I’m getting old, beloveds. Yep, 54 years young, am I.
I don’t feel old. I still feel like I am 25. My outside is telling me ‘gurl, you look like you 75!’…hahahahaha!!
The older I get, the more I want to try. I didn’t used to feel this way. Truth be told, in my 40s, I was scared to death of moving out of my comfort zone. I told myself I was ‘waiting on God’. Ha! I wish more folks would STOP prophelying on God.
Folk will lament, if it be thy will, God this. And, if you so want me to do this, that and the other thing, God. Yes, we are to seek counsel. Yes, we are to be prudent. Yes, we are to go to God, first. Yet, He also tells us to ask. He also says we have not because we have not and to ask so our joy would be full.
God is not served to have a bunch of fearful, toiling folk running around afraid to live out loud and blaming Him for things not happening. I had to tell my own self to shut up, already, as I was lecturing God and giving Him my two cents for why I was still where I was.
Many, many, many times I had folk who encouraged me to brush up my resume, go for different promotions, do things I KNOW I was beyond qualified and capable of. I even used the death of my mom to keep me bound. Yes, her death affected me. Profoundly.
Yet, I was struggling with fear of moving forward, long before mom passed away. In fact, she encouraged me to pursue my writing. I was afraid I would fail. I was afraid I would succeed. I was afraid if I got out of my chair I would lose another chair. Like musical chairs: I was afraid I would be the one old lady left standing. I was terrified life would laugh at me and tease me for being DUMB ENOUGH to have given up my comfortable, known, easy to stay in, chair.
Secretly, I longed to take a leap of faith. I yearned to get up and run just to see what happens. I was afraid I would lose my seat. I watched my peers, take the leap, and land, on their feat. I watched as they took a new seat. I watched them grow.
It’s not that I did not also grow. I did. I have. I still do. The thing is, beloveds, I have outgrown my pot. My flowers are blooming all over the place. They are starved to be re-potted. Replanted. Re-imagined and ever other Re there is.
I am listening. I am no longer afraid. I am running out of time. Or, I may have 20 more years. I have no idea. Which is why I rise, now, in search of a dream. My writing dream. MY way. My way, may not pan out. My way, may take me on a long journey. My way, may take me on a weekend jaunt.
All I know, is I KNOW I need to get a move on. My writing dream is outrunning me. She refuses to wait one more second for me. She laughs and tells me to catch up already. We have The Grand Canyon to see, experience and to write about.
Ah, beloveds, I have NO idea how I am going to get there. But, I am out of my seat and running the race set before me. I am enjoying the stretch of muscles. I appreciate the gasping lungs. I laugh at the old, fat, worn out fingers who are racing across these keys in search of my dream.
I search not for a better life, however. My life could not be better. I have learned to BE. Me. I have learned I am loved. I have finally understood I am not alone. How much better could life get?
Ah.
Aha!
I have asked the right question, have I not? Now, I await for God and Life to whisper and give up Their Secrets.
In the meantime, beloveds, it is time for you to get on up out of your comfortable chair. It is time, well past time, for you to live, with INTENTION. It is time for you to stop allowing your fears to hold you back. It’s okay to be afraid. Take the fear with you. Run your fears to God and Life and leave it with Them. Keep doing so until you realize you have nothing to fear given that you are loved and that you are not alone.
Take care. I wish I had more time to spend with you. I don’t. My writing dream has taken off and I have gone in search of her. Hopefully, I shall find her standing next to my ocean-front home or next to a pot of gold waiting to be deposited into my bank account….hahahahahhaha!
Be encouraged.
Take care.
Laugh at yourself.
Forgive yourself for being afraid to try.
Then, TRY.
Just, TRY.
Your TRY is ALL God and Life requires. Try, then let THEM be concerned about the outcome.
in hot pursuit of my writing dreams,
Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: Forgive the amount of pieces. I have no idea who needs which piece of encouragement. I dare not hold them until tomorrow. I don’t know how many tomorrows I have why I give ALL I have today. I leave everything on the field, as they say. Besides, it takes a handful of oyster crackers to top off a good bowl of ghoulash.🤷♀️
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