The loss of a loved one.
The loss of a job.
The loss of a friendship.
The loss of a dream.
The loss of a soulmate.
You will NEVER see/have/do (fill in the blank) AGAIN!
Never?
NEVER?!
Saying the word, NEVER, outloud and attaching it to something precious/priceless to us takes one’s breath away. Such a notion is just too big to be faced. NEVER?
So, we run away. From that word, NEVER. We jump into bed, pull thr covers over our head and pretend that NEVER did not pay us a visit.
We spend our lives, you know, discreetly running from NEVER. We vow to never, ever make our acquaintance. We don’t know what comes after NEVER, so we run from it so as not to have to confront it and what we shall do with those moments.
We vow we shall not really open out hearts so we won’t ever be hurt. We bargain with EVER so as to not have to confront NEVER. NEVER is just too big. We can’t see beyond NEVER. We can’t control NEVER.
We find we would much rather control EVER and slap it in front of every hard thing, on top of every unknown thing. Slather our lives with a ton of inedible EVER so we won’t have to deal with the inevitable and way too big NEVER.
If, and only if, I promise myself I won’t ever try that or go there or attempt that. Why, I will NEVER have to confront loss, hurt, pain.
Is that living, tho? Not trying? Not experiencing the excitement and terror of a new job, friendship, place in life? Not getting to tear into the present, as a present? Ripping that bad boy open to see what it contains for us?
By avoiding NEVER, do we not banish ourselves to a lifetime of…
Good yikes, we don’t even know what we are banishing ourselves to. The ONLY thing we are certain of is that, WE, not NEVER is in control of our lack. This way, we don’t have to worry about the disappointment of something wonderful and needed getting cruelly ripped from our grateful bosom. We would rather control being unhappy.
Is unhappiness beyond NEVER?
The ONLY way to find out, is to actually find out. Do you have to courage to find out what comes after NEVER?
Confronting NEVER is no joke. For after meeting NEVER, and bargaining with it, fighting with it, being angry with it, reconciling with it, you will NEVER be the same, again. No, not NEVER. You instinctively know this. So, you keep running from NEVER.
Until, one day, NEVER comes for you. NEVER always comes for us, yall. ALWAYS. None of us can out run NEVER. In some way, shape or form, it comes.
Sometimes, in waves. Sometimes, in a trickle. Sometimes, NEVER comes, in a tiny thing, trying to give us a heads up that the big NEVERS are coming for us, in an attempt to get us to confront NEVER, to deal with it so that we can LIVE.
Life is meant to be lived. Love is meant to be adored and fully explored. Family and friends are meant to be cherished and thoroughly enjoyed, for a lifetime. Our jobs are meant to be enthusiastically experienced so we can squeeze all the lessons and growth that we can out of them.
God NEVER wanted us to be afraid of life, of living and, yes, of Him. Because God loves us, He gave us NEVER.
God know that an abundant life can ONLY be found AFTER confronting NEVER. God knows if we are not willing to let go, freely, and move on, that we will NEVER be fully free.
God knows, if we are not willing to let go of the thing, person, job, place, experience that we will NEVER fully grow, into adulthood. We will ALWAYS remain children, dependent on the job, situation, person, place, thing to ‘make us happy’. Those things become our lifeline, our hope, our help.
We cease being open to growth and start walking and living in fear. We weren’t meant to live and love that way.
The bible says there is a time and place for EVERYTHING that happens under heaven. It also says everything shall has it’s own season. It also says for us to be CONTENT IN ALL THINGS.
Not just the comfortable things. Not just the joyous things. Not just the things that benefit. All things, says God. Why? Because He knows, full well that 100 percent sunshine is a desert. We were meant to experience every season. We are called to dance, in the rain. We are encouraged walk in darkness, and be not afraid as God is with us in the light AND darkness.
God wants us to build sand castles in the desert sand, snowmen/women in winter’s cold, dive in a pile of leaves during fall’s reign, enjoy the thawing of frozen rivers at spring’s dawn, and to lie in a meadow during summer’s glorious afternoons.
By hiding, from NEVER, we cut ourselves off from experiencing the BEST of life, and are left with the rest of it.
It is my quest, my hope, and my prayer to encourage folks to start confronting the small NEVER, in their lives, so they build up muscles to handle the huge NEVER that comes for us all.
Confront the relationship that has never served you well. That relationship was built on the lie that you couldn’t make it without him or her.
Confront the job that never served you. You took it only because you were afraid to follow your dreams.
Confront the people that never served you. You became a part of that cliche because it was expected of you. You are someone else, yet no one knows because you are afraid you won’t be accepted if folk truly knew who you were.
Confront your relationship with your mom, dad, son, daughter to let them see YOU. You are NOT just a parent. You have needs, goals, hopes and dreams, of your own. Don’t be afraid to lose the love of your child. You will ALWAYS be mom/dad. Don’t be afraid to let mom/dad know that you are NOT just an extension of them. You don’t want to have to live your life completely a goal THEY didn’t complete. Don’t be afraid to let them know you are MORE than THEIR report card! They will understand, sons and daughters. They felt the same way. Yet, they were afraid of NEVER so they never confronted their own moms and dads.
Confront the comfort zone you have made from your life. Yes, it’s easy to live in a comfort zone. You know every inch of space. Good yikes, you are bored to death! You want to live. You are afraid what would happen if you dared to venture out. You promised yourself you wouldn’t ever allow yourself to get near NEVER.
If you can find the courage, to face some of the smaller NEVERs, life and God SHALL give you what you need to help you find out what comes after NEVER.
What comes after NEVER, you ask? That’s right. I haven’t answered my own question, did I?
NEVER will answer for you. My job was to introduce the two of you. You have avoided meeting all this time. Life is short, beloved.
I can tell you confronting NEVER will change you. You will NEVER be the same, after truly dealing with some NEVERs. You can’t hide behind a wall, facade, cape when dealing with NEVER. You have to fight, straight up and allow life to truly see you and to change you. You talked big talk saying you were ready for real change. Were you? Are you? Or were/are you just wanting for things to be adjusted so as not to hurt ‘as much’?
What comes after NEVER? Well…
…to be continued.
Because of Him,
Me
Why Can't I Be Loud?! 