Month: August 2021

Help me to see Your Hand, when I can not hear Your Voice.

I am not satisfied.

God and Life keeps saying there is more to this life I have been living.

They are right.

The more free I get, the more I want to experience LIFE. ALL of it.

The good days and the tough days.

The awesome moments and the rough moments.

I want to give myself away.

I want to receive:

From, God.

From, Life.

From, my fellow man.

From, my family.

From, my friends.

Mostly, from, me.

I want to receive:

Love:

Spiritual.

Emotional.

Familial.

Collegial.

Sexual.

I long to have:

A home, on the ocean.

Financial Freedom.

A year’s sabbatical where I do nothing but write, write, write, write, hang out with God and Life, on my ocean home, due to my financial freedom….*sigh*.

I would love all of these things, and a few more, immediately, right now, tomorrow.

There are things I have prayed for, asked for, waited for, longed for, needed.

Prayed and prayed.

Silence.

Rinse.

Repeat.

It is during those times, these current times, times where I can not hear Dad’s Voice, God’s Voice, Life’s Voice, that I ask “Help me to see Your Hand, when I can not hear Your Voice.”

God and Life are NOT being mean, when They are silent. They ARE working, intently, FOR our good. For, your good. For, my good. Yet, waiting can get awfully hard, can’t it? God’s Silence. Life’s Silence, can feel terrifying close to indifference. Indifference, in turns, then can lead us to feelings of being ‘not enough’. Not enough to be tended to, listened to, ministered to.

It’s important to know the silence is just that. Silence. The work is STILL being done. For, you. For, me.

We just have to hold on, in the meantime. To, His CHARACTER. To, His Deep and Abiding Love. For, you. For, me.

Surely, I am not the only one, in need of a bit of encouragement, Father. Help me, to see Your Hand, when I can not hear Your Voice. Help others, to see Your Hand, when they can not hear Your Voice. Give us grace, to face these silent moments. Give us wisdom, to KNOW our words, tears, heartfelt pleas/asks/questions/frustrations/sadnesses have ALL been heard. Amen.

Life is short, beloveds. Don’t allow the silence to get you down. His Love speaks loudly. Listen. Hear.

Be encouraged. As, ever shall I be.

His and yours,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Knowing the why, helps you do the what.

I am a question asker. I work God and Life’s nerves forever asking…

“Why does this do this?”

“Why did that do THAT!?!”

My bro, bless his heart, sent me a Mini Google, and I now spend ENDLESS hours, asking Ok Google THE most ridiculous questions in the wide world. That, and making her endlessly turn lights on and off, the warmer on and off, make her play me songs, movies, on and on. Trust, I could spend another post yakking about my Google Mini….hmm…..*Cassandra makes mental note to post and yak endlessly about her Google Mini*

“Okay, Google. Remind me to remind myself to make a post yakking about you”….*shrug*….don’t judge me!

Oh, yes, I was going on about asking in order to find out the why of the thing. And, yes, I am back to playing with my commas. Someone posted, recently, about writing etiquette and some such. Which now has me being a rebel and putting commas where the hooey I want to put them. :). Kidding, kind of, yall. I shall be kind and allow you to breathe by putting in some commas, here, and there…whew……

In my new position, there are many, many, many things I have to do. So, when they trained us….well, they needed folks, in a hurry, so really didn’t train us in the ‘why’ of what we needed to do. Just the mandate to DO and figure out the why, later.

This led to soooooooooooooooooooooooo much frustration, for me, I put my foot down and advised this was a deal breaker. I need to know the ‘why’ in order to do the ‘what’ well. After a meeting, of the minds, I was redirected to get to the ‘why’ and wherefore of my new position. Whew!!

Lately, I have been pondering on, marinating in, reflecting about, mooning over, WHY, I want the things I want. WHY, I do the things I do. WHY, I long for this. WHY, I daydream about that. It has been:

Necessary.

Discomfiting.

Disconcerting.

Awe-inspiring.

Scary.

Intriguing.

Exciting.

Embarrassing.

Frustrating.

Annoying.

Plus a million other ‘ings, figuring out my WHYs. I highly recommend folk trying this. You may be surprised at what you find out.

Why?

For you to find out….lol….*Cassandra thought this last why was really clever, on her part*…..why? Just cuz…. 🙂

Long story, short? LIfe is so very much easier when one knows why one is doing something. Otherwise, it is much too easy to get swept up and away doing other folks ‘why’. Best to be about doing your own, don’t you think?

For many years, I did the ‘why’ of the world, the ‘why’ of my parents, the ‘why’ of my job. The ‘why’ of…heckamiah I did the ‘why’ of God only knows who/why!?

It feels awfully good to be FREE, to be FULL.

Free, to chase my own ‘why’.

Full, to give of myself in order to help one or two or ten find their way to his/her/their ‘why’.

Why?

Cuz, I love you.

Keep going, beloveds.

We got this.

God and Life has us all.

In His Care and by His Strength,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Do you on YOU!

I love helping folk. Doing for them. Encouraging them. Trying my best to help make their way straight, their day easier, their life just a bit better, if I can.

I spare no expense, think countless hours and efforts are worth it, if it will be of service or help.

Yet, I have found, I don’t, or didn’t, give myself that same effort, care, grace, etcetera that I enthusiastically gave to others.

I put myself last. Rather, put myself in the ‘will get to it’s pile. Only, my turn just never seemed to get to BE my turn.

I had someone else to help. Work took up too much effort and time. Someone else needed the thing more.

Rinse.

Repeat.

Years turned into decades. God and Life would keep reminding me that, um, these years are, in fact, turning into, well, decades, beloved.

God and Life would suggest, ask, encourage me what to do and how to do. For me.

“I will get to it. I will get to me. I will get to Your Will. I just have things I want to DO for You, first.”

I had not the first clue, how I would magically do these masterful things for God and Life. Figured I would figure things out. When I got around to getting around to doing for ME.

Rinse.

Repeat.

*sigh*🤷‍♀️

I can’t tell you what finally made me decide to decide to give ME that same effort, that same care, that same love.

I can tell you why, though. It was The Relentless Love of God, of Dad, for ME. Yes, He said, He loved me loving on folk, helping folk, encouraging folk. He just needed me to start loving on me more, better, relentlessly pursuing me, doing me on me!

It took a while. Still learning how, to be honest.

I am giving ME equal time now. So, I can keep going. In order to keep growing. So, I can continue to keep showing others how to BE, how to LOVE, how to LIVE.

How?

By:

BEing.

LIVEing.

LOVEing:

God.

Life.

You.

Me.

While you are also being, living, and loving, be sure to do you on YOU. Give yourself that same level and care you generously, graciously, relentlessly give to the world.

I am free.

I am full.

I am unapologetically, His.

I remain unapologetically, yours.

I love you, beloveds.

Here,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Full.

Full.

I have never been so full, by being emptied, thereby being empty.

In being empty, I am now full.

Full.

Now able.

To:

Fill, others.

Refill, me.

Again.

Full.

Complete.

Lacking nothing, having received all, after emptying all.

To:

Him.

For:

Me.

You.

The world.

Full.

Free.

I shall now ALWAYS be.

His and yours,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Free.

Free.

No longer, chasing something.

No longer, being chased, by something.

I am free.

From:

Expectation.

Yours.

Mine.

The world’s.

Free.

No longer, pursuing, something.

No longer, being pursued, by something.

I am free.

From:

Fear.

Yours.

Mine.

The world’s.

Free.

I am ready.

To run:

To something.

Not, away from something.

Free.

I am steady.

Strong.

Sure.

Certain.

I am able.

Capable.

Stable.

I will:

Move:

Mountains.

You.

Me.

The world.

Here.

Today.

In this place.

I stand.

Whole.

Humbled.

Free.

His and yours,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe