOT desire for us to continue beating ourselves up for things we have done or not done. It does NOT please Him that we punish ourselves for not being able to move beyond that, to try this, to go here or not go there.
Life just wants us to try, to make room. God just wants us to try, to make room. Wants us to make room by emptying out those things that are holding us back: fear, anger, doubt, pride, hurt, pain. I could go on and on and on and on.
I write these words, I go first, in hopes that others may find the courage to go, next. Time to make room, beloved. For, life. For, God. For, loved ones. For, YOU. Especially, you. And, time to make room WITHOUT expectation of what Life and God will fill you with. That’s for them, to know. It’s just for you, to do.
Time to do the hard thing: be honest with life, be honest with God. Mostly, be honest, with YOU. As you open gifts, allow Life and God to give you the ultimate gift of giving back you, as you give yourself to them.
Life is short. Time to make room.
making room with you and praying for you til you come,
Cassandra
December has been an impossible month to get through since mom passed away early Christmas morning 2016.
EVERY second of EVERY moment of EVERY day hurts. EVERY one. Every morning, I fight the dawn. I’m too tired to deal with you, I say. You see, dawn knows, full well that I fought a raging battle to endure, yet one more night.
The nights are soooooooooo long. They are unending. The moon laughs at me, taunting me, teasing me that dawn would be on its way soon.
It’s morning, again. Another December day to have to get through. There are 25. Fighting to get past NEVER. Fighting with myself to don my aqua ish shirt, just one more time. One more time, Cassandra. If you can conquer dawn perhaps you may defeat the morning.
And, if the morning gets beaten back, you may make it til noon. No idea how we shall make it past noon. Just get to noon.
Who is ‘we’ you ask? It is she, my secret tears, that I carry with me, stealthily through these December days. I con the light into thinking all is alright, knowing, full well, these secret tears haunts my every waking step. Anxious to shed their load, alone, during the stillness of the night.
I made my peace, years ago, that I would bear these secret tears alone. I tell myself progress has been made. For two years, I struggled EVERY day. At least, now, the agonizing days are down to but 25.
On December 26th, I am set free from the awful words ‘Ttnette, they said there is nothing else they can do’. On December 26th, I can breathe again. I can put away, these secret tears, until they return for me next year…*sigh*
This year, though, God refused to let me cry my secret tears alone. They had gotten too heavy for me. I didn’t tell Him that. I told Him I would be okay this year. For Him. For mom.
I didn’t want to let Him down. Didn’t want to let mom down. I just had to say ‘see, mom, Christmas doesn’t hurt anymore’. It still did. Still does.
So, I race the afternoon’s light. I secretly stash my tissues and make my rounds, making sure other folk are okay. All while dreading night 3 of 25 knowing 22 wait patiently for me.
A funny thing happened on my way to another endless night. God sat with me. He asked me to let Him hold my tears for me. The secret tears that I have kept away. Even from Him. Yea, I especially hid them from Him. I had been trying to be a big girl. I was trying my best to conquer these December days. In order to get to the other side of NEVER. Told God I was trying, desperately, to go first. So others might find the courage to go next.
Hearing my silent screams, He asked if He could bear my burden for me. Guiltily, I gave. Tenderly, He bore. Gently, He pried every secret tear from within my tight grasp. Softly, He took my clenched fists, placed a kiss upon each one and carried those secret tears next to His heart. He cried every one with me. FOR me. Said they were precious. Cried that I might know that I was precious. To Him. He was My Dad. He loved me.
To my surprise, morning came quickly. Solemnly, God arose. Said He had to get on with His day. Said He just had to put down everything to come and help me beat back the darkness. To arise with me, come morn. He asked if He could return. Said we had 22 more days to get through. Together.
As He exits, He reminds me to be sure to don my aqua ish shirt. He asked me to keep my December secret, no longer. Said to tell folks He was ready to carry their secret tears, as well. Said to tell yall He sees. Sees your secret tears. Sees your secret struggles.
Your hard days may not be December. May not be the loss of a parent. No matter. He sees. And, He longs to sit with you. Longs to comfort you. Longs to be Your Dad.
The bible says that God stands at the door and knocks. He waits. Will you let Him share your secret tears?
