Fresh hell!
A friend asked me today how I was. Wrong day to ask. Told her I was a basket of fucked up still. I detest swearing but I swear, dammit, ALL I want to do is to cuss out the world since my girl was laid to rest on Saturday. Her rest has started. Mine, done gone and went resting with her.
I have also developed a case of say ALL the wrong damn things, forget what the hell you were doing, screw up more than you fix and have to keep redoing things over and over itis.
Fresh hell!
So, with all that going on, I figure God and Life would cut a sista some slack and let her be pissed, at the world, for a bit and have time to grieve already. Dammit. Of course, They decided to knock upon my heart and ask me to prepare to care for someone They were about to send my way.
Fresh hell!
Hell no, I wanted to yell. HOW can They possibly expect me to scrape up encouraging words, wonderfully motivating sayings when all I want to say is Fresh hell?
Fresh hell!!
Yet, the second I was fixing to fix my mouth to say all kinds of hell no’s, kick rocks and take ALL that/them with you, found my want to still wanted to. Found, my TRY, still wanting to TRY.
Fresh hell!
The more I got to thinking on possibly being able to encourage this person, my heart melted.
Traitor!
Fresh hell!
I found myself having another cup of coffee, literally, turning on my music, blasting my music(sorry neighbors). and preparing my heart to at least TRY. I dug through some more grief and who gives a damn and found a bit of….*shrug*…no idea what these feelings are. Am doing my best to not live all up in my feelings, right now, as feelings tend to act ten kinds of fools and cause all kinds of foolishness, during tough times, if we allow them to roam freely and without telling them to take two seats, every now and again.
So, here I sit, ready, able, stable, determined. All I got, right now, is my TRY. My joy, my give a damn is still buried beneath a mountain of grief and who gives a damn. Thank goodness for TRY. TRY will save you through trying times, through hard times.
All this yakking has me thirsty. Think I shall have another cup.
How about you?
Keep going. No matter what is in your cup. You CAN. You WILL. Even if you have to fuss a bit, as you get through. You ARE getting through.
TRYing through these trying times,
Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
- COME SIT AT MY TABLE 🪑❤️🩹
- BELOVEDS, YOU CAN HAVE MY FLOWERS. I DON’T NEED THEM ANYMORE.
- Forgive them, Cassandra, God said to me
- Still In Love
- REAL TALK: DESPISE NOT SMALL BEGINNINGS, BELOVEDS.👘🦺🥾👟🥿👞🩴👢🩰👡⛑️🔌🕯️🔎🖌️🖋️📢
Why Can't I Be Loud?! 