Say the hard things out loud: It’s okay to say I am afraid.

Writing 2 Minutes

I didn’t realize I was afraid.

Not until, I admitted, out loud, I was afraid.

Not until, rather, I gave myself PERMISSION, to actually BE afraid, and to admit I was afraid.

My heart has been moving towards doing some outrageous things, some challenging things, some ridiculous things given my age(or so they say). The closer my heart has gotten to the edge, to doing the damn thing, the more I have felt, or tried to keep from feeling, the exhilarating, terrifying, what the hell am I doing, what if I fail feelings?!

I asked myself what would happen if I just went ahead and admit, to myself, that I WAS afraid? What would happen?

Hmm.

Hmm?

Chicken!

Not liking myself having called myself a fraidy cat, I took the dare and admitted, to me, that I was afraid:

Afraid, I may fail.

Afraid, I may succeed.

Afraid, I may lose.

Afraid, I may win.

Afraid, my dreams may come true and I wouldn’t know what to do with them actually realized.

Afraid, my dreams would never come true and I wouldn’t know what to do with ME after they were never realized.

I took the dare…

I said the words…outloud.

Outloud!!

Then…

Silence.

Silence.

Silence.

Then, my heart opened up…

Then, my mouth opened…

Then, out of my mouth came….

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!!

Then, my heart and spirit BOTH said:

‘Who gives two hoots if any or all of those things happen? Who cares?!”

I thought and thought and thought. Thought and realized that I honestly do not give two damns about any of those things, now. Life is just too short.

I want to try.

I want to fail spectacularly so.

I want to uproariously laugh at my spectacular failures.

I want to eat double chocolate chip cookies as I laugh and blog to folk about how royally I messed up this, how grandly I nosedived on that. I want to chuckle about how far I fell, how much it hurt, how wonderful it was just to try.

Now, my heart races, not in fear, but in anticipation. I am no longer afraid.

Ha!

HA!

fixing to mess up some things and not giving two hoots,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Life is short peeps. Get on after it and mess up some things as well. Make it good so you will have some good stories to tell, eh?

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Published by Cassandra S.

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4 thoughts on “Say the hard things out loud: It’s okay to say I am afraid.”

  2. Let’s celebrate all our shipwrecks and mishaps. There is no shipwreck-free journey. Not if you want to learn and grow. So bring on the double chocolate chip cookies and top them with a double dose of Jean-Luc, if you need to (quite a nice mental image here, Picard lounging on top of giant cookies…), and enjoy the journey! To boldly go where no Cassandra has gone before…

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    1. I loved this! In fact, I started watching season one of Picard. Thank you. The bad news just kept coming and coming and coming ALL week. I have cried, drank coffee, cried in my coffee, kept going, stopped for a while, cried some more, stopped some more, kept going some more. Am thankful the week is at it’s end so I can rest. Just made a nice delivery order of pizza, beverages, chicken wings and going to have a good old time with Jean Luc. Hang in there folks. The tough doesn’t stay tough. Goodnight tho. Yikes!!

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      1. Well, Cassandra, whenever bad news come my way now, I shall also think of Jean Luc balanced on top of double chocolate chip cookies. Oh what a wonderful sight for my menopausal eyes… Sometimes, life can be very simple and tasty. And just to make this clear, I’m talking about the cookies here. I’m not going to take a bite out of Picard. I’m a vegetarian!

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