So, my friend would NOT allow me to withdraw into my pre Mother’s Day whatever the hell this is that comes up before Mother’s Day.
I don’t know how she knew. Just knew she knew enough to keep pestering me to ask how I was doing.
Pride wanted me to lie and say all was well. Pride also wanted me to tell her to go kick rocks and leave me alone.
Grief wanted me to be honest with her letting me know how much comfort it is to allow oneself to BE comforted, in the moment.
Shame wanted me to keep my loud mouth shut as I used to in the past. Shame reminded me that no one REALLY loved ME. Yes, they love and need my encouraging words when THEY are hurting. As for me,…me.
Doubt wanted me to ‘test’ my friend. In order to ‘be sure’ she loved me. Doubt gave me really childish and dumb suggestions such as ignoring her texts, saying something really stupid like she wouldn’t care anyway so why waste her time. I told Doubt to shut up already.
Pain, well, pain didn’t talk at all. She just got to throwing them hands and knocking me about the room until I was too tired to cry Uncle.
Tired was, hell, tired was just too blasted tired of this now yearly struggle to keep moving forward yada damn yada, after doing the IMPOSSIBLE of watching mom’s casket being lowered into the ground. Dammit, mom. WHY, did you leave me with this now external fight?!
Sad, was truly sad and said it was okay to not be okay until I was READY to be okay. I told sad, okay.
Mad was, of course, mad and loving the freedom of stomping about, for no good reason. All that stomping around got on even tired’s last nerves. Sad escorted mad to the door and told mad to be about being outta here! That, made me smile.
Smile, having been granted entrance, sneakily brought joy, hope and peace with her, knowing Jesus ALWAYS accompanies joy hope and peace as He never likes to be left out when they are present.
Hearing all the joyful racket, The Father sat down His crown and went to join the shenanigans.
Acceptance, knowing entrance would now be granted, knocked on my heart and said:
Acceptance: Your mom was tired.
Me: I know.
Acceptance: It was her time.
Me: I know.
Acceptance: You must stay in the fight, beloved.
Me: I know.
Acceptance: You must NOT withdraw, from life.
Me: I know.
Acceptance: Let grief finish up her time and tell her to take sad with her. Be sure to keep joy, hope and peace with you. Tell them to keep the noise down. They have given me a bit of a headache.
Me: I will…lol.
After telling pride to kick rocks, I got up and got after it.
Thanks, my friend, for not allowing me to withdraw.
Thanks My Friend, Jesus, for not allowing me to withdraw.
Thanks, Father, for not allowing me to withdraw.
Thanks, Try, for not allowing me to withdraw. I tried. Yet, my Try absolutely refused to allow me to withdraw.
Now, I find myself dragging my tired and my sad, through the rest of the day to see what I will find at the end of it.
To be continued.
staying in the fight,
Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: Hard times are just that: hard. It’s important to understand how much hard times hurts. Yet, it is equally important to understand you are NOT your pain. You are NOT your hard to me. You are going THROUGH a hard time. Simple as that.
The ONLY thing you MUST do is to…try.
That’s it. That’s all. You will win, some days. You will lose, some days. Yet, in the end, you will win this game called life. Stay in the fight. Stay. STAY! Be encouraged. Whatever your Mother’s Day is, be encouraged. You are loved. You are NOT alone. Keep on being…YOU.
- THE HAND FROM HEAVEN ✋🏾☁️🧻🤣
- COME SIT AT MY TABLE 🪑❤️🩹
- BELOVEDS, YOU CAN HAVE MY FLOWERS. I DON’T NEED THEM ANYMORE.
- Forgive them, Cassandra, God said to me
- Still In Love
Why Can't I Be Loud?! 