Author: Cassandra S.

Today, I write.

Today, I write.

Tomorrow, we’ll see.

Today, I lived.

Tomorrow, who knows.

Today, I loved.

Tomorrow,….

No idea what tomorrow, will be or bring.

The unknowing, my undoing.

Therefore…

Today, I write.

Today, I live.

Today, I love.

writing/living/loving,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Today, is all we have. Use your today, today! Get going, beloveds. Get a move on it!

Just write.

Just write, He said.

I don’t know how, I said.

Just write, He said.

I don’t know why, I said.

Just write, He said.

I don’t know who to write for, I said.

Just write, He said.

The world won’t accept these words from me, I said.

Just write, He said.

I don’t have time, I said.

Just write, He said.

I don’t have a degree, I said.

Just write, He said.

I am not the right color to be seen, I said.

Just write, He said.

No one will heed a woman, I said.

Just write, He said.

These words, my words, are not adequate for the day, I said.

Just trust, He said.

I will, I said.

Just right, He said.

I’ll try, I said.

Well said, said He.

Writing, I shall be.

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

I don’t know who these words are for. Just know they were not meant just for me. There is something that God, that Life has been asking you to do for many years. It’s time. Whatever your write is, get to writing…

I no longer question why I am.

I no longer question why I am. I am just glad that I am.

I no longer question why I was born. I am just glad I was born.

I no longer question the weight, the import, of my words. I just speak.

I no longer wonder why no one will sing with me. I just sing.

I no longer wish I was more than, had enough of, could do more. I just am, I just give, I just do.

I no longer believe no one will believe in me. i just believe in me.

I no longer wish and long to be loved. I just love.

I no longer wonder why God and life made me so damned loud, so damned ugly, so damned passionate. I am just apologetically loud and passionate, which makes me ugly to some in this world.

I think these things makes me stunningly beautiful and infinitely priceless.

loud and proud,

Cassandra

Sometimes, you just need to tell the world to kick rocks. You are unique and wonderfully made. You are not an accident. You are an on purpose. This world needs YOU, beloved. Be. Be, you. Be the hero in your own life. You don’t need to be rescued. You shall overcome all that is seemingly overcoming and overwhelming you at the moment. Tell the mouse with the megaphone called fear and anxiety to go on ahead and kick rocks today!

You are NOT alone.

You are NOT alone.

Keep, going.

Keep, fighting.

Keep, trying.

Keep, loving.

You, CAN.

You, WILL.

Until you do. I pray for you, I root for you, I sing for you, I rejoice for you, I care for you.

Why?

Because you are worth it. Don’t let the silence fool you into thinking you are not seen, heard,loved and valued.

For you see, beloved, this time was not sen to break you. This time was and is meant to get you to see, to experience the fight, the love, the hope, the joy contained within the troubled heart that holds your precious cares.

Be encouraged, today. Don’t give up yet. God sees in the dark as well as the light. Hold tight, to these words, to your hope til you see and KNOW you are and will be okay.

Stand.

Sit.

Lie.

You got this.

I got you beloveds.

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Rest your mind.

Rest your mind.

Don’t allow your racing mind to take the rest of your mind.

Rest your hands.

Don’t allow your racing hands to forever keep you racing through life.

Rest your heart.

Don’t allow your racing heart to forever keep you racing headlong into things and situations not restful for your hands, heart and mind.

Rest, now.

Rest your mind.

The world will take care of itself. God and Life will take care of the rest.

resting with Him and you,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Breathe, anyway.

At times, life hurts so much it hurts to breathe.

Breathe, anyway.

At times, the world beats us so we lose our song.

Sing, anyway.

At times, fear and anxiety chases our faith away.

Believe, anyway.

At times, the vast loneliness of our aloneness makes every step a mile long.

Walk alone, anyway.

At times, loving and being not loved in return returns to an empty home.

Love, anyway.

At times, giving all you have leaves you having nothing.

Give, anyway.

Anyway, with all you’ve got, alone, lonely, anxious, fearful, loveless, hurting…

Breathe, anyway.

breathing still,

Cassandra

Beloveds, life is short. Don’t give up on you yet. Don’t give up on life yet. Don’t give up on hope yet. Don’t give up on faith yet. Be encouraged this day.

#Your LifeMattersToMe

Keep the promise you made to you.

I decided, months ago, to give myself the first 90 days of ’23 to use to reflect, to change, to grow, for no other purpose then for ME.

I wanted, want, to use this time to see what I shall say, to me. To see what Life shall say, to me. To see, what God shall say, to me.

Input, without me forever getting in the way with my unique way of forever getting in the way.

In the interim I am doing a bit of fasting so I can:

Cleanse, my system.

Clear, my head.

That said, today was the day I was going to fast and rest and pray and reflect. All was fine, til, well all hell broke a loose, in my mind.

Ah!

Aha!

ALL battles are won, and lost, in the mind.

Here’s what happened:

Mind: I want bacon and eggs, this morning.

Me: We fasting today.

Mind: Who says we have to start TODAY? We can fast tomorrow.

Tummy: Sounds reasonable, to Ms. Besides, who is going to know? And, if they know, who cares?

Me: I will know. I promised me.

Tummy and mind, determined to pay me no mind, dragged me out of bed and defiantly stormed the kitchen for bacon and eggs. Mind, snatched bacon from freezer. Tummy, stomled to the kueirg and made the most amazing smelling cup of French vanilla coffee. I, sleepily mentioned the fresh brownies I had made the night before.

Now, in secret cabal with my mind and tummy, I sat down, with steaming coffee glaring disapprovingly at me, and stared, contemplatively, at the container of freshly made brownies, and wondered if this was how I was CHOOSING to start my 90 day adventure?

It’s bad enough, beloveds, when life, when others, when circumstances, when situations, let us down, or appears to do so.

It’s a whole other thing, though, to let ourselves down. What’s worse, to CHOOSE, on the front end, to do something, somethings, that we KNOW are not in our best interests.

Sadly, more often than not, we use the utterly nonsensical thought that we are only hurting ourselves. As if THAT makes it okay. It’s just us, right? We are used to these disappointments.

Why try for that job? We won’t get it, anyway!

Why, ask him/her for coffee? He/she will say no anyway!

Why ask God/Life to help you with your dream? It won’t work anyway!

Why, move from this comfortable spot, when you don’t know if the other spot will be what uoy hope it will? We will loose what we had and get nothing in return anyway!

Staring, at disapproving coffee. Contemplating, delicious brownies. Deciding, I made my way, to the trash, and threw away foolish thoughts, self-sabatoging logic, utter rebellion and delicious brownies. Quietly, I poured fear, anxiety, mistrust and all the things I formerly used to keep me from doing and being, down the drain, along with the steaming and delicious smelling ☕.

I chose me.

I chose to keep the promise I made to me.

choosing me still,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Do you: No matter what.

I hang my headphones, 🎧 on the side of the small garbage can, at the head of my bed.

Calm down. Calm down! Before you start hollering about how gross and unsanitary…*Cassandra shakes her head at judgy folk so early in the morning who don’t even know what they judging yet*.

I had gotten sooooooooo tired of slapping things every whicha way, in the dark, flailing for these damned headphones!! Yes, victory eventually came. But, at a dastardly cost. Now, I had the headache of trying to figure out what in the fresh hell I had slapped, hither and yon, in the dark, trying to grab these stupid headphones!!! Ack!!!!

One night, I had angrily slapped my headphones on the small garbage can, at the head of my bed. Why? Cuz, I knew the dumb garbage can was right above my head. That way, I could find all the other dumb, random things I had slapped to hither and yon looking for stupid headphones.

After that, I kept slapping them there. I don’t put major garbage in it. Just the annoying wrapper or kleenex getting on my last nerves. I have a nice and lovely liner on it. Meaning a used Walmart bag.😁

Works for me. Which brings me to today’s message: Do you, boo, even should others think you odd. Do, YOU! HOW YOU DO YOU!

Fret not, beloveds because others think you should be doing you this way or that way. How in the fresh hell can anyone else know how to do you? Half the time you don’t even know.

What’s more, beloveds, please stop trying to do, to be, anyone or anything else besides you. Is much too exhausting and who the world knows why them folk doing themselves thataway?!! Smh.

It’s bad enough we have to fight with autocorrect all day on our phones!!!!😩

Take care and KNOW you are:

Loved.

Cherished.

Cared for.

Prayed for.

Thought of.

I love me some you.

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Resolutions, smesolutions.

Resolutions.

*sigh*

Resolutions. It’s the day before the new year and folk will be telling tall tales of all their coming exploits. Far fetched rants about changes sure to be made ‘next year’. No matter that these same tales were shared, last year. Technically, there is still time to work on last year’s promised feats of ‘gonna get some act right and actually act right’.

Ha!

Cmon now, peeps, we ALL know what these resolutions, these protestations actually are. They are the world’s excuses in order to allow folk to act a damn fool all THAT year, based upon the promise, to get some act right, for the NEXT year. Apparently, turning the calendar page is supposed to make the doer undo all the ridiculous doings they have been heretofore doing.

Ha!

We ALL know the new undoings the doer has decided to undo THIS year is just to much to do! So, doer does some act right, for a good ten minutes, or maybe a few minutes more. Before deciding, while whining, to do the thing, the things, to act right, NEXT year.

Rinse.

Repeat.

Resolutions. Smesolutions. Ha!

Just get about getting about it. Life is short. No such thing as a do over. So, get on up, and do the thing, the things, get some act right and act right. As shall I.

One thing we AIN’T taking into ’23 is lazy. Okay, lazy can come on our off days but only for a lil while.

It’s time.

To, begin.

Again. And, if, in beginning, you find you are not winning, why just begin, again.

And, if, in beginning, the winning, was not meant for you, why applaud the winner, and begin, again, on the morrow.

For, the morrow may show you the winner. No matter, as all you have, all I have, all we have, in hand is what is left of today.

Laugh.

Live.

Love.

Now.

Today.

laughing/living/loving with you,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Real talk: I will ask for you.

It’s not easy to ask. For, love.

No, it’s not easy, to ask, to be seen.

Yea, it sure aint easy, to ask, to be heard.

Yet, ask we must.

WE MUST!

I find myself hesitating, beloveds, to share this particualr part of me, of my heart. Not because I am ashamed. But, because some of those words contain memories best left in the past, or so I used to tell myself.

Okay. Okay! I am getting to the telling…*sigh*.

Since getting off work tonight I have been playing Mariah Carey’s version of “I Want To Know What Love is” on repeat. Over and over and over. Still listening to it now, truth be told. My heart just won’t leave me alone, these days. My heart keeps pestering me, nudging me, shouting at me to KNOW what love is.

Enough already! This, I tell to my heart.

Shut up, already! You bothering me. You keeping me from ignoring this void, this yearning to KNOW, dammit, what love is.

If I were to be honest, COMPLETELY HONEST, beloveds, my heart has been demanding my attention, on the matter, for aeons now, years now, decades, sadly, now. Only, she, my heart, aint going gently into some cold, goodnight. She, my heart, has had just about enough of my foolishness of ignoring her, my heart, in order to cater to the needs, to the hearts of the world, of others.

It’s what we do, us folk of color. Especially, us women of color. Yep, we have grown up learning we have to keep it shut, take care of all things menfolk, give every ounce of our dreams and ourselves to make sure our families, our jobs, our menfolk, our chillun has all of THEIR needs, THEIR hearts, THEIR goals, THEIR love, fulfilled. While, we waited until….

Only, our until never comes. What’s worse, if we have THE nerve to even hint about asking when our turn might be to ask, to have, to live, to love, to have love returned, to us, we get bashed upside the head with guilt, anger, or, what’s worse, indifference.

So, we learn to hide, in plain sight, behind:

Hard work.

Laughter.

Food.

Service.

Rinse.

Repeat.

And, it’s NOT that we don’t love to laugh, to work hard, to serve others. It’s just, just, just….

*sigh*.

It’s just easier, or so we lie to ourselves, to hide behind service, giving, working and telling ourselves that it’s okay to be forever not chosen, not seen, not heard. But, we KNOW, don’t we, the REAL truth? We, all of us, in some form or fashion, until we get some healing, are all bleeding, in plain sight.

It has taken me five decades, FIVE!, to learn, through the ever patient, the ever relentless love of God, for me, that I learned HOW to love me some me. As a writer, words are important to me. They always have been. I have ALWAYS had this yearning, to let folks know they were important, that they were loved. Even as a little girl. I was born with this calling I guess you can call it.

Ironic though because my parents were never word people. Mom showed her love through service. She cooked. She fed the neighborhood. She cooked for the church. My greatest memories are of hanging out, in the kitchen, as mom cooked for this one or that one or for us.

My dad was not a word person, either. His way of teaching was with the rod. Beat the hell out of, or into his kids, depending on how you looked at things. He also taught us, me, about hard work. About doing your best, about being the best. Always.

As a person of color, we ALWAYS had to be ten times better, we were told, in order to have a sliver of what white folks had. And, we had to keep our head down, keep it moving, keep it pushing. To this day, it it still necessary for folks of color to be better, try harder, just to get a scrap or two.

Yet, thankfully, this current crop of young folk of color and other races and aces, are, and have been teaching us old heads to go on ahead and ASK for things to be better, to get what we need. They are smart, these young ones. Yet, they still have so much to learn from us old heads….*sigh*…these young folks don’t understand that but for those, who kept it shut(of the mouth variety) is the very reason they can speak loudly and proudly now. They shall learn.

So, having parents who taught me to keep it shut, the world also helped to keep me silent, not asking for love, to be seen, to be heard. I’m not blaming my folks, or the world, for keeping me quiet. Truth be told, the real culprit was fear. Or, me of being afraid. To, ask. To believe that I was even worthy of love. Such a sad, sad thought to me, now. Such a foreign thing that I have ever spent a moment doubting my worth, my place, in the world.

Now that I have learned how to ask, I find myself wanting to ask for love for those who have not yet learned how to ask. I find myself wanting to ask for those who don’t yet know how truly priceless they really are.

I plan on doing a lot of asking, for a lot of folks. I am asking for love, for YOU, he/she/they eyes who view these words. I am asking for Love to love you so much and so hard that you will never doubt for another moment how truly you are loved.

Don’t worry, I got you. It’s okay, if you hide, still, behind work, behind food, behind laughter, behind service. I got you. What’s more, I won’t give away your secret. We shall know, though, your heart HAS been seen, has been heard, has been prayed for, has been thought about.

By, me.

By, God.

By, Life.

Hopefully, soon, by you.

By, others.

For now, now, of a surety that someone is asking, on your behalf, for all the love your heart can hold.

asking,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe