Ha!
Defeat, I laugh at you.
Ha!
Fear, I scoff at you.
Ha!
Discouragement, I ain’t go NOOOOOO time for you!
Be gone!
Kick rocks!!
I CHOOSE to:
Say.
Live.
Love.
Nevertheless…
However…
No matter…
We got this, beloveds.
Keep going. Find some good in your day. No matter how hard. Keep going. Crawl, if you have to. Swear the whole damn way. Just keep going.
going STILL,
Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Be good to you, beloveds.
No matter what. Be GOOD to you.
Don’t allow a loss to cause you to lose.
Don’t allow a loss to allow you to give in, to give up.
Be good to you, beloveds.
Yes, losses are hard. Yes, they hurt. Yes, losses make you want to tell God, Life and folks to kick all manner of rocks already.
We also gain, through loss. Perspective, perhaps. Life experiences, certainly. Grey hairs, inevitably.
Yet, if we allow, we can also gain a deeper appreciation of all that we STILL have.
In the meantime, grieve the loss. Leave the loss, and move on. Will ALWAYS have the love. Just have to learn to love them another way.
I pray that EVERY heart has an LED light and a pot of virtual chili waiting.🥰
This will be a good year, a great one. How do I know? Cuz you got me in yo life. How great is that?! 😁🙃🤗
Be encouraged. Rest. Be good to you.
being good to me,
Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Egads!
What a week. Tried to think of something uplifting to share. All I care to do, at the moment, is to tell the world to…
🤬
Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Life will do what it do. Do you. Dance. Live. Keep going.
I go with you,
Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Christmas week is awfully tough for those who have lost loved ones, are single, and those who feel ‘old’. Being as I was all three, at once, you can imagine my life being filled with joyous yipppees and days. NOT!
Short Cassandra rant here:
Must EVERY kiss begin with Kay? Really?! Can Kay not be a bit more discreet and feel more compassion to those who don’t have a prince, princess or…hmm. Not sure what other nouns or pronouns to use here. Apologies.
Must Hallmark elicit tears for EVERY commercial? Does a mother/daughter tandem HAVE to be baking cookies?!
Why did/does sports HAVE to give in and betray us old, missing folk, single selves and show postcards of players and their moms, significant others on between every other blasted play?! Traitors!! Sell outs!!
Rant over. Christmas ended. New Year’s Eve came and dropped off fresh hell. I dropped everything. And I mean EVERYTHING. ALL I did, Christmas week, was eat PBJ sandwiches and watch Marvel Movies. ALL week. I don’t know why peanut butter and jelly sandwiches are so comforting. With strawberry jam, carefully spread amongst accommodating creamy peanut butter. NO chunky! Chunky makes the bread, well, chunky.
I went through two loaves of bread. TWO! Half a jar of strawberry jam, carefully spread amongst accommodating creamy peanut butter. Had to keep going, you see. Had to make my way, in the meantime, through Christmas week. I had to, get through Christmas, so I could make it through Christmas and beyond.
Who knew that beyond Christmas, would come New Year’s Eve. Fresh hell!?
The hardest bit of walking, it seems, is in the ‘in the meantime’ of life. At least, it has been for me these last years. Yet, we must keep on going. We must. Life is short. Too short, yet long enough to make a difference, to BE a difference, to be THE difference.
In the meantime, try, just a little.
In the meantime, turn on a light. Just one. You don’t have to light the whole forest.
In the meantime, rest, if you need to.
In the meantime, cry, if you need to.
In the meantime, tell whatever or whomever, to go on head and kick rocks, if you need to.
In the meantime, remember, you are loved. No matter what it feels like.
In the meantime, know, you still got this. No matter what it seems like.
In the meantime, believe, you can do this. No matter what it looks like.
In the meantime:
Do.
Be.
Say.
Live.
Love.
We are NOT our pain. We are NOT the tough things that happen to us. We are. Just that. We just are.
Instead of waiting for life to happen to and for you, get to happening to some life! Let life know you be a bad mama jamma and be about being about it. No matter what. No matter why. No matter who.
Quit is no longer in our handbook. Never again, beloveds. Never again. We don’t have time for the quit. Only for the TRY.
TRYing with you,
Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
So, I began this post, this thought, on Dec. 30th. I was all set to wax eloquent on my yearly mission statement. I am not much for resolutions. I do my utmost to do the best I can ever day. Not just two hard tries on the first couple days of the year. Only, to give up, in a glorious heap of who cares and I will try again next year.
The year had been so challenging, I decided to adopt my statement, early, and continue it through 2022 and beyond. When work, life, or the like was especially working my LAST nerves, I called my big bro. All he would do is laugh and tell me to just have another cup of coffee, have a nice snack or treat. His advice saved me all kinds of worry, anxt and what the hells. I imagine I also saved a bit of HIS last nerves.
I adopted my motto and happily slurped down another cup when life was acting ten kinds of fools. Ah!
I was doing fine, just dandy. Right up until Christmas week rolled up and smacked me upside my head. Drove me straight to my bed, for comfort. Managed to peel away the covers, the missing mom so much it was hard to breathe and get back to breathing, to living. Slurping my extra cup, laughing at the toughness, at the hardness, at life which was, well, being life.
That is, until Dec. 31st came delivering such an AWFUL, hard, unbelievable STILL text:
“Are you busy?”
Three words which diluted my cup with all manner of bitter, hard, disbelief, shock, grief and ALL it’s friends. Yep, those words came, dropped off it’s message/package and left ME to deal with the aftermath.
So, here I sit, on Friday morning, wondering what to DO with this cup. I can’t ignore it. Okay, I can but the only thing that will happen is it will be there. Waiting. And, tomorrow’s cup, will have joined today’s. And, so on and so on. Crap!
Angrily, I swiped up my cup, took a huge swallow and prepared for a whole lot of bitter to engulf the day. Instead, I found, the warmth of an LED light left on for me. I found, a text from a friend just checking to ‘see how I was’. Instead, I found, the comforting words of a wombie I wouldn’t trade for all the world. Instead, I found God and Life sharing the bitter of my cup. They took turns, handing my cup, back and forth, between them. As They drank, They gazed lovingly into my eyes. Silently, we shared my cup.
God: Have another cup, beloved?
Me: Don’t You have others to care for?
God: Of course. I am with them, as I am here, with you. Have another cup with me?
Me: I will.
Life: Shall we have French Vanilla?
Me: Can we?
Life: You can have whatever flavor you desire when you have another cup. No matter what happens, you can ALWAYS enjoy another cup. You can take a breath, take a break. You can, make another choice, revisit a situation. You can, choose to, strive towards, make your way to, another beginning. You can, begin a hundred times if the times call for a hundred.
Her: Okay, really, Cassandra?
Me: I know. You KNOW me. I miss you. I love you. I don’t know how if I will be able to face tomorrow, let alone my cup,, then.
Her: Turn on a light. Just one. Do it, for me. Do it, for those left behind.
Me: I will try. I make no apologies if I fall. Tell the two moms I have need of them.
Her: They are already with you.
Today, I had planned to hide, beneath a mountain of covers and tears. Instead, I found a light on, a text, a quiet word, a hope, to keep going. Someone, somewhere needs to know that things WILL be alright.
Even, through the hard. Even, through the sad. Even, through the lonely. Seems like 2022 has already acted a fool for many. I am learning, though, with each hard thing, to have another cup. I am learning, though, to leave the storm OUTSIDE, where it belongs. I no longer allow the storm to upset my INSIDE. My inside is settled, stablished, hopeful, joyful, steadfast. Just have to dig through this current hard, this current sad, this current grief to get to the joy.
Hmm…..*Cassandra looks down and notice she is wearing her big girl granny panties*….*smile*.
Time we all understand life just doesn’t seem to play fair. Seems to have it’s favorites and appears, at times, we are not one of them, eh?
To every heavy heart, I say, be encouraged. To every discouraged soul, I say, hang in there. To every person in need, I say, keep asking for what you need. In the meantime, be what someone else needs. Be, a friend. Be, a shoulder. Be, a buffer. Be, a comedienne. Be, a drill sergeant. Be, a way maker. Be, a truth teller. Be, a brother. Be, a sister.
being with you,
Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
This made me laugh.
I needed a laugh.
Saturday’s coming.
She, leaving for home, for always.
Rest in peace, my friend. I took the day off, the whole of it. To drink coffee, to turn on two lights, to have a wee bit of coffee, to hide in my fortress of covers and comfort.
I found a laugh, today. Who knew life could still go on? It goes on, still. I go on, with it. Tore up, from the floor up. Upside down, yet hanging on. Just, barely. How? Beats me.
God, Life, and the two moms sit with me in companionable silence. They comfort me. I look at myself in my kiddie panties, with the purple pansies, and smile. Am a tough cookie, I lie to myself.
Yet, I am living life, still. Feels good. Even these tough moments. Yea, I be aite.
Keep going, beloveds. We got this. Enjoy each moment. Make some new ones. Love someone. Start with you. I love me enough to do some self-care and taking the day just to let my heart miss one who is now missing.
Don’t fall for the dumbness that only through hard work can you earn your place and space in this world. Take the time to rest, when and as needed. Take the time to do you, when and as needed. Take the time to be, always and as needed.
Never, ever, ever, ever allow ANYTHING to steal your joy. It’s there. Still. Just may be buried, for a time, beneath tears, heartache, heartbreak and all manner of things. Be sure, beloveds, to dig it out. May take a bit of time but can’t leave your joy buried.
Life is good, even when it hurts.
If someone can spare a bit of space, in a pocket, I could use a ride. My feet hurt. My heart is tired and dreading Saturday.
Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Chili, made.
Tears, shed.
‘Nuff said.
Keep going, beloveds.
going in baby panties but going STILL,
Cassandra
Egads, this has been such a tough week. It’s ok to want to tell the world where to take itself. Just can’t give up or give in. Life is short. Love as many folk as you can for as long as you can while you can.
Fuck this mountain!😢
You should be here, still, beloved.
Dammit.
You: Ok, really, Ms. Cassandra?
Me: I know.
Miss you, my friend. Can’t believe you will be laid to rest on Saturday. Fresh hell.
Keep going, all. We got this. Even the hard shit. I am not much of a cuss person. I have been wanting to cuss out the entire world for having the NERVE of continuing on. Shit.
Keep going…crap.🤬
Cassandra
What a tough weekend. What an AWFUL way to begin 2022. That’s what I thought, yesterday.
That’s what I STILL feel, today. Yet, it’s almost midnight and I find myself doing the weekend chores I was too through to contemplate doing. But, I kept hearing some ANNOYING person carrying on about making chili and being about it.
I found myself, up and at ’em, well after 10, vacuuming, preparing my office so as to be able to hit the ground running.
Here shortly, I am fixing to take out fixings and make me some chili at midnight. Why? For one, I can imagine my friend, in heaven now, tsktsking about me making chili, at midnight no less. I can hear her, already, fussing/laughing at me making chili, at midnight.
“Really, Ms. Cassandra?!”. Her favorite line, towards me. I would shrug and say “You already KNOW that’s how I roll. Don’t judge me”. We would both laugh. I would hug her. I would roll my eyes at her wearing my favorite green sweater. She was forever cold but forever forgetting to bring a sweater.
I think of her, now, wrapped in my green sweater, gossiping to the two moms. She is telling ALL my secrets. Hey! You know, beloved, what they say about snitches!? She liked to say that also. Ah, beloved, rest in peace, my friend. I got this. You did yours. We shall take care of those left behind.
Beloved, I shall endeavor/promise/try to, well, endeavor and TRY. I shall, give all that I have. I shall use all my cup holds. I shall give away as much of me as I have, as much as folks will accept, receive and stand.
For those of us, left behind, beloved, pray for us. Look out, for us, from above. There, way up there, in heaven. Dance, for us. Rejoice, for us. For, those of us, left behind. For those, who have forgotten how to dance. For those, too heart-broken to dance.
Laugh, for those of us left behind. Toss down some rainbows. Rainbows, God and Life’s Reminders, life doea and will go on. Reminders, the sun does and will keep shining.
I promise, I will…try. Even though, a part of me, feel as though I died a bit, too. The bit of me that only belonged with you. Look out, for that part of me. Give it back, when I see you, again.
Until then, I shall make some chili and keep being about it. Even when it’s the very LAST thing I want to do.
God and Life, please look after those of us, left behind, after a loss. Help us to know we are not lost. We are just lost in feelings, of loss. This too, shall pass. Give us grace as we graciously accept our daily cup. Flavor our drink with honey, comfort, peace, long-suffering, and, yes, joy and laughter to help us get through these tough moments. Help us, to embrace these moments, to continue to LIVE, love and grow in these moments. Help us to keep going even when we have no idea or have forgotten why we was being about it in the first place. We shall be ever grateful. Amen.
Life is shorter than you know, beloveds. Best be about being about it.
being about it with you,
Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Why Can't I Be Loud?! 