More than a Just.

Writing 13 Minutes

Yall are going to have to excuse me, today.

Yea, yea, I am standing: defiant, angry.

Nevertheless, I stand.

However, I am angry, about it, today.

I, don’t want to be, writing, today.

I, don’t want to be, inspiring, today.

I, just want to be, angry, today.

Check that…*sigh*

I don’t want to, BE, today.

However, Jaybird says ‘Folks are hurting’, today. They must be tended to.

🤬 folks, is all I want to, say, today.

Which, brings me back, to today’s inspiring message, about JUST.

I just don’t want to, give it, today.

I just, don’t want to, give, today.

Not, today. I am, angry. 😡

I will get to, why, in just a moment.

I gotta talk about ‘Just’.

If, you are smart, by now, you will have just realized, something, just now.

I have, been playing around, sarcastically, with the word ‘Just ‘.

Why?

Just because I can. 🤬🤷‍♀️

See? Sarcasm, can have it’s uses. Just kidding.

I know. I know! 🤬💣

You are confused.

You have no idea:

Why I am ranting about ‘Just’.

Why, I am just, so damned, angry, today.

*Cassandra wonders if anyone has caught on to the emphasis on the word ‘damned’, just then.*

*Cassandra wonders if anyone gives a damn to knows she has now just foreshadowed coming events by pointing out the damned word ‘damned’ which is just but a damned foreshadowing she is about to talk about something hard today when she just does not want to, today! She is too damned angry, today!😡😥*.

Shit! I don’t swear! I am just, so angry, about having to write about ‘Just’…I could just…🧨…

Yikes!: Just, what? May help folk understand, why you are so angry, today.

Me: I just, want to, scream, today. I just, want to cuss a blue streak, today.

Egads!: Why don’t you? Scream? Swear? Why, do you, want to, need to, so badly, today?

Me: For starters, I don’t want to wake the neighborhood hollering. Secondly, it would not be considered womanly, godly, or any other ‘ly to be cussing a blue streak, in the dark. Pajamas, notwithstanding.

A Dance Party, in undies, appears to be acceptable. Am not certain Sarah, or The Host, would understand.

I just, reposted ‘Dancing in my underwear’ for folks who either:

Did not, give two hoots, the first time.

Could not, give two damns, about them, now.

They are just, my words. Words, coming from, just, me. Big waste of time, I keep, trying, to tell God, to tell Life.

Yikes!: Dammit! Stop talking, about your words, that way! STOP talking, about YOU, that way! You KNOW how powerful words are. Either, get to cussing, or shut your face!

Egads!: You have ME mad, now! 🤬

Either, BE, angry.

Tell us, tell them, why you, are just, so angry, today, or shut the fuck up!

*Cassandra grabs her wallet, a hundred dollar bill, crams it in the ‘Nickel cuss jar’ and prepares for a good cussfest. Cassandra invites all angry folk to join. Doesn’t matter the why. If you are angry feel free to join the cussfest so we can get beyond our mad and get on with ‘Just’*

*Cassandra is grateful her anger is internal, today. She is forever grateful she can go off, fully, in this virtual world, with real folks. She can tear up some shit. She can fuck up some virtual enemies.*

*Cassandra goes on a virtual mad and starts tearing up some shit, trashing all of that.*

Dammit!🤬

Dammit!😥

Dammit! *sigh*.

The Father enters: Talk to Me. Talk to us.

Me: I am, standing, today. ONLY, because I have to stand, always.

Nevertheless and however, I just don’t want to, give a damn. At least, I just don’t want to, today.

Father: Why?

Me; For starters, I am angry that I have to be writing, AT ALL. Today. Tomorrow. The next day.

All of those, days, leads to D Day. Thursday. HER day. The LAST day, I want to, think about, write about, live out.

Dammit. Damn, her. Damn, me.

I am just, not, ready, to deal with this, with her, with me. Not, today.

Father: Why?

Me: We fight, this same fight, every year. Normally, You leave me be. Not now. You tell me, it’s time. To deal, with, me. To deal, with her. I am not, ready. Not, today.

Father: Will you ever? Be ready, I mean? You have gone around this mountain for the last 35 years. Is it not time? To deal with her? To deal with you? To deal with that moment? Look around you.

You have utterly destroyed your virtual home. Your internal anger regarding her, regarding you, regarding April 1st and your choice, leading up to that day is eating you alive, inside.

Your internal anger, will soon turn outward. You will, soon, start ‘tearing up some things’, in the natural, if you are not careful.

Talk to, My People. Not as, Jaybird. They need to hear from you, Cassandra. They need to hear of your moment. For, they have their own moment. They have their own Jaybird. They keep her in lockdown.

Talk to them, My Beloved Daughter. Let them know their internal anger, hurt, rage, shame will soon turn outward. Once released, they will surely burn down, their world:

With words, spoken.

With words, not spoken.

With actions, taken.

With actions, not taken.

They may burn down, the worlds of others:

With words, spoken.

With words, not spoken.

With actions, taken.

With actions, not taken.

It is time, Dear One.

Even I, Your Heavenly Father, can no longer bear to see you hurt so.

To see you so angry:

With, Me.

With, her.

With, Life.

With, you.

I want, to heal, your heart.

I want, to release you, from your moment.

I want, to heal, My Children’s hearts.

You can no longer bear the weight.

This is why, I am, here, for you, now.

I want to release them, from their moment.

I can not. Until, you release all, to Me.

This is why, Jesus, died upon a Cross:

To bear the sins, of the world.

To bear the burdens, of the world.

To bear the unbearable moments, of the world.

Talk to, them.

Me: I will.

April 1st is coming. An, ironic day.

A, fitting day.

A day, where folk run around, lyin’, then say ‘I was only kidding’.

On a side note, I find it, quite off putting, folks seem to, think it’s cute:

To be running around, lying, then saying ‘ha ha’.

Then, running off to, fake tell the truth, to someone else.

You, have to be on your toes, ALL damned April 1st:

Wondering, who has lying, eyes.

Wondering:

Who, will be lying.

Who, will be telling the truth.

Who, the ‘joke’, will be on, that day.

I think April Fool’s Day, is just life’s sarcasm, for us. It’s way, of saying:

Yall live like this, secretly, EVERY day:

Lying to folk, about, how you, really feel, or don’t feel.

Trying, to hide, the lie:

About how:

You are currently:

Feeling, or not feeling.

Wondering, if:

The person, talking to you:

Is:

Lying to you:

Currently.

Or, if they have been:

Lying, in the past.

Lying, all along.

You engage:

In:

Polite, conversations.

Dismissive, conversations.

Dishonest, conversations.

Empty, conversations.

ALL, day.

You, escape:

The day. Successful:

In:

All the lies, you have told, just to:

Escape the day.

Lies:

About, being okay.

You are not:

Okay, most days.

This, is why, Jaybird is:

In constant uproar mode.

She is:

TIRED/ANGRY of people:

Running around, with their damned, ‘everything is ok’ masks.

God and Life, are also TIRED/ANGRY.

Neither God, nor Life, are a bit interested:

In:

Our excuses:

For, hiding.

God and Life, just don’t care, for, our excuses. For, our hiding.

God and Life, are just tired:

Of folks lying:

To, others.

They are not, okay.

To, themselves.

They, are not, okay.

I want:

Not:

To have to, care.

Not today.

I am, just too angry.

With her.

With me.

With God and Life:

For asking:

No, demanding that I:

Deal, with her.

Deal, with me.

Deal, with THAT moment.

It’s time, They say.

I’m not ready, I fire back.

Your words are needed, today. We need you.

They are just words, I say. MY words. Who gives the first damned about them, anyway? What possible use could MY words mean to anyone, on ANY day? If, I am lucky, I may or may not get a ❤ emoji.

I was arguing, with a friend, about not wanting to be here, writing these words, to anyone, let alone, me. They are just words, I told him. More, importantly, they are just MY words.

He said:

They must:

Go viral. People NEED:

My words.

MY words.

Of COURSE, they do. But, who the fuck am I?!

I am:

Getting old.

Weary.

Ill.

I am deathly tired, of folks hiding their:

Hurt.

Pain.

Shame.

Anger.

Fear.

Regret.

Loneliness.

On and on, I could go.

I grow angrier, daily, watching people, live their lives, in hiding.

They, are NOT, living life.

They, are surviving it.

Trying, desperately, to survive,

With their heart, in one piece.

They, are only:

Breaking, their own heart, which has been:

Desperate:

To be:

Seen.

Heard.

Loved.

Respected.

How CAN, the heart, be loved?

When people, are forever, hiding them?

The heart, can’t be loved, this way.

So, people, run around, desperately hiding:

From, God.

From, life.

From, themselves.

Mostly, they hide, from themselves. They are filled with too much hurt.

Which is why, God and Life, says I have to, keep caring.

I just have to. Folks are in pain.

They are in need.

They are hiding.

They are hurting.

They, are bleeding, slow deaths, among one another.

As am I, on these last days, ushering in:

April fools day.

D day.

Her day.

Which is why:

I just don’t want to:

Be here, with you, on these days.

