Month: July 2023

My mess(age): I’m enjoying being me.

I’m enjoying, being me.

ALL of me.

The messed up, me.

The messed with, me.

The mess, being messed with, messing me up, messing with my mind, messing about, messing up, my life.

Til, God, who so loved, the world, this mess, called me, messed around, then messed around, in my heart and life and ended up messing around and made me fall, hard.

Once, fallen, He, Who had been risen, rose, for me.

My messes, my mess, became His. Now, His, washed clean, my messes, no longer messes, with me.

Ah.

renewed,

Cassandra

#🥰

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: I speak in open code, to those who know EXACTLY what I mean. Why? So folk can KNOW, there IS life, hope, joy, and peace, on the other side of0 devastation that can, seemly, change a life irrevocably. HA! You better ask somebody. 🕊

P.S. Apologies for so many posts, these last days. Somebody has been too close to walking away. Not yet, beloved. Not just yet. Keep going…

yearnings of the heart

and i had never wanted more, to get marrieduntil that day, when oh my love our eyes locked, for merely but a breathand oh you, just smiled.

yearnings of the heart

This wondrous, wonderful post, I just read simply melted me.🥰

Beautiful.

Hoping yall are as moved,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Why won’t you move!?

Why won’t you move!?

Fresh hell.

*Cassandra picks up a rock and throws it at the damned mountain that just won’t move out of her way!*

I’m in a quandary, beloveds. Every since God challenged me to tell The Universe, what I wanted, I have been unable to silence the deep travailing, in my soul, to be about being about His Business. ‘

Folk, are hurting. The world has trampled, over their tender heart, in such an all fire hurry to get to and trample over, other folk heart. The world is, relentless, in chewing folk, up. Then, spitting folk, out.

Folk, are disillusioned. Rightly so, in many cases. They want to know what the world is going on, with this world? Right ain’t right. Wrong, no longer considered wrong. Folk are simply making it do whatever the hell they want to do.

Folk, are angry. With Him for not being there, not letting them know He was there, for allowing this, that and the other thing. For, NOT allowing this, that, and the other thing.

Folk, are lonely. The world is so blasted LOUD, stomping all over and around them to where they feel small and isolated and alone.

Folk, are wondering, where they are.

Folk, are wondering, WHY they are.

Folk, are wondering, what REALLY matters.

Fresh hockey sticks, folks, the world over, are wondering, what in the world TRULY/REALLY matters?

I was one of those folks, yall. Heckamiah Jeremiah, at times, I am STILL one of those folks.

I have been arguing, er, talking to God, ALL the time, about WHY, the world, isn’t He more clear, to the world, about who He is, what the world He wants, from us. Why, the world, He does not show Himself, more, TO the world, so the world, could/can stop wondering, what the world, and going off of what all the others, in the world, are all saying.

What the world!?

Anywho, beloveds, I was in tears, this morning. Because of you. Each of you. Every follower, very liker, every silent reader, every person who has never read a word.

Why, because folk, are hurting. Beacuse, folk are angry…

I almost yelled, at God. I did, scream within my spirit. I told my spirit to hush, before God could hear my frustrated cry.

I called my wombie, in near tears, and admitted, outloud, FINALLY, what I have been wrestling with my entire working life:

“My heart/passion wants to spend the rest of my days, letting folk know they are loved and not alone. That does not pay the bills. My job, which pays the bills, is taking too much time away from my heart/passion. I can no longer abide, having to choose, between them both. Yet, I can not continue to do both.”

Yall, I wanted to just quit, this morning, my job, and keep doing my REAL job, of encouraging you, the world, and all that is with it.

Yep, it is you fault, beloveds. Your heart(s) are just too darned loud. Your need(s), are just too darned important. YOU are just too darned important, to keep leaving you behind, each day, as I do my work job.

I felt better, after having vented, somwhat, to my wombie.

I find myself, still, peering up, at this same mountain:

My passion, can not sustain my bills. My heart, can no longer, sustain, not being able to fully be about being about, my passion.

There are times, beloveds, where I almost, sorta, kinda, wish I didn’t care, so much. I almost, resent, my loud being so bloody loud!

“Why must you be sooooooooooooo LOUD?!”, I ask my own heart.

“Don’t you know folk get tired/annoyed of your being soooooooooooooo LOUD, ALL THE DAMNED TIME?!”

I have lost many a friendship, beloveds, being me. Yet, I can NOT be me. I have to, beloveds. I have to.

Still, I, me, Cassandra, am human, still. I desire to have, close friends. I find, most have not been able to take all of me, all at once, ALL the time.

Each time that God, that Life, that The Universe, asks me to be loud, I choose you, beloveds. Always. I always, will. If this costs me, close friends. Well, I would rather you know you are loved and not alone. So, you can have close friends.

If being loud, costs me being up, half the night, praying for you and yakking to God and Life and The Universe about you and asking for Them to give you all that you shall ever need. Well, I choose to be loud, for YOU.

Why, because I have ulterior motives, when it comes to you, beloveds. I desire that your heart be made whole. I desire, your spirit is loosed from EVERY weight and bondage that has ever held it.

I desire, your heart be set free to:

To soar, as the eagle.

To run, as the deer.

To come forth, as the butterfly.

The more, I get free, of all that has so easily beset me, the more, I want to run back and grab as many folk as I can reach.

I don’t want to be soaring, by myself.

I don’t want to be the only one, sitting in The Father’s Lap.

I don’t want to be the only one, hanging out with Jesus.

And, no, beloveds, I have NO desire to cajole you, convince you, guilt you, manipulate you, into believing what I do. I am not even trying to get you to believe.

My heart ♥ desire, my ask, my hope, my prayer, my shout to The universe, my prayer to God, my request from Life, my hope for/from Him, is for you to SEE/KNOW/EXPERIENCE:

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Simple, as that.

Complex, as that.

Why won’t you move?!

WHY, won’t you move?!

Why, won’t YOU(God, Life, The Universe, my finances, my knowledge, my this, that and other things) move?!

Why, won’t you MOVE!!!!??

EVERY time, I say those words, I become agitated.

I, am agitated.

God, is agitating, my heart.

Life, is agitating, my spirit.

The Universe, is agitating, my mind.

Jesus, has agitated/ignited, my soul.

So, how, in the world, can I ever again, be content, with pursuing things that draw me away, from you?

I am agitated.

ALL have me agitated.

Ah.

Aha!

To be continued?

I am just too agitated, to continue…

brb,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

#Agitated

#Here

#Loved

#NotAlone

Note: To be continued. Be encouraged. If you are being agitated, just now, be encouraged. You are exactly where you are supposed to be. You are NOT being picked on. You are NOT being attacked. You are being agitated to…

Ulterior motives.

I have ulterior motives, when it comes to you, beloveds.

Calm down!

Why you automatically assuming I want something?

I do.

I just wanted to give you this…

*Cassandra scrounges around in her ♥ heart’s pocket*

Here…

💋

Be encouraged.

I just wanted to tell you that I love you and care about your life. Sheesh. 🥰

Have an absolutely amazing and awesome day. This is the day that The Lord has made. Rejoice and be glad in it.

Speaking of which, after my prayer time, God told me to remind you:

God, SEES you.

God, LOVES, you.

God, CARES DEEPLY, for your life.

K?

cya,

Cassandra aka Jaybird

Note: I have to be up, for work, in an hour. Someone take care of the note and last one out the 🚪 get the light would you please and thanks.

P.S. You are loved. You are not alone.

Heart check ♥: Red.

I have a stuffed red 🐶 dog. His name is Red. 🤷‍♀️

Yes, beloveds, I am 54 with a stuffed red dog. I love me, some him.

Growing up, toys and such were a luxury we could scarcely afford. Feeding 13 kids…whew.

Also, being one of 13, we had to help take care of things and one another. We had to grow up, early, and worry about grown up things such as getting through, the last days of the month, when money was out, food was gone and mayonnaise sandwiches 🥪 were a necessity.

I remember many a mayonnaise and lettuce sandwich after all the lunch meat, was gone. Now, meatless sandwiches are all the rage. Who knew?!😳

Am sure I am not the only person, of my age, who remembers standing in line to pick up long blocks of government cheese and bologna. Tasty, both of them. Sooooooooo embarrassing, back then, standing in line, to get these offerings.

We were hard workers. It really ticks me off, hearing horrid gaslit stories of black folks being lazy, laying around and collecting assistance. Chaps my hide. Royally. Another piece, for another day.

Getting back to Red, my stuffed red dog, I smile EVERY time I look at him. He allows me to be the kid I was never allowed to be when I was a kid.🥰🤗

Red is a heart check, for me. As I love, on the world, Red reminds me, to love on, me. I, do. I, will. Sounds like I am marrying myself.

Perhaps, I am. Marrying myself to:

My, try.

My, dreams.

My, joy.

My, Love.

Life.

The Universe and all that it contains. Life is worth living. ALL of it.

Stop trying to dodge heartache and pain. Comes with the territory of LIVING.

Live.

Love.

Rejoice.

Squeeze every second out of EVERY second. Almost desperately, I cherish each second, now. I know not how many seconds I have. They tick sooooooooooo loudly, now.

I used to think this useless voice was all used up and no use to God, to Life, to The Universe. I know, now, that was a bunch of useless thinking! Ha! Kick rocks, useless thinking. Get the hell outta my life!!

Whazzat?

Red said tell yall it’s playtime. I must now kick yall, delicately, for a time, to the curb. I sowwy. You can join us, though, if you wish.

playing,

Sweetpea aka Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Relentless: You shall not, hold me.

Hang on!

Hold up!

You shall NOT, world, hold me…down.

From achieving:

My dreams.

My goals.

You shall NOT, fear, hold me…hostage.

I am free.

Of you.

From you.

Set free, indeed, by He, Who has set me free. Which leaves me free, indeed.

You shall NOT, Cassandra, hold me…up.

I, your dreams, have awakened you, from your slumber.

We are free from:

The world.

Fear and ALL of it’s ilk.

We are now free to:

Live, loudly.

Love, unapologetically.

Laugh, joyfully.

Maneuver, skillfully.

Meander, endlessly.

Hope, wildly.

Pray, without ceasing.

Never, again, Cassandra, shall we EVER utter the words ‘It is what it is’. This is but the world’s gaslighting of things.

It ain’t how it is or how it ought be!

What are we gonna do bout this world hatin’ on us, Cassandra, my dreams asked me?

Nuttin, I said back. We ain’t got time for world foolishness and lies. We all about being about being about it.

Hang on, world, go on head and get gone!

Hold up, fear, go on head and take two seats, a hard left back to the hell you were sent from, and a hard right up into this right cross, meaning The Cross, from which my Blessed Savior, hung.

I am DONE world, fear, and ALL your friends. DONE with you. I shall deal with you and fight you wherever, however and whenever you show your cowardly faces.

You only show when you think I am too tired, too sick, too disappointed, too discouraged, too hot, too broke, too this, that and the other thang.

Ha!

You better ask somebody!!

You shall NOT hold me, world.

holding the world in the palm of my hand,

Cassandra aka Sweetpea

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Sometimes, you have to tell the world where to get off and park it! Be relentless, beloveds. Keep going. You CAN. You WILL!

One step.

One step.

One step.

Remember:

You are loved.

You are not alone.

Keep on being…YOU.

I love me some you.

Mom’s song: My voice.

I have to 😂 laugh.

I have been having a fabulous time. Singing, loudly, badly, 🎧 headset turned up, high as it will go.

Since I was already posting snippets, to Instagram, like a complete idiot, I recorded myself singing horribly and praying, for folk.

Worse, I posted it to Facebook. I didn’t pre edit. Sang. Posted.

HAHAHAHAHA! It was soooooooo deliciously awful, I deleted it, from my phone. Forever.😊🤣

Reminded me of mom’s awful, wonderful, headset blasting song. Ah, mom, I miss your warbly, what the world are you singing! self.😳🥰🤗😂🎧😊🤣

Sing, beloveds. Badly. Pray for others. Rejoice.

For, you may hear the welcome sounds of your mama’s song, coming from your heart. Ah.

using my voice best as I can,

Jaybird aka Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

#JoyfulNoise

#Don’tBlameMeGodMadeMeThisWay

#Hallelujah

Note: Don’t be afraid to let the universe see ALL of you. Sing. Badly, if you have to. Just sing.

One song.

One step.

One way…forward.

Remember:

You are loved.

You are not alone.

Keep on being…YOU.

Mom’s song.

Mom, bless her heart, used to crack us up.

She would be looking through her cookbooks, while warbling, badly, loudly, headset blaring, to only God knew what!

HAHAHAHAHA!

Mom, didn’t care. She sang and hummed, hummed and sang. Until, curious, we would ask her what in all that was holy was she singing???!!!

She would laugh and say “guuurrrl”🤗🥰🎧🤣😳

Snatching the offending headset, we would don them to figure out what the world she had been listening to…

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

The songs NEVER sounded like the what in the fresh what the world, mom had been singing.

Ah, mom, I miss your song. I miss you.

Now, I find her voice, coming out of MY mouth. Appears her ‘just you wait’ really were truths, not threats.

I find myself singing and doing and being more like my mom, than I thought I would ever be.😳🤣🥰🤗😂

So, be careful when laughing at a mom. Her hex is dangerous. 🤗

Mom, I miss your song.

singing badly with you,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

#MomsSong

#HereForIt

The Universe is calling: Open your heart.

*Cassandra’s heart, peeks over the edge, of the universe*

The Universe: Come.

Me: I don’t know what’s out there.

The Universe: Come, anyway.

Me: I will.

I come.

*Cassandra launches herself, her heart, all that she has to give, over the edge, into the universe, and lands gently…*

Where?

I think I shall let you find out, for yourself, beloveds.

Come, it’s YOUR turn.

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

#HereForIt

The Universe is calling: Open your faith.

“Make, some chili.”

“Take, out the trash.”

“Load, the dishwasher.”

“Take, the dishpan out of the sink and leave the sink empty.”

Huh?

Wtw?!

God and Life has told me to do some awfully strange things at THE most awful times, in my life.

As I have done them, I found that I found more of me, beneath mountains of grief, pain, anger, fear, doubt, anxiety and more things than one Christian heart, was supposedly not supposed to feel.

I am still sitting on ‘I am not strong’. Four words that are seemingly the antithesis of I have been taught to be, as a woman. As, a black woman. As, a black Christian woman.

It has been sooooooooo freeing, to keep my mental sink, clean and empty of everything keeping it from being, each day.

I do my level best, now, to keep as many areas, as free of debris and dirty dishes, as I can…lol

“Write to The Universe.”

I must admit, beloveds, I wanted to tell God and Life that They were cra cra to ask me to do something so outrageously outrageous. Made me want to do so, on Their Dare.

I dare, The Universe.

The Universe came and called my bluff.

Yikes!

Egads!

I am terrifyingly excited at the unknowns that now greet me, each day. I laugh, with them. I love, them. I love my stumbles, through them.

Every step, challenged.

Every step, rejoiced.

One step.

One step.

One step.

I walk.

With, The Universe.

Where?

Who cares?

When shall we arrive?

Who knows?

So what?

My faith, now open, wide, has my mouth and my mind, opened wide.

Ah.

Aha!

Who knew?

He did.

He does.

He will.

satisfied,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

#HereForIt