Yes, December may always hurt. But, you don’t have to hurt alone. I shall sit with you through your dark night, of the soul. You WILL make it. As will I. Keep going…
praying for you,
Me
“Ttnette, they said there is nothing else they can do”.
Ten words. All it took to have the bottom fall out of life.
They said there is nothing else they can do. With ten words, cam the realization I would never see mom again. Never…*sigh*. Never.
To be honest, I never thought that I would make it to the other side of NEVER. Thought I would slap a mask upon my face, work hard, keep my head down and live with NEVER silently kicking my ass. Never to breathe a word. Ever being the positive and joyful one with NEVER having silenced every bit of joy that I had.
Yet, God loved me enough not to allow me to hide within plain sight. He said that there are too many folk, out there, who don’t believe it’s possible to get to the other side of NEVER.
He kept pestering me, loving me, sending folk to pester me, into keep on trying to get to the other side of NEVER.
Kept telling me that love is on the other side of NEVER. That joy is on the other side of NEVER. He said my dreams were there waiting, on the other side of NEVER. He said that I could make it to the other side of NEVER. He said I would make it to the other side of NEVER. If I kept trying.
I didn’t believe Him. Not at first. NEVER was just too damned big.
Would never do this with mom. She would never say that to me. I angrily threw NEVER in God’s face. Every chance I got. Keep trying, He would whisper gently. Get out of bed, just for a little while. Turn on the lights, for just a little while. He wouldn’t stop pestering me until I angrily flung the covers aside and stomped my way back into some damned semblance of life.
Damn it, God, don’t you understand?! I will NEVER see her again!…*sigh*
Day after frustrating day, God would show up. Would knock in the door of my heart and tell me time to get up and do this again. Give the day a chance. Joy may meet you, today. A dream may show up, today. It didn’t. Not at first.
The only thing that always showed up was NEVER. All I could focus on was NEVER. All the things we could never do together. NEVER had stolen all of our moments. NEVER was just too big to be defeated.
Eventually, I learned to live with NEVER. No, I still couldn’t stand it but could begin to understand it. It wasn’t NEVER’s fault that I couldn’t see past it. NEVER never came calling for me. I had come in search of NEVER.
Hard, mirror facing truth here: I hid behind NEVER. I did. I wouldn’t have to get back into life without mom. Long as I had NEVER, I never had to really try. I could wallow, you see. Misery loves company and folk will let you wallow in your NEVER. Gives them comfort to wallow with theirs.
Yep, folks are doing brilliantly, these days, holding onto and refusing to get past NEVER. Never having love. Never having the job they have been too afraid to try for or dream of. Never having authentic friendships where both sides SEE one another. Never healing rifts with a parent or loved one. Yea, it’s easier to hide behind NEVER and never try to work it out.
Folk would rather hide and pretend. They tell themselves that NEVER is just too damned big. It’s just too hard. It’s much too late.
It’s not too late. Wasn’t for me. Not too late, for you. You CAN get to the other side of NEVER. Love really is on the other side. Joy is on the other side. Dreams are STILL on the other side.
The only requirement to getting to the other side of NEVER is to just get to getting. To the other side.
How do I know? Cuz I sit here, on the other side of NEVER. My mom is here, in the other side. Loving me in a different way. Teaching me how to love life and her in another way.
I still have some days, when NEVER wants to loom large. Yet, I look at NEVER another way now. I welcome NEVER now. I tell myself that I will NEVER let another day pass where I don’t let someone know that I care. I tell myself I will NEVER allow fear to keep me from trying new things, from meeting new people. I tell myself I will NEVER allow another wall/mask/cape keep me from living this life for as long and as hard as I can.
Yea, you CAN make it to the other side of your NEVER. It takes time. It takes courage. It takes a whole lotta God and tons of love. You can. You will. Keep going.
Every second of every moment of every day is hard for the month of December. Til Christmas morning greets me with the notion that it’s The Birthday of My Best Friend, Jesus, and the morning mom took her last breath. This year, I join them both on the other side on my NEVER.
til you make it on the other side I pray,
Cassandra
I admit. I can be a goofhead. At times. I find myself gabbing to God, in the middle of the night, about the dumbest things. He knows it. I know it. I tell Him it ain’t my fault I can’t sleep and He doesn’t need sleep and I am currently wondering about the current ridiculous thing I am wondering about.
