Month: February 2023

Don’t give up your me time.

I work from home now. I love, love, love working from home.

Before, I used to get up two hours early in order to be at work, an hour early, so I could be refreshed and ready to go.

I would watch coworkers tearing into the place, like a tornado. Gasping for air, arms flying this way, coffee cup and car keys, flying thataway, as they flopped, wearily into their chair and begin a harried work day that seemed to stay harried and hurried.

While I, sipping on a second cup of coffee, sat there wondering why they had not just alloted a few extra minutes to get ready, set and go for the day.

I was sooooooo excited to be able to work from home as I would have those two hours back! In fact, I would also be gaining the hour or so I lost fighting traffic and after work errands.

I thought, gleefully, of all the things I could now do, yes would do, with these extra hours.

I, plotted.

I, planned.

I, salivated over and thought satisfyingly of all the productive, wonderous, life-affirming, life-changing, life-altering things I could and would do with those extra hours.

Initially, beloveds, I scooped up all that extra me time and loved on some me. I did this, that, the other thing, new things, old things. Yasssss, lawdy mercy, I was an accomplished fool, er, person, yall.

Smugly, I greeted each day and let it know how very wonderously I was taking care of this fabulous person, called me. I regally sniffed and gaffawed at those lazy and timid souls who continued to rush hurriedly, tiredly, foolishly through their work day, and life, I imagined.

Over the course of time, though, yikes, egads, I found myself bargaining with the day. The conversation went something like this:

Day: Good morning, Cassandra. I see you have your boots polished and ready to kick my tail, today. Good on you!

Me: Do you have to be so bloody LOUD, this morning?! Did you have to come so blasted EARLY, this morning?! Did you have to be so confoundingly cheerful so bloody and blasted early, and coming in such a hurry!? Didn’t we have this same discussion, yesterday?

Day: Surely, we did. Yet, today, as on yesterday, I remind you that I show up at the same time, EVERY time, EVERY day. I don’t, I didn’t create the day, the days. You are going to have to fuss with God, with Life about that. I ain’t ’bout that arguing with God and Life foolishness. Up and at ’em Cassandra. This day is yours to be had.

Me:…*sigh*….okay.

I would bound, okay, would scrape myself out of bed, have my me time, a bit less joyously, longing for bed, bed, bed and bed. For as long as humanly possible. Or, rather, for as long as a snooze button would take me until said snoozed, snoozed it’s last and cast me out of bed and into the cruel, cold, busy, fresh hell, work world/day.

One day, I hate to admit, I quit bargaining with the day. Yeppers, I just up and quit on my me time. I rationalized, like ten kinds of fool, that it was ‘just me’ so no biggie to give up my me time.

I became as one of my aforementioned work comrades and found myself tearing out of bed, like a tornado gasping for air, arms flying this way, coffee cup, flying thataway, as I flopped, wearily into my office chair and began a harried work day that seemed to stay harried and hurried.

*sigh*

Rinse.

Repeat.

I found myself longing for a bit of peace. I was tired, so very tired of rushing to work, flopping into bed, only to have to do the same bloody, blasted mess of a day all over again. AGAIN!! I found myself dreading having the feeling of having to dread the coming day. I missed my friend, Day, you see. I missed the day’s cheerful greeting, of a morning.

I decided to do me time again. Hesitantly, askance I approached the day:

Me: Good morning.

Day: Good morning, Cassandra! I see you have your boots polished ready for you to take care of my hind end, eh?

Me: You had best believe it!

I got after it, early enough to enjoy some great me time and started my day refreshed, satisfied and ready to be about that getting after it life.

Moral of the story, peeps? Never, ever, ever, ever allow yourself to dismiss you, your me time, your time to just refresh and get ready for getting ready for it, for life, for love, for laughs, for joy, for all manner of this, that and the other. It is really sad how we think it’s perfectly fine to not give to ourselves thinking we have not earned it, don’t deserve it, would rather give it to others. Phooey on that!

Don’t give up your me time. Start your day with me time. End your day with me time. Everyone else can get the rest.

Speaking of which, time to do me some me time, beloveds. Take care and be encouraged.

doing me some me,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

    My book was writing me.

    More than 30 years ago, 33 to be exact, it was on my heart to write a book entitled Come Down From The Cross: Will The Real Lord Please stand up. It wasn’t going to be a preachy book. In fact, it was going to be….ah, going to be. There’s the rub. It was going to be, I was going to be, I was going to do. Yet, life, work, me, life, work, circumstances, situations, me, work, me, me, me, other folks, me, money, being black, being a woman, being fat, me, work, me, me, me, him, her, they, God, Life, mom, dad, what mom did, what mom did not do, what dad did, what dad did not do, being single, me, work, me, me, me, me, you, me, this, that, the other thing, that other reason, those particular circumstances all prevented me from writing the book of the year, decade, century and millennium.

    Or, that’s what I have told myself all these years long. I wanted to write about how to maneuver in this world and survive as a decent human being, a ‘good’ Christian, an awesome person. The problem was, I had NO earthly idea HOW to be a ‘good’ Christian. I figured I could be an outstanding bad or mediocre one, on my own. Yep, I had just enough knowledge to be dangerous. Yet, I wanted to do things the ‘right’ way. Only prob was I was basically given a bible and told to read it and pretty much ‘do the best you can, homie’. Fast, pray, go to church, give money so God could do this and that and keep it moving.

    Cept, I didn’t understand the thees, thous, and the other things. I didn’t know from hither and yon, the thithers and thathers. I searched, asked, prodded and probed. To be honest, I think many folk had my same issues but did not want to admit to not knowing HOW. I decided to write a book to help me, and perhaps others, navigate this thing called life.

    Here is where it gets hard, beloveds, as I have to admit to…*sigh*….being afraid. Afraid, I couldn’t do it. Afraid, no one would listen. Afraid, I wouldn’t get the money to do all I wanted to do. Afraid, I may find the money yet fail because I was this, that, the other thing or none of the above. Afraid…

    Yall, I was just afraid. Period. End of story.

    All these years later, I still have that want to, that need, to write about how to manuever through this world and survive as a decent human being, a fantastic Christian and an awesome person. I still, have no idea how. I still, may fail. Folks still, may never listen to me because I am this, that, the other things or none of those things.

    Yet, I have decided to try. Now. Here. In THIS moment. At THIS time. Why? Cuz, life is short yall. We only have this one time to do, be, mess up, fix, fail, succeed, mess up royally and 50 bajillion other things in between.

    I have ZERO idea if I will succeed, fail or even finish. All I can do, beloveds, is try.

    I am done beating myself up because I didn’t, I haven’t, all those years ago, all these years.

    I am done lamenting all that I don’t have because of 50 million and one reasons.

    I am completely fed up and through with allowing me to get in my own blasted way. The number one reason, the biggest reason, the who gives a hoot about all the other reasons, was, is, and ever shall be…

    ME!

    Tada.

    Today, I write.

    Today, I live.

    Today, I love.

    Day one…

    Writing who knows what,

    Cassandra

    #YourLifeMattersToMe



     

    Will you?

    Will she, or won’t she?

    Will he, or won’t he?

    Will they, or won’t they?

    Will it, or won’t it?

    We are forever…*sigh*…forever asking she, he, they, it to:

    Love, us.

    Give, us.

    Change, us.

    Restore, us.

    Uplift, us.

    Be there, for us.

    Time to stop wasting time, as we are running out of time, to learn and know we really do not have the time to be asking him, her, they, or it to love, give, change, restore, uplift and be there for us.

    I, must do.

    As, do you.

    The question is, and ever shall be…

    Will you?

    Be your own hero, today. Give yourself permission to give you some self care, today. You need it. Can’t serve a world when you are starving yourself. Take a bit of time, each day, simply to restore, to rejuvenate, to take care of you.

    Then, allow others to do the same, if they so choose. If not, you have. The rest is gravy to be enjoyed.

    Love you some you, today. God, does. I, do. You, do the same.

    loving me some me,

    Cassandra

    #YourLifeMattersToMe

    Forgive yourself, today.

    Forgive yourself, today. For, yesterday’s mistake(s).

    How long, must you punish yourself, punish others, for mistakes now made, in the past?

    How long, will it last, this torture, from tor-tortuous views, from and of your past?

    How many relationships, jobs, opportunities for growth, will you cost yourself and others e

    because of the need to look back?

    It’s time, long past time, to:

    Turn, the page.

    Use, the eraser.

    Start, a new sentence, a new verse, a new chapter.

    Forgive yourself, today. For, yesterday’s mistakes.

    Fix, what you can.

    Make it right, if you can.

    Then, ask for forgiveness, and move on.

    Ahead.

    Steady.

    Sure.

    Learn from your mistakes and move on.

    Forgive yourself, today.

    How many more hours, days, years, decades must you nurse a bad choice, job, relationship? Make the move, do the thing, end the thing, begin the thing.

    Today, is all we have.

    Today, I write.

    Today, I live.

    Today, I love.

    What will you do, today? It had best NOT be beating the hell out of your heart for yesterday’s mistakes.

    writing/living/loving,

    Cassandra

    #YourLifeMattersToMe

    Who cares?

    Who, cares?

    Who cares?

    He does.

    I do.

    We do.

    Which is why He said, He says still, for us to cast our cares, upon HIM.

    He did NOT tell us to:

    Fret, and keep the real worries to ourselves or on social media.

    Complain, and keep our true terror to ourselves or in our heart.

    Worry, and keep our true concern in our mind.

    Trust our bank account or loan from someone, and keep our real truth that we really don’t trust He will make the way for us.

    Trust our effort and know how, knowing those things will get us through or tell us how until they don’t get us through or tell us how, and keep this secret non trusting God to ourselves.

    Who, cares?

    Who cares?

    God, does.

    Life, does.

    Which is why He told us to give HIM our true concerns, our tears, our fears, our anxieties, our jobs, our families, our this, our that, our other things and let HIM take care of our cares.

    He, shall give us what we need.

    He, shall keep what needs to be repaired and will return when such repairs have been repaired with care.

    He, shall renew our minds, our hearts, and our care and will give them back to us with such care, wrapped in His Love, in His Care.

    He shall do all these things cheerfully, lovingly, joyfully and will take special care to let us know how very much He cares.

    Yet, He will ONLY do these things when WE ask ourselves but two words…

    Who, cares?

    Who cares?

    You tell me.

    Better yet, you tell HIM.

    Real talk: If you truly believe God cares, for YOU, what in the fresh hell are you allowing fresh hell to forever invade your heart, your mind, your soul whenever you can’t see, hear or understand?

    Who cares?

    I, do.

    He, does.

    Life, will.

    Cast your cares upon HIM. Leave Him to do the rest while you rest and wait.

    God doesn’t mind a bit when we fuss a bit. He just wants us to talk to Him about things. Be honest. With, you. With, Him. He already knows we fear which is why there are 50 million thousand hundred and fifty scriptures about not fearing and about trusting Him and HIS words. You got this. T then, He got you til you truly get this.

    caring for you,

    Cassandra

    #YourLifeMattersToMe

    Today, I write.

    Today, I write.

    Tomorrow, we’ll see.

    Today, I lived.

    Tomorrow, who knows.

    Today, I loved.

    Tomorrow,….

    No idea what tomorrow, will be or bring.

    The unknowing, my undoing.

    Therefore…

    Today, I write.

    Today, I live.

    Today, I love.

    writing/living/loving,

    Cassandra

    #YourLifeMattersToMe

    Today, is all we have. Use your today, today! Get going, beloveds. Get a move on it!

    Just write.

    Just write, He said.

    I don’t know how, I said.

    Just write, He said.

    I don’t know why, I said.

    Just write, He said.

    I don’t know who to write for, I said.

    Just write, He said.

    The world won’t accept these words from me, I said.

    Just write, He said.

    I don’t have time, I said.

    Just write, He said.

    I don’t have a degree, I said.

    Just write, He said.

    I am not the right color to be seen, I said.

    Just write, He said.

    No one will heed a woman, I said.

    Just write, He said.

    These words, my words, are not adequate for the day, I said.

    Just trust, He said.

    I will, I said.

    Just right, He said.

    I’ll try, I said.

    Well said, said He.

    Writing, I shall be.

    Cassandra

    #YourLifeMattersToMe

    I don’t know who these words are for. Just know they were not meant just for me. There is something that God, that Life has been asking you to do for many years. It’s time. Whatever your write is, get to writing…

    I no longer question why I am.

    I no longer question why I am. I am just glad that I am.

    I no longer question why I was born. I am just glad I was born.

    I no longer question the weight, the import, of my words. I just speak.

    I no longer wonder why no one will sing with me. I just sing.

    I no longer wish I was more than, had enough of, could do more. I just am, I just give, I just do.

    I no longer believe no one will believe in me. i just believe in me.

    I no longer wish and long to be loved. I just love.

    I no longer wonder why God and life made me so damned loud, so damned ugly, so damned passionate. I am just apologetically loud and passionate, which makes me ugly to some in this world.

    I think these things makes me stunningly beautiful and infinitely priceless.

    loud and proud,

    Cassandra

    Sometimes, you just need to tell the world to kick rocks. You are unique and wonderfully made. You are not an accident. You are an on purpose. This world needs YOU, beloved. Be. Be, you. Be the hero in your own life. You don’t need to be rescued. You shall overcome all that is seemingly overcoming and overwhelming you at the moment. Tell the mouse with the megaphone called fear and anxiety to go on ahead and kick rocks today!

    You are NOT alone.

    You are NOT alone.

    Keep, going.

    Keep, fighting.

    Keep, trying.

    Keep, loving.

    You, CAN.

    You, WILL.

    Until you do. I pray for you, I root for you, I sing for you, I rejoice for you, I care for you.

    Why?

    Because you are worth it. Don’t let the silence fool you into thinking you are not seen, heard,loved and valued.

    For you see, beloved, this time was not sen to break you. This time was and is meant to get you to see, to experience the fight, the love, the hope, the joy contained within the troubled heart that holds your precious cares.

    Be encouraged, today. Don’t give up yet. God sees in the dark as well as the light. Hold tight, to these words, to your hope til you see and KNOW you are and will be okay.

    Stand.

    Sit.

    Lie.

    You got this.

    I got you beloveds.

    Cassandra

    #YourLifeMattersToMe

    Rest your mind.

    Rest your mind.

    Don’t allow your racing mind to take the rest of your mind.

    Rest your hands.

    Don’t allow your racing hands to forever keep you racing through life.

    Rest your heart.

    Don’t allow your racing heart to forever keep you racing headlong into things and situations not restful for your hands, heart and mind.

    Rest, now.

    Rest your mind.

    The world will take care of itself. God and Life will take care of the rest.

    resting with Him and you,

    Cassandra

    #YourLifeMattersToMe