A very important lesson has been learned today.

A lesson learned, by me.

This lesson, God and Life’s Lesson, played out for, by, and with me.

With me, in mind.

The lesson begins,

as all lessons do,

with a question.

With THE question.

I asked God and Life: is THE question meant for me, or for You?

“Who am I?”

“What of my life?”

“What is this, MY life, ever for?”

Once said, these words, set off a fire.

This fire started, from deep within.

An answer, now needed.

A journey, started.

God and Life’s journey, for sure.

By one, in need of answers.

By one, in search of why:

“Who am I?”

“What of my life?”

“What is this, MY life, ever for?”

God and Life bid me to come with them, so go with them, I did.

This is what God and Life showed me:

God led me, to His workshop. Such an ordinary space, in the midst of grandness. Yet, the space did not call to me. The piano did:

A wonderous piano,

built by God’s Own Hands.

Each line had been sanded, pure.

Every piece of wood, hand-crafted.

Painstakingly made, by God’s Own Hands.

In awe,

I placed my hand upon such priceless wood.

“Who am I?”

“What of my life?”

“What is this, MY life, ever for?”

Question, still burning, Life led me, to His workshop. What an awesome space, in the midst of ordinariness.

The space, called to me:

A wonderous place,

built by Life’s Own Hands.

Every piece of wood, hand-crafted.

Painstakingly made, by Life’s Own Hands.

As I looked upon this wonderous place, the room began to fill.

Fill with countless souls,

waiting for the Maestro to answer these same questions:

“Who am I?”

“What of my life?”

“What is this, MY life, ever for?”

As row, upon row, upon row, upon row, began to fill, I began to wonder:

“Why are they here?”

They are here to hear The Maestro, both God and Life declared. The answers, to their questions lie here.

Underneath the fingers of The Maestro, the answers to their questions, to your questions, remain:

“Who am I?”

“What of my life?”

“What is this, MY life, ever for?”

The Maestro called for His piano, asked quietly for His Black Tuxedo. The Black Tuxedo is worn, to keep the music the focus, both God and Life, said.

It’s ALL about the music, for the audience.

This is why they had come.

Come, to find the answers.

Answers, to the very same questions, I had:

“Who am I?”

“What of my life?”

“What is this, MY life, ever for?”

Piano finally wheeled out, Life turned, held open the Black Tuxedo for The Maestro, to adorn.

God turned, and received said Jacket, made for HIS broad shoulders, to bare. God, The Maestro, regally donned His Tuxedo, sat upon the piano bench shaped by His very hands.

Quietly, removing His Crown, God made ready to play for the masses, set down before.

Millions, upon millions, strained to hear God’s Chords.

Each person, breathlessly waiting,

to hear The Maestro’s song.

All of Heaven; breathless.

All of Earth, stood still.

Waiting,

to hear,

the answers,

to questions, raging still:

“Who am I?”

“What of my life?”

“What is this, MY life, ever for?”

I, too, waited.

Waited, breathlessly: to hear answers to the questions posed, those answers awaiting me.

The Maestro and Life, turned and looked at me. Looked at me, and said:

The music can not start, the answers could not be revealed. Each were waiting for, the missing piece. The Maestro’s song could not be played as something was still missing, the most needed key.

Bidding me come closer, both The Maestro and Life, called out to me. Hesitantly, I crossed the stage, attempting to hide. I did not wish to be a distraction, just wanted a seat, inside. My only desire, to hear the song all of Heaven and Earth waited for.

Looking over the shoulders of The Maestro and Life, I saw what was needed.

Finally, I understood.

Who, I was.

What, my life, was for.

For, there, among God’s keyboard, a key was missing, still.

God’s song, could not be played, without that missing key.

Turns out, that missing key, was me.

Feeling unneeded, from all the others, I had hopped down from God’s piano, and went in search of me.

God had never used me.

My key, had never been pressed

My note had never played.

My sound, unheard.

Unneeded, I thought, for sure.

I rejoiced for other keys, keys chosen and played, instead. Happy for each wonderous note, each keystroke, shared. I pondered, how those keys, must feel. Those keys, greatly needed, played and shared. I wondered, the joy those keys MUST have felt. They, had been chosen, by The Maestro, their call, in life, fulfilled.

I was never jealous, for keys chosen over me. I was happy, knowing, they were serving God’s purpose. This, their lives, were made for. Yet, I had longed a turn, a turn not meant for me, it seemed.

Thinking me, in the way, I bolted, for the door. Ran, to gain the knowledge, to the questions, I had posed. I could not remain, in silence, unused, like all those years, before. I could no longer, bear my silence, a silent voice, longing, to be heard.

I longed to comfort, needed to be received and shared.

Taking my rightful place, once more, I waited, with Heaven, with Earth, with Life, to hear The Maestro’s songs. The first note struck, was not sounded from my key. Which key, was of no import, the point, all keys played, in unison for all.

God played, for all that He was worth. The Maestro filled all of Heaven, filled all the Earth, with songs long needed, songs of healing, birthed. There were songs, of love. Songs, of laughter. Songs, long needed, to be repeated long after.

God filled each heart, with songs meant to free. God gave each one, His Love, His Blessing, His song within each heart, instilled. God played, til place did empty, He played, til Heaven departed. He played, til Earth quieted inside.

Removing The Maestro’s Tuxedo, Life replaced God’s Crown, instead. Both God and Life beconned me. This is what they said:

“The reason you were never, beconned, the reason, you were never played, was to get you to this day.

This day, meant, not just for you. This day, also, for the world.

This day, prepared, long before you were born.

This day, to comfort a world, in need of healing, in need of being free.

You need to know the point of the song, the point of the call, was never the key.

The key, is the vehicle, meant to carry the song.

Each note, needed WHEN needed, to be the one.

The one to help, the song, to do it’s thing.

For, it’s not about the key, though song can’t sing without the keys.

Each key, responsible, for it’s own note.

Each note, knit together, in harmony, builds the songs.

Songs of healing, songs of comfort, songs of victory.

All I need, is for you, to be the key and help Me fill the need”

“Who am I?”

“What of my life?”

“What is this, MY life, ever for?”

Some days, I am the most important key, in one of God and Life’s songs.

Other days, I am just a key, waiting to be played.

Either way, it does not matter, whether THE key, or a key, the songs of life, can never be played, without me.

Contented, I await the call. Til then, I wait, silently, cheering on other keys, just as I did before.

“Who am I?”. “What of my life?”. “What is this, MY life, ever for?”. Your questions, these questions, can only be answered by God and by Life. Ask them, of God. Ask them, of Life. The Maestro shall show up, for you, as He did, for me, God’s key.

What shall your answers be? Only God knows, and He is not telling…

His servant and your friend,

Cassandra

He loves me, even in these…

…defeats.

I see these defeats, as filthy rags.

God sees my defeats, as part of me.

He loves me, still.

He loves me, even in these…

…mistakes and missteps.

I see these mistakes and missteps, as disqualifiers.

God sees my mistakes and missteps, as making me.

He loves me, still.

He loves me, even in these…

…regrets.

I see these regrets as shameful things.

God sees my regrets, as shaping me.

He loves me, still.

“Still?”, I ask of Him.

“How, can You love me, still?

After all of my defeats, after all of my mistakes and missteps, after all of my regrets, how can You love me, still?”

Humbled, by my defeats, by my mistakes and missteps, by my regrets, I bow my head, in shame, and can not look into God’s eyes.

“I love thee. Not in spite of these things. Nay, BECAUSE of these things, do I love thee.”

“Lift up your head, My Precious One”, God said, gently, to me. “I love you, still.”

“Only one who has tried will find defeat, mistakes, missteps and regrets. “

“What you see as filthy rags, I see as precious garments fit for the daughter/son of a King!”

“Lift up your head!” God commanded me. “I love you, still.”

Lifting, my head, I look into the eyes of He, who loves me, still, even in these…

loved by Him as are you,

Cassandra

I find myself on my knees, again.

AGAIN!…*sigh*…

Staggering, to my feet, I try, Yet, again.

Again, I fail. Again, I find myself, on my knees.

AGAIN!

“Why do you ask me to try!?”

I asked this, of God. I asked this, of Life.

“Why do you ask me, to try, knowing that I will fail again!?”

In despair, I show God and Life, my newest failure. In anger, I toss it upon a growing pile.

Try again, God and Life, said to me.

Again, I try. Again, I fail. Again, I find myself, on my knees.

AGAIN!

In frustration, I show God and Life, my current failure. In defeat, I toss it upon the growing pile.

Try again, Life and God, said to me.

Again, I try. Again, I fail. Again, I find myself, on my knees.

AGAIN!

In tears, I show God and Life, my utter failure. Finally, hopeless, I toss it upon the growing pile.

Still on my knees, I crawl, slowly, helplessly, tiredly to the endless pile of…no idea what these things be.

Looking upon my endless pile of nothingness, I feel as nothing.

Feeling as nothing, I stay on my knees, despairing, defeated, hopeless and angry.

Look again, God and Life, said to me.

Turning, I saw pile upon pile of diamonds, rubies and gold.

Look closer still, God and Life, said to me.

Looking closer, I saw that each and every priceless gem contained all my effort, all my tears, all my hopes, all my dreams, in each effort, in every defeat.

Every blow that threw me, to my knees, produced a stone. Combined with my efforts, with my tears, those stones were pressed, were refined, were purified and turned into the priceless gems strewn before me.

They were everywhere. THEY WERE EVERYWHERE!

On my knees, still, I watched as God and Life began to pick up the priceless treasure I had made, while on my knees. God and Life began to distribute those priceless gems, to those in need. They began, with me.

God and Life handed me handfuls of love, basket fulls of care. All made, while on my knees. These gems began to fill me, strengthened me. They helped me, to rise, to my feet.

And, in rising, I began to help God and Life, to distribute the jewels that were born from the time, on my knees.

I find myself on my knees, again. This time, in thanksgiving. Again, while on my knees, I see another stone being formed. This time, I laugh while seeming to fail. Joyfully, lovingly I add the new stone to a newly forming pile.

When you find yourself, on your knees, don’t despair. Rejoice. For, your EFFORTS, your LOVE, and your CARE are forming priceless gems that will sustain, first you, then others. God and Life will use them to change lives, starting with your own.

on my knees with you,

Cassandra

“Who am I?”

I asked this, of God. I asked this, of Life.

God and Life said:

“You are Precious.”

“How can this be?”

I showed God and Life all of my mistakes. “How can I be precious, when I have fallen so short, when I have lost more than I have won, when I have failed to meet my expectations and yours?”