Just KNOWING that it is okay to yak with God about anything is so amazing. What is more amazing is that He gets a kick out of it. Gets a hoot out of me.
He enjoys me in ALL my forms. Loves me when I am mad at Him for having to take the damned high road EVERY time. Who the world likes taking the high road all the time, I hope and whine and complain. All whilst being on that high road He put me on.
He understood me when I kicked Him to the curb for letting my mom leave me. Yea, didn’t speak to Him for quite the while, after mom died. I didn’t yak to Him, in the middle of the night, with dumbness. All I had, after that, was numbness. My heart told me to take the high road and talk to Him. That He would understand. I told life and God to kick rocks. He cared enough to allow me the space to get over my mad. Eventually, I did and went back to being a goofhead, saying dumb stuff for no reason and laughing with Him, in the middle of the night.
When the world snatched the rug out from under me and told me I had 60 days to find a new car, a new place to live, in a city and state I had never lived in, He was there. He allowed me to be terrified. He listened to my fears, in the middle of the night, wondering how I would make it. IF, in fact, I would make it? He even sat with me, in the middle of the night, as I cried leaving friends that meant so much to me.
He kicks it with me, on Sundays and enjoys me enjoying my Redzone channel. He doesn’t make fun of me for yakking at Him, in the middle of the night about SEVEN HOURS OF COMMERCIAL FREE FOOTBALL! Spending a delicious hour or so contemplating 7 hours of hollering at the tv and asking mom was she watching too!?
I have a fave shirt. Or, I had one, years ago. It was aqua ish in color. Soft. A tad bit faded. But sooooooo soft. It always felt like a hug, when I wore it. I wore it to work one day. Needed that hug feeling. My dad had passed some months before. I couldn’t afford to go to his funeral as I had to keep looking for work.
You see, I lost my job and my dad within the same month. Things were tight and I had to stay home and keep looking for work and being available for the weekly meetings to keep my meager unemployment going. Took months but I found a job. Felt like the absolute worst daughter, in all the land, for having chosen real life and finding a job, over going to his service. What money I had had to be saved to scrape the rent.
So, here I was, at work, in my slightly off color aqua ish sooooooft shirt. Feeling that hug. Feeling slightly less of the awful daughter I was. Was feeling myself, feeling loved, hugging my soft shirt and minding my own business when….
Yea, you already know what happened. A complete stranger, came up to me. With this disdainful look and told me my shirt didn’t match my pants and asked me why I would wear such a shirt that didn’t even match my pants, correctly. Like I should have been ashamed to have gone out in public with a slightly non matching shirt!…*gasp*.
I told her I wore it because it made me feel good. And, I kept on hugging myself, dancing a bit, feeling a bit less of the awful daughter I had had to be for a time.
I think of that shirt and how God ALWAYS let’s me know that He loves me, in that slightly faded aqua ish shirt. He loved me even as I made the awful life has to go on choice of finding a new job and paying bills.
He encourages me to wear that shirt. Encourages me to yak, incessantly, about completely random and goofy and serious and…whatever. He loves ALL those things. He let’s me know that I am HIS goofhead. He made me this way. He can be just as goofy as me, dontchaknow!
What’s the moral of this story, you ask? Beats me. That’s up for you to yak with God about, in the middle of the night….;)
styling my aqua ish shirt still,
Cassandra
P.S. The moral of the story is to keep on doing you. In ALL your forms. Keep on establishing a relationship with God as YOU know Him or can get to know Him. There will ALWAYS be someone who will look at you, with disdain, wondering about the choices you have made or failed to make in THEIR eyes. That’s THEIR problem, beloved. GOD made you how He made you. And, yall don’t have to keep explaining yourself. You keep on loving you. Keep on being loud, quiet, black, white, gay, straight, up, down.
Keep on wearing your aqua ish shirt knowing you have given life all that you could. Yes, you had to make some tough choices. But, you are STILL here. Keep on loving you. Keep on yakking, in the middle of the night…
This has been a tough week. I admit it.
Life had been kicking my tail.
Work was being, well work.
Life was being, well life.
EVERY day was being harder, on me, than the day before. How THAT was possible was beyond me. Went through one hell day, thanked God that I had escaped the day’s madness, when the next day had the audacity to be worse than the one that had preceded it.
Yet, I had continued to tell myself to ‘suck it up, Buttercup’. Work and folk need you.
Suck it up, I did. Thursday night, was running on less than empty. Like the dummy I was being, I didn’t share that I was running on empty until it was much too late to do anything else than wonder how in the fresh hell I would make it through Friday.
Friday morning came, I donned my superwoman cape and proceeded to get hung up in a tree.
Took a whole hour to cry ‘uncle ‘. I thought of all the folk who needed me. All the bills who needed me. All the customers who needed me. Thought of all my financial goals who needed me.
Thought of all of those things knowing that I could try and give those things, the best of me. Not the rest of me.
Thought of how much good I could do the world. Then, thought of what giving the best of me, when I was in empty would do to ME. What good would it do to minister to the world and be left shipwrecked, myself?
I looked at me, knowing I mattered too, and chose ME. And, that was ok. It was needed, in fact.
Even, Jesus grew tired and needed some rest. Some fellowship. Even, Jesus needed to allow His Friends to watch His back.
So, I sucked up my courage and let a few friends know that I had truly been struggling.
So much so I contemplated not writing again. For two days I asked myself what possible difference does my blog make? Who cares if I care? If my blog disappeared what would be the difference?
I was going to go back and just working as hard as I can and being helpful as I can but keeping me to myself, know what I mean? I wasn’t going to go into actual hiding. Okay, I was going to go into hiding but the only one who would know would be me and God.
But, a friend loved me enough to tell me not to do that. To be ALL of me. Not 89%. I didn’t have 100%. She cared enough to choose me. She cared enough about me to ensure that I took care of me.
I chose me. Decided to face myself and acknowledge that I was tired. That I was not sure if my gifts were enough for life, for others.
I took the chance that I might be, that my gifts might be. I rested. I cried. Rested some more. Cried some more. Wondered if Cassandra was really enough? Cried harder that I even had to ask myself that question.
Yet, it was in the choosing of me, in the crying, in the wondering if my gifts would make room for me that I discovered something.
I rediscovered ME! I have worked hard all my life. Have given as much to this world as I could. Loved family and friends as much as I could. Gave work my all all my work life.
So, when I was just too worn out to work and give and do, felt like I had let God down. That I had let my job down. Had let friends down.
God was so sweet. He let me know that He chose ME. That He loves ME. Yes, He loves my efforts. Yes, He wants me to love others. Yes, He wants me to work hard.
Above ALL those things, God wanted me to know that I was a priority. Me. ME!
He let me know it was okay to choose me. So, I did. Spent a delicious afternoon loving on folk and ALLOWING folk to love me back. What an awesome thing. To know God chooses us. To know it’s okay to choose us.
Not only is it okay. But, it’s necessary, from time to time, to let life know I am more than what I do for you. I am more than what I give. I am even more than the gifts that God gave me to give to this world.
I am. And, THAT is enough. As am I.
I was so frustrated as God silently watched my struggles. He needed for ME to see me and to choose me and to know that I was enough. So thankful for God’s silence.
Sometimes, God will be silent in order for you to find your voice. So that you might choose you. So that you will TRUST that He truly does have your best interests at heart.
Sometimes, life will tap dance all over your face until you say ‘ENOUGH!’ I will NOT doubt the gifts that I have. I won’t dismiss the love that I have to share. I will be 100% me and will let the chips fall where they may.
I choose me, still. I choose to keep caring for folk. I choose to believe that everything truly WILL work for our good.
I don’t even ask for you to choose me. For the ones that do, fabulous. For the ones who ain’t feeling me, I ain’t mad. I shall continue to care.
Choose you. It’s okay to choose you when you are needing a fill up. If your heart is a bit empty and you are need of care, don’t be afraid to reach out. And, if afraid, reach out anyway.
Here,
Cassandra
I am but one, Lord. How can one, change things, I asked of He.
Said to me, yes thou may be but one, but one can turn into another. And, another can turn into others.
And, those others, can turn to another, or others and turn into many, many, many others.
One, becomes two. Two can begat two others. Two others can birth ten others. Ten others can find fifty others. Fifty others can find one thousand others.
And THOSE can become THEM, said He, to me.
Turning in the direction of His pointed finger, I was amazed!
There were millions! Tens of millions, of others, walking in the same direction. Walking arm and arm, in love, looking for others. Always looking for others.
Others to love. Others to support. Others to care for. Others to exhort. Others to fight for. Others to stand with.
Tens upon millions, of others. There for one another. Looking for the one other.
I am but one, praying for, waiting for my others. Are you one of my others? Others are waiting for you. Waiting for you and I to join forces and go get others.
Calling for the others. Our country needs ALL the others. Our families needs the others. WE, ourselves, need the others.
Hurry. None of us will make it without you. You won’t make it without us. We all we got, yet we are all we need so long as we are led by He.
Come!
His and your other,
Cassandra
I am an encourager. Encouraging folk is what I do. It’s who I am. Always have been.
Have loved folk. All my life. Don’t ask me why. I had asked that a million times. Why I care so damned much for folks. For, in caring, yikes, caring can get a heart broken. Into a million pieces.
Yea, caring can get a sista or a brotha terribly hurt. Yet, caring is something is something I have always felt deeply and tried to do.
Sometimes, would fuss and pout whilst caring. Would fuss and pout, with God, asking why, o, why did He pick ME to give two hoots about a world that often gave two hoots about itself, let alone me.
ME! Who did I think that I was? That I could say words that would mean anything, to anyone? WHO, the world cares, that I, ME, Cassandra, cares? For that to be important, I would have to be important to them.
Ah! Important? Important!? Am I important/necessary/needed?
God would never answer that question. Just kept telling me to care. Just kept telling me to love folks and let them know they were loved. That HE LOVES THEM. That, Jesus loved them. Each and every soul. Saved and unsaved. Gay or Straight. Black or White. Just said to keep telling folks that I care about them. That He loves them.
He always stressed for me to put my heart out there. To love folks. Keep on loving them. No matter what. Just cuz He asked. And, I have tried to do that. For Him. For me, because I was born caring. Sure do love folks. Deeply. I love the person reading these words.
How can you love a complete stranger, you ask? You are NOT a stranger to God, to Jesus, and I hang out with them. They talk of their love for YOU, incessantly. They CHERISH you. They cherish YOU. Yes, if you can read these words, am talking to YOU!
All week I have been praying for folks, interceding for the world, crying out for God to love on them so every person would SEE, KNOW, FEEL, AND EXPERIENCE the awesome and exceedingly deep/wide love of GOD. We are loved, folk. We are!
*sigh*…..here I go again. See? Can’t help myself.
Anyway, I was praying for folk, today. Being thankful for this one and that one. Minding my own business when…..
KNOCK, KNOCK. Someone was knocking on my heart….hmm….I opened the door and asked if they were in need of care or a kind word.
Nope, this person said. They had thought of me and decided to let me know, today. Out of the blue.
WHAM! Filled MY heart, my personal heart, with love and care. For ME. Not to get a thing from me. Just let me know that I was seen, felt and heard.
O, my. O, MY!
I cried. I admit it. Sat there and cried. Love surely did feel good. A short while later, someone I care for deeply, texted me and said ‘I love you, sis’. Okay, wow.
WOW!
I have been completely, undone, today, by Love. Love came for ME, today. Amazing. Awesome. Humbling.
I am loved, this day. Amazes me still thinking on that. That MY life matters, that MY life was worth the death of The King, that someone is out there willing to cry MY tears. That Jesus loves ME!
We are loved yall! We are…….*hugs self*….
Here I sit, completely naked and vulnerable. Completely SAFE IN THE ARMS OF LOVE AND GOD.
Life is short. Let Love in, yall. Open the door, when he/she knocks. Yea, YOU.
In case no one has let you know today:
I love you. So much. God loves you. So much. Jesus adores YOU. So much.
abiding in His Love and loving YOU still,
Cassandra
Why Can't I Be Loud?! 