Month: June 2023

I know, God said.

Me: I don’t understand.

God: I know.

Ah.

Aha!

KNOWING God knows, I can rest.

KNOWING God heard my prayers, I can rest.

resting knowing GOD knows so I don’t have to,
Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: I was upset with God. In tears, I kept telling Him over and over I could not understand why He would not give me what His Word said He would.

For months,  I have been praying and praying and praying and praying and praying and praying and praying and praying and praying and praying and praying and praying and praying and praying.

For the doors to open, finally, financially, so I can spend the rest of my life, writing and encouraging folk and being paid especially handsomely to do so.

Life is short, I told God.

I am running out of life time, I told God.

My try is awful tired, I told God.

It’s hard having gifts that keep me up all night when I have to work all day to be able to pursue praying folk through and encouraging them, I told God.

I don’t know how long I can long and not have this desire fulfilled, I told God.

I prayed all these prayers and God was silent ALL this time, until just a bit ago.

I had found myself, in tears, again. Praying, again. Telling God I just didn’t understand why He was purposely and purposeful being silent regarding my most persistent prayer/dream.

I stopped, in mid cry, as I heard Him say, in my spirit simply:

I know.

Two life-changing words.

I know.

Just the fact that He has heard my petition.

Ah.

Aha!

That’s all I need to know. Yall will get it, in a minute.

If God has heard you, beloveds, rest. The rest, then, is no longer up to you and no longer in YOUR hands.

How much safer can your dreams be?

Gimme my sabbatical, God. Asking for a friend…

Hold on to you.

Hold on.

You can do it.

Hold on.

You can make it.

Hold on.

You can take it.

Hold on.

To:

You.

Your, dreams.

Your, faith.

Your, joy.

Hold on.

To all that makes you…you.

Don’t be me.

Do YOU.

You is ALL you need to be.

Be.

Just be…YOU.

Hold on.

Hold out.

Lift up your head.

Everything really WILL be alright.

Let the world give up, if it wants to. You keep on being about being about that gnat life.

Yep, these darned gnats have been up long before the sun. Yet, I was waiting for them, today! Had an early breakfast, some me time, some Him time and got on with the getting on of LIFE.

Life happens.

Be sure you happen to life.

Live with INTENTION. Don’t let fear/anxiety/doubt dictate your days and ways.

Hod on.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep being…you.

being me,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

I got nuttin for you.

I got nuttin for you.

That’s what my decades old air conditioner and heating unit says, now, whenever I am awakened, in the dead of night, with satan, a dragon and the Sahara Desert all blowing up in my face.

Aaaaagghh!

That said, me and my so sad and tired ac are now rocking, swaying, chair dancing, as we fight with this awful, awful, whew, Geez Louise heat.

Give in to the heat, you say?

Hecks to the naw!

*Cassandra does a dramatic turn, crashing into the side of the couch*

Oppps.

Ehem.

Scuze me.

🤦‍♀️

🤷‍♀️

💃

Why am I jamming to ‘Get Down On It’, at 3:48 am and yakking at you?🤷‍♀️ Figured I would share the agony.😉😂

I shall digress, from being silly, to use a bit of serious to encourage you to enjoy your life no matter where you find yourself.

I was telling my wombie I have been feeling every bit of my 54 years lately. I never used to. I still feel 25.

My bod reminds me, every morning, child you coming up on double nickels soon.

Also, lately, God and Life has got jokes. The more I have tried, the more I have prayed, the harder life has gotten. They pointed to a path that is steeper, sharper, scarier, mindblowing, mind-numbing, ridiculous, frustrating and told me to have at it. Alone, yet not.

Around every other corner I have been faced with choosing pride, my way, the high way, the high road, the lonely road, the will this EVER end bend.

Exhausting.

Hot.

Gnat filled.

Joy filled.

Filled.

Full.

Emptied.

Empty.

In order for God and Life to fill me with…

???

🤷‍♀️

God knows and He ain’t telling.

So, beloveds, when heat and hell tries to try you, tell ’em, I got nuttin for you and keep on keeping on. You got this.

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Go for it!

Go for it.

What’s the worst that can happen?

You will fall flat on your face.

So what?

You fall flat on your face, on the daily, making other folks dreams come/stay true.

Go for it.

What’s the worst that can be said?

You will NEVER make it.

You can’t take the heat.

So what?

