Month: July 2021

I left the lights on for you.

https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=fiR18oC4eiI&feature=share

Life has been tough, beloveds. We have endured much.

We have received, seemingly, very little, in return.

We have cried, many a tear.

We have received, repeatedly, very little, in return.

We have given, our all.

We have received, undoubtedly, very little, in return.

We have lost, lots. Yet, lots more loss, was required.

We have recieved, admittedly, very little, in return.

Losing, crying, dying slowly, inside.

Faith, tested, bested, found wanting, instead.

‘Til defeated, depleted, we made the slow march, towards, home.

Not knowing, not showing, not growing, seemingly, failing, spectacularly, at this thing, called life.

Tired, so tired, of twists, of turns, of curves. We long for home, for stillness, for peace, for comfort to call our own.

Thinking, home waiting, in judgement, for us to come, our heads, downcast, we trudge ahead, with dread, of homes’ dark welcome, soon to bear.

Almost home, we see a glow, just beyond. Not hoping, scared hopeless, our downcast heads, too afraid to lift.

Breathlessly, hoping, the glow, might be meant for us, we gather our courage, lift our heads, bow them, again, in reverence, by what we see, up ahead.

There! Home! There, God and Life, waits for us. For, They have a feast prepared!

Lights, ablaze. Music, dancing, Their Open Arms, waiting for you, awaiting me!

Amazed, humbled, tired, hungry, we tumble, into Their Arms. The Loving Arms, of God, of Life, of Care. They fold us, tenderly, into Love that has ALWAYS been there.

Pulling us, into His Arms, God, Our Father said but one thing:

I left the lights on for you.

His and yours,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

P.S. I love you, beloveds. Be, encouraged. Be, at peace. You are not alone. He awaits your return. Come home. Lift your head and see care all about thee, beloveds.

Real talk: Here for you, as best I can.

2020 was hard. For all of us.

2021 has been hard. For all of us.

Life, situations, circumstances ALL showed up to, well, kick us all, in the face. They made us sit up, take notice, and to decide what we believe in, what we will/do stand for, who/what we will fight for, support, and love.

We have been asked, each of us, to look within us, to look outside of us.

We have been asked to CHOOSE to:

Care.

Not care.

Love.

Not love.

Our faith, hopes, dreams, beliefs, and all manner of things, have been tested, tried, exhausted. Some of those things, we have found wanting. In, ourselves. In, others.

The weight, of the world, has weighed, heavily, upon my heart, mind, soul and spirit. The weight, of this weight, has taken such a toll, on my heart.

It has been so very hard, beloveds. To know, what to say. To know, what to do. In this time. In this place. As a black woman. As a ‘person of color’. As a person who loves the Lord. Who has seen how folks have taken the word ‘Christian’ and have twisted it into meaning not intended for those who love and care for others.

I have wondered, I wonder STILL why God has not told His Folks to get some act right, to love like they KNOW they have been called to do. My heart has been heavy, watching folks dismiss, one another. Seeing how folks have seemingly chosen to ‘be right’ instead of choosing ‘to love and understand’.

I wonder if my black life, really does matter, to other races, to the white race, quite frankly. The evidence, the actions, appears to be no. That said, I choose to believe, they DO care. That they just don’t know HOW to bridge the divide, among and between us.

I CHOOSE, as a black woman. A STRONG black woman. To:

Love.

Care.

Hope.

Give.

Receive.

ALL I have to give, beloveds, is just ME. Just, my care. Just, my love. Just, my hope. Just, my joy.

These things, may not seem much, to many, to most. Yet, I give them. In hopes that some, might receive. In hopes that some, might know and understand: They are loved, they are cared for.

I am HERE, best as I can, for folks. Here, for you, best as I can.

I have no idea, if these words will matter. To any. To you. Yet, I give them, still. To all who may receive them.

I, care.

I, love.

I, hope.

I, give.

You are:

Loved.

Cared for.

Seen.

Valued.

Cherised.

Hoped for.

Fought for.

Prayed for.

By, me.

By, Life.

By, God.