God and Life showed me all the countless moments where I had touched lives.

Unknowingly, by my seemingly clumsy, and, to me, fruitless efforts.

I was amazed.

By all the lives that had been touched:

By my efforts.

By MY hands.

Lives made better!

Lives more joyful!

Simply because I had tried.

Simply because I had been born.

While I had been holding my head down, despairing, many had laughed, many had loved because of me. Because I tried. God and Life just needed me to try. They just needed my effort. God and Life took care of the rest.

“What am I?”

I asked this, of Life. I asked this, of God.

Life and God said:

“You are Priceless”

“How can this be?”

I pulled out my small measuring stick and showed God and Life my small pile of efforts. Meticulously, I went over each one. Every time I had tried this, and failed. Every time I had reached for that, and missed out. I pointed out every error, fretted over every mistake. How could I be everything when I had nothing, to show, for the meager life, I had made.

Life and God told me to look behind me.

Turning, I saw and endless sea of Red roses. They went on, forever, it seemed. As far as I could see. The Red Roses, you see, were all the love, the joy, the hope, the peace that I had brought, to the world, that I had given, to the world, just by my effort.

While I had been holding my head down, despairing, many had laughed, many had loved because of me. Because I tried. God and Life just needed me to try. They just needed my effort. God and Life took care of the rest.

“Why am I?”

I asked this, of God. I asked this, of Life.

God and Life said:

“You are to just BE”

“How can this be?”

I pulled out every rule book that demanded a lifetime of giving, of doing. I went through every command to do this, to say that, to give here, to go there. There were so many pages! Endless pages, of how to live, who/what to live for. I despaired of ever getting to the end. There would never be enough hours, in the day, to do these things, to give these things, to be these things.

God and Life told me to look behind me.

Turning, I saw endless baskets of bread. They went on, forever, it seemed. As far as I could see. The bread, you see, were all the laughter, the encouragement, the fulfillment, the grace that I had brought, to the world, that I had given, to the world, just by my effort.

While I had been holding my head down, despairing, many had laughed, many had loved because of me. Because I tried. God and Life just needed me to try. They just needed my effort. God and Life took care of the rest.

“Who are you?”

God and Life, asked of me.

Looking back, at the roses, at the baskets of bread, I bowed my head, in humble thanksgiving, and said these things:

I am. Many things, I am:

I am love. I shall give it.

I am joy. I shall live it.

I am hope. I shall show it.

I am peace. I shall be it.

I am laughter. I shall share it.

I am encouragement. I shall do it

I am fulfillment. I shall grant it.

I am grace. I shall bestow it.

God and Life just needs me to try. They just need my effort. God and Life will take care of the rest.

I will try. I will give. I will love. I will let God and Life take care of the rest.

Who, what, and why are you, I ask of you?

You ARE!

being and trying with you,

Me (Cassandra)

Don’t give up.

Surrender, instead.

Don’t ever give up.

Instead, surrender…

I loved taking long road trips, with dad. He became a Superman, to me, during those times. There was no danger, he could not master. There was no circumstance, he could not drive us through. I trusted dad, completely, when he was under the wheel.

He was sooooooooooooooo sure, of himself. He knew that he was master of the road. He knew that where he meant for us to go, well, we were going to get there. Safely. We were going to make it. I don’t know why I had such utter confidence that we would make it to our destination.

Maybe, it was watching him in action: eyes focused, intent, taking no prisoners as we raced up and down the highway. Yea, I know, I was seeing, through the eyes of a child. I was trusting, with a child’s heart.

As children, we never worried about ‘getting there’. We piled, into the car, anxious just to ‘get there’. We didn’t give a second’s thought about ‘getting there’. We didn’t concern ourselves with possible/potential accidents. We gave nary a thought to the cost of the journey. Cared not one whit about who would pay for meals and snacks.

We never fretted about running out of gas, gave not the first thought to a breakdown. The thought never crossed our minds to be fearful. Of ANYTHING!

And, with complete faith, in total confidence, we surrendered our safety and care, into dad’s hands, and let him do all the dad-stuff, like driving, whilst we did the kid-stuff, like driving dad crazy forever asking ‘are we there yet?!’…sorry dad.

I loved laying, in the backseat, book in hand, while dad did his thing. The car would rock and shake, often from the big rigs running the road. I wasn’t afraid, when the whoosh of the wind, buffeted and shook the car. I didn’t even look up. I KNEW dad had the wheel. I was safe. In fact, I enjoyed the rush of the wind, the rocking of the car, the steadiness of dad’s hands on that steering wheel. He was rock steady. He ALWAYS kept us, riding, between the yellow lines. Always…..thanks dad.

Even when I grew older, even after learning how to drive, of being trusted to drive, I loved being a passenger, with dad, during those long road trips. He was the most dad to me, then. He always drove with such confidence, with such care. I felt completely and utterly cared for. Yea, yall, I felt LOVED during those times. Like nothing could or would ever hurt me. Felt that way, as I child, riding with him. Felt that way, as a teenager, riding with him. Feel that way, still, as an adult, just thinking of my dad, behind the wheel….*sigh*.

It was easy, for me to surrender, to dad’s driving, as I saw his driving, from HIS perspective, from HIS strength, from HIS prowess, from HIS knowledge. It was so easy to surrender, then. There was no FEAR there. Looking, from dad’s perspective, there WAS NOTHING TO FEAR!

It was only after I grew up, only after I learned what driving entailed, did FEAR begin to creep in. Suddenly, it seemed like dangers were everywhere. I began to see things from MY limited perspective, not dad’s. I began to question myself: could I stay between the yellow lines, could I get us ‘there’, without getting us lost, what would happen if the car broke down?

I took my focus, off the road ahead, and worried about traffic jams, road construction, other drivers. I fretted, about rain, during a sunny day. I prayed that the rain would not come. Yea, I admit to doing these things, as a new driver. Good yikes, a new driver!…*shiver*.

Eventually, I learned to trust in dad’s faith, in me, to see things, through HIS faith, in me. In so doing, I was able to surrender and trust, in ME. I did not give in, to the temptation, to wanting dad to ‘take over’. It took such a long time to learn NOT to give up. To NOT, doubt myself or my abilities.

You see, wanting to give up was ALL about FEAR. Giving up had ZERO to do with SURRENDER.

Giving up says ‘FEAR, you win. I can’t do this.

I won’t make it, to the end of the journey.

I am going to get us lost.

I am going to cause an accident.

I am going to wreck this vehicle’. I am afraid. I am alone.

Surrendering says ‘FEAR, you are a liar! Go kick some rocks, FEAR. You do NOT scare me!

I CAN make it there. Go kick some rocks, FEAR. You do NOT scare me!

I WILL make it there! Go kick some rocks, FEAR. You do NOT scare me!

Just as dad, Dad and Life has taught me! I will make it! HA! Go kick some rocks, FEAR. You do NOT scare me!

I will have love. I will BE loved. By God. By Life. By those that God and Life has and will put in my life, to love me and be loved by ME! Go kick some rocks, FEAR. You do NOT scare me!

Giving up causes us to ball up our fists, in FEAR, towards Life and God. We are AFRAID of them: we are afraid to trust Them at Their word, we are terrified They will abandon us, we are skeptical of the people that God and Life, steer our way, to love us. Yea, when we give up, yall, we are not giving up on God. We are not giving up, on Life. The sad and hard truth, to own, to acknowledge, is that we actually give up, on ourselves. NOTHING breaks God and Life’s hearts more, than when we give up, on ourselves.

God and Life can live with us giving up on, Them. They can take it. It wounds them, when we wound ourselves, by giving up, on ourselves, on our dreams.

Surrendering, on the other hands, requires us to reach out, to extend outstretched arms. Yes, we fling our hands up, in surrender, KNOWING we will be sheltered, loved, cared for. Ah! Nothing like surrender, to set a soul free.

Speaking the TRUTH, chases out FEAR. FEAR is desperate for us to continue to give up, on ourselves, on our dreams, on those who want so desperately to love and care for us. FEAR needs for us to give up. FEAR can ONLY win, as we listen to it’s lies that we won’t make it, that there is not enough inside of us, to ‘get there’.

God and Life has always been in an eternal war, with FEAR, to win our hearts. Each side knows that FREEDOM lies in SURRENDER. While, bondage lies in GIVING UP.

It’s time, beloved. Time to tell FEAR to kick rocks!

Uncurl those fists, beloved. You do NOT have to be afraid. You WILL make it there. You WILL have love. You WILL be loved, by those that God and Life has and will send your way, to love you for the rest of your days. FOR THE REST OF YOUR DAYS, BELOVED! Go kick some rocks, FEAR. You do NOT scare me!

Dad(God) is behind the wheel. TRUST Him. Trust IN Him. He has got you, beloved. You are safe, now. Fear not.

It’s time, beloved. Time to SURRENDER. Time to trust YOU. Time to trust IN you. Trust in the gifts that God and Life has so patiently given and taught you how to use. You can do this. You CAN. You WILL.

Find the courage, within you, to choose to see God and Life through THEIR perspective. Not, by your limited view(s). For, your view, up to now, has been clouded by FEAR: of what could happen, of what might not happen, of what you can’t be or can’t have or won’t find or won’t get.

Don’t give up. Surrender. I DARE you, beloved, to summon the courage to tell FEAR to go kick some rocks! You do NOT scare me!

I go first. I surrender. I will NOT fear. FEAR, go kick some rocks! You do NOT scare me!

cheering you on as you surrender,

Cassandra

Fear think it is slick. Fear think it is all that. I think NOT!

Fear is a coward. Fear tries to sneak up on you, in the dark.

Fear tries to get you alone, so it can attack. Yea, Fear is a coward. It can’t attack you, in the light, with others around. COWARD! Go kick some rocks, FEAR. You do NOT scare me!

Fear is also a liar. Fear thinks it can keep you down, by lying to you. About, you. About, your future. HA! COWARD. Go kick some rocks, FEAR. You do NOT scare me!

Fear tries to get you to doubt: yourself, what God has promised you, what Life has told you could be yours. I don’t think so!! Go kick some rocks, FEAR. You do NOT scare me!

Fear attempts to get you to speak negatives, over your life. Fear understands the power of words. Fear, also understands it is limited. Fear can ONLY exist as we allow it to. Yea, FEAR, you ain’t bad! Go kick some rocks, FEAR. You do NOT scare me!

If you are afraid, that’s okay. All you have to do is to turn the light of truth on. Go kick some rocks, FEAR. You do NOT scare me!

I CAN do ALL things, through Him who loves me. Go kick some rocks, FEAR. You do NOT scare me!

I WILL succeed, in this life. God and Life, has equipped me with all that I need to grow, to go, to succeed. Go kick some rocks, FEAR. You do NOT scare me!

I SHALL love and be loved. God put the capacity, within me, to do love and to be loved. Go kick some rocks, FEAR. You do NOT scare me!

God and Life will ALWAYS be here for me. The bible declares that NOTHING can separate us from the love of God. NOTHING! Go kick some rocks, FEAR. You do NOT scare me!

If FEAR has been kicking your hind end, that’s okay. I go first, admitting that FEAR has dogged my days, and chased me, into the nights. Yep, I had allowed FEAR to lie to me. Sho nuff, allowed FEAR get me to doubt a couple of things. Yep, I had even been a dumbsky, and spoke foolishness that I couldn’t go any further, that God’s grace wasn’t enough, that I needed Him and Life to DO something. DO SOMETHING!!

Yet, both God and Life, stayed silent. They both watched as I allowed FEAR to pound me. Am sure they felt a bit sorry for me. Knowing, they had already equipped me with what was needed to defeat FEAR. They couldn’t step in and help me. If they did, they would always need to, wouldn’t they? When would I ever find the backbone, the strength, the determination to fight for myself if I always had to be rescued?

Also, God and Life knew one very important lesson: I would, eventually, get tired of getting knocked upside the head. Sooner or later, a blow would hurt enough to make me….mad. Yea, would make me angry enough, to fight back. Mad enough, to start speaking truth. Furious enough, to stick up for myself, for my dreams, for God and Life’s promises to me and for me.

Go kick some rocks, FEAR. You do NOT scare me!

It’s time. Time for YOU to tell FEAR where to get off at! Go kick some rocks, FEAR. You do NOT scare me!

Turn on the light of truth, to your situation. Speak LIFE into your circumstances.

You CAN. You WILL!

Yea, FEAR,…….Go ‘head and kick dem rocks! You do NOT scare us!!

cheering as you kick FEAR to the curb,

Cassandra

My dad was a good driver. A great one, in fact. In good weather, or bad, he could drive with the best of them.

I never worried about traffic, with my dad. I never fretted about bad weather, with my dad. He was ALWAYS calm, while driving, in bad weather. He taught me how to be calm, as well.

My dad taught me how to drive. Good yikes, that’s another story for another day…..whew….sorry dad….

Dad showed me how to position my hands, on the wheel. Talked to me about being focused, ALWAYS looking ahead. He taught me how to drive between the lines, how and when to use my turn signals. He taught me how to be a ‘defensive driver’, taking others poor driving, into account, as well as my own.

Dad taught me the rules of the road, the dangers of the vehicle I wielded. He taught me how to change the oil, how to change the tires. He taught me enough to keep me out of trouble, how to get out of a small bit of trouble, if need be.

Once he taught me the basics, dad tossed me the keys and let me take the wheel on out of town trips. Yikes! Scary times. Exhilarating times!!

Dad let me start out slow. I didn’t have to worry about getting gas. I didn’t have to worry about reading the map. I didn’t have to worry about packing snacks and needed things, for the trip. The only thing asked of me was to keep both hands on the wheel, keep focused and looking forward, paying attention to other drivers and my actions, and, above all, keeping the car between the yellow lines!

Initally, I was always good. I could handle minor traffic. I wasn’t scared of small cars. But, the semis.

THE SEMIS! Those big trucks used to scare the holy goodness out of me. I wanted, desperately, for dad to take over. He wouldn’t. He just told me to ‘keep up with the traffic’ and would let me deal with the terror of those big trucks.

Eventually, I could handle driving among the big boys. In fact, I began enjoying weaving in and out, driving with the flow of traffic. I felt like such a big girl. I was driving, yall!! When dad saw that I was no longer afraid of the semis, he taught me how to drive with them. He showed me how to keep most of the rain and wind, from rocking our tiny car, by being right behind the semi.

“Don’t lose their headlights!”. Dad would ALWAYS yell this to me, when driving at night. During the daylight, he would counsel me. He would share with me how important it was to stay up on the tail lights so I could see.

The first time I lost the headlights and the darkness rose up to swallow all sight….egads….*shiver*…was terrifying. Dad refused to take over. He made me keep driving, terrified, in the darkness. He would just tell me to keep on driving until I caught some new headlights.

I had never prayed harder to see headlights, in all my life. And, please don’t lose those bad boys when it is dark AND raining! Whew!! Still, dad would not take over driving. He would just tell me to drive until I caught up with some headlights and make sure to keep up with the flow of traffic so as not to lose them again.

Eventually, I would find some headlights. I can promise you, I refused to turn loose of those headlights! I followed those bad boys until they turned off the exit. By that time, I was smart enough to have my next set of headlights in sight. That way, I could confidently slide behind and keep driving.

All the while, dad sat silently, letting me learn. I learned to drive, through all types of weather and times of day. Rain, snow, sleet….sleet scared me, intense sunshine, pitch black darkness. Through all those things dad trusted ME, to drive. Felt good. Being trusted.

Being trusted, though…..man, that can also bring a bit of fear along, with it. Now, I was responsible for my safety, for dad’s safety. I was responsible for keeping the car between the yellow lines. I was in charge of our speed, going the right way. Being trusted, yea, being trusted comes with all kinds of responsibility.

I thank my dad for allowing me to learn, for showing me I could be trusted. For, allowing ME to know that I COULD do it. I could do it!!

Once I had earned dad’s trust, had earned my own, dad started to expect more of me. I was expected to know what to bring. I had to fill up the car. I had to read the map and get us where we needed to go.

Before I had earned dad’s trust, he would let me drive and would pretend he was either sleeping, or not paying attention. But, the first time I had drifted too far off the road, and felt that terrifying sound of grooves reminding me to get back on the road, dad would reach over and steer the car back on the road. After I would get my heart out of my throat, he would take his hand off the wheel and let me keep on keeping on. He didn’t yell at me. Just reminded me to keep the car within the yellow line.

Eventually, I earned his respect enough where he actually trusted me and would take a nap or two. I was so proud to be driving, humming to music, slouching proudly and half low, in my seat. I no longer sat stiff and upright, terrified that I would end up in a ditch.

As I leaned on dad’s teaching, on my experience, on all the times I had arrived safely, I began to enjoy the long drives. I looked forward to them. Each time, I got to prove something, to myself, to my dad. I got to find out how much I had inside. I got to fight through fear and come out the winner. I was able to drive, semi alone, dreaming of a future when I had my own car, when I was full grown and living life and would be able to go where ever and whenever I chose.

Today, when going on a trip, I confidently pack the car, gas up and hit the road. I have NO fear of getting to my destination. I KNOW I will get there. I have done so, a million times. First, with dad, in the car. Then, grown, remembering dad’s teaching and leaned on those things.

At first, it was hard. Driving alone. Driving long distances, by myself. I would sit upright, clutching the wheel in semi terror. I would turn the radio off and pay close attention. Eventually, I would calm myself. How? By remembering all the times I had driven before. I would think of all dad’s teaching. I remembered his confidence, in ME. And, his confidence, giving me confidence, helped me to keep going. Until I got my driving sea legs.

I value driving times, now. I savor those memories of learning my way. Of meeting fear, head on. Of conquering that fear. I had NO idea what was inside of me, until I had to find out, what was inside of me.

I use that confidence in everything, now. I remind myself: stay between the yellow lines of life, keep within the flow of traffic, don’t lose the headlights(Life and God). By God, keep up with the headlights!

I remind myself to keep going: rain or shine, keep going Cassandra! Tough times or good times, keep on dancing and keep on keeping on. You WILL get to your destination. Relax, girl, you got this!

Turn up the music. Rejoice. Do a nice car jig, sing badly, but keep on driving. Keep on going!

Dad is in the car, with you. God and Life, are sitting there, on the passenger side, silently trusting you to keep on going. Both WILL reach over, as needed, to gently course correct.

You got this! Put on your cool shades, pack for your journey, and get a move on!

You have NO idea what’s inside of you, until you find out what’s inside of you.

I dare you to find out!

Ready? Set? Drive!!

You CAN do this. You WILL do this!

keep going,

Cassandra

https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=j-k3kgBpRbk&feature=share

Not today, satan!!

When it seems as if you have been knocked out, you are down for the count, and you don’t know if you can or will recover…

If you are still on the ground, roll over on your back, and let the enemy know “not today, satan!!”

No giving up, folk. I don’t care what you are going through. You do NOT get to throw in the towel and quit.

If you think Life trying to knock your head off, tell Life “not today, homie!”

I shall NOT quit today. I shall NOT give up on me.

I SHALL trust God. I SHALL trust my efforts.

I REFUSE to let satan, Life, whatever or whoever, to see me sweat.

I SHALL overcome. So shall you. As you keep standing, as you keep fighting.

I don’t care if you have to rest. Rest, don’t quit.

Crawl, but you better NOT quit.

Seems like we can hang on for other folks needs and dreams but can find an excuse, right quick,when it comes to our needs and dreams.

Keep using those faith muscles! Life and God believe in you not to forever be running to your rescue.

Get back up and get back in the fight. I don’t care how hard it seems. I don’t give two hoots how much keeping on hurts.

Keep going!!!!

I kick my own hind end, first. Yours is next.

Life and God NEVER promised us a pain free or easy life. STOP looking for one, crying for one, waiting for one.

Life and God is waiting for us. This world needs us.

Get up, now. Yea, this hurts. Yes, this is hard. Yes, this is exhausting. Yea, it seems like this trial is taking forever.

So, what? Get a goin. We got dreams to fulfill, love to make and have.

going with you,

Cassandra

“I’ll talk to you on Tuesday”

Six of the most beautiful words on earth, to this NFL fan.

The playoffs start this weekend.

THE PLAYOFF STARTS THIS WEEKEND!!!!

YASSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!

Every year, I look forward to the playoffs. I let everyone know not to call me. Tell them please do NOT have an emergency, of any sort. I advise don’t even think about chatting with me during the weekend. It’s the playoffs, homies and homettes!!

Last night, I was talking to my twin…..*delicious shiver*. We had reconnected. Life or…..hmm….not sure what the or was. Anywho, life had taken us in other directions and we had not talked in ages. Now that we had reconnected, I looked forward to seeing her name light up my phone. We would make virtual coffee dates and yak endlessly on the phone about…..hmm…..everything and absolutely nothing!…*delicious shiver*.

Now, I don’t know what the most satisfying part of our calls are: the preparatory coffee readying and subsequent drinking of said coffee, the actual conversation, or the planning of the next call. Love the planning!….*delicious shiver*…..*hugs self*.

Sipping on the last of the coffee, we would decide whose turn it was to call next and what time. While I was thinking of whose turn it was, let alone what time the one would call the other, the exciting, yet, horrifying thought came to mind ‘the playoffs start tomorrow’. THE PLAYOFF STARTS TOMORROW!!

Hhmm…..*Cassandra frantically scrambles to find a chat time SOMEWHERE in the weekend…..hmm…

Pregame? Nope, have gotsa watch all the pregame! Need to know, yall, who is in, who is out. Need desperately to know which pundit was choosing which team. Yea, I need ot know these things, people. So, I can go back and laugh and sadly shake my head at the ones who didn’t get the right team right!

During the game? DURING THE GAME!!!?…*outraged gasp*….*Cassandra laughs mockingly at the poor soul who would even dare think she could be torn away during the game*. Even Jesus knows to bring the popcorn and hang out with me, during games. Yassssssssss, Jesus, the game starts tomorrow! Tell mom to bring the popcorn when yall come! Can’t wait to argue with mom on EVERY important play, during the game. Miss you mom….*sigh*….*hugs self*.

Postgame? Preposterous! I MUST watch every highlight, scream at the tv, over every ridiculous ref call that may, or may not have, cost my team the game. Yall cheated! YAY, yall FINALLY called a game right!….*delicious shiver*.

Okay, how about a sneak call on Sunday?….that’s a no go. It’s rinse and repeat on Sunday. How about Monday? That might work. Normally, though, I need Monday to sleep all day so I can get ready for work come Tuesday morning. Yea, Monday works! I can fit her in on Monday! Whew…*guilty sigh*….*hugs self*.

By that time, I was feeling a tiny bit bad. I enjoyed our daily yaks. Looked forward to them. Weighed my love a good yak with sis, with the love of NFL playoffs. Hhm……had to admit NFL playoff trumps a good yak. For diehard NFL fans there IS no good time, during the weekends, for a good yak. We don’t DO yaks on playoff weekends!…..*gasp*. Don’t even talk to us about anything during playoff weekends. Not even about the game. Nope. Hit me up, during the week.

Loving my sis, I tried to come up with a discreet, I love ya but can’t talk until Monday speech. I was giving up my Monday, my rest day, you see, to yak with her. I had to make up for needing the weekend, to myself. I did not want her to think that she wasn’t important. I did not want her to think NFL football was more important than our talks. They really weren’t. If she needed to talk, would gladly turn off the game and talk. Yak, no. Talk, of course.

I let sis know it was her turn to call. She knows I love football so I knew she would be okay waiting, until Monday, for our yak. I asked her what time she would be calling on Monday.

She let me know that she would not be calling on Monday. She said, “I’ll call you, on Tuesday. Monday, is your day of rest”. She proceeded to let me know she had already factored my NFL love into our calling equation. She had already factored in, my Monday rest day. She wanted me to enjoy my weekend. In fact, she was looking forward to a weekend to herself, also…..hahahahaha…..*delicious shiver*.

Here I was, worrying about not hurting feelings, of figuring out when/how to arrange our yak time, when sis already had things situated. She loved me, had taken my love of football, into account and made room for me and what I enjoyed. Awesome!

it’s okay to take some Me time, yall. In fact, it’s necessary. You can’t give to the world, if your bucket is empty from forever working, forever trying, forever striving. It has been a really long week. A super long month, which has barely started. I’m glad I had the nerve to be honest with sis, to be honest with me, and admit I needed my NFL playoff weekend. I needed to get off the Merry Go Round, of life, and just breathe, for the weekend….*takes satisfying breath*…..*delicious shiver*.

I had one last cup of coffee and convo with sis, let her know phone was going off, blogging was going off, snacks were being prepared and……”I’ll talk to you on Tuesday”…..yaasssssssssssssssssss!

Be sure to take some YOU time. Don’t be afraid, to talk to your fam/friends, and let them know you need a bit of a life break. They will understand. Go ahead and get off the Merry Go Round, of life, and do something just for you. Or, do absolutely nothing, just for you. Just do YOU. For a little while or forever how long you need, to get refreshed.

You can’t give the world what you don’t have. If you are on empty due to life or work or….you fill in the blank, it is necessary to pull into the nearest station, for a fill up.

Let God and Life, fill you, again, so that you can get back out there and love on folks. Take some time and love you, first. You have to fill you, first, in order to be able to fill others.

What is your Tuesday moment? Okay, um, I’ma gonna need you to tell me all about it on Tuesday! It’s NFL playoff time. YYYYAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!…..*Cassandra shuts down the phone and head for some snacks*….enjoy your weekend and tell me all about it on Tuesday.

loving folks but kicking them to the curb for the weekend,

Cassandra

I was looking for a miracle. Looking for things to change, for a change. Got tired of walking around the same mountains and decided to ask God and Life for a miracle.

God and Life answered, by giving me another day. I used the day, the WHOLE day, waiting for a miracle. I grew impatient, looking, listening, waiting. I tried waiting PATIENTLY, as the bible always says. Yea, tried to wait, patiently. Nothing happened that day…*sigh*. Try again, tomorrow, God and Life said to me.

I jumped, out of bed, anxious to finally have my miracle! Maybe, maybe, o, maybe, my miracle would arrive, today!!!

I asked God and Life for a miracle, asked them both, for a change. God and Life answered, by giving me another day.

Another day!…*pout*…..

What am I going to do with another day, of waiting, of wondering, of trying to be patient, for my miracle to arrive…*sigh*.

I spent that next day, the WHOLE day, trying to figure out what I would do, whilst waiting for my miracle. Waiting was getting awfully frustrating! Too frustrating to do something. Frustrated, and unable to do a thing, I sat, silently waiting, loudly huffing and puffing, feigning grace and patience, waiting for my blasted miracle to arrive, already!! Where are you, miracle?!

Trying NOT to blame God and Life, for getting me all fired up, for the miracle that never seems to come, I decide to give them one more chance.

God and Life answered, by giving me another day. Being tired, of just waiting around, I decided to use a few hours to try my hands at something. I was tired of focusing on me, focusing on the ‘miracle’, I was desperate for.

If I was forced to be honest, well, to be honest, I had forgotten what the miracle was even supposed to be. Just needed a change, in my life. Just needed a miracle: something fantastic, outside my reach, beyond my comprehension, that would change my perceptions, thereby changing my circumstances, which would change my life. I guess I was waiting for a miracle, to change my life.

Being tired of worrying about a miracle, I mean, being tired of waiting, for a miracle, I decided to help a person or two. Helping them, felt good. Seemed to help me. Helped me to look outside myself and into the life of another, of others.

Doing this, well, it changed my perceptions. My changed perceptions made me want to use another few hours to try other things, to help other folks. Spent the next few hours, helping, caring, loving, sharing. I forgot to worry, about that miracle. I was having too much fun, you see. And, in helping, those others, they began, to help me, and began to change my circumstances, which began to change my life.

By the end of the day, the miracle had not arrived. I found myself smiling, anyway. I had enjoyed those moments, those hours, THAT DAY. I enjoyed loving and being loved, rejoiced in helping and being helped, in being me and allowing others to see deep inside of me. What a wonderful day.

Preparing to retire, I decided to go back and thank God and Life. Even if they had not given me, my miracle, I wanted to thank them, anyway. I had had an awesome day, and my mama always told us to give folks their flowers, while they are living. Meaning, if someone has done something, tell them about it and tell them why you appreciated it or them.

I pull God and Life aside and thank them, for giving me the day. I let them know that even though I never received my miracle, I enjoyed the day they gave. I lived much. I loved much. I enjoyed every second of every moment, of the day.

I was not concerned, about tomorrow. I could have cared less, about the day before. I just enjoyed the day. 

Being, in the present.

Loving, in the present.

Living, in the present.

Giving, in the present.

Doing those things, only those things, changed my perceptions. I forgot to worry about what would come next, what I would do next, what I would BE next. I forgot to wonder what God and Life would think of me and my efforts. I stayed, in the present, and let God and Life have their way.

Doing those things, changed my circumstances. By looking, outside myself, and into the hearts and lives of others, I was able to give and receive love. And, that….yall that changed my life. Forever.

I had found, forever, in a day, not worrying about a miracle to come. I had found, forever, in caring for others, in allowing others to care for me. I forgot to wonder if that loved would be returned to me, forgot to wonder what God and Life would think of my efforts. I stayed, in the present, and let God and Life have their way.

As the sun, gave it’s final wave, to the day, I looked around, in awe, of the new life I had been given. All because I had made the choice, to take the day that God and Life, had given me, and used it, for good, to love and be loved, to give and receive, to hope and bestow hope towards others.

God and Life HAD given me, my miracle. They had given me a present, THE present, which was wrapped in something awesome, called a day.

The PRESENT is the present!! Each day, a gift. To be used, at your whim.

Every second, of every hour, of every day, is yours to use, as you will. Yet, we know not how many hours we have remaining, in our day, in our days.

What will you do with your day? Rather, what will you do with your MIRACLE?

None of us knows what our present, The Present, will contain. Like a gift, wrapped up just waiting to astonish us, God and Life has given us the day: to enjoy, to use for good, to love in, to be loved in.

I’m sure that it grieves God and Life, terribly, when we look upon our day with regret, with regret, with disdain, thinking of all the bad, awful, frustrating and endless things we think can or may happen, in the day.

We forget about the beauty, about the wonder, in what a day can bring and hold.

We forget about the day we found true joy or peace. We forget about the moments that changed our lives and the lives of others, for the better. We forget about all the moments we roared with laughter, cried in the arms of a loved one, fell in love, fell out of love.

We focus on the tough days. We dread the upcoming days. Forgetting that often, those dreaded days, those tough days, were really not all that tough. The upcoming day actually turned out pretty grand. Yea, we tend to forget that.

The only regret I have now….

You know what, I am NOT going to waste another moment, of another day, regretting this or that. Dreading this or that. I am going to spend my moments, hoping they add up to a full day, and love as hard and as long as I can. I plan on making many more ‘miracles’, with my day.

What will you do with your present? Will you live in the present? Will you BE present?

Being present, in the present, is all that God and Life asks of us.

The next time you ask God and Life, for a miracle, look around. It is already here. It’s part of your today. Get on out there and make some miracles. BE a miracle, in someone’s life.

Somebody needs YOUR love, today. Someone needs YOUR care, today. Some folk needs YOUR words, today. Keep going. I go with you. I love you, world. You don’t have to love me back. Would be nice, if you do. You get my love, anyway.

love Jesus’ best friend,

Me

Cassandra