Month: March 2023

Mad at everyone BUT me.

Years ago, I had a Social Worker friend teach me one of the most important lessons I have ever heard or learned.

Turns out, I am learning that particular lesson, still.

STILL!

She had gotten all up in my face about me forever working myself to death. Ran all up my hind end regarding me forever and a day placing myself on the ground and presenting myself as the roadway and thus roadkill for any and all to help themselves to/with.

*sigh*.

After a while, I got mad. And, I mean steaming mad.

Outraged, I kicked, screamed and ballyhooed.

“Good”.

That’s what she said to me.

“It’s about time you got mad. Maybe now you will start taking care of you.”

She proceeded to read me the riot act. I proceeded to get some act right.

Today, my old boss ‘made me mad’. Course, this is what I told myself. He had just been doing his job. Reminding me to hurry on up and do my job.

Will be real…*sigh*….smh.

I almost…smh.

Like a dummy, I almost let myself get ‘mad’ enough to stomp out of work two hours early.

My head got to shaking ‘hecks no you going to stay up in here!’

My fingers got to wagging all up in my face that I was fixing to finish the work day and stop all this acting a fool else would be doing bathroom duty come midnight!

My foot kicked me dead up in my rear end as a painful reminder to stop all that foolishness and do what needed to be done and get out the feelings I had no business being all up in.

This reminded me of that decades old advice. Hence, the birth of this piece.

We are so quick to get mad at God, at Life, at this, at that, at our fam, at our friends, at our lack of having said fam and friends. Yep, we get all mad and fired up at circumstances, at situations at….good egads we have the NERVE to get up in everyone’s faces except our own.

It’s not always easy, eh, to get up in one’s own face. If so, we find it is us who have been holding us back most of this whole time in some way form or fashion.

So, I got me some act right, right quick, and dashed in here to save you from having to do your own midnight chores.

Keeping our act right acting right IS a chore. A necessary one. Saves our hind end from taking a good boot to the rear.

HHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAH!

I laugh now.

I want to cry at all the missed opportunity and adventures I missed out on being mad at everyone but me. Now, I don’t waste much time getting on myself. Now, when I find out better, I try and do better. I don’t always get it but get right as soon as I see I have been a dumbsky or have done a super dumb thing.

Moral of the story?

Why yall keep asking me?

Ask, Him.

Ask, Life.

Ask, YOU.

You will be surprised at what all you will learn.

learning still,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

We get do overs until we don’t.

We get do overs until we don’t.

Nuff said.

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Life is short, beloveds. We have no idea how many days we have. So, when you mess up, get back on up and do the thing over. And, over. And, over.

If you have messed up with someone, get on up and do the conversation over. And, over. And, over.

Get going.

going with you,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Don’t be petty.

I was mad at wombie.

Why?

Cuz she did like I told her and not worried about a situation and got on being about her life.

The prob?

Well, I was the dummy who got to worrying about HER and forgot to be about being about my life.

Sooooooooooooooooo, when she called to check on me to see if I had been being about it….

I proceeded, yall, to huff and puff and blow my own dumb house down.

Slunk off.

Mad.

Fumed.

Fussed.

Got tired of fuming.

Got tired of fussing.

Mad enough I decided to punish the wide world and did not post as I normally would have.

Dummy me.

Got up.

Got in shower.

Got some act right.

Got to posting.

Normally, I text wombie my pieces so she does not have to go to the site and read.

Started out, being honest yall, and was petty and wrote and initially did not text her. Told myself she can go to the site and read….dammit….*pout*.

Took brows raising at me and fingers wagging at me and head shaking at me and foot tapping at me to help me get some act right as I have ZERO plans to be doing chores at midnight.

*Cassandra grudgingly sent posts to wombie*….*pout*.

So, telling on myself and reminding all to keep some act right and keep doing what is right. We can’t expect folks to be everywhere and at all times. We can’t expect folks to check back in and let us know how they are doing. Folks living their lives.

Best we keep living ours best we can.

being about MY life,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

P.S. You tell me the moral of the story….

Remember why you loved. Then, love.

I love my job.

Except, on the days where I no longer love my job.

On THOSE days, don’t ask me why…

On THOSE days, EVERYTHING tends to get on my last nerves.

NO rhyme.

No good reason.

Just wake up and don’t FEEL LIKE doing a blasted thing other than to go back to bed.

Life is like that. Just has the nasty habit of showing up, EVERY DAY!!

You would think we would be able to press pause on life and take a break every once in a while.

Exhausting!

Whew.

Yet, even on those I can not stand work days, I find myself enjoying it, anywho. By the end of the day, I am having a hoot and had forgotten to be sad and that I absolutely no longer loved my job.

Keep loving.

No matter what.

No matter how.

No matter who.

We all get on each other’s nerves. At times, for good reason. Other times, for no reason at all.

*shrug*.

No moral here.

Just life.

Being life.

Keep being you.

Keep on caring.

Exhausting though caring can seem to be.

caring exhaustedly with you,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Stop wasting time.

I have NO idea, beloveds, why us somewhat not smart humans are forever wasting our time on things, on folks, on situations not worthy of US, let alone worthy of our time.

Life is short.

Best we stop wasting it, dontchathink?

Nuff said,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Keep digging through the hard.

Keep digging.

Through, the hard.

Through, the sad.

Through, the frustrating.

Through, the grief.

Through, the mad.

Through, the work.

Through, the struggle.

Through….

Keep going through.

going through with you,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

I love you: Even when you make me mad.

I love you, me.

Even when you make me mad.

I love you, Father.

Even when you make me mad.

I love you, fam.

Even when you make me mad.

I love you, Life.

Even when you make me mad.

Even then.

Especially then.

Life is short.

Keep loving.

even when,

Jaybird

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Fatigue haiku

3 lines.

Five words.

Or is it 5 words.

On 3 lines?

Who cares?

I am tired.

COOOOOOOFFFFFFFFFFFFEEEEEEEE!

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Keep going. Even if you are too tired to remember what goes where and how…you got this.

If…

If…

God got you.

He does.

Why are you in such a panic?

If Life got you.

It does.

Why you having such a fit because of not knowing the answers?

If your family has you.

They do.

Why are you telling yourself you are alone?

If Jesus got you.

He does.

Why are you feeling so friendless?

If you have got you best you can.

You do.

Why are you giving you such a hard time here lately?

Beats me.

How about cutting you some slack?

I will.

*Cassandra shakes her head at her self in the mirror, yet again, and snatches up the vaccuum. No midnight chores tonight. She has learned the hard way to get act right as quickly as humanly possible once age and longing and doubt get to acting a fool*…

keeping it real,

Cassandra

Yall, do NOT allow circumstances, situations, or any other thing to get to lying to you. You KNOW where your help lies. You KNOW who and whose you are. Keep fighting. Keep going. Keep growing. These trials, which are for but a moment, ARE working in and for you. You got this.

Don’t let the mountain scare you.

It’s just a teeny weeny thing.

That mountain.

Yea, the one you think is soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo huge and much, much too large for God and Life to take care of for you.

Yeppers, your mountain is especially difficult and tough.

In fact, your particular mountain is the ONLY one that God can’t tackle. See, it is much, much too large for Him.

Huh?

Whatcha mean nothing is too hard for Him?

That being the case, what the world you been carrying on about ALL night to the point you have kept everybody up night after night after night for a week?

Good question.

*Cassandra turns away from the mirror and decides to put herself on some punishment for being terrified of not knowing what, how or who to find to help with her mountain. Good yikes here I come bathroom*

Breathe.

Eat.

Drink plenty of water.

Do some chores.

Read a book.

Watch a movie.

Take a walk.

Tell fear and fatigue to take two seats and keep it moving.

The biggest enemy you have right now, beloveds, in between the in betweenness of life, is YOU!

When life gets seemingly stale, slow, old, long, and whatever else it tends to do, don’t run from the mountain. Keep on removing pebbles. Keep on climbing that dumb thing. If nothing else, you are exercising faith muscles and all the other things one gathers when climbing apparently never ending, never able to get rid of mountains.

The mountain is there for a reason.

What reason you ask?

Ah!

Aha!

Keep climbing.

Keep asking.

Faith, true faith, real faith, takes everything you have at times. Life can be no joke and some blows do take the breath away. No getting around that. At times, the blows and hits just keeps coming in wave after wave after wave after wave of what in the worlds and lawdie mercies and ok reallies.

It is during THOSE times that the true you is exposed. Maybe, just maybe, beloveds, that’s what Life has been trying to draw out in the first place: The real you. The real me. Not the foo foo stuff that we show the world when the sun is shining, when the belly is full, when the bills are almost paid.

Yea, boy, it is when the tummy is shouting in anger, when the bills just not adding up with the month, when the kid is acting a fool, when the parent is acting a fool, when the job is on one. It is THEN we find if we will, if we won’t, if He will, if He won’t, if we believe He will, if we secretly believe and expect He won’t.

These times have an end.

The trick is being sure to be sure to be anchored to what is sure, what and Who is The Sure Thing.

And, after having anchored ourselves, well, all we can do is batten down the hatches and hang on for dear life. Jesus went to sleep in the boat, remember? Think I will go lay beside Him during this latest wave of storms….

brb,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: It is imperative that you keep on being completely honest with yourself. If you are not a person of faith….okay, EVERYBODY has faith in something/someone. Just be sure you are tying yourself to that which will not toss you to and fro and every which a way.

I no longer allow fear, anxiety and doubt to be in charge of me and my decisions. I now live my life, with INTENTION. Allowing myself to feel, allowing life to feel as it does and working within that. We got this. We do.