My life is forever changed.
Forever.
My life has been changed, forever, by what I was finally able to see, in me.
I saw ME.
I SAW ME!!
I looked inside and saw a beautiful heart. I didn’t see the hateful/ hurtful rhetoric that I was too loud to be heard, too ugly to be wanted, too black to be seen, too old to be valued, too much of a woman to be cherished, too poor to be recognized.
I looked inside and saw a tender soul whose ONLY goals are to love God, with all her heart. And, to love her fellow men/women with all her heart.
I looked inside and saw a giving spirit who wants nothing more than unity, love and laughter for all.
For the first time, beloveds, I looked inside and saw someone worthy of love. For me. Not just because I give love. Simply because my life matters. My thoughts matter. My voice matters.
For 55 years, I have struggled to fully love and embrace me in my entirety. This is partially and particularly why I am so vigilant to reach out to folk EVERY day to let them HEAR they are loved and that they are NOT alone.
Society is not always kind to folk who look like me. Folk like me are considered ‘ugly’. Folk like me are not asked out to parties and dances as they grew up. Folk like me ate alone in school.
Folk like me grew to fold within themselves and lead lives of loneliness. Folk like me learned how to distract themselves with hard work and hide behind a jolly laughter.
It has taken me years to learn HOW to love myself. Through the tender love of God, I found my way towards loving me.
Still, it has been hard to fully EMBRACE me. Even I had begun to shy away from my loudness, from my exuberance, from my eternal love and optimism towards people.
It has been so odd to say that living through the tornado, losing my job, running through my savings, having forever friends abandon me, has forced me to fight for and embrace ME.
I had to fight with those feelings of worthlessness head on. I had to grapple with the fact that I felt worthless because of a shrinking bank account. I had to muster the courage that I felt unworthy due to no longer having a job.
I found myself in a war with me:
Me: You are worthless.
Me: No I’m not.
Me: You have failed God.
Me: No I haven’t.
Me: No one will ever love you.
Me: Yes they will. If not, I shall love me. I love you.
Me:
I’m ready to go back to work now. I can enjoy work and not have to use work to validate my existence. I’m valuable simply because I was born. That will be a nice change.
I am enjoying relationships more. I no longer have to worry about. pleasing others with what I say or do. I’m just me. Love me or leave me alone. I will be good, either way.
This piece was for me. I hope someone has been encouraged by it. I feel a cup of coffee calling my name. Who wants to join me?
asking for A Friend,
Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: I see you…
One step.
One step.
One step.
You are loved.
You are NOT alone.
Keep on being…YOU!
- BELOVEDS, YOU CAN HAVE MY FLOWERS. I DON’T NEED THEM ANYMORE.
- Forgive them, Cassandra, God said to me
- Still In Love
- REAL TALK: DESPISE NOT SMALL BEGINNINGS, BELOVEDS.👘🦺🥾👟🥿👞🩴👢🩰👡⛑️🔌🕯️🔎🖌️🖋️📢
- IT ME!
Why Can't I Be Loud?! 