I need to, hide, on these days.

From me, I hide.

I tell God. I tell Life. They are just, words. My, words. God and Life, answer back:

There is NOTHING ‘Just’ about, my words.

God and Life, are angry, now:

At me,

At you. For:

Believing:

The awful lie, we are ‘just’ anything.

Just implies there is little importance, to something/someone:

It’s just a small thing.

It’s just a flesh wound.

It’s just, so and so:

Calling.

Texting.

Emailing.

Reaching out.

Asking for love.

Asking to be touched.

Asking to:

Be listened to.

Held.

Made love to.

Looked at.

Cherished.

Adored.

Laughed with.

Loved by.

Hugged by.

Made love with.

Just, is just, such a dismissive word. It flicks one off as lint.

Something or someone to be dismissed: His text. Her email.

Depending on the perceived, ‘importance’, of the person:

The text/email/call will be:

Answered.

Dismissed.

It’s just:

Another:

Text message.

Post.

Email:

From so and so. Apparently, so and so, does not rise to the level of:

Common, courtesy.

Common, decency.

Common, empathy.

It appears, people just don’t have time, for such things.

They have to spend, their days, angry, protecting Bugs Bunny and Yosemite Sam.

Tell innocent children, at the border, to kick rocks.

Yikes, seems I have spilled a rant, from a soon to be posted one…sorry…

I don’t know, when it became socially acceptable, to be so dismissive, towards, one another.

People used to care enough, to say, they were, too busy, to talk. Now, they toss, a smiley.

If, they respond, at all.

The person, on the other end, of the text, or phone, had a need.

The, unanswered texts, hurt. So, they lie:

To, themselves. Saying, it doesn’t matter that:

He or she, was too busy to:

Respond.

Write.

Call.

I am kicking my own hind end, on that one.

Shame, on me, for not, picking up, the phone.

Someone, had a need.

I should have given, too hoots, about them.

Shame, on me:

for using:

fatigue,

busyness.

To not:

Answer the phone,

Text.

Email.

Respond, to the post.

I am, sorry. Truly.

We, are simply, too damned busy, these days.

Too busy, to take five minutes.

To give a good damn, about anyone, not moving OUR lives, forward.

What happened, to us just CARING, for one another?

Why, are we not:

Calling.

Texting.

Writing.

Just, to let someone know:

They are, cared for.

They are, valued.

They are, loved.

Their voice, matters.

Their hearts, matters.

THEY, matter.

We are, all, too damned busy, in my opinion. Who gives, two figs, right?

Which brings me, back to being, ‘just’ this or ‘just’ that.

We, are not, ‘just’ anything. Not, to God. We, are precious, in His sight. It’s why, His heart, has grieved so, lately.

The bible says we are MORE than conquerors. Yet, we don’t even feel, equal to, half the time.

Most, feel as if, they, are ‘greater than’ this one. Others, feel as though, they are ‘less than’.

Real talk, the ones feeling, ‘greater than’, are actually feeling, the ‘least as’.

It’s why, they fight so, to put the ‘lesser than’ label on the other person.

They, are actually, putting the ‘lesser than’ label, on themselves, as they feel like a ‘less than’.

Only, they have to lie:

To the world.

To themselves.

About, how they truly feel, about, themselves.

They, have been sold a bill of goods. We all have.

Told:

We have to:

Be this.

Do this.

Have that.

To:

Have worth.

To matter.

To be listened to.

Only, those who ‘have’ have:

The right to:

Be:

Heard.

Loved.

Listened to.

Respected.

Valued.

Seen.

Cherished.

So, we, all of us, are desperately, trying:

To have:

In order:

To be:

Seen.

Heard.

Loved.

Respected.

Where, does this leave us, who don’t appear, to have?

Are we, never then:

Heard?

Seen?

Loved?

Respected?

On the treadmill, we jump.

Trying:

To earn:

The right:

To be:

Seen.

Heard.

Loved.

Respected.

Until then, we do the next best thing:

Survive life.

Slapping, the ‘just’ label on ourselves. Apologizing:

To:

The world.

Each other.

Ourselves.

For, not having ‘just’ yet.

We are, now:

‘just’ this

Or being ‘just’ that.

Until, we have reached, enough:

Likes.

Stats.

Or, whatever the hell one must have:

In order:

To:

Be:

Seen.

Heard.

Loved.

Respected.

Appears, only a select few, are accepted, in 240 characters or less.

The rest are ‘considered’, judged and deemed, worthy, of a response.

Or, are given, the standard, I don’t have time for you emoji.

Don’t even get me going on 240 characters! People, seem to think:

They:

Can.

Should:

Have things:

Without:

Real:

Effort.

Time.

Emotions.

Life is, just not that way.

The heart, needs, time.

The heart, needs, care.

The heart, needs, to be loved.

The heart, needs, to be listened to.

The heart:

Needs:

To be able:

To say:

I, am not ok, today.

Yet, eyes roll, when someone says:

I am, not ok.

Most:

Don’t want:

To be bothered:

With:

Another’s hurt.

Our own, hurt.

We are too:

Busy.

Angry.

Depressed.

Frustrated.

To:

Deal with someone else’ pain.

So, we dismiss, them.

The, hurting person, then:

Has to:

Dismiss, their hurt.

Don, the ‘I am ok’ mask.

And, keep it moving.

We have all, pissed God off, to high heaven, dismissing each other’s pain.

Dismissing, and downgrading, our words, our thoughts, our hurt.

It’s why this world, is in such a damned mess.

We have all, contributed to the current, ‘I don’t give a damn’, mess.

Now, everyone wants to:

Turn away:

From:

The:

Divisiveness.

Anger.

Violence.

Ambivalence, people have towards, one another.

In times past:

Everyone:

Came together:

In times, of:

Disaster.

Hunger.

Pandemic.

War.

Disease.

Violence.

Hate crimes.

Poverty.

We came together, as ONE.

Knowing:

As one suffered.

We ALL suffered.

Neighbor, helped neighbor.

No one cared, if you:

Were this.

Had that.

ALL, we saw:

Was:

The need.

And met:

The need.

We used to:

Be there:

For, one another.

Best we could.

Only, during an emergency, of course.

Now, everyone is divided about everything.

People, are too hurt:

To, care much.

To, want to do, much.

What can he/she/they do?

We have not yet

Earned:

Enough cache:

To be:

Seen.

Heard.

Loved.

Respected.

So, we do the next best thing:

Dismiss:

Ourselves.

Our, words.

Our, hopes.

Our, dreams.

From:

The game.

Who, gives a good damn, anyway?

It’s, just me.

They, are ‘just’, MY words.

God: Enough! You shall NOT dismiss, so easily, the life I created.

Jesus: Enough! You shall NOT dismiss, so easily, the life I gave My Life for.

Life: Enough! You shall NOT dismiss, so easily, the life I fight to live for every day.

Yikes!: Yikes!

Egads!: Yikes!!

We have all royally ticked off God, Life, and Jaybird:

With our:

Hiding.

Lying.

Running:

From:

Our hurt.

From, ourselves.

From, one another.

Normally, I would be all about it.

Nevertheless, I am angry, today.

However, I just don’t want to care, today.

However, folks are hurting.

Nevertheless, I am hurting.

God says it’s time:

To deal with things.

To deal with me.

I am not ready…*sigh*.

I am not the only one:

Arguing:

With God.

With Life.

With yourself.

About:

Not being able, to deal with:

An, old issue.

A, decades old, issue.

A, life long, issue.

I am angry, still.

I am, tired:

Of, carrying anger around, every damned April 1st.

Tired, of having to work so hard:

To ignore her.

To ignore me.

I don’t want to:

Deal with her.

Deal with me.

Deal with that.

I am, angry, still.

Yet, I know:

There are:

Many, who are:

Struggling, with:

The, same issue:

Eternally, stuck at:

A, moment.

A, decision.

A, situation.

That, altered, everything:

Forever.

FOREVER!

Dammit.

We have no earthly idea:

What to do.

We ALL have, that:

ONE moment that:

Changed, everything.

Changed, us.

One moment, that:

Made us.

Broke, us.

My moment has ALWAYS led me back to April 1st.

April Fool’s Day.

Ironic.

Fitting, somehow.

Only, the joke was on me.

The joke WAS me.

Which is why, I know God and Life are right:

Its time.

To deal:

with her.

To deal

with me.

I am just not ready.

I declare uncle.

I shall deal with me.

This has been 35 years in the making.

I shall deal with her. I shall deal with me.

I suggest you:

Get, ready:

To, get ready:

To deal:

With your own moment:

The instant:

You:

Became, another you.

Because, of:

Something, you.

Did.

Did, not do.

From:

Something, you:

Said.

Did, not say.

From, someplace:

You should have, gone to.

Somewhere, you had no place, in going.

We all have, our moment.

April 1st, is my moment.

A moment, I:

Run, from.

Fight, with.

Deny.

Enough, running.

It is, enough.

I run, today, into My Father’s Arms.

I deal with me, today.

Brb…maybe…I think.

considering my return or lack thereof,

Cassandra 💔😡😥

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Published by Cassandra S.

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