The world tells you this every day, anyway.

Go for it.

What’s the worst that can/will be seen?

Your failures?

So what?

You fail, regularly, helping others succeed.

Go for it.

You may.

You may not.

You may never.

So what?

May.

May not.

You will NEVER know unless YOU…

Go for it.

*Cassandra takes the unknown with her into the unknown.*

going with you,
Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: The more I chase my dreams, they less the dream matters. The journey is what I am most appreciative of.

This journey is causing me to:

Strain.

Cry out.

Cry for.

Reach.

Dream.

Dread.

Doubt.

Try.

Try.

Try.

Reaching out to.

Desperate, in search of.

Finding.

Then losing.

Finding again…

Me!

Ah.

Aha!

*Tears in her eyes, Cassandra continues, alone, yet not. Going where she knows not. She is just going. Ah, beloveds, live, love, strive, fight, try, try, love, love harder, fight harder.

For you. With you. Because of you. In spite of you.*

Remember always:

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

What the what?

What on earth…

??

!!

What the what??!

*Cassandra hears all manner of pounding and whatnot where the dryer is supposed to be…*

It turned out, maintenance was working on another apartment. It sounded as though MY bathroom was being destroyed. It was not.

There are times where family, friends, work, or some such, is going through upheaval and it can be hard not to feed into other folk’s anxt.

Whatever may be going on, beloveds, don’t waste another moment wondering if you shall be safe.

You are.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

I don’t care what things feel or look like. Tell your feels to cut all that out and keep it moving. Put on a song. Read a book. Watch a movie. Do something POSITIVE.

We got this.

We CAN.

We WILL.

When I say all hell broke loose every which way….whew. Spent ALL day putting out work fires, life fires, being fried by heat, fought by gnats. I am tellin ya, I wanted to snap my fingers and erase half the planet, already!

Yet, I finished the day. Barely. Now, my work day is done. I have vented/pouted/fussed about it, for about 20 minutes, now I am happily prepared to eat the cold bacon and egss I made at 8:30 this morning.

Then, I am going to turn on my mood lights, listen to some tunes and get prepared for tomorrow.

You have done your try, beloveds, let it be enough. Your try may not have worked, today. Mine sure didn’t. Yet, my try was all I had. I can be okay with it. At first, I wanted to take my toys and go home because the hard was just too hard, today. I didn’t. Instead, I made an extra cup of coffee, laughed at my mad, tried a bit more and managed to muddle through the mess called today.

In the past, I would have allowed the work day to ruin the rest of my evening and work the next day. Now, I do my best and keep it moving. I am leaving today in and with today.

Be encouraged. So shall I. Truly, I am about tired of telling myself to wait and be encouraged as you are in hearing it. I want my sabbatical. I want to have enough. I want to BE enough.

Until then, I fight on. Fight with me. Don’t give up on you and your try. Not just yet.

trying still,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

You shall not…

You shall not…

Though the world give up.

You shall not…

Though the world turn it’s back on the truth.

You shall not…

Though the world turn it’s back on the old.

You shall not…

Though the world turn it’s heart from the unhoused.

You shall not…

Though the world turn it’s back on the youth.

You shall not…

Though the world turn it’s back on hope.

You shall not…

Though the world turn it’s back on dreams.

You shall not…

Though the world turn it’s back on God/Life.

You shall not…

Though the world turn it’s back on all that matters.

You shall not.

I dare not!

*Cassandra turns from the mirror and continues being about that gnat life*

I absolutely REFUSE to cede ONE scrap of ground/hope to ANY darkness. Turn on a light. Turn up THE Light. Let the world quit. Refuse to quit with it. Stay all up in the world’s face and let the world KNOW it is messing with the wrong one!

Ha!

Take the hat rack, known as your head, and open your mouth and put some love on this dumpster fire called buncha folks being hard headed dummies who refuse to love themselves, let alone you, and give a hug/heart/shoulder to one another.

At the very least, a good boot to the rear of obstinate and asinine folk. Starting with YOU!🥰😘

being about that gnat life,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

What does it matter?

What does it matter, that you are white?

What does it matter, that I am not?

What does it matter, that you are a man?

What does it matter, that I am not?

What does it matter, that you have money?

What does it matter, that I do not?

Does that matter?

Do I matter?

What’s the matter, with you!

Look at me.

LOOK at me.

Look at ME.

LOOK AT ME!

Yes, I am loud.

Yes, I am she.

Yes, I have little, as far as your heart may see me.

I am worth much.

As are you.

As are we all.

Talk with me.

Listen to me.

What does it matter?

It matters much.

As do you.

here as best I can,
Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note:…*sigh*

For months now, I have been engaged in healthy, rip-roaring dialogue with both folk, who don’t look like me and those who do. I have been both heartbroken and heartened by the dialogue.

Dialogue, matters.

Discourse, matters.

What does NOT matter, right now, is trying to be right. Or, worse, insisting on being on THE right or THE left on what matters most, to us all:

We have ONE planet.

We have ONE crack at this thing called life.

We have ONE option to turn back/away hate/dark: Love.

Period.

End and beginning of all of our stories.

I absolutely REFUSE to turn my back on my brother on my sister. I don’t give two damns if it takes my last breath to say simply this:

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

To my fellow peeps of color: It’s not easy. Living and loving in such a divided world.

To my fellow white sis and brothers: It’s not easy. Living and loving in such a divided world.

To my fellow…rest of yall…*shrug*: It’s not easy. Living and loving in such a divided world.

So what?!

Get off your entitled/oppressed/distressed/angry/apathetic ass and LOVE SOMEBODY!

Start with you.

I shall start.

I love you.

Simple/complex as that. ❤👀

Allow your heart to ask.

I was talking to God, last night.

REALLY talking.

FINALLY being super honest, about a quiet ask I have been carrying around for a long while.

It’s not that I am lonely. I am alone. Getting older, alone. The closer I get, to 55, the more I find my heart wishing/longing, just a bit, to have a somebody, some somebodies, who cares for Ms. C, me, just cuz they were thinking about me and wanting to let me know I was not alone.

I am not sad. Not, really. Just…

So, I asked God/Life to send someone my way just cuz.

This morning, I received a text. A friend sent me 20 dollar Cash App with subject line ‘I love you’.

When I texted and asked why it was on them to do this…*sniff*.

The answer was…

Just cuz.

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs self))))))))))))))))))))))))

God is good.

Life is wonderful.

I say that, beloveds, not to sound pitiful. I say that to say it’s terrifyingly wonderful to be completely honest/vulnerable with yourself, God and Life. It’s important to allow your heart to let you know what it TRULY wants from God, from Life, from this, from that.

Life is short.

We were not meant to be an island, unto ourselves.

We do NOT have to play superman/woman, braving the fates of the world, all alone.

We ought not strive to bear the burdens, of the world, yet now allow the world to bear a bit of OUR world, eh, beloveds?

Ask.

Who knows?

A text may arrive.

loved/grateful,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Geez.

Well, geez.

I realize I have been either thinking about or writing about stupid gnats are the blasted blasting heat.

Sooooooooooooooo, dripping with sweat, I decided to think about or write about something other than gnats and or heat.

Hhhm.

Hhmmm.

Now, I find, ALL I can of now think of, is NOT thinking of elephants. So I won’t start thinking of 🐘. Which now has me thinking of elephants swatting gnats in the high heat.

Least I have added elephants to our discussion, eh?

So, there’s that.🤪

Don’t judge me, beloveds.

It’s hot.

These gnats driving me upside 10 walls.

HAHAHA!😆

Think I shall seize this morning, from said gnats, and be about that gnat way of living.

Care to join me?

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: The gnats ate it. The heat melted it.🥰😉🫠🙃😁

What do you dream of?

I have been dreaming. Wide awake. I have been allowing myself to dream and wonder what could be.

In the meantime, I have been enjoying EVERY moment of my day. The heat. The gnats. The what the world was THATS!

I find, the more I dream, the less of a hurry I am in to see them come true. I am enjoying the process. I am enjoying the struggle. I am enjoying the unknown. I am enjoying the anxt from not knowing.

The weekend has flown past. I am looking forward to the coming week. I look forward.

I dream.

What do you dream?

You are never too old or too young to dream.

Take some time to let your heart dream of…I don’t know. Dreams are fun. They show us different parts of us. I am enjoying those parts.

As a child, I dreamed of being able to write and ‘talk’ to a whole lot of people. Long before blogging was a thing. Now, I can blog to my heart’s content.

What do you dream of?

Whatcha mean you don’t know?

Close your eyes, open your heart, and get to dreaming.

dreaming with you,
Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe