Month: November 2021

Agitated, yet not agitated.

I am being agitated, yet not agitated.

I wait aggressively.

I wait quietly.

I wait soberly.

I wait.

I am being shaken, yet am not shakened.

I wait stedfast.

I wait immovable.

I wait immutable.

I wait.

I am being subdued, yet am not subdued.

I wait humbly.

I wait joyfully.

I wait patiently.

I wait.

I am being agitated, shaken, subdued. Nevertheless…however…I wait.

He will come.

Victory in His Hand.

I am…

Cassandra

Who/what is this?

Who/what is this awake inside of me?

Who/what is this seeing something I yet can’t see?

Who/what is this guiding me to places unknown?

Who/what is this?

This thing feels foreign to me. Alien. Like the alien, alive, while I also live. It strains to see the light of day. It forces me to open, more and more. If I dare not, it dares for me, does something to me, pursues me until dare I do.

Who/what is this, I ask God, I ask Life?

Is this me? Is this You? A combination of the two?

God. Life. Who/what is this that has come to life deep inside?

I wonder.

I wander.

I ponder.

I saunter.

Forward.

Onward.

Upward.

No destination.

Only determination.

Determined.

Certain.

Ready.

Able.

Unburdened.

Unlearned.

Unafraid.

I walk.

I run.

I fly.

I fall.

I laugh.

I cry.

I try.

Who/what is this coming from inside me?

Does it matter, as I gather, as I rather be who I was meant to be? Not really.

Who/what is this?

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: At times, the heart needs to ponder, needs to wonder, needs to wander. Let it. It doesn’t matter if you don’t know the matter. It doesn’t matter if you don’t know what’s the matter. At times, let your heart gather. Let your heart matter. It will lead you to wonderous places, scary places, awesome places. Places needing to have been visited long ago. Life is short. Say. Live. Love.

It’s ok if you’re ok. It’s ok if you’re not.

It’s ok if you’re ok.

It’s ok if you are not.

It’s ok if you are content.

It’s ok if you are not.

It’s ok if you can leap tall buildings in a single bound.

It’s ok if you can barely crawl out of bed.

It’s ok when all the world is your oyster.

It’s ok if all the world is not worth a fig.

It’s ok if you want to change the world.

It’s ok if you want to tell the world to kick rocks.

It’s ok if you are ready for everything.

It’s ok if you rooting for nothing.

It’s ok to know it all.

It’s okay to know nothing at all.

It’s ok to be you in ALL your forms. However you find yourself, today, in THIS day, at THIS moment…

It’s okay to be ok. It’s ok if you’re not.

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

I am…awakened.

I am…

I am awakened. Since I chased fear away, I find other things, emotions, spaces taking it’s place.

I look at these new things, emotions and spaces and don’t know what to DO with them. Am not sure what I am to SAY to them. Have no idea, yet, how to LIVE with them.

Yet, these things, emotions, spaces have erupted, inside me, without me, enveloping everything in their wake.

These things, emotions and spaces all shout at me to get to it, to get after it, to go after it as time grows short. The hourglass grows ever emptier, they say.

I find myself wanting to pound on EVERY door. Not in a panic. But, almost. Not in despair. But, almost. Not in defeat. But, almost.

Panicked, despairing, defeated as the world keeps on turning with folks whose spirits remain locked behind walls of glass. Hearts shielded by fear, anger and loss. Souls weighed down by expectation.

God and Life quiets my spirit. It takes time, beloved, They tell me. Time they still have. Yes, it grows short. Yet, Time is given us by Them.

Settled again, I am…awakened.

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Your life: Words upon a page.

I have been thinking, bad habit, about my earlier piece dealing with being just words upon a page.

I must admit, the phrase haunted me, then. Haunts me, now, truth be told. But, for a different reason.

When I wrote about feeling like JUST words upon a page I was, just, just…all up in my feelings.🤷‍♀️

Feeling this way and that. Not wanting to feel this way and that. Wrestling with feeling this way and that.

In the wrestling, I came across something very special. I found someone very special. I found my voice. MY voice. Rather, I gave myself permission, finally, to say, feel and be any old type of way I wanted to be.

Heretofore, my words weren’t just for me. They were for everyone else. I was an encourager, you see. Words are the currency, the life blood, the transaction, for an encourager.

Encouraging folks, with our word, becomes what we do. Becomes who we are.

Insodoing, we are left with a paradox:

Did encouraging others, via our words make us encouragers? Or, were we encoragers from jump? Does it, in fact, really matter when the outcome is still the same? The words encouraged. Period. End of story.

Or, is it just the beginning of yet another set of words upon a page?

Which leads me back to the beginning. I am just words upon a page. Ah, but words, upon a page, upon this stage, called life, have changed many lives. Including my own. ESPECIALLY my own.

I think I shall continue to be…

Ah, yes, I continue to BE!

Still…

Always…

Just words upon a page.

I am His words.

I am YOUR words.

As your words are mine.

Let us endeavor to fill life’s pages with love, hope, joy, fellowship, kindness and as much care as our hearts can hold and give away.

shedding more words upon a page,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Now that the day has ended, let the day end.

Now that the day has ended, let the day end.

However, the day, turned out, let it go.

Whatever, the day, has left, at your doorstep, let it go.

If a gift, you have earned. A gift, given, returned. Just let the day end. Let it go.

You have given the day, the best of you. Don’t let doubt/disbelief, have the rest of you.

You have done the thing, in THIS day. You have allowed God and Life to have Their say, in this day.

Let this be enough. Your TRY, your efforts, yes, YOU, were enough.

Enough, of your try. The day had it’s way, had it’s say. That’s okay. Turn it loose, beloveds. Let the day end. Let it go.

Now that the day has ended, let the day end.

Tomorrow, God/Life willing, is waiting for you.

New challenges, new trials, new life, a new DAY, is waiting. Just for you.

Whatever the day has brung, it has already brung it. You have already lived it. Leave the living, of THIS day, in THIS day. You can’t take the day, THIS day, into the morrow. The morrow, will have IT’S own day, IT’S own way. It’s not for you, to presume, the morrow, will be as good as the day, as this day.

Now that the day has ended, let the day end.

When the day ends, it was meant to end. The day was NOT intended, to be lived, yet again. It’s ending has ended. It’s job, already done. The race has been raced. The winners and losers have already been crowned. No need in looking back. In regrets. In sorry. In sadness. You gave what you could. You did your all. In THAT fact, you DID win. You:

Won, the day.

Had, your say.

Lived, a lot.

Gave, all you’ve got.

Spent, each moment.

In this way and that.

Giving.

Taking.

Living.

Loving.

You gave:

The best of you.

The rest of you.

The mess called you.

Yes, you gave this too.

So, beloveds, time to look ahead. To another’s day dawn. Time to wipe the dust off, the rust off and keep pursuing you.

The day may end, your pursuits never do. Keep chasing, keep building, keep believing, in you.

Regret not, the day, this day, that now ends. The day did it’s thing, had it’s way, ended up being your friend. Your friend, in teaching you, how to live in the moment, THIS moment, this day, YOUR way, the day, did it’s thing so let it go.

Move forward. Head help upward. For, upward, beloveds, we go.

I end, as I began. The day, it has done the same. It has ended. Now ended, the day has made it’s way to…

THE END

Be blessed. You have done all you know. It is enough. Rest now, beloveds. Rest.

Resting with you,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Don’t let some yahoo take your want to.

Don’t let some yahoo take your want to.

So, one didn’t love you, want you, see you, get you.

It’s on them, boo, not you.

Keep doing you, being you, seeing you, cheering for you, doing what you do FOR you.

Don’t ever allow some yahoo, who never saw you, never got you, never has done, won’t do, can’t do, get you to not get you, see you, do you.

Keep on being.

Keep on loving.

Keep on seeing.

Keep on dreaming.

Keep on believing.

IN…YOU!

There will ALWAYS be a yahoo, folks telling you what to do, to be, to see, to dream.

Waste not another moment, no not one, on said yahoos. Let them do what they do. You do what you do.

For, your you is for YOU to do. Your you is for YOU to see. Your you is for YOU to be.

Be, that.
See, that.

Do, that.

You CAN.

You WILL.

Doing the do with you,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

  1. Anthony Nguyen's avatar

    That reminder to stop trying to prove ourselves and just set down the weight of guilt is so deeply comforting.…

  2. Domenico Valentino Covelli's avatar
  3. Tansy Gunnar's avatar
  4. Cassandra S.'s avatar
  5. dailysamdigitalstudio's avatar

Make the chili 2.0

I turned 53 on Wednesday….whew!

Folks kept asking me ‘what do you want to DO for your birthday?’. I didn’t want to DO anything. I didn’t want to BE anything. I just wanted to be left to be. ALL I conjured, was bacon, eggs and sleep. In that precise order. Bacon, eggs, sleep. Rinse. Repeat.

So, that’s what I DID. Bacon, eggs, sleep. Bacon, eggs, sleep. Sleep. Sleep. Sleep. I was exhausted, yall. From 53 years of living. Good grief. 53. 53!! Almost makes me want to dive right back under those comfy covers.

As I sit here, pondering, wondering, weaving and meandering through the rest of my life, I find myself content, as the bible says, in the state I am CURRENTLY in. Not the state I had hoped to be in, wish to be in, longed to be in.

I am just BEING, in the thing, in this thing, called life. I am making the chili. I am doing, best I can. I am being, best I can. My best. It’s all that I have to give. And, it’s enough. For, myself. For, God. For, Life. Hopefully, for you, beloveds. If not, well, I have given you all that I have to give. Let this be enough, okay?

I think of you, beloveds, I think of you and sigh. At the life I see many of you frantically trying to hide from, run from, endure in, distract from. I want to shake you, beloveds. I want to shake you and make you, not to break you but to help you get to Being you.

Alas, beloveds, that’s not for ME to do. Is for you. As you allow  God and Life and family and friends and all manner of people, places and things to help you get to the place and space where you can be okay with, content in, the space you currently find yourself in.

Why have I appointed myself as your watcher of the back, beloveds? Because your life matters to me. My life ought matter to you. We only have one life. We all we got, beloveds, but we all we need. That plus bacon, eggs, friend chicken and chocolate.

This world needs more love and less ‘likes’. More care and less ‘cancel’. More give and less take. More open arms/hearts than closed fists/minds. We ought elevate one another not chase each other to the dregs. We need to forgive one another and forget dumb things said. We each need compassion. Both to receive, and to give. Civility needs to make its’ grand entrance. Disrespect/disdain/dismissal needs to be shown the door.

This world, this society, this COUNTRY, is what WE make it. You and me. Me and you. It’s on us to come together, to make chili together, to love together, to help one another. Again. Again. Again, and again. THIS is what the good old USA used to stand for, be about, what we all cared about.

We didn’t plant our flag in allegiances. We pledged allegiance, TO THE FLAG, to one another. We were the UNITED States of America. We can BE that, again, beloveds. It takes you. It takes me. Takes us all. I am holding up, best I can, my corner of the flag.

I love you my sister, my brother from other mothers.

What do I look for these next 53 years to be? I have not the first clue. I DO know this:

We CAN.

We WILL.

We SHALL.

For we are MORE than conquerors. Our lives DO matter. We can do this thing, called life.  Time to make the chili, beloveds. Get out there. Tote your piece of the flag. Love your neighbor. Check yourself. Laugh often, love much, live always.

Getting out the spices,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Who do you do what you do for?

Who do you do what you do for?

Does it even really matter?

If you do the do isn’t THAT what matters?

Does it matter who the what and why are for?

For, if the outcome IS an outcome, isn’t THAT enough?

What you doin’ what you doin’ for?

What’ is YOUR forever for?

If your forever, is not MY forever, does MY forever matter more than yours?

Why do your why?

Why do you even ask why?

When your why keeps YOUR what going, why you worrying about why your why is not the same as mine?

Why do you work your own nerves, worrying about what gets on his nerves, her nerves, their nerves?

He, she, they have the NERVE to be working YOUR nerves when they needs to be minding their own:

Business.

Why.

What.

Who.

When I was in school, learning how to write, what to write, even WHAT to right, we were told find the:

Who.

What.

Why.

When.

Now, that we all older. Now, that we have gathered these things. The who. The What. The Why. The When.

Now, what?

Who is there to judge our who, our what, our why, and our when?

Why, it is I.

It, is you.

It, is us.

I ask, again:

Who do you do what you do for?

Does it matter?

Just DO the thing, make the chili.

Just Do It. Least that’s what the commercial says…

doing the thing,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Pssst…hey you?

Pssst…hey you? Yea, you…..shhh! Do NOT wake up Yikes! and Egads! Heck, I don’t want to be up, today. I ain’t for the ‘conquering the day mode’ and Yikes! and Egads! are running around, trying to find me.

So, I saw you, huddled in your own ‘I ain’t feeling this today but the world and this one and that one is expecting me to do better, be better, live harder, try harder mode and I ain’t feeling making coffee let alone doing any of THAT mode’ and figured I would hide out with you, for a spell.

These last two years have been hell, havent’ they? I have wanted to go to bed and wake up in 2026. I have wanted to eat much chocolate, do very little thinking. I have longed to be free of EVERYTHING, whilst not having to do NOTHING. I have wanted to find love, wanted to tell love to go kick some rocks, already(okay maybe not kick rocks but either come or leave me the hell alone, forever…*sigh*).

God and Life have been relentless, though. ALWAYS, always, always(!) encouraging me to keep going, to keep living, to keep on keeping on. To be honest, I have wanted to tell the BOTH to kick some rocks, already. Can’t very well tell GOD and LIFE to kick rocks, tho, right?…*sigh*….*Cassandra secretly wishes she could tell God and Life to kick rocks, today*.

It’s not so much that I am tired, you know? It’s just….it’s just….*sigh*. See what I mean!? Life at times just seems sooooo…..just…..unexplainable. And I am tired of trying to understand it already!!

GO KICK ROCKS TODAY, LIFE!….opppps….

We can’t, though, go on head and have Life kick rocks. What if, our dreams are answered, today? What if, love showed up for us, today? What if wishes, rainbows, unicorns, knights, queens, kings and all manner of royalty showed up to collect us, today?

Well crapola, with you making arguments like THAT, how the heck can we AFFORD to be up in our corner? I tell you what, I shall watch your back, and you watch mine, today, okay? That way, we can lean on one another. Let’s do this, you, yea YOU, let’s go find some others. They are out there. By, the many. Silently, in a corner, waiting to be:

Seen.

Heard.

Loved.

Cherished.

Respected.

Connected.

Ah, connnected. Folks are just needing to be CONNECTED, to something, to someone, some kind of way. Let’s go get some and let them know they already ARE connected, if they will only come from hiding.

The world waits for us, hiding folks wait for us. God and Life, wait for us. Yikes! and Egads! waits for us to scare the hell out of them while we are living loud, loving hard, laughing much, failing spectacularly, succeeding tinlily(is tinily even a word? Who cares. I am living so can make up any old word I feel like. Ha!).

Where was I? Oh, yea, living. Let’s get the coffee going, make the chili, do the thing, make the way, fight the fight, try the TRY, keep standing, and ALL the other uplifting, annoying, exhausting things I have the NERVE to foist upon you, upon me, on the daily. Don’t judge me, crapola rolls down hill and God and Life forever pestering me to do these things and I am simply passing on the savings…(insert shrug here as too blasted tired to shrug)…..*shrug*……

We got this. Okay, maybe not so much got this but we know who got us, right?

Stay, loud.

shouting with you,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe