“It wasn’t worth going to jail over”. Words spoken, from a father’s lips. Spoken, aloud, after being asked, FINALLY, why he had not fought for a daughter, after an unspeakable had been unspeakably done, to an innocent child.
An innocent child, no longer innocent.
An innocent child, now hopelessly angry, at a father, at a mother, at The Father, at the whole damned world.
An innocent child, now damned, living in a damned angry body, that no longer felt like home. A body, that no longer felt, her own.
Homeless, now angry, an innocent child, continued through a world containing no champion.
Champion-less, an innocent child found more ‘less’, piled on top of ‘after’, leaving a mess, in it’s wake.
A wake, which left an innocent child, wading desperately, in the tsunami her life had just become.
After.
Birth.
After, ah, after, hearing a father’s now impossibly impossible words, to hear, to forget, an innocent child, now grown, fought to:
Matter.
Live.
Love.
Laugh.
Move.
Have her being.
Wishing, as before, for a before, to forever sweep away after.
After, ah after, you pursue me, still.
After…birth…it wasn’t worth going to jail over.
I was over:
Everything.
Everyone.
God.
Life.
Especially mine.
A life, no longer mine, ever after, belonging to after and it/you were not worth…going to jail for.
An innocent child’s heart ♥, a fully grown woman’s heart ♥, hopeless, jailed seemingly for all eternity.
To be continued…
Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: My father taught me many lessons. He gave me my love of 📚 books/reading. He also taught me to fear men/God. Hang in there, beloveds, I promise you shall cheer, by journey’s end.
In the meantime, KNOW there IS an other side of unspeakable unspeakables. There is. Ah, beloveds, there is. You are NOT damaged goods. You are NOT hopelessly hopeless. You SHALL recover and love for the rest of your days.
You know the drill:
You are loved.
You are NOT alone.
Keep on being…YOU
- BELOVEDS, YOU CAN HAVE MY FLOWERS. I DON’T NEED THEM ANYMORE.
- Forgive them, Cassandra, God said to me
- Still In Love
- REAL TALK: DESPISE NOT SMALL BEGINNINGS, BELOVEDS.👘🦺🥾👟🥿👞🩴👢🩰👡⛑️🔌🕯️🔎🖌️🖋️📢
- IT ME!
Why Can't I Be Loud?! 