Month: January 2022

Never stop trying.

Never stop trying.

Never.

Ever.

EVER!

No matter what happens.

Beloveds, it’s not about what happens to us. It’s about what we DO with what happens. Happenings WILL happen. What happens, to YOU, in you and for you, during those happenings happens to be up to you!

The situation, the happenstance will happen. How it leaves your attitude, your TRY, your effort, your whatever is completely in your hands. This is a good thing and not so good. Not so good as now you can’t blame the happenings for how things have turned out.

This world has lied to us all. Lied and told us we have to do this, have this, be this, yada yada, in order to be happy, to be satisfied, to be loved on and on.

I have learned, through these super hard times, it’s honestly not about the getting of things, the ending of hard things, the start of easier things. I have learned, life comes and happens. And, Life just so happens to care enough, for me, to want ME to be different, IN my circumstances, not simply because those supposedly hard circumstances were made easier to bear.

What the world won’t tell you, beloveds, is the ballgame is KNOWING that ALL you must do is to give your TRY. That’s it. Love, as best you can. Live, as best you can. Say, as best you can.

Love, God.

Love, Life.

Love, you.

Love, your family.

Love, your friends.

Love, your community.

Love, your neighbor.

All else, beloveds, truly will come out in the wash. It will. Trust.

I have been missing in action, from the bog, this past little while as I have been throwing haymakers and fighting ALL fear, discouragement, setbacks, tough times, hard days, difficult circumstances, recalcitrant folk.

I fight on!

Do the same, beloveds. Fight, on.

There is NO give up, within us.

There is NO give in, within us.

We CAN.

We WILL.

going with you STILL,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Hahahahahaha!: Don’t be afraid of the memories.

Hahahahahaha!

Just sitting, in the car, thinking of mom and making new memories, from remembering old ones.

Hahahahahaha!

Many, many moons ago, mom had come to visit me. One afternoon, we set out to run errands of some sort.

I left the apartment. Followed by one of my sisters and mom. Suddenly, a scream of pure terror came from mom. Her face, white as a ghost, her hands just a shaking.

Of course, this scared holy what the hell out of me.

Me: What is it?!!!!

Mind you, I was ready to do one of the following:

1. Start throwing objects and or haymaker at whatever or whomever had scared the bejeezus out of mom.

2. Push mom into the hedges to protect her from whatever the holy fresh hell just scared the bejeezus out of her and now me.

3. Heck if I knew. Mom had scared the holy crappers outta me😱

Mom: I locked the house key in the house!

In horror, I make preparations to go into full blown freak out mode.

WAIT A MINUTE!…*Cassandra slaps self upside the head realizing it’s her place and her place has one of those idiot proof locks that you MUST have the key to in order to lock the door thereby saving oneself from locking oneself out and thereby terrifying ones mother so she can’t in turn scare the fresh hell out of her daughter thereby saving all from momentary terrors and foolishness*

Hahahahahaha!

We laughed forever once we got over the fright. Now, I sit here, in my car, laughing with mom. I used to be afraid to face memories, of her. Now, I cherish them. I, seek them out.

Don’t be afraid to whip out your memories. They are of comfort when missing loved ones now gone. They are never gone, though, as they live on, in our hearts, in our memories.

Keep, building memories, with those who remain. One day, you will whip them out, and have a laugh.

Hahahahahaha!

Miss you, mom. Rest in peace.

laughing still,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Go to the store.

So, I am out of everything, foodwise. Bread, butter, jelly, eggs, milk, etc.

Don’t judge me. We just came from being under a deep freeze. Egads, felt like I was living in a freezer! Man, it has been cold.

I was down to chicken salad sandwiches, minus the bread.🤷‍♀️

The first three times I ate chicken salad I was satisfied. Yummy, I said. Had it for breakfast. Had it for lunch. Had it for a snack. Thought of upcoming dinner…

Fresh hell! Tired of chicken salad!!

Work was long. Took all day to get done! Temp was above freezing but now I was too tired from working ALL day. I didn’t FEEL like driving to the store.

Let alone, having to get out of a warm car and into a cold fresh hell it’s cold, night. Let alone, having to trudge up and down aisles keeping away from ALL humanity. Let alone, having to converse with the checker who appears to hate all mankind along with being a checker who has to check out mankind. Let alone, having to load groceries I didn’t feel like getting into the trunk attached to the car I didn’t feel like driving, in the first place. Let alone, having to unload groceries I didn’t feel like getting in the first place.

Whew! Given all of that, I gave/allotted myself four options, giving myself permission to select ANY of the four.

Whew! Thanks me.

Me: You may do the following:

  1. Go, to the store.
  2. Go, to the store.
  3. Go, to the store.
  4. Go, to the store.

I no longer give myself permission to skip out on doing what is needed and or necessary. I promised myself to do what is needed. Period. End of story.

What did I do?

Went to the store.

The End.

Moral of the story?

Do.

Say.

Live.

Love.

Move!

Go!

moving,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Just, move.

Move!

Now!

Don’t wait, until tomorrow.

Just, move.

Doesn’t matter, where.

Just, move.

Don’t need to know how.

Just, move.

Don’t have to wait, on others.

Just move.

Don’t need a pile of money.

Just, move.

Don’t gotsa wait, on me.

Just, move.

Move!

Now!

Not, then.

Just, move.

Don’t make no never mind.

Just, move.

Don’t worry about outcomes.

Just, move.

Don’t fret about what comes next.

Just, move.

Life is short, yet long enough to move.

Get, a goin.

Get, after it.

Move!

Just, move.

This world has been needing and waiting for you to…

Just, move.

moving with you,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

You are…

You are…

So much more than you give yourself credit for!

You are soooooooooooooooo much more than:

What, you do.

What, you have.

What, you give.

What, you say.

What, you don’t say.

What, you wear.

What, you don’t wear.

How old, you are.

How old, you are not.

How fast, you run.

How slow, you walk.

How much, you’ve won.

How many, you’ve lost.

How far, you have come.

How far, you have yet to go.

How much, you know.

How little, you know.

How different, you seem.

How similar, you appear.

How vast, your viewpoint.

How limited, your perspective.

You are…

So much more than you have given yourself credit for. Too often, we have judged ourselves, wrongly, based upon what others have thought, what we have allowed ourselves to think based upon what others have thought, what this one has said, what that one wrote.

Enough! Be done with that, beloveds!

You are:

Amazing.

Awesome.

Inspiring.

Delightful.

Insightful.

Precious.

Priceless.

Cherished.

Seen.

Heard.

But, mostly, beloveds, you are loved!

LOVED!

Love you some you, would you, please and thanks?

STOP blaming yourself for what you did, what you did not do, what you could have, should have, yada yada. STOP THAT!!

You have done your best, with the knowledge you had, at the time. Let this be enough. And, even if things didn’t go your way, then. You can change things, change you, now. Can’t go back. Can and need to move forward.

FORWARD!

LOOK UP!

Stop looking down, stop kicking your own hind end. Let it end, here, right now. Tell yourself you are DONE with judging yourself so harshly. And, you will do your utmost to extend the same to all else whether you think they ‘deserve’ it or not. We ALL cut up, at times. Say super dumb things. Do absolutely ridiculous things. Mostly, not on purpose. And, on the on purpose times, we need that grace the most as we kick hell out of ourselves for messing up.

You are…

You are!

Yes, YOU, beloveds.

Keep doing you.

This world needs YOU. Can’t do without you. You are crucial, needed, necessary.

You are….amazing.

amazed by you,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Real talk: Living, in the meantime, among the chaos.

If your world has blown up, if chaos has reigned since year’s beginning. If all hell has shown up to say hello, hen welcome to my 2022. Yikes!

That said, I have been learning how to live, how to grow, how to maintain peace/joy, in the meantime, AMONG the chaos. Of course, I have prayed for mountains to be moved, foes to be vanquished, yada yada. Rinse. Repeat. Until those things happen, should they never happen, I have been about being about it and living in the midst of all kinds of what in the ten levels of hell is all this?!

To top things off, have been advised I will be moved to a super tough area of work. One where plenty of Ibuprofen will/may/undoubtedly be required. In times past, I would, by now, be having ten kinds of fits. I would be lamenting to God, Life and whomever else would have made the mistake of getting within earshot, about how this wasn’t fair, how that was cold, how I should have been protected from that happening, how I should have been exempted from that situation. Basically, a grown up temper tantrum.

Mind you, I would have eloquently tossed in all manner of scriptures to fortify my supposedly awful treatment. I would have pulled out my worksheets of good deeds, effort, yada yada. Rinse. Repeat.

I have learned at times life just doing life things. Nothing sinister. No, I had NOT pissed off the entire universe. To be honest, not sure my tiny old life worthy of the universe forever trying to disrupt internet or electronic usage…*shrug*.

Now that I have learned not to work my big bro nerves, God’s Nerves, Life’s Nerves, I can go ahead and LIVE. I can now, roll with the punches. Laughing, every step of the way.

Life has surely been turned, upside down. I am learning how to LIVE upside down…*shrug*. Like the oak tree that rocks with the breeze, that be me, Ms. C, handlin’ her topsy turvy life bidnezz whilst trying to maintain my joy and sense of humor.

Since I can’t sleep at night, to save my life, I just sleep early and use the wee hours of the night to watch some AWESOME British tv shows and series. I am telling ya’ Brits know how to write!!!! I highly recommend ‘Vigil’ and ‘Wolf Like Me’. Different. Well acted.

Since we only get one crack at this life egg, I am doing my best to find as many fixings as I can for the eggs flung my way. Omelet, egg salad, boiled eggs. Makes me no never mind. May also use an egg or two as projectiles if folk get in my way……hahahaahahahahahahahaha!!!!

Hang in there, beloveds. Think it not strange all the happenings that may be happening to or around you. Also, don’t ascribe some non true life motive that the happenings are your fault because you are deserving of not so good happenings to be a happening to you and for you. Life happens to us all.

Keep a goin. Keep a doin you. Keep a being about it.

Hard is NOT visiting you to beat you down. Hard just there to help you see how strong you are, to help hone your TRY, to help strengthen your faith muscles, to show you that you CAN and that you WILL. That’s it. Hard is not there to make things too hard for you. You got this! As do I.

I still have not gathered the heart to make chili since my friend passed. Just too heart achy to do that. I have been finding other ways/avenues to tend to me. Be sure, beloveds, to do the same. It’s ok to not be ok til you are ok. In the meantime, ensure to dig out some joy, in your hard, in your tough mountain. There are all kinds of treats and nuggets if you just keep on fighting your way through the mountain and who gives a damn.

digging still,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

A Friday Funny.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!

How true is this, right?!

If only we would/had listened to mom more, better, at all, eh? Think of all the heartache we could have saved?

God bless all moms/mums for all they put up with from hard-headed children.

We did good, beloveds! Our week, has come to it’s end, and we are STILL here! Give yourself a pat on the back. You could have given up, but you didn’t. You could have given in, but you didn’t. You could have walked away, but you didn’t. You could have stopped trying, but you didn’t.

Take some time, this weekend, to get refreshed. Do something for YOU, now, beloveds. You have given your all, to the world. Now, it’s time for you to give back, to YOU. Yea, yea, I know. The world would have you think taking care of yourself is selfish, a crime. It IS selfish. And, needed.

We can still be about it. Just a bit more leisurely, eh?

Be proud of you, of your TRY. Don’t give one thought to the outcome. It’s not your job, not my job, to ensure the success of the thing. ALL God and Life needs is our TRY. That’s it. Having tried, let your TRY be enough. It is. As, are you. As, am I.

Remember, we got this!

here still,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

What Hard whispered to me.

Hard left, this morning. I was surprised. I thought she was here, to stay. At the very least, I thought Hard would be with me. For the foreseeable future, and beyond.

This morning, though, over coffee and conversation, Hard abruptly announced it was time. Time, for her, Hard, to go. I was flabbergasted. We were just in the middle of a long laugh. About what? I don’t even remember now. We had been digging our way out of this mountain of grief and who gives a damn. I had dug up a really stupid song. One that made us both laugh. What was the song? You know, I don’t even remember. Just remember laughing, during the hard, with Hard. And, laughing, hard, still.

I couldn’t believe this heart could laugh, still. After a time, we grew tired. Hard and I. Decided to rest, just a bit. I made coffee. Offered to share, a cup. Hard, accepted. We, sat. We, drank. We, laughed.

Suddenly, Hard arose. Arose and said it was time for her to go. She left me with gifts I will always cherish. Said not to tell you, just yet, what those gifts are. She may be visiting you, sometime, and want you to discover the gifts for yourselves.

Before she left, she turned, made her way back to me. She, Hard, placed her hand, gently, upon my tired shoulder. Gave said shoulder a squeeze, leaned in and said three words. Words said, Hard closed the door and was off on her next assignment.

To my amazement, I found I missed her. Just a bit. Working with the hard, with Hard, I dug out so much more of me. Me has been nice to see. Now, I find myself trying harder, working harder, loving harder, striving harder. Why? To make Hard proud. I am no longer resistant of the hard, of Hard. I, embrace it. I, receive her.

As this day ends, I prepare for the evening’s embrace. I have been about it, given my all, ate my peas and carrots, emptied my cup, best as I could. I am letting that be enough.

As I go, I shall tell you the three words Hard said to me. They are the same I would say to you:

You got this…

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Give them some of your life.

When my young friend was buried, this past Saturday, I wanted to beat the holy hell out of life and ask ‘Why, couldn’t you have given her some of my life so she could have longer to live her life!?” I look at my old 53 year old self. I think about her young self. I want to tell God she could have used more life. She may have done better with some of mine.

I can’t give her any of my life. So, I am doing my best, to give some of my life, here, now, to as many as I can. Have tried to, before she died. Have tried, for many, many years to be of use to somebody, many somebodies.

I cry. Even, now. Right now, in fact. Wishing, she had more life. Wishing, I could DO more, with mine. Wishing, I could help more folks dig their way from beneath grief, hard days and who gives a damn.

I want to crawl back beneath my covers of comfort, to find comfort. Comfort, won’t come. Not, really. My heart, grieves. Grieves, for all who have had a lost. Greives, for those who feel lost. Greives, for all who have lost hope. I wish I could give them more:

More, joy.

More, peace.

More, love.

More, hope.

More, light.

More, life.

More, of all that can/will:

Help.

Heal.

Restore.

I can’t do any of those things. I can, perhaps, perchance, shine a light, be a light, for someone, for somebody. So they might know that things truly WILL be okay. Maybe, MY voice, my light, my life, can, even but for a moment, let someone know they be loved. And, in the knowing, maybe, perhaps, perchance, they will have given themselves more of their lives. Living, instead of surviving. Loving, instead of being afraid to love. Receiving, instead of being terrified of receiving.

Ah, I hope.

I, hope.

Maybe, if more of us, gave a bit more, of ourselves, to another, to others. Maybe, just maybe, we can all make our way from beneath mountains of this or that. And, maybe, just maybe, we can find some joy in the digging, in the caring, for one another.

I keep digging up the roots, of my TRY, hoping to see some fruit, some growth, some SOMETHING! Perhaps, maybe, I should stop digging up my TRY and let God and Life do what They will? Sounds like a plan.

In the meantime, beloveds, give someone a bit of your life. Now, whilst they are here. Whilst YOU are here. Who knows what your giving will do or will mean? At the very least, you will have removed some hard. Even, if just a little. Ever little bit helps.

giving you a bit of me,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

you matter quotes Great You Matter s and for

Another ‘Nuff said.

‘Nuff said.

We got this.

One more day, to the weekend. Yipppeeee. The NFL playoffs begin this weekend. Love me some football!!!

Keep:

Digging, out.

Pushing, through.

Holding, on.

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe