Wednesday, October 7, 2026 — 6:00 PM
What has “should” locked you out of? 🔐
Beloveds,
I told you yesterday I was coming for one little word.
I’m here.
👀
Should.
Five letters.
Tiny word.
BIG lock.
🔐
I should be further along by now.
I should be over this.
I should have healed by now.
I should have figured this out.
I should be stronger.
I should be happier.
I should have more money saved.
I should have the career I planned.
I should have found somebody by now.
I should still have the life I had before everything changed.
I should be able to do what I used to do.
I should…
I should…
I should…
And before we know it, we’re standing outside our own lives holding a measuring stick somebody handed us years ago.
👀
But here’s what I’ve been wondering:
Whose “should” is it?
Who decided where you were supposed to be by now?
Who decided how long grief gets?
Who decided how quickly a heart should recover?
Who decided when somebody should trust again?
Who decided what healing is supposed to look like?
Who decided there was one acceptable timeline for becoming who you are becoming?
❤️
Sometimes the person who decided was us.
But even then…
which version of us?
The version who made plans before the diagnosis?
Before the loss?
Before the layoff?
Before the divorce?
Before the betrayal?
Before the caregiving?
Before the accident?
Before the financial crisis?
Before the phone call?
Before life took the map we had carefully drawn and said:
We’re not going that way anymore.
🗺️
And then we punish today’s version of ourselves for failing to arrive somewhere yesterday’s version expected us to be.
Whew.
Read that again.
We punish today’s version of ourselves for failing to arrive somewhere yesterday’s version expected us to be.
That’s a heavy sentence.
And an even heavier way to live.
❤️
Maybe you didn’t fail.
Maybe the map changed.
👀
That doesn’t mean everything that happened was good.
It doesn’t mean you wanted the detour.
It doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed to grieve where you thought you would be.
It means your life cannot always be fairly measured against plans made before you knew what the road would require.
And maybe that’s where some forgiveness needs to happen.
Not forgiveness because you did something terrible.
Forgiveness because you’ve been angry with yourself for being human inside circumstances you never planned for.
❤️
Maybe:
I forgive myself for being changed by what happened to me.
I forgive myself for needing longer.
I forgive myself for getting tired.
I forgive myself for being scared.
I forgive myself for not knowing what I know now.
I forgive myself for making decisions with the information I had then.
I forgive myself for surviving imperfectly.
I forgive myself for having limits.
I forgive myself for not becoming the person I thought I would be on the schedule I wrote before life changed.
And maybe…
I forgive myself for not being where I thought I should be.
🔐❤️
Because “should” can become a strange kind of shame.
It doesn’t only tell us where we aren’t.
It can convince us that where we are is unacceptable.
And once shame gets involved, correction becomes condemnation.
A mistake becomes:
I am a mistake.
A delay becomes:
I am behind.
A struggle becomes:
I am weak.
A changed life becomes:
I failed.
A different road becomes:
I got lost.
But what if different isn’t automatically lost?
👀🧭
Maybe finding our way home begins when we stop demanding that the road look like the one we originally planned.
❤️
There it is.
Because maybe home isn’t the old life.
Maybe home isn’t who you were before.
Maybe home isn’t reaching some imaginary place where everything finally looks the way it was “supposed” to look.
Maybe home is learning to inhabit this life without constantly prosecuting yourself for living it differently.
That’s not giving up.
That’s not refusing growth.
That’s not pretending there aren’t things we need to change.
Accountability still matters.
Growth still matters.
Choices still matter.
But accountability says:
This needs attention.
Shame says:
You are the problem.
Those are not the same voice.
🔑
Remember what we said yesterday?
Shame is a sneaky locksmith.
And “should” is one of its favorite locks.
It can keep us outside joy because we think we should have more before we’re allowed to enjoy what we have.
Outside rest because we think we should have accomplished more before we’re allowed to stop.
Outside love because we think we should be more healed before anybody gets close.
Outside our own lives because we’re still waiting to become somebody we consider worthy of living them.
Beloveds…
stop moving your own chair.
🪑❤️
You do not have to exile yourself until you’ve improved enough to come home.
For those who share my faith, I don’t believe My Father waits at some imaginary finish line tapping His foot because I didn’t arrive according to my schedule.
I believe He meets me on the road I’m actually walking.
Even when I don’t understand it.
Even when I don’t like it.
Even when I am tired of it.
Even when I thought I would be somewhere else by now.
❤️
So tonight, here’s the Heart Check:
Where has “should” locked you out of your own life?
And maybe:
Whose “should” have you been carrying?
If the map changed, beloveds, you are allowed to acknowledge that.
You are allowed to grieve it.
You are allowed to learn a different road.
You are allowed to become somebody you didn’t know you would need to become.
And you are allowed to stop calling every detour failure.
Because maybe you aren’t behind.
Maybe you aren’t ruined.
Maybe you aren’t lost.
Maybe the map changed.
🗺️❤️
And tomorrow…
we’re going to talk about keys.
Because once we stop standing outside our own door…
we need to have a conversation about who else gets access.
👀🔑
Oh, yes.
Who has a key?
See you tomorrow.
loving me some you
Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
