Real talk: The death of dreams.

Writing 2 Minutes

Last night, ALL night, fought with the night, fought early dawn, fought with the world over old dreams, long held desires, long held beliefs.

The fight was not even close.

I took a look at those old beliefs, of those old desires, that came from believing life-long beliefs that were bestowed onto my heart from mom fears, dad fears, world fears. All finds of fears, it seems, save my own.

As I fought, as I cried, as I wrestled with old lies, long held, I began to wonder if this, if these, were fights still needed, still NECESSARY.

You see, I found I have been fighting for these things for sooooooooooooooo long, muscle memory had taken over, long ago.

And, if truth be told, if I peered, deep into the darkness, I could see God, I could see Life, I could see Yikes, I could see Egads, I could see true friends, I could see true family, fighting FOR and WITH me. Fighting, to get me to see these things, these old beliefs, long held, no longer belonged with me.

It was time, you see, to let them go.

So, I, Cassandra, Jaybird, Sweetpea, could go and be free.

Finally, as morning snatched the last of my tears, from deep within, I…let go.

Just, let go.

I had no idea, at first, what I had let go of.

I only knew that something, something, SOMETHING, deep inside, had died.

I knew not whether to be glad, sad, or indifferent. Just knew something, those dreams, were gone.

I was not:

Mad.

Sad.

Afraid.

I was just….

JUST!

Ah, just.

I found my heart, wanting. I found my heart, getting angry. Thinking, mistakenly, that I would not see justice for the dreams that God, that Life, had allowed to die, within me.

For a moment, briefly, I was angry.

How DARE They take these dreams, from me.

Looking closer, however, I found these dreams, these wantings were no longer wanted. By me.

You see, ALL that I want, NOW, and for the rest of my days, is to love others, to let others KNOW, of a surety that they ARE loved.

That’s it.

I no longer, beloveds, dream of a posse to rescue me from loneliness, from life, from hard days.

Yea, I have learned that loneliness, that life, that hard days, well, they shall come. Yes, they DO come, for us all.

My hearts desires, now, is to part of the possee that rides, for others. To, others. Letting them know, of a surety that they are NOT alone.

In trying, not to be loud, I found my heart shouting louder than any words I could say. What does she say, beloveds?

My heart says:

God LOVES you.

God SEES you.

God CARES DEEPLY for you.

My heart says:

I LOVE you.

I SEE you.

I CARE VERY DEEPLY for you, beloveds.

I ask not, for your love, your care, in return.

I just….

I just….

I AM just.

Therefore, I give you my heart. Use it, as you choose. Love it, by your choice. Not, by strings. Not, by expectations. Not, to return a favor.

As you so choose.

I choose, beloveds, to love you.

No matter what.

No matter how.

No matter why.

Just…

Cuz….

loving you just cuz,

Jaybird

#YourLifeMattersToMe

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Published by Cassandra S.

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