Nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing shall stop you so long as you hold on, always.
Yea, the darkness comes. Yet, the darkness MUST give way when the light comes. Shine your light, beloveds, on that which has been dark for so long.
Sing, in the darkness, and watch the light come.
Dance, in the darkness, and watch the light come.
Rejoice, in the darkness, and watch the light come.
Pray, in the darkness, and watch the light come.
Stand, in the darknesss, and watch the light come.
Hold on, always.
No matter what.
No matter how.
No matter who.
Hold on, always.
Hold on, to:
Him.
Hope.
Help.
Healing.
However.
Nevertheless.
Regardless.
In spite of.
Because of.
Hold on, always.
Your time, will come.
Your blessings, will come.
Your rest, will come.
Your posse, will come.
Your understanding, will come.
Notwithstanding, beloveds, regardless, despite, go ahead and spite all that may fight, and hold on, always.
Hold on, as best you can, always.
Hold on, til hold won’t hold no more, always.
Always, hold on.
When the last step you can no longer take, take the last step, anyway, and hold on, always.
When shouting into the void has voided the last of your hope and faith, shout into the void, beloved and hold on, always.
When hope gave way to despair and you despair hope shall never return, hope and hold on, always.
When the end of things seems like will never end, yea, even as it feels you are beginning the impossible task of beginning again that thing which will never end, begin again, beloveds and hold on, always.
I was in a grilling mood. Translation: food and gas are so high it is much cheaper to stay at home and cook…*sigh*.
Feeling super culinary, I decided to make me some super tasty home made burgers. Yea, yea, I had frozen patties I could have used. But, those things too blasted tiny and IMPOSSIBLE to get ANY blasted seasoning to stick to the patties!….*pout*…..*Cassandra stamps around in a mini temper tantrum thinking of those tiny, frozen discs that won’t let ANY BLASTED SEASOINING STICK ON THERE!!*…..hhmm……*Cassandra realizes she has been on a mini rant about something that didn’t even happen*…..oppss…..my bad peeps…..
N-E-waze, I was in a grilling mood. So, grabbed a pound of ground beef, a handful of seasonings and prepared to make THE most tasty burgers in the wide world.
Okay, okay, not so much. They were super huge and beautiful. Juicy. Looked like the fantastic burgers you see on commercials that NEVER end up being so big, juicy or tasty going through the drive thru.
What was the problem, you ask? Thanks for asking. They were just a shade too salty. I meant it. Just a shade off. I think, by about one or two microcrons or salt crystals. Those one, or two, or ten crystals, had my fantastic burgers just a hair too salty. Crap!
I decided to maks the salty and doused them, and myself turns out, liberally with barbeque sauce. I dare not add ketchup as surely that would have made the salty that much more salty.
Sooooooooooooooo, long story shorter…..*sigh*…..my once beautiful burgers now looked like a crime scene at a barbeque factory. Sauce every which away. With great anticipation, I took a hefty bite and….
Fresh hell!
I could taste those ten blasted salt crystals. Still. STILL!!
I grabbed a drink, took a big swill. Grabbed a chip or two or ten and waded back into my now full fledged hamburger war.
And…
Fresh hell!!
Salty, still!
STILL!!
*screams of agony wended themselves towards heaven*
Being hungry, and saving money, I ate my beautiful mess of a salty burger and realized this beautiful mess of a salty burger reminded me of me. Hell, the beautiful mess of a salty burger WAS me!
All my life, I have been told I was too this or too that. Too loud, too young, too old, too poor, too black, too angry, too much woman, too unattractive, too uneducated, too country, too worldly, too citified.
The list was endless. Invariably, niave dumbsky that I was, I would slather myself with this condiement or that one. Desperate, you see, to present myself as ‘tasty’, needed, necessary to the world. Alas, the world, and many folks in it, just found me too ‘salty’ for it/them.
Yet, I must admit, there were some, in the minority, who enjoyed my salty. Case in point, God love her, I was in a super ‘salty’ ie silly mood and decided to pass on the savings, er, teasing, to my twin, my wombie. Yep, I let her have it. Just kept saying THE most preposterous things. First, to make myself laugh. Then, well, it was just fun having been given permission to be as outrageous and ridiculous as I wanted……(((((((((((((hugs self))))))))))))))).
I can NOT tell you how much joy I received, having been received and loved, salty, messiness and all. As I laughed, I thought of others and was sad that there are so many folks, out there, who think they are ‘too much’ so they dim their inner goofness. They hide, there inside fun. They, instead try and present themselves as something folk might want to partake of.
Makes me want to run around, screaming to the hold world to stay salty.
STAY SALTY!!!
Yes, beloveds, what you or some others may think as too salty, why, there are countless more who think your salty is THEIR brand of salty!
Stop hiding who you are. Even, from you. Yes, especially, from you! You were made purposefuly, magnificently, incredibly to be the incredible you that you are. There is NONE like you. Nope. Nada. Nary a one.
Isn’t that wonderful!? Of all the peeps, in all the world, everywhere, there is only ONE you!
Miracle, you.
Incredible, you.
Loved, you.
Cherished, you.
God and Life, beloveds, just need for you to continue to add your salty to this pot of gumbo called life. EVERY spice is needed. Some, are salty. Some, are swee. Some, are savory. Some, are sour. Yet, ALL are needed.
So, stop looking down on who God and Life made you to be. You be made of greatness.
You are:
Awesome.
Amazing.
Able.
Capable.
You are:
Loved.
Cherished.
Blessed.
Needed.
Necessary.
Magnificent.
Fantabulous.
Fantastic.
You can:
Do that which you thought you were ‘too salty’ to do. Know ye not, beloveds, your salty is the salty this world has been in need of this whole time!
Stay, salty.
Say.
Live.
Love.
ALL of you. Not just the pars you think folk will think acceptable. What the heck do they know, N-E-Waze?!
Ha!
YYYYYYYYASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!
Nothing can get rid of your salty. Don’t you try and get rid of it.
Truly, folks can never really truly know how much their words, their actions, may mean to others. Especially, to folks clear round the world, across the way, next to the pond, down the street, just up the way.
I have to admit I had been….I have no idea what I have been since learning of the 10 lives senselessly taken. What’s more, I have had no idea what to do with myself due to all the other lives, here recently, that have been taken simply because folks have been black, Asian, Taiwanese and so many other ethnicities in this past little while.
Gunned down in church, put to death in a grocery store. Murdered while getting a massage or giving one. Snuffed out, while living as a person of color.
If you are reading this, and are of a persuasion other than a person of color, I thank you. I have no idea how you must feel with folks, who look like you, who are running around senselessly getting rid of folks who look like me. I can’t imagine how that must feel. I wonder, if you are sad/mad or ten million other things I currently feel. I wonder if you ever take a moment, or two, to try and imagine what it may feel like not being about to feel safe anywhere you go, even in your own home, simply because you don’t look like me.
So, you can imagine, these days have been tough. So much so, I put the pen down. I told God what on earth can I possibly say/do that would or will do any good. I almost didn’t post the other day. Something inside, though, just would not stop crying out for me to say something. SOMETHING.
After I wrote, feeling helpless, I pressed post and….
Being honest, I called my twin and told her I just did not know what to do or how to feel and the world would just have to kick rocks and take care of things without me.
Little did I know, Britta and her gang and Ashley would do just that., for me. I had turned out all the lights, turned off the tv, turned off all music and just….just….just….hurt.
I turned off my phone and just….just…just hurt.
I almost left my phone off. Something made me turn it back on. Think it may have been Yikes! or Egads! Checked my email and saw notices from folks I had never heard of.
What the world???!
I admit it. I cried. Like a big old baby. Called my wombie and cried some more. Crying still, if truth be told.
Yet, because of those who cared enough, across the sea, just down the way, reached out and let this person of color know that I was cared for just….just….just no words.
I thank you.
I shall continue to fight and try and say and live and love and do my utmost not to be afraid of folks who don’t look like me.
I share theser things so that maybe someone else will, some others, will. The ONLY way we will make it through this life in one piece is together.
I just wanted to say thank you, to every word, thought, prayer sent up and said for folks who don’t look like you to help folks who look like me.
My heart just has not known what to do, what to feel, where to go. Not, anymore. These days, have me shaken, and stirred. Not sure what to do with me.
I just thank all who cared, who SHOWED care. We need to see it, we need to feel it, we need to KNOW it.
I will be damned if even ONE life, that has been snuffed out wrongly, unjustly, unbelievingly will have been lost, in vain. No, way. No, how.
I shall do my utmost, to keep on shining my light, best as I can, to reclaim the darkness. The dark shall NEVER, EVER, EVER be able to shut out the light. One light, shall lead to another, then others.
Til, then, beloveds, I hold my light, high, for all, for others, to see. I light the way, to hope, to peace, to joy, to freedom, to healing, to togetherness, to all those things we all need to keep on keep on.
It is time, for us all, to reclaim the darkness, around us. One step, one voice, one outstretched heart, one outstretched hand, at a time.
Yes, it’s time, to speak, to show, to give, to grieve, to love, to care, to share, to show…..TOGETHER.
Shine, your light, best you can, in as many places and ways as you can.
Someone needs to know, it wil be alright, they will be alright. Even, in the dark. Let someone know, that help is on the way.
Unfortunately, fear, that mean it’s a wrap for you, in my life.
ALL you did, fear, was help me to unlock the greatness, the goodness, the love, the tenacity, the beaboutitness, the I got it going on like popcorn ness, the awesomeness, the joy, the hopefullness and all the other nesses and messes that I foolishly allowed you, fear, to cover.
So, thanks, dummy, for showing me ALL the blessings that God and Life have in store, just for me.
Whatcha going to do now, fear? Run? Hide? I suggest you get a head start!
Yea, cuz, all you did, fear, was help God and Life to reveal ALL the wonderfulness locked up inside this heart of mine.
Dummy, you, fear. You sooooooooooooooooooo dumb.
Thought you had this sister of color, eh, fear? How dumb can dumb really be?!
Ha!!
Thought you had me on my knees, fear? Yea, I was on my knees praying, you dummy. Whilst, fear, you truly should have been running. Away. From. Me!
I got something for you, fear. Come closer, if you dare.
Think you only see a teeny little kitty? Go ahead. Walk up on her. Reach out, for her. See, if you lose a limb or two, in your reaching.
Yea, fear, ALL you did was remind me of me.
Fear.
Fear?
Fear ain’t nothing but a four letter word!
So, is love.
So, is hope.
So, is care.
So, is rare.
Which is me. Only ONE me. Why/how should I fear being me, fear? I don’t. Not, anymore. Now, I am coming for you. Going to get you for scaring so many folks. Going to, so long as I have breath, fight you, fear, and teach others to fight you and not fear you. And, even when they fear, to beat your dummy tail whilst afraid.
coming for you,
Me
Cassandra
Note: Fear, ain’t nothing but a word, beloveds. Tell it to go on ahead and kick some rocks and live. Hang in there. Hold on. Hold out. Things really will be okay. And, it’s okay to not be okay until they get to being okay. Okay?
I love me some you. Even the dummies who are not smart enough yet to love me back….*shrug*….lol….
Real talk, beloveds, there are times when life, circumstances, situations, folks, dopes, bad things, sad things, mad things, will make you want to up and quit, turn tail and hide, cry uncle or whatever the world will get you out of the present darkness/situation/sickness/sickofthisness.
Yet, at those times, beloved. Yea, especially at those times we MUST, we HAVE to, tell those things to go on ahead and kick some rocks!
We shall NOT, be moved.
We don’t think so!
Ha!
You got this, beloveds.
Yes, it has been hard.
Yes, it has taken forever.
Yes, it feels as though it is taking forever.
Yes, you are tired.
Yes, today looks like the same hell/hard yesterday was.
Yes, the world has laughed in your face.
Yes, your finances have looked at you and said ‘No hope/help here, homie!’.
Yes, your body told you to go ahead and kick rocks, when you tried to jump out of bed with gusto.
Yes, your significant other failed to understand.
Yes, you may have no significant other. In fact, may have no other.
Yes, you did right but wrong went ahead anyway and did you wrong.
Yes, you prayed and nothing seemed to happen.
Yes, you refused to pray and nothing seemed to happen.
Yes, you gave your all and got nothing back.
Yet, ALL those things, beloved, have in fact, been working for your good. They have. EVERY single last one.
EVERY, no, has been leading to your yes. Have to get the No’s outta the way first.
EVERY, stop sign, has been leading you to your destination. Have to have traffic signs to stay out of accidents.
EVERY, lonely night, has been leading you to the friends, family, posse, peers you were meant to have in your lfe.
EVERY, hurtful comment, has been leading you to knowing and experiencing the awesomeness called you. Have to get the hurtful/hateful ones out of your life so you can enjoy your life to the fullest.
EVERY, shout into the void, has been heard.
EVERY, dollar given to help another, has been a blessing and will be sending a blessing right back to you.
EVERY, prayer whispered through tear stained eyes, have been gently received and store away and will water your life with gifts never imagined.
So, to all that has brought you to your knees, thank them! For, they are bringing you that much closer to your miracle/blessing/freedom/health and so many other awesome things.
Go on ahead, beloveds, and tell all that nonsense…
I DON’T THINK SO!
We got this.
God and Life has us all.
Be encouraged.
As, am I.
STILL.
still standing/loving/hoping/laughing/praying/saying/trying/doing,
On the one hand, I tell myself, what will all this doing and loving and caring and being, actually DO?!
That’s the whole ballgame, beloveds.
We have absolutely NO idea what our TRY, what our care, what our love, what our say, will have a say on.
That’s not the point. Life and God just needs our TRY. They just need us to keep doing what we do. They just need us to care.
Even, when it gets hard.
Even, when we don’t understand.
Especially, it seems, when we don’t understand and things are hard.
Why, cuz there are folks out there who are simply too tired to keep on keeping on. They need us to chair dance, for them. They need for us to TRY, for them. They need to see us doing what we do, so it can/may prompt them to try, again.
We, fight on.
We, care.
Why?
Because this tore up from the floor up world needs folks like us who cares.
I shout into the void, on the daily, in hopes of running across one, or two, or ten folk to let them know things really will be okay. That, they are important. That, they are loved. I wonder if the one who took all those lives had someone, in his life, who let him know his life was of value. Maybe, just maybe, that may have made a difference.
Maybe, just maybe, my words, on this day, to whomsoever will, will let someome know their life matters enough. And, in that knowing, maybe they will decide to stick around, to care for others, to care for themselves.
I keep telling God and Life that I just don’t know what to say, right now. I don’t know what, to do. So, I shall keep doing, until do I can do no more.
Saturday morning, I was in a grocery store. Happily, hummingly, minding my own business. Grabbing a snack here, a treat there. I helped an elderly white woman put her groceries, in her car. We had a delightful time fighting over me taking her bags as mom would have kicked my hind end allowing ANY older person to carry or put away heavy bags.
She, enjoyed me. I, enjoyed her. We wished each other well, and went our own way.
In Buffalo, NY, 10 other persons of color, went to a grocery store, minding their own business, helping others, yet they never made it home.
A gun man, young white man, fueled by hate, in part from a published manfesto, decided to drive 200 miles to snuff out as many lives of folks who look like me, for no reason other than the color of their skin.
The President of the United States gave a speech about…the usual bluster folks tend to use when folks of color get gunned down, for no reason. EVERYONE knows, full well, the nation would be in full blown freak out mode, if the innocent victims were not folks of color.
*sigh*.
I don’t know how to feel, today. I REFUSE to live, in fear. I REFUSE to not love and care for folks who do not look like me. I didn’t give two damns that older lady was white. She was just, to me, a fellow traveler, on this thing called earth. And, for that time, I was the same, to her.
Yet, there are many, right now, who wished more than 10 had been gunned down.
I don’t know how to feel, anymore, about that.
I promised myself I wouldn’t spend my days angry about obvious and subtle things that happen EVERY day.
I tell myself LOVE will win over hate. Hate won, this past Saturday. Hate, seems to be winning.
Folks then wait for folks of color, especially black women, to come riding up on horseback to save the day, at the voting booth, in homes, at work, etc. We are expected to be the ones soothing white folks fears, that we won’t react in anger. All the while, trying to maintain our chicklets(minds), be there for family, friends, coworkers and pray for a world who could give two damns about us.
We are expected to put our dreams, aside. Hell, black women are often not allowed to have dreams. We are expected to champion the dreams of our kids and spouses and significant others and all others. And, mostly, we do so, because we give more than two damns. We know that, well, dammit, if we don’t get off our asses and do the damned things, the damned things just won’t get done.
Fresh hell!
Crap.
I promised I wouldn’t get mad.
I AM, mad.
I AM, sad.
I AM, dismayed.
I AM, discouraged.
I an NOT, however, afraid.
I will continue to happily, hummingly, go to the damned store and buy a damned loaf of damned bread and wonder if my black woman tail will make it back home alive!!!!!
P.S. I shall let someone else post a pretty damned inspirational picture to uplift and exhort. Dammit, I am NOT target practice because I am living my life while black. Dammit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If you are reading these words, they were meant specifically and especially, for YOU.
Yes, you.
I’m 53 now. Since I was small, I have always had a yearning to encourage and care about folks. Always, have. Always, will.
Life has been extremely hard for so many. I wish there was more that I could do. I pray, every day to be able to be a source of encouragement for some, for many, for one.
I wish I could do more, say more, give more. I don’t have much so ask God and Life to be a big blessing to you and yours.
In the meantime, loud as I can, I send encouragement, love, hope and prayers your way.
In hopes of…
I don’t know your need.
I am asking for your every need to be met. Those seen and not seen. Those spoken and not spoken. Those hoped for and not.
Why Can't I Be Loud?! 