I decided, months ago, to give myself the first 90 days of ’23 to use to reflect, to change, to grow, for no other purpose then for ME.
I wanted, want, to use this time to see what I shall say, to me. To see what Life shall say, to me. To see, what God shall say, to me.
Input, without me forever getting in the way with my unique way of forever getting in the way.
In the interim I am doing a bit of fasting so I can:
Cleanse, my system.
Clear, my head.
That said, today was the day I was going to fast and rest and pray and reflect. All was fine, til, well all hell broke a loose, in my mind.
Ah!
Aha!
ALL battles are won, and lost, in the mind.
Here’s what happened:
Mind: I want bacon and eggs, this morning.
Me: We fasting today.
Mind: Who says we have to start TODAY? We can fast tomorrow.
Tummy: Sounds reasonable, to Ms. Besides, who is going to know? And, if they know, who cares?
Me: I will know. I promised me.
Tummy and mind, determined to pay me no mind, dragged me out of bed and defiantly stormed the kitchen for bacon and eggs. Mind, snatched bacon from freezer. Tummy, stomled to the kueirg and made the most amazing smelling cup of French vanilla coffee. I, sleepily mentioned the fresh brownies I had made the night before.
Now, in secret cabal with my mind and tummy, I sat down, with steaming coffee glaring disapprovingly at me, and stared, contemplatively, at the container of freshly made brownies, and wondered if this was how I was CHOOSING to start my 90 day adventure?
It’s bad enough, beloveds, when life, when others, when circumstances, when situations, let us down, or appears to do so.
It’s a whole other thing, though, to let ourselves down. What’s worse, to CHOOSE, on the front end, to do something, somethings, that we KNOW are not in our best interests.
Sadly, more often than not, we use the utterly nonsensical thought that we are only hurting ourselves. As if THAT makes it okay. It’s just us, right? We are used to these disappointments.
Why try for that job? We won’t get it, anyway!
Why, ask him/her for coffee? He/she will say no anyway!
Why ask God/Life to help you with your dream? It won’t work anyway!
Why, move from this comfortable spot, when you don’t know if the other spot will be what uoy hope it will? We will loose what we had and get nothing in return anyway!
Staring, at disapproving coffee. Contemplating, delicious brownies. Deciding, I made my way, to the trash, and threw away foolish thoughts, self-sabatoging logic, utter rebellion and delicious brownies. Quietly, I poured fear, anxiety, mistrust and all the things I formerly used to keep me from doing and being, down the drain, along with the steaming and delicious smelling ☕.
I chose me.
I chose to keep the promise I made to me.
choosing me still,
Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
- BELOVEDS, YOU CAN HAVE MY FLOWERS. I DON’T NEED THEM ANYMORE.
- Forgive them, Cassandra, God said to me
- Still In Love
- REAL TALK: DESPISE NOT SMALL BEGINNINGS, BELOVEDS.👘🦺🥾👟🥿👞🩴👢🩰👡⛑️🔌🕯️🔎🖌️🖋️📢
- IT ME!
Why Can't I Be Loud?! 