At a loss…

Writing 4 Minutes

I have been searching for words, any words, that would give meaning to the 10 lives snuffed out in Buffalo, NY for no reason other than living while black.

While processing that horror, one much worse has transpired.

What could POSSIBLY be worse than 10 innocents, matriarchs, gunned down for no reason?

How about 19 ten year olds, and two of their teachers, in an elementary school, two days before summer break, watching the movie ‘Moana’, not knowing another 18 year old would barricade himself in their room and take their lives. 21 innocents. 21, brown bodies, snuffed out while law enforcement literally remained outside the classroom door, refusing to enter, until those lives were gone.

An hour. An HOUR, law enforcement waited, you tell me for what, to enter and protect these precious, these priceless brown bodies.

Now, the finger pointing has ensued. I don’t know which discourse/debates/conversations, among law enforcement, the media, the legislature, twitterverse, social media bothers/sickens me the most. I shall list a few and you stop me at the one that rips your heart out:

  1. A raging debate is going on that if the children had not been brown skinned law enforcement would have valued the kids lives enough to risk their own. Apparently, the fact these children, children dammit, and adults, were non white law enforcement decided to wait for, hell I don’t know they are arguing, three days later about why they waited a damned hour while babies frantically called 911 to come and save them!!
  2. Legislators don’t have to do anything as it will never reach their homes/lives as laws were made to protect white folks, protect white folks things, police non white folks and corporate America funds white folks so white legislators are ‘apathetic’ about the brown bodies slain in a school. I remember a time ALL children were priceless and worth protecting.
  3. If the children had been white law enforcement would have rushed in, immediately and saved as many lives as they could. They would have been hailed heroes saving as many white tiny lives as they could. I have wondered, lately, how many lives, of folks who look like me, will be enough to get folks to give two damns. Apparently, 29 no where near enough. Sadly, children are also considered not worthy of the last few measure.
  4. Folks right to carry assault weapons of mass destruction are more important than the lives of innocent babies. When asked was the death of 19 innocent ten year old was enough to get a gun owner, who displayed dozens of guns proudly, on her porch, while her white children proudly stood among them, to get her to change her mind about the need for reform to protect innocent follks, the mom said ‘no’.

I could go on and on but won’t. Just too heart sick. An 18 year old, second within a week of each other, was able to purchase an AR-15 and blow folk away. Not old enough to legally drink in most states, yet can….

Am at a loss….

What do I say to young folks, who look like me? What do I say to young folks, who look like you? Most folks don’t see our tears. Or rather, give two damns about them. They would care about your tears, though. Why? Because they would stream down your porcelan cheeks. Apparently, tears falling, on colored skin, is not as valuable, or valued.

The funerals have started, today. Two, so far. 10 year old, babies, being laid to rest. They should be in summer camp. Yet, their families are burying them. Because they were persons of color, living their lives, in their precious brown skins.

I have writen, many times, our flag, is supposed to cover us all. Not, a select race, a select few. Red, white and blue. The colors of the flag. The streets are running red, with blood, from those who look like me, because some folk who look like you, have decided our lives are no longer worthy of air.

Who am I speaking these words to? I have no idea, anymore. I guess, I want to put a face, a person, upon this black/brown face of mine. Maybe, just maybe, someone who doesn’t look like me, may see, may SEE, may see ME, care and decide my life, my black/brown life, matters enough so that someone who doesn’t look like me, will tell many, many others, who don’t look like me.

What will that do? I have no idea. I find it hard pressed to belive, anymore, that enough of folks who look like you, will ever rise up and finally protect those who look like me. Yes, this goes on, in Ameirica. Yet, many of these current beliefs, are being stoked by conspiracy theories and rhetoric garnered from other countries, and gleefully consumed, here.

I told my twin I would not write, again, until I knew what to say. If that were the case, I would never write again.

Beloveds, I write, again, tears streaming, yet again, in disbelief of present happenings.

Yet, beloveds, I also know this:

Love WILL win, in the end. It will.

Light WILL, eradicate the dark, in the end. It will.

Til then, beloveds, what can/will we do?

As for me and my house, I shall continue to say these words…

YOUR LIFE MATTERS TO ME.

praying for us all,

Cassandra

Note: We all need each other. None of us will get out of this life on our own….

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Published by Cassandra S.

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