Sometimes, I would like to extinguish the flame inside.
Sometimes, I want to run from this desire to be more and to do more. Sometimes, I wish the dreams inside would fade so I can lead an ordinary life and not filled so pulled to extraordinary way.
Sometimes, I wish I did not want more. Sometimes, I wish I did not want at all.
Sometimes, I wish my try wouldn’t try so hard. Sometimes, I wonder why I try at all.
Ah, sometimes, I’d like to walk away. Oh, sometimes, I want to run.
Only sometimes.
wondering what’s next, Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: I find myself unsettled. I wish I knew how to get back my familiar…sometimes.
Love on you. Speak kindly to your heart. EVERY day. Don’t let one day go by without your tending to the garden of your heart, beloveds. Get the weeds of apathy, doubt and despair out of there!
There are days when I am not feeling too lovable. Especially when I am feeling every second of my 55, now almost 56 years. Then, I just feel like a cranky, old damned lady!..*stomps foot*.
During those days I try to be especially kind to my terribly cranky and old self…lol.
Love YOU, beloveds. There is only ONE of YOU. Every time I think of that, it fills me with awe. There is only ONE me. In all the land. Out of billions of peeps, there is only ONE me. A good thing, eh?…..hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!
I have been under the weather for a good week or so. Am feeling almost like myself. So, I jumped up, put on a kettle of water, for coffee, fired up the laptop, and determined to get my 10 pieces done.
I forgot I was sad that I still have no idea what the future holds for me. I’m used to knowing, darn it all! I’m used to controlling my days based upon work hours, taking care of the entirety of the world and generally being on call ‘in case’ I may be needed for some such a thing. SMH.
Now, I make sure to get in my me time. I have set, and have kept, boundaries around me and my time. Time is precious. I let folk know when I am available. I let folk know when not TO CALL ME AND INTERRUPT MY WATCHING OF NFL FOOTBALL. YALL KNOW I DO THE REDZONE CHANNEL EVERY SUNDAY…lol.
I have also gotten used to turning OFF the phone. Period. NO YouTube surfing. NO show watching. And, I have been turning my phone back into a phone! I think folk spend entirely too much time scrolling! Geeeeeeeeez, yall, put your phones away and enjoy your family and friends already!…..*Cassandra sheepishly crawls down from the soapbox she has apparently clammered on*.
N-E-Waze, I just stopped ’round to remind you, beloveds, to love YOU!
asking for A Friend,
Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: I have spent hours and hours praying for each and every person who comes along. I even pray for those who shall never find these words. Be encouraged. If you are currently going through it, know you WILL get through your it. Be sure to take some laughter with you, today and share it with your neighbors. Speaking of sharing, I just made a pot of coffee. Who wants some?
This has been a challenging time. The Universe is stretching me. God is asking me to stretch beyond my borders. Life is stretching me further and further from the person I thought I was.
Yet, I remain the same. Yet, stretched. Yet, changed. Yet, not. Odd. Yet not. Smh.
I have been asked to open my heart wider. To show more of my inner goofness. Why? My goofy side is a big part of who I am. Who I choose to be.
Growing up, I was ALWAYS admonished to ‘be serious’. I was too blasted loud. I learned to temper myself. I learned to dim my light so as not to make folk ‘uncomfortable’ with my being unapologetically me.
I’m done living my life that way. I do NOT apologize for my passion. I do NOT apologize for my loud voice. It’s how I was made. I AM passionate. The more excited I get, the louder I get.
Growing up, adults made me feel ashamed of my outward expressions of joy, goofiness or whatever I was feeling.
God never made me feel that way. He encouraged me to be me. He cajoled me to get my stupid on. He does to this day.
He laughs at my Bitmoji’s. Which makes ME laugh at them. At first, I hesitated sharing them with folk. The old shame returned. I wondered if folk would think I was being especially stupid/goofy and would dismiss my words.
My words, in part, stem from the foolishness inside. So, I take the leap of faith and share ALL of me. Some will think it cute. Others will think me a fool. That’s okay. I shall continue to love them. I shall continue to love ME. ALL of me:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Love ALL of you, beloveds. Allow yourself to be stretched so you can receive all the love and joy meant for your tender and precious heart.
being unapologetically me,
Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: Keep on being you. Your you is fantastic. God says so. I think so. Embrace you in all of your inner foolishness…
I’m just checking on YOU. Most folk don’t get checked on, on the regular. I just stopped by, beloveds, to let you know I care and that I was thinking of and praying for you.
Are you being good to YOU? Have you gotten in some me time? Have you taken a moment to breathe?
Have you celebrated your try? Have you given yourself permission to feel how YOU feel and not how you think you should be feeling?
Be sure to be good to YOU, today. Know that you are a special person. Remember that you are:
Worthy.
Worthwhile.
Worth it!
Take a chance. Take ONE step out of your comfort zone. Then, take another one.
My life has been changed, forever, by what I was finally able to see, in me.
I saw ME.
I SAW ME!!
I looked inside and saw a beautiful heart. I didn’t see the hateful/ hurtful rhetoric that I was too loud to be heard, too ugly to be wanted, too black to be seen, too old to be valued, too much of a woman to be cherished, too poor to be recognized.
I looked inside and saw a tender soul whose ONLY goals are to love God, with all her heart. And, to love her fellow men/women with all her heart.
I looked inside and saw a giving spirit who wants nothing more than unity, love and laughter for all.
For the first time, beloveds, I looked inside and saw someone worthy of love. For me. Not just because I give love. Simply because my life matters. My thoughts matter. My voice matters.
For 55 years, I have struggled to fully love and embrace me in my entirety. This is partially and particularly why I am so vigilant to reach out to folk EVERY day to let them HEAR they are loved and that they are NOT alone.
Society is not always kind to folk who look like me. Folk like me are considered ‘ugly’. Folk like me are not asked out to parties and dances as they grew up. Folk like me ate alone in school.
Folk like me grew to fold within themselves and lead lives of loneliness. Folk like me learned how to distract themselves with hard work and hide behind a jolly laughter.
It has taken me years to learn HOW to love myself. Through the tender love of God, I found my way towards loving me.
Still, it has been hard to fully EMBRACE me. Even I had begun to shy away from my loudness, from my exuberance, from my eternal love and optimism towards people.
It has been so odd to say that living through the tornado, losing my job, running through my savings, having forever friends abandon me, has forced me to fight for and embrace ME.
I had to fight with those feelings of worthlessness head on. I had to grapple with the fact that I felt worthless because of a shrinking bank account. I had to muster the courage that I felt unworthy due to no longer having a job.
I found myself in a war with me:
Me: You are worthless.
Me: No I’m not.
Me: You have failed God.
Me: No I haven’t.
Me: No one will ever love you.
Me: Yes they will. If not, I shall love me. I love you.
Me:
I’m ready to go back to work now. I can enjoy work and not have to use work to validate my existence. I’m valuable simply because I was born. That will be a nice change.
I am enjoying relationships more. I no longer have to worry about. pleasing others with what I say or do. I’m just me. Love me or leave me alone. I will be good, either way.
This piece was for me. I hope someone has been encouraged by it. I feel a cup of coffee calling my name. Who wants to join me?
I rarely reread my pieces. They are for you. Here lately, I have been needing them for ME.
Lately, I have been feeling as though my words are nothing more than blah blah blah. The same old. Same old. I don’t know why I have been feeling this way.
It may well be because I have been feeling as though my life has been nothing more than blah blah blah as I toiled away for a world who seemingly could care less about this mess called me.
I read those words and thought ‘how beautiful it is to see someone care so much for others’. It hit me that person was me. I was moved. I find myself moved still.
I’m being me unapologetically. I am being me fully. I’m being me freely. I know longer concern myself with who will receive me. I receive myself. I love myself. I share me. with the world who seemingly does not care about me. No matter. I choose to care. Still. Always. Everyday. Every single one of them.
I had my first job interview today. I don’t know what the outcome will be. I do know that I am content. I have spent my days encouraging folk. I have spent my days loving people. I spent these days giving of myself. I can live with that. I can live with being me. Still. Always. Everyday. Every single one of them.
A natural disaster came upon me and turned my world upside down. I have been using this time. to turn my heart right side up.
I have no idea what life has in store for me. I know what I have in store for life. I plan on squeezing every moment. out of every minute. I plan on seizing every second. To let folks know how much they are loved and that they are not alone. I plan on utilizing every hour. To grow closer to God and my fellow man. This I promise me. This I share with you.
Beloveds, continue to be you. Lift up your head. See the beautiful soul called you. I see you. God sees you. Life sees you. The Universe sees you. There is no one like you and all of the Earth. How can you not be priceless and precious?
asking for A Friend,
Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: It’s OK to be you. It is. Enjoy being you. ALL of you.
The one good thing from going through hard, for an inordinate amount of time, is that you can learn how to make hard easy.
It’s really easy, really. All you have to do, beloveds, is to:
Acknowledge the hard.
Lean into the hard.
Work WITH the hard to make ALL things work for your GOOD.
Yesterday could have been a frustrating day. It could have been a disappointing day. Initially, I fought to stay out of my feels.
I weighed the cost of allowing myself to have a mini tantrum due to being promised an outcome that never materialized. I waited. ALL day.
I did not take the nap that had been clamoring for me from hours. I did not eat the fabulous pasta dish waiting for me all day.
Instead, I waited. And, waited. And, waited. Finally, I told wait to kick rocks. I decided having a mini tantrum would be a complete waste of my time.
I chose to scrounge around in my gratitude bag to pull out every once of joy, learning, patience, perseverance, and peace I could find.
I focused on my try. I celebrated my efforts. Finally, I surrendered the outcome to The Universe to do whatsoever was needed.
Before the tornado, I would have spent the afternoon stewing and blaming The Universe for wasting my time.
Today, I find myself grateful for EVERY moment. Even the hard ones. The hard moments provide me the opportunity to stand ten toes down on my FAITH, NOT fear.
The more you can look for the moments, in the hard, where you can walk out your FAITH, the easier hard gets.
Yes, continue to fight for your dreams. Yes, hold on with all your might. Yet, hold your dreams loosely. Give them room/permission to grow and present themselves how The Universe has worked with them to be.
Hard is easy. We got this.
working hard(ly),
Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: Nothing is too hard for Thee. Thanks for loving me.
Look to bring the love, the joy, the lesson, the laughter, the knowledge, the peace, the light. the life. to every situation, moment, circumstance, hard and division.
asking for A Friend,
Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: Life is short. Life has been tough for everyone. We need to keep one another uplifted. We are all tired. Many are weary. Be encouraged. Do something that makes your heart smile. Make someone else’s heart smile. In case no one has told you today: I love you. So does He.
What in the fresh hell are you doing cowering in a corner, beloveds?
You were built for this moment!
Why the world are you listening to these non knowing nay sayers?
You were built for this moment!
What in tarnation are you waiting for, beloveds?
You were built for this moment!
Seize these moments!
Lay waste to ALL that stands in your way!
Tell fear to kick rocks!
Tell doubt to take two seats!
You were built for this moment!
Let’s go!
We got thangs to do!!
doing thangs with you,
Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: I kicked apathy out of my apartment. I think it snuck passed me as I lay wallowing in ‘I can’t do this’ land. Dummy me.
Thankfully, my dreams, along with good habits saved the day. It’s a good thing. I was headed for bed and Cheetos. 🥰😉😁😆
Keep being good to you as you maneuver through a bit of hard. Be sure to take plenty of laughs with you. You will need every one. Be encouraged. You got this.
One step.
One step.
One step.
You are loved.
You are NOT alone.
Keep on being…YOU!
If this piece encouraged you, share it with someone please/thanks.
Real talk, beloveds, my heart ached as I thought of the millions of times I reached out in vain. Or so it feels/felt.
The fact I tried WAS acknowledged by The Universe. The fact I loved WAS appreciated by Life. The fact I hoped WAS seen by God.
What we do is NOT in vain. Continue to hope, beloveds. Continue to try. Continue to love.
asking for A Friend,
Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: For some reason, I stupidly began lambasting myself for EVERY time I had offered me and was not chosen/selected. Not being chosen can hurt terribly. Ow!
For a while, I was angry at me from every wasted try. My try was NOT wasted. I just was not privy to the outcome. Perhaps I was never supposed to be.
I cried a bit. Then, got up and tried yet again. I can’t help it. I promised me I would NEVER give up on this non caring world. Dummy me.😄🤷♀️
Keep doing you. Keep being your why. Your why is NEVER in vain. Your love and try has been seen and acknowledged.
One step.
One step.
One step.
You are loved.
You are NOT alone.
Keep on being…YOU!
If this piece encouraged you, share it with someone please/thanks.
Why Can't I Be Loud?! 