Lucky Charms and me.

Writing 3 Minutes

The weekend is over. Memorial Day has passed. I feel like I lost more than I won.

Tally:

Lucky Charms – 2

Cassandra – 0

I am a bit miffed with life. Just a bit. Okay, am extremely annoyed with life. I have done all, supposedly, life told me to. I have loved. I have tried. I have given. I have thissed. I have thated. Still. Waiting. Crap.

Am I loving, giving, thissing and thatting just to get something from life?

Yes and no.

I am tired of trying to figure it out. So, I went in on a family sized box of Lucky Charms Smores I had never tried. I had tried to get the small box but they only had family sized.

Initially, I was all about that keeping it moving life. Yea, I was all up in life’s face telling it to bring the hard. After all these years, I am telling life enough already! Enough!

GIVE UP MY BOUNTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Life just keeps staring at me. Silently. Waiting.

Waiting for what?

If I knew that, beloveds, I wouldn’t be down 2 games to 0 with Lucky Charms!

Yet, I keep showing up.

Yes, I will keep showing up!

Ha!

Ah.

Aha!

Hmm…

HHmm?

Do you mean, Life, the whole point of this thing is to keep showing up?

*Life continued to stare silently. Only now, Life appeared to have a satisfied gleam in It’s eye”

Ah, God said.

Aha, Life replied.

Both stared at me, silently. Proudly. Relentlessly silent.

I listened to Their Silence.

I listened to MY silence.

I enjoyed the harmony in both.

The silence, Theirs, mine, ours, began to minister to the depths of my soul. The silence, now one, gave me every answer to every question I have been asking all these years.

What did/has the silence revealed?

Aha!

Great question.

Keep asking, beloveds.

Life is short. It’s not about what you are chasing. It’s all about what/who is chasing you.

What is chasing you?

Who is chasing you?

Keep asking.

Keep going.

Keep trying.

In the meantime, stop giving yourself such a hard time. You are doing all you know. Enjoy where you are now. This time will never come again. Enjoy the you that is coming from your try. Enjoy the progress. Smile at the setbacks. Understand the mistakes. You shall have all of these things, and more, during the journey.

What am I trying to say to you, to me?

You tell me.

I am enjoying the silence.

listening,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: I don’t know why some have dreams answered immediately. I have no idea why others never seem to get their dreams answered. I have not the first clue why this or that happens or does not. I DO know life is worth living in all of it’s frustrating ages and stages. I do know if I had gotten the things I wanted, I probably would not be the me I am now. I would not have learned how important the try is. I would never have discovered my best friend, me. I would probably not have grown as close to my wombie and fam in that I had to learn to deal with me and pride and fear and despair and all the things I used to use to keep me away from life.

Now, I run towards the hard. Now, I rejoice in the midst of the impossible. Now, I love no matter who loves. Now, I love me regardless if anyone gives two hoots about me. Now, I reach out to fam and get my act right no matter what. Now, I leave everything, and I mean everything, and no longer get upset if nothing is left for me.

Now, I KNOW for sure, I am loved. Now, I KNOW I am NOT alone. So many things I probably would not know, now, if I had received the finances I thought was the miracle I needed to prosper. Now, I know it was never about promoting, in my job. Now, I know it was never about having a mate or not having one.

I know, now, it’s all about the try. I know, now, it’s all about loving me. I know, now, it’s all about loving others. I know, now, it’s all about loving God. I know, now, it’s all about loving Life. I know, now, it’s all about, as the bible says, getting wisdom, getting understanding that are much more priceless than rubies.

Trying brings wisdom. Simply trying, brings and gets understanding. When you try, you understand you won’t always win. In fact, you understand and experience that you lose, seemingly, so much more than you won. In understanding these things, you have, in fact, won!

I say all that to say this:

Don’t despair that you had to fight your way back to life via Lucky Charms. Don’t put yourself down because you have not yet shaken this crutch or that. You are a fighter. You are fighting, still, the best you know how. This is enough. Keep trying. You CAN. You already HAVE.

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Published by Cassandra S.

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