I miss my mom. I miss my dad. I miss my brother. Could go on, but will stop with them.
Have been fighting the good fight, being a good daughter, good sister, hard worker, supportive friend.
Exhausting. I want to not have to be those people, to have to do those things.
Took out the trash, yesterday. Didn’t want to. HAD to.
Made sure to eat. Made sure not to hide. Didn’t want to. HAD to.
Father’s Day is Sunday…*sigh *. Hey, dad. Still trying, to be a big girl. To be strong. To be good.
Want to tell effort, to tell my TRY, to go kick rocks.
Can’t do that. HAVE to keep going. Your loss wasn’t a loss. Your days came to their end, as must all things.
The trick is not allowing your natural end, to make me want to end my forward momentum. I would dearly love to.
Have considered hiding, in plain sight, until Father’s Day is over. Can’t do that, dad. HAVE to keep going. Have a life to live. Have trash to take out. Have a dishwasher to load and unload.
Think I will have a cup of coffee, mom, dad, and big bro. Will have a cup and think of you.
You are in your new journey. I must continue in mine. Wish I knew how to do this without you. God and Life says it’s okay to not be okay. No idea if I am okay or not.
You are not lost. Neither am I. Just FEEL lost without you.
Until I see you all again…😥
Cassandra HERE STILL
- COME SIT AT MY TABLE 🪑❤️🩹COME SIT AT MY TABLE 🪑❤️🩹 Beloveds, Come sit at my table. I don’t care who you are. I don’t care what you look like. I don’t care whether your life looks anything like mine. I don’t need you to explain yourself before you pull out the chair. Just come sit with me. I know … Continue reading COME SIT AT MY TABLE 🪑❤️🩹
- BELOVEDS, YOU CAN HAVE MY FLOWERS. I DON’T NEED THEM ANYMORE.BELOVEDS, YOU CAN HAVE MY FLOWERS. I DON’T NEED THEM ANYMORE. ❣️💟💕💞💓💗💛🧡🖤💙💚🤍🩶🤎💜❤️❤️🩹💖💝💘💘🧩🧸 Beloveds, You can have MY flowers. I don’t need them anymore. 🌹🌷🌻 No, really. Take them. Take every last one. Give them to somebody who can smell them. Give them to somebody who can hold them. Give them to somebody who needs to … Continue reading BELOVEDS, YOU CAN HAVE MY FLOWERS. I DON’T NEED THEM ANYMORE.
- Forgive them, Cassandra, God said to meGod: Forgive him. Me: He said some terribly hurtful words. God: I know. Do this for me. Me: He said some blatantly racist things to his supposed friend!!🥾😡 God: I know. Forgive for they know not what they do. Me: He KNEW. HE CHOSE THOSE AWFUL WORDS!!😠✋️ God: How will he ever learn and grow … Continue reading Forgive them, Cassandra, God said to me
- Still In LoveGood morning! I love my new avatar!! Now I can express me!!! Two issues: I’m almost out of free space and will have to upgrade this week. Secondly, I have been sick enough to have upcoming surgery and to take a full week off to rest. Yet, my heart won’t let me quit you, beloveds. … Continue reading Still In Love
- REAL TALK: DESPISE NOT SMALL BEGINNINGS, BELOVEDS.👘🦺🥾👟🥿👞🩴👢🩰👡⛑️🔌🕯️🔎🖌️🖋️📢REAL TALK: DESPISE NOT SMALL BEGINNINGS, BELOVEDS. 👘🦺🥾👟🥿👞🩴👢🩰👡⛑️🔌🕯️🔎🖌️🖋️📢 Beloveds, Real talk. Despise not small beginnings. “For who hath despised the day of small things?”— Zechariah 4:10 KJV I want to talk about your hard. Not motivational-poster hard. Not the kind somebody can wrap up in three sentences and put underneath a pretty picture of a … Continue reading REAL TALK: DESPISE NOT SMALL BEGINNINGS, BELOVEDS.👘🦺🥾👟🥿👞🩴👢🩰👡⛑️🔌🕯️🔎🖌️🖋️📢
- IT ME!Beloveds, Before there was a blog, there was me. I need to start there. Because if I’m going to introduce myself—really introduce myself—I don’t want to begin with a website. I don’t want to begin with something that happened to me. I don’t want to begin with a list of things I have survived, things … Continue reading IT ME!
- IT IS FINISHED. BUT BELOVEDS, WE ARE NOT. ❤️🩹🌎IT IS FINISHED. BUT BELOVEDS, WE ARE NOT. ❤️🩹🌎 For Mom.For Wombie.For every person in this world carrying the name of somebody they love who is no longer here. Beloveds, Before I say anything else, I need to say two names that don’t belong to a sermon. Mom. Wombie. Before there was Why Can’t I … Continue reading IT IS FINISHED. BUT BELOVEDS, WE ARE NOT. ❤️🩹🌎
- LAST ONE. FRFR!💙📫 ONE LAST POSTCARD — LOVE SOMEBODY NOW Beloveds, My mother died on Christmas morning in 2016. Before she died, we had plans. We were supposed to take a vacation together in March. I was going to show her my new car. I was so sure we had time. We never got that chance. We … Continue reading LAST ONE. FRFR!
- DON’T GIVE UP YET!💙📫 A POSTCARD FOR YOU: DON’T GIVE UP YET Beloveds, DON’T GIVE UP YET! I don’t know who needs this little postcard today, but I’m sending it anyway. Don’t give up yet. Not because I can promise you everything is about to become easy. I can’t. Not because I know exactly what you’re carrying. I … Continue reading DON’T GIVE UP YET!
- AFTER MIDNIGHT — WHAT ALL OF THIS WAS ABOUT 🌎❤️🔥AFTER MIDNIGHT — WHAT ALL OF THIS WAS ABOUT 🌎❤️🔥 Beloveds, Tonight we went a long way around to arrive at something that has actually been here all along. Why Can’t I Be Loud? was never simply about being loud. It was about having a voice. It was about refusing to let this world decide … Continue reading AFTER MIDNIGHT — WHAT ALL OF THIS WAS ABOUT 🌎❤️🔥
- 🤣😂🥰😍😂🎤 SOMETIMES I JUST WANT TO LAUGH Beloveds, Listen. Sometimes there is a lesson. Sometimes there is a testimony. Sometimes there is something that makes me stop, think, pray, cry, or look at the world a little differently. And sometimes? 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 IT’S JUST FUNNY. That’s it. That’s the post. 😂 I love comedy. I love … Continue reading 🤣😂🥰😍
- 🧩🧸🎯🥰💌💘💝💖❤️🩹❤️💜🤎💨🩶🤍💚💙🖤🧡💛🩵💗💓💞💕💟❣️💔💔❤️🔥A-B-B-A WHAT DOES LOVE DO? ❤️🌎🎨🎧🎬💃🏿🙏🏿❤️🔥 Beloveds, I want to invite you into something. But before I give you the link, I want you to understand why I made it. This is A-B-B-A. It is a collection of movies, music, conversations, teachings, stories, serious things, ridiculous things, romance, action, adventure, faith, questions, laughter, tears and … Continue reading 🧩🧸🎯🥰💌💘💝💖❤️🩹❤️💜🤎💨🩶🤍💚💙🖤🧡💛🩵💗💓💞💕💟❣️💔💔❤️🔥
Why Can't I Be Loud?! 
I like this very much.
LikeLike
Loss only happens because there was a great gift to begin with.
LikeLike