Be encouraged. Your life DOES matters. Your thoughts, hopes, dreams, feelings matter. Keep on daydreaming. Keep on moving towards your future.

You CAN and you WILL.

As shall I.

We got this.

Best as I can, I got you. I have your back. Hopefully, one or two or ten, have mine. 🙂

take care,

Cassandra HOPEFUL FOR YOU

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Real talk: Take it all.

https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=-c000kExHwM&feature=share

From, the beginning, the enemy, satan, has been trying to, threatening to, using every while/guile, in his arsenal, to take all, from me, from you.

From, the beginning, the world, has been trying to, threatening to, using every while/guile in it’s arsenal, to take all, from me, from you.

From, the beginning, they have been lying to us, mystifying us into believing we are not good enough, we don’t have enough, we won’t ever BE enough.

From, the beginning, they have taunted us, haunted us, refused to give up their quest, to defeat us.

they: You will lose. Everything.

Me: Take it all. For what God and Life ALLOWS you to take, I no longer need. ALL things work for MY good. NO weapon, formed against me, shall prosper. Take it all.

From, the beginning, God has been loving us, fighting for us, reminding us, we are not alone, we are love, sent His Son, Jesus, into our lives to let us know we are enough, we could never do enough to earn the love, care, freedom, protection, joy FREELY given, to us and for us.

From, the beginning, Life has been trying to, seeking to, working to ensure we have enough, reminds us we are enough, shouts from the heavens we SHALL be enough!

From, the beginning, They have entreated us, beseeched us, encouraged us, refused to give up Their Relentless Quest to defend, protect, to love us.

They: the enemy, the world, shall try to take all from you:

Your, joy.

Your, peace.

Your, hope.

Your, dreams.

Your, present.

Your, future.

Your, worldly possessions.

Your, security.

Your, safety.

Your, faith in:

God.

Life.

You.

Your fellow man.

We shall protect all you need.

Me: So long as I have You, I shall always have everything. Take it all.

As a woman, the enemy, the world, has done everything to take everything from me. they have tried to convince me that, as a woman of color, I am angry, too loud. As a 52 year old woman, I am too old, too slow, too this or too that.

Being faced with financial ruin, not of my own making, I initially panicked. I was tired of having things taken away. In the end, those things are just, well, things.

Take every dollar I have. Take every possession I own. Take every friend I have. I will STILL have it all.

For, as long as I have God, Life, Jesus, Yikes!, Egads!, Geez!, me, why, I have it ALL. I have family, friends, folks who care. For ME!

Where ever I go, however long I live, however much I have or don’t have, I have Them, They have me. Therefore, I am free. Take it all.

Life is short. Best live it, whilst we have it to live, eh?

Time to live your life, free from fear. Let the world do what it do, beloveds. You keep on being free. Keep on doing you. Keep on BEING you.

You got this. As do I. God and Life has us all.

til we all see our breakthroughs I pray,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Now what!?

Circumstances acted a fool on me, today.

Today, I stood.

Now what, circumstances?!

You, do NOT run this.

You, do NOT run me.

You, circumstances, shall run from me.

Situations cut up on me, today.

Today, I trusted.

Now what, situations!?

You, do NOT own this.

You, do NOT own me.

You, situations, shall be owned by me.

Now what?!

I am not afraid of you. I laugh at you. You cause me to grow. You force me to fight.

You give me new opportunities to stand, to trust, to show you how much power you actually have over my life:

NONE!

Kick rocks, circumstances and situations! I do not fear you. I welcome the hard lessons I learn from EVERY blow you make, from every chance you take to diminish me.

The ONLY things I lose, in these skirmishes, are my fear and my pride. Those, you may have. I have no need of them.

Now what?!

😎

Cassandra TRIUMPHANT

I CHOOSE…

I choose:

To stand, no matter what.

To TRY, no matter what.

To love, no matter what.

To give my all, no matter what.

To persevere, no matter what.

To laugh, no matter what.

To hope, no matter what.

I choose to:

Trust, God.

Trust, Life.

Trust, my TRY.

Trust, the folks in my life who care for me.

I choose NOT to:

Give up.

Give in.

Turn my back on:

God.

Life.

Faith.

Me.

Love.

Joy.

Hope.

I choose ALWAYS to:

Show up.

Start.

Start, again.

Again!

AGAIN!!

I choose to show up, to the start line, win or lose:

Tomorrow.

And, the next day.

And, the next day.

Until my heart, beats no more, and I can choose no more…

…I CHOOSE!

keep showing up,

Cassandra CHOSEN

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Real talk: Big bros and Popeyes.

https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=X0f8bg4XEeI&feature=share

PSA: There may be tears, by post end. Skip the end….😥.

Hang in there, til the end, and the ride will be worth it. Okay,  maybe not but my vent, er rant, er ahem, positive, uplifting message will have been of benefit to us all.

*que sinister, foreboding, what the fresh hell music*

I should have known, when my microwave decided to bellow sparks and awful smell, that the day had disaster written all over it.

Okay. Okay! We don’t do disaster round here. We stand. We love. We fight. We…..

OMG!!!!!!

DAMMIT!!

Here I was, minding my own business, doing my job, when ALL hell broke loose, in one area, causing me to want to flip out, for the rest of the day.

At the very least, I was tempted to take a bat to the now defunct microwave.

I did not.

I CHOSE to take the high road and keep working.

Thankfully, I am currently working from home so was free to cry, discreetly, whilst doing my job.

Lunch arrives. I decide to be a grown up and take care of some needed things. Should have stayed a child and left grown folk business to grown folk.

Found out some DEVASTATING news and promptly pressed the flip out button.

Completely forgot ALL about standing, trusting God and Life and just adding my TRY to this AWFUL situation that has come back to terrorize me. Again!

It has/had taken years, YEARS!, to deal with this issue. To put it to rest, to FINALLY be able to rest from fighting it and trying to stay positive, in the meantime.

Have you ever had something weigh you soooooooo heavily it was hard to maneuver through life, let alone try to be hopeful and have a positive attitude about it?

I had FINALLY told God and Life I was DONE fighting the thing, waiting for the other shoe to drop, and had snatched the shoes from hovering over my head!

Felt soooooooooo good to be free of THAT particular mountain. I could breathe. I could slay other dragons.

To find this old foe, knocking on my door, once more…*sigh*.

Being the big, strong, woman I am, I rushed and called one of my big bros. Love my bros. They would literally give you the shirt off their backs, if needed.

Called my big bro. Just needed to hear his voice. Such a caring voice. Makes me feel as though I can do anything, BE anything. He is one of my fave role models. I love so deeply, in part, from watching him love others, from having him love ME. He is ALWAYS there for our fam. As is my other hero, Ram. And Mys D. Yall know who you are!

Anyway, I call just to say life was hard. He turned into Superman. Touched my heart. Gave comfort I will NEVER forget. Love you, big bro. You know who you are. ❤

Because of his care, his voice, his love, I was able to collect myself and get back to work. It may or may not be true that I cried all over him. Sorry bro. Yikes.

Upset still, but determined, I go back to work…

WHAT IN THE FRESH HELL!!?!

My work laptop decided to join the microwave and give up the ghost…*sigh*.

Having used my big bro life line, I chose the phone a friend option and dialed my wombie. I proceeded to flip out, on her, and carried on about the unfairness of Life and, dammit, where the hell was God with all this fresh hell busting out every which way.

Thankfully, wombie knew to stand for me and just kept telling me to trust God, that He has got this AND me. Just kept saying TRUST.

TRUST.

TRUST

I text my supe, in mass hysteria, advising “I told yall my laptop needed replacing!!” I was told to pack up the old one and go get a new one.

Turned in my old one. The techies neither transferred a decade’s worth of work, to the new laptop. He didn’t even make sure the new one was working or that I could get into it.

Of course, knowing my disaster day, I ask over and over if I could get in and have all I need to do my work.

Techie: Yea, you good

Me: Are you certain? Another coworker had to make a second trip unable to access their laptop and get going.

Techie: Yea, you good.

Me: I have years worth of files and photos on my old one. Normally they are transferred.

Techie: Yea, we just decided to give you a new one. This old one is too trashed to transfer all your stuff. You will have to start over. You good.

Taking the high road, I high tail it home, trusting God and Life, trusting the process.

Making the best of things, I stop at Popeyes which was on the way back. I use the ride home to enjoy the drive, be thankful for the opportunity to get my fave Popeyes and access to new laptop.

I tried not to focus on the decade of work, files and photos accumulated, now lost, due to someone’s refusing to do their job and transfer my blood, sweat and tears to my new laptop.

Arrived home, determined to stay positive, to start again. Again.

Huffing and puffing, whew, plugging in this, untangling that, wondering where on earth did all this DUST come from after having just vacuumed, plugging this wrong, hollering loudly, sorry neighbors, looking at delish Popeyes growing cold KNOWING I can’t reheat as the damn microwave blew up and took my laptop with which is why I am huffing and puffing under this damn desk trying to hook up a stupid laptop that does NOT have a decade, A DECADE!, of work on it!!

Finally, hooked up, I promptly sign in, get back to work and take a bite out of the still piping hot Popeyes.

NOT!

Not only is my fave chicken ice cold, not only is a decade, A DECADE!, of work is gone. But, I can’t get into the laptop!

I TOLD YOU TO MAKE SURE I COULD GET IN IT!!

I call work. Half cry on my supervisor. Long day yall, cut a sista some slack.

Now, both of us in panic she reaches out to both of our boss to see what needs to happen. Turns out, I will need to return, first thing in the morning. Okay, really?

This reminded me of my attempt to get to the lake last weekend. God and Life had other plans that day.

Turns out, They had other plans for me, today. Seeing as though I can’t work, I popped on some tunes, took out my ice cold Popeyes and had afternoon picnic lunch with God, Life, and GEEZ!

Decided to make the best of things of this mess of things.

I can’t help what the techie would not do, can’t help that this old foe has returned, can’t do a blessed thing about a decade, A DECADE!, of files, work, and love now gone.

I CAN hang out with God and Life.

I CAN remind myself I defeated this foe, before, and WILL defeat him, this situation, this hard road, again. Again!

I start, again. Again!

I stand, again. Again!

I reaffirm my hope, again. Again!

I re rejoice, knowing lost files do not mean lost effort and affect, again. Again!

I look up, reach up To My Hope/Help, again. Again!

I reach out, to you, beloveds, and tell you not to be afraid, don’t give up, don’t give in, even if old foes reappear, again.

CHOOSE to start, again. Again!

The outcome, the ending, the output is not the point. These things are NOT the endgame.

The endgame is your showing up, to the starting line. Just keep showing up. Matters not if you don’t show out. Just show up. At the starting line.

Again.

And, again.

And, again.

You win, beloveds, EVERY time, you make it to the starting line. God and Life WILL take it from there.

Don’t worry about who will win or lose. Don’t waste a thought on prizes that may be doled out. Don’t fret about the pebbles in your shoe, the heat, the lack of supporters, the large crowd of naysayers, non believers and those things and people determined to stop you, to get in your way.

Get to the start line, beloveds. You grow EVERY time you go. You live EVERY time you get there. You inspire others EVERY time you make it to the start line.

Watching you get to the start line, inspires me to keep TRYing, to keep LIVEing, to keep LOVEing, to keep HOPEing.

Yes, you may lose things you may never see again. Yes, you may have to fight old fears and foes. Yes, you may need to cry on someone’s shoulder.

Nevertheless.

However.

We stand.

STILL.

standing with you at the starting line,

Cassandra VICTORIOUS NO MATTER WHAT

#YourLifeMattersToMe

A shout out to ALL who care.

I spent a delicious weekend enjoying the different blogs and responses!

Sooooooooooooo much:

Encouragement.

Feedback.

Challenges.

Love.

Care.

Truth.

Shown and shared!

Awesome!!

Thanks to ALL who have taken from their moments to reach into my life and touch my heart.

This week is anniversary of the passing of one of my big bros. Today was tough thinking of him and missing him.

I am grateful to EVERY heart that reached out to share a bit this past little while.

Honored,

Cassandra BLESSED

Today, was too heavy to carry, today.

Today, was too heavy to carry, today.

I gave it to God and Life, instead.

Allowed THEM to carry this day, THEIR way.

Laid my head upon God and Life’s Shoulders.

Asked THEM to bear these burdens, and replace them with peace/joy/love, again.

My burdens, They carried.

Both told me to rest and allow THEM to stand.

Told me “We got this”.

Your circumstances, your situations, your burdens, WILL answer to Our Commands.

Whew!!

Today was a llllllllooooooooooooooooooooooooooooonnnggg one. Gave the best I had, today. Didn’t seem to carry the day. I gave my all. I gave my TRY.

That’s ALL that was required. I can live with that, today.

Will TRY again, tomorrow.

You do the same.

Be well,

Cassandra STILL HERE

Waiting for the spatula.

I looooove food. Love it!…*hugs self*

I think I love it, more because of watching mom cook. Watching her, learning from her, laughing with her, as she tried chicken, baked awesome pies, prepared mouthwatering cakes!…*hugs self*

I especially loved cake baking times. The smells. The sounds of batter being whipped furiously within the mixing bowl.

I listened to the whisking sound, day dreamed of the scrumptious cake to come.

ALL the while, hovering near, hoping, daring to dream, of the moment when mom would expertly pour the creamy, golden batter into the pan I had proudly been allowed to prepare by coating in flour and EXPERTLY patting the extra flour away…*hugs self*

It was ONLY then that mom would scrape the bowl, with her well worn spatula, leaving just enough batter, on the spatula, for a tantalizing taste of cake.

NOTHING compared with her handing us the spatula, with a smile, as we slowly licked that spatula clean!

Surely, she gave more then the spatula should have held. Why, she scraped EVERY last drop of batter, from the mixing bowl.

The spatula, though…!!💃

I would dance around the room, with said spatula, acting as though I had won an Olympic Gold Medal.

I had won! Chosen to have the spatula. I almost felt bad for he who came in second…*shakes head sadly*. They were left with the scraped clean bowl. Poor dears.

Those memories, those I hold close to my heart. The same way that I am holding on to yesterday, STILL, not wanting to turn loose my ‘spatula’ given me by mom(from heaven), God and Life.

The moments, even the terrifying flying down the mountain moments, have meant so much I can’t turn them loose.

Am licking each and every drop from this day, from these moments, from my heart, from God’s Heart, from Life’s Heartbeat as I can.

Although, I anticipate the coming ‘cake’ with gladness. I am enjoying the NOWness, of these moments. They shall NEVER come again, in this way.

Life is short, beloveds. Enjoy your moments. Relish your ‘spatula’. Enjoy the cake, when it arrives.

UNTIL your ‘cake’ comes:

Live.

Love.

Laugh.

Allow God and Life to Live, Love and Laugh with you.

Keep going.

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Cassandra FULL AND GRATEFUL

Breakfast at midnight Part II

Yesterday was sooooo delicious I could NOT let it end. In fact, it was so delicious I HAD to extend it into today!

Just can’t let these moments go. Life is soooooo very short. I am squeezing EVERY moment to it’s limit.

Breakfast was so delish, well, just HAD to rinse/repeat…*hugs self*

Circumstances still working the last nerves. Situations trying to try me. The world forever doing it’s utmost to convince me that MY voice, MY TRY, MY particular personality, has no sway in this world.

HA! Kick rocks, I say back!

I shall:

Eat breakfast at midnight.

Drive through terrifying mountains.

Yield to NO situation, circumstances, the world.

HA! KICK ROCKS!!

I shall:

Be, loved.

Be, free.

Be, ME!

You do the same, wouldja please and thanks?

Your life matters, beloveds.

YOU matter.

Your life was worth the death of a King.

That’s what’s up!!!!😎💃🔥

Keep going.

I go with you.

God and Life goes with and before us all.

Be encouraged.

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Cassandra CARES