Enjoy the hard. Make your dreams happen. https://www.instagram.com/reel/Cwn820fq2cr/?igshid=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==
Making this snippet was quite delightful. Hope you enjoy it as much as I did making it.
HEEYYYY!
😁
Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
#HereForIt
Heart check time!
Time for you to STOP and tend to YOUR heart.
You have spent your life tending to others. Take a breath. Take a break.
I had to take a break, yesterday. Healing is NOT easy or simple. Doable but yikes!
Am still working on the third piece of…nevermind. Taking a breather from THAT hard and scrounging round, in my heart, for other things to inspire or work the last nerves, know what I mean?
Work is STILL working my nerves. Tech issues that are even driving the tech team up 10 walls. Issue had to be escalated higher.
I am learning sooooooo much about ME as we work through this. It’s like my lagging and stuck system has been an example of how my life is going: lagging, unable to move forward due to things outside my control, needing assistance from a Higher Team, to diagnose and fix the ROOT CAUSES of things.
In the past, I used to get sooooooooo angry with God, with Life, with The Universe, with EVERYTHING and EVERYBODY, when things were difficult.
Instead of embracing the hard, I stared at hard mountain and:
Told myself this or that was just too hard, to attempt. So I didn’t try.
Fussed, er, asked God, WHY, why, why and why this, that and the other thing. So, I wouldn’t try.
Cried, er, wondered aloud to Life, WHY, why, why and why was LIFE DOING BEING SO UNFAIR?! So, I refused to try.
Lamented, forlornly, to The Universe as to WHY, why, why and why this, that and the other thing happened to ME?! SO, I was too tired to try.
After a while, I found myself too afraid to try.
So, I tried. Hard. For, others. For, work. For, family. For, friends. For, ministry.
I do NOT regret those tries. I just wish I had believed enough in ME, to try so hard FOR me.
I do now.
I don’t regret the time it took.
Why?
Because that is simply how long it took me to find the COURAGE to face…ME!
I have been astonished with how loving and giving and receiving my heart has been, to me.
We are so many things, all at once. Our bodies house our heart, mind, soul and spirit. The work is getting them all the get some act right and start working WITH one another and not fighting me.
Anywho, whilst I am waiting for tech, to reach out, I figured I would reach out and do a heart check.
Be encouraged, beloveds. As you keep moving forward, give yourself the time and space to breathe and PROCESS.
I am, now, beginning to feel and process things, as an adult, that I stored away, as a child and angry adult. Now, I can breathe and reflect and unpack.
It has not been fun. Yet, I am at peace. And, as I process and move FORWARD, I am enjoying the hard. It keeps showing me different parts, of ME, I had no clue was there.
I am enjoying meeting me.
Enjoy who you are, beloveds. ALL of you. Forgive yourself for not being where you thought you should and could be. You are EXACTLY where you are. Period. Why you are there is besides the point.
If you are not satisfied with WHERE you are, use the dissatisfaction to your advantage. Start asking yourself why. Start reaching out to The Universe.
I mean it. Literally. Ask, outloud:
“Universe, why are you pestering my heart for?”
Then, ask YOU, what you want and NEED for The Universe to give YOU?
What do YOU want and need?
You will be amazed at what your heart will tell you. IF you find the courage to ASK and LISTEN.
This should scare the holy crackers out of you. If it does not, beloveds, your heart is still sleep. Wake him/her/it up, then ask.
In the meantime, cut yourself some slack whilst living, in the meantime, between your dreams and reality colliding.
Be encouraged. Tell someone, starting with you:
You are loved.
You are NOT alone.
Keep on being…YOU!
One step.
One step.
One step.
asking with you,
Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Why?
The Universe keeps asking me WHY I have been so frustrated, with working, while It is working on my dreams.
Friday, I was soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo frustrated/annoyed/mad/sad. I found myself lamenting, just a bit, about Monday coming and having to do the whole blasted frustrating week and tries…..ALLLL OOOOOVVVVVERRRRR AGAAAAINN!!!!
I cared not two hoots, truly, about all I have been learning slapping hard and disappointment upside the head. I was just…..*sigh*…disappointed with being disappointed, yet again. And, again. And, again!!
Fresh heckamiah!!
Enough already!!
Whew.
Sorry, beloveds, sometimes, you just HAVE to allow your heart to be honest and hurt about the rocks in the shoe. When it is hot and the rock is hard, who gives two flying flips if the rocks be diamonds!!! Take the diamonds, Universe, and gimme my dreams and my hard earned and prayed upon bounty!!
Yikes!
Egads!!
This lag is getting on my last nerves!!
That’s what I said, on Friday.
Saturday, I pouted. Told myself I was just ‘resting’. I knew better. I am honest with me, now. Before, I used excuses of the hard, to keep me from trying. I apologized to myself, for doing that. Now, I do my best, to keep doing THAT thing, God/Life/The Universe, put in me to be, have and do.
So, I got to asking myself, WHY, I was sooooooooooooooo impatient, now, with work.
I enjoy what I do. The problem is I want to be working, for ME, now. The HOW of it, is getting on my last nerves. I shall keep asking. I shall keep trying. Ack.
Why sure is quick to judge a soul, isn’t it? Forever pointing fingers at what we have failed to do/be. Why is right, though. And, why The Universe is so very insistent upon us asking ourselves why.
Why?
I am having a hard enough time, beloveds, dealing with MY whys. Think I shall leave you, to yours.
Keep asking why.
Why?
Ah.
Aha!
asking why with you.
Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: If it feels like some of these pieces are half written, you are correct. They/me are still being written! Keep going. Keep growing. Keep asking. Keep embracing the lag.
I’m a double clicker. At least, I used to be. Meaning, I was forever clicking this. Impatient. Demanding the website to open. Imploring for the intenet to open the blasted thing already!!!!!!
Even now, I am fighting with dreaded autocorrect who has NO idea what to do with my brand of writing.
Ack!!!
Goodness and gravy. It’s making all kind of suggestions, unneeded/unwanted suggestions. Reminds me of the world: Always suggesting this. Telling me how and what to do with THAT. Smh
I keep telling myself to be patient. Rome was not built, in a day. Things/dreams take time. A LOT of it, apparently…*sigh*.
I am learning to live, with intention, in the in the meantime of waiting for my dreams to show up and show out.
The lag time, the in the mean time, time of things, is where most folks quit on themselves and their dreams. They quit, then angrily, pick up other folks dreams and help them get there/theirs.
I am doing my best, to keep doing/being FOR ME. It’s easy, isn’t it, beloveds, to use a work check, to keep us in check and keep us from pursuing what we have long longed to do, have and be.
As for me and my house, I am betting on me. Finally. Frustratingly. Maddeningly.
I may, perhaps, not get to where I think I am wanting to go. I am having quite the time, though, TRYING. I can live with this.
Patiently.
Gratefully.
Joyfully.
Hopefully.
I hope.
Ah.
Hope feels good, today.
Some days, hoping, hurts.
A lot.
One day, I tell myself.
Maybe, though, one day, may be today!
I hope…
hoping still,
Cassandra
#YourLIfeMattersToMe
Note: Keep hoping. Today, just may be THE day, eh? Who knows? The Universe knows yet ain’t telling. How telling…hmm….
Waiting, can be:
Frustrating.
Maddening.
And every other ing, in the book!
Especially, when you don’t know WHAT THE HOLD UP IS OVER YOUR DREAMS BEING HELS UP!!!!!
The Universe has been driving me up ten walls asking for me to keep asking:
Questions.
For, my bounty.
For, my posse.
For, my harvest.
The more I ask, though, I am learning so much about ME.
Enlightening things.
Delightful things.
Curious things.
Weird things.
Outrageous things.
Boring things.
Useful things.
Things needing to be put away.
Things needing to be protected.
Things needing to be loved.
Things needing to be shown the door.
Things needing to be updated.
Things needing to be restored.
Things needing to be shared.
Things needing to be given away.
Things.
Things.
More things.
No WONDER, there has been such a lag, such a drain, such a hold up, on my dreams.
I am learning, beloveds, to use the lag time, the ask time, to my ADVANTAGE. I have stopped fretting, fussing and fuming at the fact there is lag time. Life is much too short.
With the asking, I have adding DOING.
Clearing away.
Walking away.
Giving away.
I am learning, slowly, aggravatingly, joyfully, to embrace the lag time. I am learning to learn from it. I am learning….
Ah!
Aha!
Yes, I would like for things, for my dreams, for my life, to be scooting along a bit faster. Just, a bit. I have thangs to do…lol.
Those things, will get done. Or, they won’t. My try, is what matters.
Rinse.
Repeat.
I CHOOSE.
Be encouraged, beloveds. Embrace the lag. Use the lag, to keep asking. Then, get to DOING. Only way to clear enough space, for our system to lose the lag, eh?
asking,
Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
“It wasn’t worth going to jail over”. Words spoken, from a father’s lips. Spoken, aloud, after being asked, FINALLY, why he had not fought for a daughter, after an unspeakable had been unspeakably done, to an innocent child.
An innocent child, no longer innocent.
An innocent child, now hopelessly angry, at a father, at a mother, at The Father, at the whole damned world.
An innocent child, now damned, living in a damned angry body, that no longer felt like home. A body, that no longer felt, her own.
Homeless, now angry, an innocent child, continued through a world containing no champion.
Champion-less, an innocent child found more ‘less’, piled on top of ‘after’, leaving a mess, in it’s wake.
A wake, which left an innocent child, wading desperately, in the tsunami her life had just become.
After.
Birth.
After, ah, after, hearing a father’s now impossibly impossible words, to hear, to forget, an innocent child, now grown, fought to:
Matter.
Live.
Love.
Laugh.
Move.
Have her being.
Wishing, as before, for a before, to forever sweep away after.
After, ah after, you pursue me, still.
After…birth…it wasn’t worth going to jail over.
I was over:
Everything.
Everyone.
God.
Life.
Especially mine.
A life, no longer mine, ever after, belonging to after and it/you were not worth…going to jail for.
An innocent child’s heart ♥, a fully grown woman’s heart ♥, hopeless, jailed seemingly for all eternity.
To be continued…
Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: My father taught me many lessons. He gave me my love of 📚 books/reading. He also taught me to fear men/God. Hang in there, beloveds, I promise you shall cheer, by journey’s end.
In the meantime, KNOW there IS an other side of unspeakable unspeakables. There is. Ah, beloveds, there is. You are NOT damaged goods. You are NOT hopelessly hopeless. You SHALL recover and love for the rest of your days.
You know the drill:
You are loved.
You are NOT alone.
Keep on being…YOU
“I should have kept the afterbirth and thrown the rest away” – words spoken, from a mother’s lips. Words that could never be. Words that should have never been…said.
Words that shaped EVERY step, every way, of life, or lack thereof, moving forward.
After.
Birth.
Two words, which bore:
Pain.
Doubt.
Helpless.
Hopeless.
I spent many years, decades, trying to wipe the ‘less’, from the mess, thereafter, I felt my life was.
It, was worthless.
Therefore, I, was worthless.
After, birthed a lifelong pursuit, to earn love back:
From, God.
From, Life.
From, mom.
From, the whole damned world.
My world, now damned, became a damned fight to let this world know I was worth a damn!
Dammit!
I matter, my heart shouted!
Do you, doubt jeeringly stated, EVERY step, there…after.
After, ah, after!
After, I prayed for a do over.
After, I prayed for a before.
A before, where after, had never been spoken.
A before, where after, had never happened, and had never, 💔 broken, this ♥ heart, of mine.
To be continued…
Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: Hang in here, with me. I promise you shall cheer, by journey’s end. Til then, KNOW beloveds, that you are NOT the things that have happened upon you. You are NOT the pain, inflicted upon you. You are NOT your pain.
Remember alway:
You are loved.
You are NOT alone.
Keep on being… YOU
Adjust… https://www.instagram.com/reel/Cwhk5okI52O/?igshid=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==
Adjust…
Your attitude.
Your days is in YOUR hands, beloveds. Make the grass as green as you like! You don’t need someone else’s day/life. Live yours. Enjoy, today. Okay? Asking for a Friend.
Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: What the world you still doing here waiting for the note?! Get to writing your own bestseller of a life!
I want to quit.
So what?
I’m TIRED, of reaching out, only to hear silence, only.
So what?
I’m EXHAUSTED, from trying to exhaust every option.
I started this piece, days ago. I quit on it, days ago…lol.
Actually, was saving it to finish up, today. I needed a break.
In fact, I put the brakes on my try, for a bit.
It’s important, beloveds, to take the time to get off the world, and rest, just a bit.
I rested. Restlessly. I told myself I got thangs to do! Still, my heart demanded that I be still. It can be soooooooooooooooo hard, to not use effort, to get what I want and need. Yes, it takes full effort and try but the TRY is the point. The outcome, is not up to me. ALL I can and must do is to try and wait, patiently, for the outcome to live and move and have it’s being.
I am watching the third round of The Tour Championship. The first two days, folks were making birdies every where. Today, they are all pressing, stressing, and shooting their way OUT of winning. Pressure can and will do that, won’t it?
I am learning, to not put pressure on the outcome. I am learning to just ask, try, work and be all I can be and leave the rest to God, to Life, to The Universe, to fam, to friends, to my job, to my community, to respond in whatever way They/they need to. Takes the pressure off Them/them, off me, off TRY.
Leaving peace, in place of, stress.
Leaving joy, in place of, try.
Leaving hope, in place of, doubt.
Leaving laughter, in place of, tears.
I want to quit.
So what?
I CHOOSE.
Keep going, beloveds.
Take your feels with you, if need be
going/growing with you,
Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Remember:
You are loved.
You are NOT alone.
Keep on being…YOU.
Today, I will.
Nuff said.
Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: Keep your promises, today. Especially ones you made to YOU. Either you will or you won’t. Enough wasting ⌚ time with wondering. Do or don’t do. Enough waiting for others. Love on you. Now. Today. You have everything you need to have an uproariously, joyful and joy-filled day.
Don’t get mad at God, Life or The Universe if you choose to wallow in happenstance. Be sure to happen, to your day.
Leave the day impressed with all you have done to shape, sharpen and reshape your world. You are NOT a dame or damsel, in distress. Start causing havoc on ALL the things holding you back. Get going…
Why Can't I Be Loud?! 