Don’t yall know I am in His Hands so it truly does not matter what/how/who?
So long as I know whose I am?
So long as I know who I am?
I suggest yall go right on head and take some seats.
I have a life to live.
Not wasting my days crying about a mountain, worrying about a place, carrying on about a thing.
A sista has gots thangs to do.
being about thangs,
Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Some days, peeps, you just got to get all up in some faces and let it be know a sista aint playin’…lol….I crack myself up writing in this style. In other words, we got this so why worry?
Normally, I allow myself only ten minutes to be all up in my feelings when something has worked my last nerves.
Any time more than that, to me N-E-Waze, is a huge waste of my life and time.
A bit ago, I called wombie in an angry rampage. Told her I was mad. Told her I was NOT going to put a time limit on my mad. In fact, told her I was fixing to let myself be mad ALL day.
Ha!
Sometimes, beloveds, you just have to say things out loud. Bringing the light to things tends to shine a light on foolishness hiding just beyond the edges of anger, fear, doubt and all their friends. Yep, anxiety and age tried to do an end around and send anger calling.
As you can see, anger has now joined the rest of the riff raff out there, outside, on the porch.
It’s okay to say ow when life hurts…..hmm…..great title piece…..*Cassandra makes a note to write a piece about it really being okay to say ow when life hurts and not be pretending all is ok when it does not feel this way*.
It’s super important, though, to put a limit on being all up in your feelings. Feelings tend to wreak havoc and tear up the joint. Feelings could give a hoot about the future. Future just wants things NOW and storms around like a petulant child.
Once you have yo feels take two or three seats just…
Breathe.
Take a breath.
Let your lungs fill up with something other than your mad and continue to move your mountain. One pebble, at a time. If that’s what it will take.
*Cassandra moves a pebble*
ALL God and Life asks us to do is try. The mountain is not the issue. Never has been. The mountain is just but a flick of the wrist to God, to Life.
The trick is being willing to ask God, to ask Life, to ask yourself, WHY is this mountain still here?
Hmmm.
Ah.
Aha!
Being there is a question, the answer is there, THE answer is there and The Answer is there!!
waiting for the answer while waiting WITH The Answer,
I am just sick and tired, Father, of looking at this same blasted mountain.
Tell me, how to move it.
Teach me, how to move it.
Tell me, it is not going to move so I can get the hell on with the rest of this thing, called life.
Dammit.
I still love you, Lord. Just a bit peeved, I guess, with me.
Why in the fresh hell do You keep prodding me to keep moving forward knowing this blasted mountain is in the way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Move it or move it along.
Am weary. Moving a pebble at a time just is not cutting it.
I am 54. How many more lessons must one learn in order for You to make it do what it do?
How long will you hold it against her that she did not meet your expectations?
Heck, how can you expect her to have known better when YOU did not know?
Let her off the hook.
Okay?
Okay, so she didn’t do this, that and the other thing because she was afraid. Why can’t you cut her some slack?
She did the best she could do with what she had.
If God forgave her. And, that a long, long, long time ago…
Why are YOU still holding her lack of progress over her head?
God knows where she is.
God knows where you are.
Leave it!
Leave her be.
Move on, with your life.
You can NOT keep blaming her for where you are now.
Move!
It is enough.
Life is too short to keep getting on her case because she gave to everyone and everything but herself. How about extending her the same love and grace you give everyone and everything else?
Forgive, her.
She forgave you a long time ago.
I will.
I do.
I’ll try.
*Cassandra turned from the mirror, turned out the bathroom light and went in search of jello. It was going to be a long night…*
These, and many more random thoughts, appeared, disappeared, reappeared after receiving yet another phone call with yet more troubling/upsetting/heart-crushing news.
I mean, Father, a gal can only eat so much grilled cheese, dontchaknowthis?!
Whew!
This steady march of awful/horrid/whattheworldhashappened now March news has got me ready to run away from home. Which is NOT an option. Gas just too high! Also, no idea where I would go. Also, just too exhausted to leave the house let alone get in a car and point it in some direction.
I promised myself I would keep on doing the day no matter what the day would bring but….sheeeesh, okay!?
I made a lovely lunch I did not eat.
Forgot to make jello so had to settle for orange slices instead.
My last break is almost over and I am in need of the next break which won’t come til tomorrow.
If this sounds a bit woe is me….*shrug*. I got nuttin for you.
I reached for my coffee cup but remembered I forgot to make my coffee.
Between the burnt peanut butter cookies, midnight chores, my dreams refusing to show up, age and longing hollering all up in a girl face, I am ready to tell the whole blankety blank world to kick some rocks!!!!!!!!
Am over making lemonade, Father. Can a girl get some chocolate cream pie instead?
Asking for a friend,
Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
When life hands you lemons, don’t ask me what to do with them. I have a fresh pile, of my own, on the kitchen counter. Keep going…
Mom used to like to say ‘Tell the truth and shame the devil’. Basically meaning tell on yourself when you have acted a fool.
In slang terms, get some act right and do better!
If I had not listened to lazy, I would not have burnt my precious peanut butter cookies. If I had not paid heed to pity, I would have had my jello and meal prep done. If I had listened to act right, right off, I wouldn’t have been put on punishment, by me, at midnight.
Yep, not only did I make myself load the dishwasher. I punished lazy and me for using the tired excuse that it was,conveniently, ‘too late’, to keep the neighbors up by running the dishwasher. Of course, I was just being a good neighbor.
Ha!
Fingers told hand to help them point me to the kitchen. Feet, tapping irritably, joined fingers in steering me to the kitchen sink. Brow, scowled. Lips,frowned in displeasure. Even my eyes rolled on me just a bit.
Knowing to keep my mouth shut, I scrubbed my way to the bottom of the kitchen sink. As additional punishment I was required to handwash ALL the dishes that didn’t fit in the dishwasher.
All those dishes made my head tsk tsk at my foolishness. Which made them ALL angry. Feet got to tapping, double time. Fingers got to shaking and pointing at BOTH microwaves. I found myself, to my chagrin, scrubbing out the crime scenes called my microwaves.
Trying to appease the uproar, I went ahead and prepared the kuerig for the morning’s coffee. Shoot, I even refilled the water jugs, made sure the coffee and creamer containers were topped off and looked around to see what else I could do to quiet things down. I was smart enough not to look at or venture towards the bathroom.
Yikes!
Egads!
Yikes! and Egads! took one look at all the cleaning supplies and beat a hasty retreat. God and Life had stopped by for a visit and took off before They could be seen and or recruited to help.
*pout*
Don’t even waste time asking me for the moral to this story. I suggest you make sure your own act right is acting right before you get your own ideas and put yourself up to some midnight chores.
Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: Never allow life, hard times, good times, boring times, people, places or things to keep your act right from acting right. It’s sadly much too easy to use those things as excuses not to do, not to try, not to love, not to have joy and on and on.
I have learned and am learning, yet, and still, to use the things I used to use as excuses not to to do the opposite of what I used to not do.
Confused? That means don’t let your act right get you into midnight chores by not acting right and DOING what’s right.🤷♀️
Tomorrow’s are piling up and turning into too many yesterdays that did not come bearing my dreams.
I find these days, THESE days, harder and harder to bear minus said dreams coming ’round.
I can hear doubts laughing outside my front door. So what. they be OUTSIDE no longer allowed in my home, in my heart, in my mind, in my dreams.
Thank goodness for hope. Hope pays me no mind and barges in whether I want to welcome her or not. She brings joy with her and they cause such a racket I can’t help to awaken from my slumber.
*sigh*
Longing is sooooooooo loud and has been sooooooooo insistent I can barely restrain her. She is no longer satisfied with yet. ONLY yes will do now. I don’t know what to do with longing, with THIS longing.
Perhaps, if age had not reminded me that life was short I may have been able to ignore longing.
I find age and longing peering at me, askance. They both want to know what I am going to DO? They both want to know WHEN dreams are going to show up. See, age and longing have things to do, places to go and people to see.
They won’t share with me who, what, when, where or why. Age and longing just keeps telling me to hurry up and be about being about it.
*sigh*
All I can promise them is I will ask God and Life, tomorrow. Day already took everything with her.
Today, was hard. I cried on The Father’s Shoulder. He understood. He understands. He did not promise that dreams would come a calling tomorrow.
He DID promise to be there, in tomorrow, waiting for me. He gave my shoulder a final squeeze, slid me gently off His Lap and encouraged me to keep going. He said He was proud of my try. He told me not to worry about the outcome, or lack thereof.
Why Can't I Be Loud?! 