Today, is the first Saturday, since my young friend passed I wanted to, and did, get up and spend a delicious few hours, making myself breakfast, drinking oodles and oodles of coffee and blogging, just a bit.
I started to go visit my fave blogs(have missed them), but found myself still not quite up to them. Means I have truly moved on. Yes, I know this may sound dumb but I have told myself it’s okay to not quite be okay with having to be okay with fully letting go.
You see, I really HAVE acknowledged her passing and am making my way from the casket, I secretly allow my heart the space to linger, just a bit longer, just a tad bit more of hiding from the reality that I shall never see her again. Never sure can feel so big, so unconquerable, at times.
I have been ’embracing the suck’ as they say.
Embracing, the hard.
Embracing, the impossible.
Embracing, the tears.
Embracing, the loneliness.
Embracing, the not knowing.
Embracing, the tasteless.
Embracing, the wait.
Embracing, all.
No longer, do I fight, these things.
No longer, do I hide away, from these things.
No longer, do I rage against, these things.
No longer, do I blame God/Life, for these things.
No longer, do I blame others, for these things.
No longer, do I blame ME, for these things.
Things, well, things happen.
Life, happens.
To us all.
To, everyone.
To, me.
To, you.
None, of us, are exempt from heartaches, heartbreaks, hard things, unfair things, unlikely things, incomprehensible things, unstoppable things, awful things, wonderful things, amazing things.
In knowing this, I have learned, am learning, STILL, to embrace them, to learn from them, to grow from them, to go with them, to go in spite of them, to go in the midst of them, to grow in the midst of them, to fight them, to fight with them, to fight despite them, to fight in the midst of them.
Why?
Why ask why?
What, is the real word.
What will you do with the why that has come upon you, come for you, come to you?
As for me, I am learning to eat tasteless food. I am learning to try and add other flavors to enhance what I am eating. I am learning to try different spices. I am learning to try different food. In doing so, I am growing, I am going, I am living, and I am doing.
In losing, I have still won. Am winning, still.
With loss, can come great gain.
IF, we learn how to embrace the un-embracable(making up my own word).
IF, we do the hard part and keep on keeping on when we would rather not keep on.
IF, we remember that all things truly do work together for our good if we ALLOW THEM TO!
If you don’t know how, learn how.
If you can’t learn how, make up a new way to.
If the new way you have made does not work, make up a new way to try the new way.
Why?
LOL.
You tell me. I think way too many folks are sitting around, moping and waiting on other folks to do the hard thing and then bring the answers to them on a nice silver platter, carrying a comfortable pillow to give to them to rest upon.
Get up!
Get to doing.
Start, small.
Start, somewhere.
Just start.
Simple as that.
Why?
You tell me.
waiting on your answer,
Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
- 📫 WHEN WORSHIP FINDS YOU 🎧🙏🏿❤️🔥
- MOM, WOMBIE, WE NEVER GOT MARCH. 🧸❤️🩹
- THE HAND FROM HEAVEN ✋🏾☁️🧻🤣
- COME SIT AT MY TABLE 🪑❤️🩹
- BELOVEDS, YOU CAN HAVE MY FLOWERS. I DON’T NEED THEM ANYMORE.
Why Can't I Be Loud?! 