Hard week. Hard month. Hard year. I rushed to the rescue, yesterday.
My heart is tired, today. Told God and Life I was in need of my posse, today. No one came. I decided to be my own posse. I gave myself permission to let the world have it’s say, today, without me.
I have decided to be a posse, of one, to take care of me, today.
*screams of agony can be heard wafting heavenward*
*pout*
*Cassandra stomps indelicately to the power cstrip to discover ALL her Wyze Smart plugs smirkily blinking blue*….stupid Smart plugs!…*Cassandra warily eyes said power strip and the now defacto dummy plugs! and considers her options*:
a) turn on ALL the blasted lights and gizmos herself…*gasp*. How uncouth! Who turns on lights and such themselves anymore!? How DARE!….*outraged gasp*
b) try and reset the now stupid Smart plugs and then grumpily yell at Google Mini to turn on some damn lights and gizmos already!!
c) make a cup of coffee, in half darkness!, whilst pouting and muttering about the stupid Smart plugs….*Cassandra makes a note of this as this may come in handy in a minute*
d) pray for grace, wait for some to come, quietly and efficently reboot stupid Smart plug to make them actually work dammit!!….*Cassandra dismisses this option quickly. Who the hell can be gracious on NO coffee or working Smart plugs!!
e) go back to bed and try again tomorrow….hmm….*bills loudly whispers they MUST get paid and Santa needs his down payment else NO sleds getting out this year*…hmm…fresh hell.
f) go on WordPress.com and post a particularly inspiring message on not letting the small stuff get to you, whilst sipping away on a fresh cup of French Vanilla coffee in near darkness due to the stupid Smart plugs not working….crap!!
hhmm…..what letter was next? Who cares….*Cassandra grumpily, yet delicately stomps around the apartment, like a loon, muttering, turning on lights…how dare!…*gasp*….and gets on with getting on with her day as she promised herself(why in fresh hell would she promise herself to keep going!? wow. what a goofhead!!), turned on the laptop and prepared to be all philosophical, encouraging and all that other nonsense to encourage her beloveds to keep on keeping on even when, ESPECIALLY when, life is cutting up, acting a fool, working the last nerves and the dammed stupid Smart plugs won’t work….
muttering stomping pouting laughing now but starting anywaze,
Cassandra
#YourLIfeMattersToMe
Huh? What do you mean I forgot to add an uplifting line, positive saying, quote of some sort to let all folks know that ALL things will work for their good if they keep on hanging in there??! Oh, yea…..lemme think….*Cassandra ponders what uplifting line, positive saying, or quote of some sort to let all folks know that ALL things will work for their good if they just keep on going, keep on hanging in there, keep on TRYing, keep on believing, keep on keeping on, keep on loving, keep on….hmm….brb….
Acceptance will, help you make chili when the last thing you want to do is to make it.
Acceptance will, help you to get through a day in which you thought you could not take it.
Acceptance will, keep you from hiding under covers still warm.
Acceptance will, keep your keeping on, on.
Acceptance will, teach you to receive the harder parts of life.
Acceptance will, teach you…enough with the rhyming and trying to make things ‘fit’ already!…*pout*….*Cassandra throws a tasteful, yet delicate fit so as not to disturb her semi loud neighbors*.
“Accept it as if you had chosen it”
Ha!
When I first read those words, this morning, I was all fired up, ready to go, ready to impart, exhort, encourage. In my defense, a nice cup of French Vanilla coffee can hide many a non positive thought.
“Accept it as if you had chosen it”
I know, in my head, these words are true. Yet, my heart wants to fight back, just a bit. My heart, wants to stamp and scream, to hell with the blasted neighbors! My heart, wants to rage, kavetch, beat the shit out of something, and yell at God and Life about how unfair this is, how much that sucks. My heart, wants to howl, at the moon, throw crap, at the sun, and carry on about all if it’s hardships, it’s losses, it’s fatigue from forever taking high roads that only gets harder and higher.
Dammit.
Crap.
*sigh*.
*Cassandra accepts the fact there is no getting around the facts that she MUST accept the unacceptable*.
Fresh hell!
*sigh*.
*Cassandra finds it acceptable to accept the unacceptable in order for her to be able to accept, and receive, the healing that only comes as once accepts that which is terribly unacceptable and terribly difficult*.
Acceptance.
There are many absurd things I shall NEVER understand. It’s absurd mom is no longer here. It’s absurd God and Life have not yet given me my home, on the ocean. It’s THEIR fault for planting such an absurd dream in a Midwestern gal in the first place! It’s absurd to be 53 and yet still hopeful, still joyful, still awaiting for life to unfurl it’s goodies just for me. It’s absurd that some gallant knight has not yet scooped up this awesome woman called me! What the hell is wrong with these dummy men?! Don’t they KNOW how awesome I am! Absurd! Ha!
Acceptance.
I can accept that I may NEVER understand the above mentioned or any other thing. This I DO know:
I accept:
God’s Love.
Life’s Care.
My TRY.
All the rest, SHALL and WILL, come out, in the wash. They, will. I shall.
Until such time as things be….I accept.
accepting ALL with joy and thanksgiving,
Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: It’s all I can do to accept mom being gone. So, no flowery speech about all the wonders that shall befall you as you accept your ‘unacceptables’. We must continue to do so. No getting around it. I can accept, and do, that you may tell me and this message to go on head and kick rocks, already. Loss is awful. How DARE God and Life force us to have to make the choice to accept these things and be gracious in the acceptance of the losses. I must admit, the high road has been especially annoying this month. A girl can’t even take to her bed and not come out for a month…fresh hell…*sigh*….miss you, mom.
It’s needed, crucial even, to affirm ourselves. Don’t wait for someone else to prop you up. Remind yourself of your awesome sauce! Let this world know how much you have got it going on like popcorn!
Strut your stuff. Don’t hang your head. You are wonderfully and awesomely made. You are unique. You shine. You make God and Life smile. There is none like you. Nope. Nada. NO body like unto you. Go on head with your bad self!
Who be awesome? You be, that’s who!
True that!
‘Nuff said.
Keep on doing you. Folks don’t have to understand you. Just keep on doing you. You will find folks who care for you, who will honor who you are, presently. Not the you folks think you ought be, could be, should be. There will be folks, as you keep reaching out, who WILL reach back.
Life is short. Long enough, beloveds, to make a difference. Keep on being the different you that God and Life roots for you to be. Don’t hide your shine. Let it all out. Don’t get down on the parts, of you, that you feel are still broken, parts that may never heal. Receive and love you, RIGHT now, just as you are. Be proud of your TRY.
Look at you! With your bad self!! Take your bow. Then, tell fear and all who don’t like it to go on head and kick them rocks, already!! They don’t know what they are missing, beloveds. Is THEIR loss, not on you.
My heart keeps saying for me to keep going. I wanted to tell my heart to go kick some rocks, already. Alas, she refused to listen.
“Keep going”, she whispered to me. “I’m tired”, I whispered back. “I know”, she said. “But, keep going”.
I, keep going.
For, mom.
For, me.
For, God.
For, Life.
For, you.
Keep going.
I made myself make my now weekly chili. Only, today, I didn’t have a yipppee, inside me. I had a sigh. Two sighs. Ten. I sighed, my way, through this day. I sighed, my way, through making my now famous chili. I sighed, through work. I sighed, through endless cups of coffee.
I sighed, tried, kept going.
Now, at days’ end, as I swap out a hard days work and don a night’s quiet evening, I am satisfied. For, I kept going.
Keep going, beloveds. Make your way, scrape your way, have your way, but keep going.
Four letters. Just four. Four letters can do so much, can’t it?
Hope.
Will.
Have.
Soon.
Your dreams are coming along, soon.
Your end SHALL be better than your beginning, soon.
The fruits, of your TRY, of your labor, shall be eaten, by you, soon.
Your heart SHALL be full, soon.
You shall make the way, soon.
Your efforts will bear fruit, for others, soon.
Your joy, shall be made full, soon.
Your rest shall be sweet, soon.
Your present storm shall end, soon.
Your rainbow, shall come forth, after your storm, soon.
Your mourning, shall end, soon.
Your joy, shall come of a morning, soon.
Soon.
Four letters. Powerful ones.
Live, beloveds. All that you have been working for shall be coming to you, for you, soon.
Keep going. You got this. You do. This has been such a long year. You have done all you know. Cut yourself some slack, beloveds. Your hope shall be here, soon.
Til then, I pray for you. I pray for us all. We are all tired. Just ready to get there, already! I know I am.
Hoping to start your week off with a laugh. Be sure and get your laugh quota in, this week. Do NOT allow happenings to happen to you. Keep your head up. We got this, beloveds. Remember? There is NOTHING we can’t get through. We just go to get to getting through it.
This time of year can be brutal for those who have lost loved ones, for those who don’t have loved ones, for those….fresh hell, they can be brutal for all. EVERY commercial appears to show folks excelling in love, life, business etc and can make us look at our lot and wonder, what in the fresh hell is this??…lol.
It’s not how we start, it’s that we finish. It’s not even, necessarily, how we finish. If you have to get to the finish line, on your hands and knees, get there. If you arrive, with extra energy, get there. If you arrive, with not one ounce of strength, get there. Start. Keep going. Get there.
In the meantime, beloveds, have a laugh, reach out to someone, be good to someone, starting with you. Especially to you.
I did not want to start the day. It’s cold. A bit dreary. I got up, and started the day.
I did not want to do the rah rah’s today. I am missing mom. I can take the day off from the ‘all will be wells’ and ‘we got this peeps’ today, can’t I? I gave out some rah rahs to myself and my wombie.
I did not want to work, today. Too many tech problems. Too little satisfaction, due to said tech problems. I started work.
I definitely did NOT want to do the heavy lifting that has now become my December: trying not to miss mom too much. Trying to pretend I don’t miss her too much. Trying to tell myself it’s not all that exhausting staying busy and positive and yada yada during this tough time that really isn’t all that tough as mom is in Heaven and enjoying herself so I should be ok by now and I can use my being ok to help others who may not be ok by letting them know things will eventually be ok…*sigh*…exhausting.
There are so many things that can, and will, derail us, IF we allow them to. Life is much too short, beloveds, to allow these things to keep us from keeping on.
Let’s go!
Life is waiting for us to live it. Yes, it may be a bit rough, at this time of year, but this time WILL pass. The important thing is how YOU will be when the tough times pass. I plan on being joyful and hopeful. How about you?
Why Can't I Be Loud?! 