Month: October 2022

Your life matters.

Dammit.

DAMMIT!!

Today, ALL day, it has been on my heart to let folks hear, see and KNOW that their lives matter. Matter to me. Just could not stop posting today. I did not want to save the words for tomorrow. I told myself that someone needed those words, my words, these words, TODAY.

Life has been hard for all of us these past years. Yet, for some, life has been unbearably hard for too long. Some, too damned many, have not been able to hold on, to hold out, to keep hoping, to keep on keeping on.

I rushed off of work so that I could go back and read some dearly missed WordPress fam/friends. Sadly, one of those dear/sweet WordPress friends could no longer keep going:

dignitymemorial.com/obituaries/vancouver-bc/ashley-peterson-10985838##

Ashley, beloved, you will be missed. So very much. I shall miss your telling me that my life also matters. I will miss the way you explained Mental Health issues in ways that I could understand. I will miss your updates. I will miss your humor. I will miss YOU. Period.

Dammit!

Ashley, I promise I shall continue to shout into the void, for folks who are not yet able to chair dance. I shall dance for them. I shall dance, in your memory. I shall dance, in hopes that these words, my words, will reach someone long enough for them to continue to hang on.

I miss you already, Ashley. I can not imagine how your family must be feeling at this time.

Your life matters, beloveds. Keep going. Reach out for support if you are in need of it. Don’t give up on you. Not yet. Not yet.

lost for words,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Carry the hell on.

Carry the hell on.

Carry the hell on. This saying makes me laugh. It also makes me determined to, well, carry the hell on.


Whether I feel like it or not, I carry the hell on.


Whether I want to or not, I carry the hell on.


When I miss mom so much I can’t breahe, I carry the hell on.


When I get angry at my diagnosis, I carry the hell on.


When I miss my young friend who had the damned nerve to die on New Year’s Eve, I carrry the hell on.


When life has gotten on my last nerves, grew more nerves and then got on THOSE last nerves, I carry the hell on.


When I am so lonely my skin feels as though it will break without a hug, I carry the hell on.


When my tears fall upon dreams not realized, still, STILL I carry the hell on.


When I don’t feel like getting out of bed, let alone working, I carry the hell on.


When my carry went on ahead and carried on minus me, I carry the hell on.


When I gave life/folks/love all that I had and they stared at me as though my had was not enough, I carry the hell on.


When the fruits of my labors have been eating by someone else, instead of me, I carry the hell on.


When I vainly did all and gave all in vain and vain simply shrugged and walked away, I carry the hell on.


When friends/fam refuse to carry the hell on with me, I carry the hell on.


When hell has made life hell for me and refuse to give me a glass of damned ice water, I carry the hell on.


When I have run out of ibuprofen from all the tears, hard work, and what in the fresh hellness of life won’t cease, I carry the hell on.

I do all this and more.


Why?


Cuz I am a bad MF, a scary mama jamma, a go on ahead and kick rocks kind of something something!
Ha!


Carry the hell on, beloveds.


We got this.


What’s more, God and Life has got us. How much safer/cherished/loved/blessed can you and I be?


Carry the hell on!

carrying the hell on with you,
Cassandra

I love you, wombie.

Nuff said.

your wombie,

Me

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

P.S. Can you believe we are going to be 54 on Thursday!?

Fresh hell.

lol

I know life is taking you every which way, some kind of way, a way I can’t go/see.

This, though, I know:

I love you, wombie.

Nuff said.

Carry the hell on…. 🙂

I just…am.

I just…am.

I will be 54 on Thursday.


Fresh hell.


LOL.

In all those years, in this last year of hard, I have learned that I am just…


I am just…well…I just am.


And, that is enough, it seems.


For, God.


For, Life.


For, those who truly love and care for me.


They have been trying to tell me this, it appears, my whole life long.


Sadly, I couldn’t hear them. Not really.


Fear, got in the way.


Rather, I allowed fear, to get in their way. My way. Our way.


No more.


I have given myself permission to just…


To just…be.


Me.


She, I, yea, we are enough.


For, me.


For, God.


For, Life.


For, those who truly love and care for me.


What of the rest, you ask?


The rest, can go on ahead and kick some rocks.


I just…am.

doing/being me,
Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Your Life Matters To Me.

You have been on my mind.

Yea, you.

YOU.

If you happened upon this page, upon these words, I am talking to you.

Truth be told, I have been talking to you, most of my life.

Talking, to you. Wondering how your life has been going.

Your life matters to me.

Why?

Because God and Life have painstakingly created, helped create, supported, this life called you.

I find this amazing.

I find YOU, beloved(s), amazing!

Just think…we are ALL diffferent, yet, we are ALL the same.

We all have the same need to be seen, the same hope to be loved, the same wish to be cared for.

We all cry, laugh, make clumsy attempts to live and laugh

Yea, we a bunch of strangers, a bunch of strange creatures, if you will.

Yet, we are the same, are we not?

How could you NOT matter?

To, me?

To, you?

It seems like the world is trying to divide us. Seems as though, society is trying to make us choose not to be together, Appears like, fear, is doing it’s best to convince us that we are too different and that difference is bad/awful/extinguishable.

Ha!

Your life matters to me.

Your thoughts matter to me.

Your sruggle(s) matters to me.

Your hard days matters to me.

Your light days matters to me.

Yea, beloved(s), I can’t help it. I can’t quit you. No matter that you do ridiculous things, at times. No matter that you say utter foolishness at times. I have done and said more ridiculous and foolish things than I could even count.

We all we got, peeps. Yet, we all we need. ALL of us. Together.

Your life matters to me.

hoping my life matters to you,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

See my front side, for the LAST time, fear.

See my front side, for the LAST time, fear.


Don’t do that!
Don’t say THAT!
Don’t believe that!
Don’t look at THAT!
Don’t give that!
Don’t show THAT!

Don’t go there!
Don’t give THERE!
Don’t show there!
Don’t grow THERE!
Don’t live there!
Don’t worship THERE!

Don’t touch this!
Don’t touch THIS!
Don’t show this!
Don’t show THIS!
Don’t love this!
Don’t love THIS!

Don’t do, say, believe, look at, give, show, go, give, grow, live, worshp, touch, love this, that, there, says:
The, world’s, fear(s)
Fear.
the, enemy.
Your, fears.
Your parents, fears.
Your friends, fears.
Society’s, fears.

Ha!

Tell ALL fear(s), beloveds, to:

Go on ahead and kick dem rocks.
Take TWO seats.
Get outta here!
Go somewhere and take all your friends with you.
Watch me shine/sing/dance/laugh/love/prosper/share/give/live/touch/show/go/show/live/worship!

I choose to:
Go.
Give.
Show.
Grow.
Live.
Worship.
Touch.
Show.
Love.

Free, from fear.
Free, from strings.
Free, from expectation(s).

Free to be all that I can be, in as many ways, as I choose.

You are free to join me, dismiss me, love me, hate me, see me, disregard me.

For your actions, are yours, they are NOT mine. Your actions, do not, require my action, my inaction, my reaction(s).

For the last time, fear, have you spoken and I listened. Continue to speak, fear. It no longer matters to me. I am too busy doing me.

You bore me now, fear. Run along and take your friends with. I have no need of you. You are nothing more than an imposter.

See my front side, for the LAST time, fear.

fearful no more,
Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

You don’t own me, I don’t owe you.

You don’t own me, I don’t owe you.

You don’t own me, world.
And, I don’t owe you.

You don’t own me, fear.
And, I don’t owe you.

You don’t own me, family.
And, I don’t owe you.

You don’t own me, feelings.
And, I don’t owe you.

You don’t own me, friends.
And, I don’t owe you.

You don’t own me, job.
And, I don’t owe you.

I CHOOSE to:

Love.
Work.
Try.
Give.
Do.
Be.
Have.
Want.
Withhold.
Make do.
Don’t do.
Don’t be.
Laugh.
Cry.
Live.
Sit.
Run.
Walk.
Refuse.
Acquiese.
Digest.
Listen.
Learn.
Act, accordingly.
Act, stupidly.
Act.
Don’t act.
Don’t try.

You don’t own me.
I don’t owe you.

Take back, your chains.
I have no need of them.

Take back, YOUR perceptions, of me.
I take back, my perceptions, of you.

I don’t know you, not really.
You don’t know me, not really.

Let us agree, to disagree.

Let us begin, again.
Let us, begin, slowly, to learn.

Each, the other.
The other, about each.

Until, we agree that…

You don’t own me.
I don’t owe you.

With this knowledge, let us begin, anew.

Me, for you.
You, for me.

We.

Together.

Now, I give you, me, freely.

Why?

Because I owe you the best of me, freely choosing.

Why?

Because I own me, and I have given me, permission to choose, to be, to do. And, insodoing, I choose all of you.

Must you choose me?

Nope.

choosing you,
Me
Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

I don’t have to be the one…

I don’t have to be the one…to hit the home run.
I just want to be part of…the team.
I don’t have to be the one…to receive the accocolades.
I just want to be part of…the cheering scene.
I don’t have to be the one…to receive the reward.
I just want to be part of…filling the stands.

I don’t have to be the one. Yet, I am one. One, of many. My turn may, or may not, come.
I may, or may not, be the next one:
Up, to bat.
Next, in line.

Yet, I choose to cheer you, in your turn.

Do I hope/wish you will do the same, for me?
Yes, yet, if you cheer not, be there not, for me, I shall be there, for me.

And, for you, still.

Yes, I don’t need to be the one.
Yet, I AM one, the only me that exists.
And, THAT, is more than enough, for me.
I am enough.
As, are you.
Be, you.
Allow me, to be, well me.

being me and cheering for you,
Me
Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Almost there.

Ah, am getting closer.

Groceries, orders.

Utensils, washed.

Spices, gathered.

Stove, scrubbed down.

All that awaits, now, is the knock on the door.

Hurry, dear driver, my simmering friend has been waiting for me. I have missed her. She has been waiting, with my young friend, who passed away.

Come, my simmering friend calls to me.

Go, Ms. C, my young friend, now encourages me. “Time for you to live now, Ms. C. I am free. Time for you to be free, as well. I lived my life, Ms. C. Time for you to live your life.”

I find I am ready.

Hurry, dear driver, my simmering friend waits for me.

Waiting with anticipation,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Anticipation.

Ah, the smell of simmering chili. I have missed it. I have missed how the smell made me feel. Missed being able to feel. Missed being able to putter with a free heart, with an unburdened heart.


Ah, the smell of simmering chili. I have missed the messiness of making a royal chili mess. Mess, everywhere. Smells, everywhere. Anticipation, everywhere.

Ah, the smell of simmering chili.

I shall see you soon, my simmering friend.

Anticipating,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe