I finally fell asleep and woke up because I had to go to the bathroom.
I looked around.
It was LIGHT outside.
My sleepy brain said:
“Well, now, …IT’S TUESDAY MORNING!”
I was ready to start my Tuesday.
Only one problem…
IT WAS STILL MONDAY!!!
OOPS! ♀️
And you know what?
I LAUGHED.🤣😬😵💫🥰
Because what else was I going to do?
But that little moment got me thinking…
How many times do we make an OOPS in life and immediately turn it into a court case against ourselves?
“I should’ve known better.”
“How could I be so stupid?”
“I always mess things up.”
“Why can’t I get anything right?”
“I should be further along by now.”
STOP.
Your mistake may need correcting.
Your behavior may need accountability.
Your decision may need changing.
But YOU do not need to become your own worst enemy because you made an OOPS.
There is a difference between accountability and self-condemnation.
Accountability says:
“I messed up. Let me figure out what happened.”
Self-condemnation says:
“I messed up. Therefore, something is wrong with ME.”
NOPE.
We are human.
We misunderstand things.
We get tired.
We misread situations.
We make assumptions.
We forget.
We react emotionally.
Sometimes our brains are operating on about 3% battery and still trying to run 47 applications at once.
OOPS HAPPENS!
The question isn’t:
“How could I be so stupid?”
The better question is:
“What can this OOPS teach me?”
Maybe the lesson is patience.
Maybe it’s slowing down.
Maybe it’s listening.
Maybe it’s asking for help.
Maybe it’s admitting, “Yep…that one was on me.”
Maybe it’s simply learning to laugh and say:
“Well, Cassandra…that wasn’t your finest moment. Now let’s keep moving.”
THAT is growth.
And please hear me:
Laughing at yourself does NOT mean minimizing what happened.
It means you refuse to let shame have the final word.
You can apologize and laugh.
You can correct yourself and laugh.
You can learn and laugh.
You can take responsibility and still give yourself grace.
Because grace doesn’t mean we never make mistakes.
Grace means our mistakes don’t get to become our identity. ❤️
And sometimes, beloveds, we need to stop taking ourselves so seriously.
Not because life isn’t serious.
But because sometimes laughter is the little bit of oxygen our souls need.
❤️
So today, I’m giving myself permission to say:
OOPS!
Not:
“I’m terrible.”
Not:
“I can’t do anything right.”
Not:
“I should have known better.”
Just…
OOPS.
Learn.
Adjust.
Laugh.
Keep moving.
And try again.
Because I don’t want to live a life where I’m so afraid of making mistakes that I forget how to LIVE.
And neither should you.
❤️
YOUR TURN:
What’s one OOPS you’ve made that you can finally laugh about today?
Tell us.
Let’s normalize being human.
Let’s normalize accountability WITHOUT humiliation.
Let’s normalize learning WITHOUT beating ourselves up.
And let’s learn HOW to love ourselves through our mistakes—not just when we get everything right.
Because THAT is where the work gets real.
And if you’re ready to learn the HOW and WHY of love—how we give it, receive it, practice it, repair what we’ve damaged, and grow through the messy parts—
Come walk this new path with me. ❤️
We’re learning together.
One OOPS.
One lesson.
One laugh.
One act of love at a time. ❤️
Asking for A Friend, Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
NOTE: You don’t have to be perfect to keep becoming better. Headed back to bed…🛌🥰🤣😊🤗😘
God, give me the courage today to look at myself honestly—not through shame, not through pride, not through the eyes of people who have misunderstood me, but through Your truth.
Show me the places where I need to grow.
Show me the places where I need to apologize.
Show me the places where I need to forgive.
And most of all…
teach me how to love.
Amen. ❤️
For those who don’t share my faith, here’s today’s invitation:
Take a deep breath.
Give yourself permission to look inward without beating yourself up.
You don’t have to believe in God to believe that growth begins when we’re willing to tell ourselves the truth.
❤️
Now let’s talk.
Sometimes we say we want love.
We want healthy relationships.
We want peace.
We want understanding.
We want people to communicate better.
We want people to apologize.
We want people to listen.
We want people to give us grace.
But here’s the uncomfortable question:
WHAT ABOUT ME?
Yep. Ack. Yikes.
I said it.
Because it is VERY easy to make a list of everything somebody else needs to change.
They need to communicate better.
They need to stop being so defensive.
They need to apologize.
They need to listen.
They need to stop bringing up the past.
They need to forgive.
They need to show me grace.
They need to understand me.
They need to change.
And sometimes…
WE’RE RIGHT.
Let’s not play.
Sometimes the other person really DID hurt us.
Sometimes we really WERE treated unfairly.
Sometimes somebody really DOES need to apologize.
But love asks us a harder question:
What part is mine?
Whew.
❤️
That question can humble you QUICK.
Because accountability doesn’t mean saying:
“Everything was my fault.”
That’s not accountability.
That’s shame.
Accountability says:
“This part was mine.”
Maybe I said something I shouldn’t have said.
Maybe I reacted instead of responded.
Maybe I was so busy trying to be heard that I stopped listening.
Maybe I was protecting my pride.
Maybe I wanted to win the argument instead of protect the relationship.
Maybe I kept score.
Maybe I brought up something from five years ago because I knew it would hurt.
Maybe I apologized…
but then followed it with:
“I’m sorry, BUT…”
Oooooh.
That little “BUT” has gotten a whole lot of us in trouble.
Because sometimes “I’m sorry, but…” isn’t an apology.
It’s a defense attorney. ⚖️
And I’m learning:
LOVE doesn’t require me to defend every mistake I make.
Sometimes love requires me to say:
“I was wrong.”
Period.
No paragraph.
No explanation.
No courtroom presentation.
No PowerPoint.
Just:
“I was wrong. I’m sorry. What can I do differently?”
❤️
THAT is accountability.
And accountability is not the enemy of love.
Accountability IS love.
Because if I love you, I should care about how my actions affect you.
And if I love myself, I should care about the person I’m becoming.
❤️
Here’s another uncomfortable truth:
Sometimes pride doesn’t look like arrogance.
Sometimes pride looks like:
“I shouldn’t have to apologize first.”
“They need to come to me.”
“I wouldn’t have done that if they hadn’t…”
“They started it.”
“I’m only reacting.”
“I have every right to be angry.”
“They should know what I need.”
“I shouldn’t have to explain myself.”
“I’ve already apologized once.”
“I don’t owe anybody anything.”
Now…
Before anybody throws a shoe at me…
I’m not saying you should accept disrespect.
I’m not saying you shouldn’t have boundaries.
I’m not saying you should apologize for things you didn’t do.
I’m not saying forgiveness means allowing somebody to keep hurting you.
I’m saying:
LOVE REQUIRES ME TO EXAMINE MY OWN HEART TOO.
❤️
I can’t demand accountability from everyone else while giving myself an exemption.
I can’t ask people to communicate with me while refusing to listen.
I can’t ask people to forgive me while keeping a permanent record of their mistakes.
I can’t demand grace while refusing to give it.
I can’t ask people to grow while insisting that I don’t need to.
And I can’t say:
“I love you.”
while repeatedly behaving in ways that tell you:
“Your feelings don’t matter to me.”
That’s not easy to hear.
But it is necessary.
Because we’re not just learning how to SAY love.
We’re learning how to DO love.
❤️
So here’s today’s challenge:
Before you make a list of everything somebody else needs to work on…
make a list of what YOU need to work on.
Not to shame yourself.
Not to beat yourself up.
Not to make yourself smaller.
But because growth requires honesty.
Ask yourself:
Where have I been defensive?
Where have I been prideful?
Where have I refused to apologize?
Where have I expected grace but struggled to give it?
Where have I demanded to be understood without trying to understand?
Where have I reacted instead of responded?
Where have I used anger to protect hurt?
Where have I kept score?
Where have I made excuses?
Where do I need to say, “I was wrong”?
And then ask the question that may change everything:
WHAT WOULD LOVE HAVE ME DO DIFFERENTLY NEXT TIME?
❤️
Not:
“What should THEY do?”
Not:
“How do I make them understand?”
Not:
“How do I win?”
But:
“What would love have ME do?”
That’s the HOW.
And baby…
we’re just getting started. ❤️
Because tomorrow, we’re going deeper.
We’re going to talk about what happens when you’re hurt—because loving well when everything is peaceful is one thing.
Loving well when your feelings are bruised?
That’s where the real work begins.
❤️
So if you’re willing…
come learn with me.
Not because I have mastered this.
I’m learning too.
Let’s stop pretending love is something we’re automatically good at.
Let’s learn it.
Practice it.
Mess it up.
Apologize.
Try again.
Grow.
And keep choosing love.
❤️
Because sometimes the most loving thing we can say is:
“I see what you did to me.”
And sometimes the most courageous thing we can say is:
“Now let me look at what I did to you.”
That’s not weakness.
That’s growth.
That’s humility.
That’s love.
❤️
Asking for A Friend,
Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
NOTE: Beloveds, I’m fighting ME this morning. I have to make the decision to go to the Skilled Nursing Facility. Ah, God this hurts. 😢
One step.
One step.
One step. You are loved. You are NOT alone. Keep on being…YOU!
I had to apologize to myself, too. 🫠🤕🫤 WHEW. This one hurt.
Because sometimes God doesn’t ask us to look at what somebody ELSE did.
He asks us to look in the mirror. 👀 And baby… I HAD TO LOOK. 😳
For the past two years, I fought the people who were trying to help me because I was scared.
I was worried about bills.
I was worried about money.
I was worried about what would happen next.
So I worked. And worked. And WORKED.
I had already been killing myself at work for almost 14 years before my stroke.
Let me be very clear:
I am NOT saying my work caused my stroke.
A stroke may have happened anyway. But I can acknowledge that years of pushing myself beyond my limits, combined with my eating habits and other choices, certainly didn’t help me.
And here’s another thing I need to say:
The devil didn’t cause my stroke. I’m not giving the devil credit for everything that happens in my life.
Sometimes… we have to be honest enough to examine our own choices. And my biggest revelation?
I chose not to trust. 😳
I had been told repeatedly: “Trust God.” “Let God handle it.” “Stop trying to carry everything yourself.” “Let people help you.”
And what did I do? 🙈🙉🙊
I kept fighting. I kept trying to control everything. I kept trying to figure everything out.
I kept letting fear convince me that if I didn’t handle it, everything would fall apart.
And somewhere along the way… fear became louder than faith. And pride started driving the car. 🚗💨
Oh, I KNOW I’m not the only one who’s ever done that!
We say we trust God… until God asks us to do something we DON’T want to do. 😂😭
Then suddenly we’re like: “Okay, God… let’s negotiate.” NOPE. 😂
😂😂
My doctors have advised me that I need to spend some time in a Skilled Nursing Facility so I can become physically stronger, continue therapy in a setting where trained nursing staff can monitor me and quickly respond if something goes wrong, and allow my sister and niece to rest and get their lives back.
And there it was. My OUCH. 🤯😳🥺
Because accepting that help meant admitting: I cannot do everything myself. And that was hard for me.
VERY hard.
Because somehow I had turned my stroke into something that was ALL ABOUT ME.
But my stroke didn’t happen to only me.
It happened to EVERYBODY who loves me.
My sister was tired.
My niece was tired.
My brothers were tired.
My friends were tired.
The people who loved me were carrying pieces of this too.
And then my sister…
And honestly?
She had every right to be angry. I didn’t enjoy hearing it. Ohhhh NOOOO. 😬
But after I absorbed my deserved beatdown… I had to sit with it.
And that’s when God asked me ONE question:
“What were you—and what are you—SO afraid of?” 😳 YIKES.
That question stopped me. Because I had been so busy fighting everybody about what I thought I needed… that I hadn’t stopped to ask myself what was underneath all that fighting.
FEAR.
I sat with it.
I owned it.
And then fam and I had a four-hour conversation.
Four.
Hours.
We put our hearts on the table. ❤️
I’m going to keep the words of that conversation private because some conversations belong between the people who had them.
But I can tell you what I learned.
Sometimes accountability doesn’t feel good. Sometimes accountability feels like getting your whole house of excuses knocked down. 🧱💥
But accountability is NOT punishment. Accountability is an invitation to grow.
And here’s what God has been teaching me:
We do ourselves—and the people who love us—a tremendous disservice when we continually choose fear over faith.
Because fear doesn’t just hurt us.
Fear can make us resistant. Fear can make us stubborn. Fear can make us angry.
Fear can make us push away the very people trying to help us. Fear can make us confuse control with strength.
And pride?
Ohhhh, pride will have you fighting for your right to stay exactly where God is trying to move you from. 😳
Pride says: “I know what I’m doing.”
Faith says: “God, I don’t understand this, but I’ll trust You.”
Pride says: “I can handle it myself.”
Faith says: “I need help.”
Pride says: “I don’t want anybody telling me what to do.”
Wisdom says: “Maybe somebody else can see something I can’t see right now.”
Pride says: “I’ll figure it out.”
Humility says: “I need you.” And sometimes… the most faithful thing we can say is: “Okay, God. I surrender.” 🙏🏽
So yes… we have made a decision. I am going to the Skilled Nursing Facility.
Not because I’m giving up.
NOT because I’m weak.
NOT because my life is over.
And certainly not because fear gets the final word.
I’m going FOR MY OWN GOOD. ❤️🩹
I’m going so I can get stronger.
I’m going so I can focus on rehabilitation.
I’m going so trained professionals can help monitor me.
I’m going so my family can breathe.
I’m going so my sister and niece can rest.
I’m going because sometimes receiving help is not a failure.
Receiving help can be an act of love.
THAT brings me right back to what we’ve been talking about:
THE HOW OF LOVE. ❤️
Because love isn’t always somebody holding your hand and telling you everything is going to be okay.
Sometimes love says: “Baby, you’re wrong.” 😳
Sometimes love says: “We’re not doing this anymore.”
Sometimes love says: “You need help.”
Sometimes love gets angry because it’s exhausted from watching you hurt yourself.
Sometimes love has to tell you something you desperately don’t want to hear.
That’s love, too: Learning to RECEIVE that kind of love?
That’s part of the HOW.
So here’s my lesson for today:
❤️ HOW DO WE OWN OUR FOOLISHNESS?
1. Stop blaming everybody else.
Before asking, “Who did this to me?” Ask: “What part of this belongs to me?” Not ALL of it. Your part. Own YOUR part.
2. Name the fear underneath the behavior.
Ask yourself: “What am I REALLY afraid of?” Because anger may be covering fear. Control may be covering fear. Stubbornness may be covering fear. Pride may be covering fear. Find the fear. Then deal with the fear.
3. Stop confusing pride with strength.
There is nothing strong about refusing help when you need it. There is strength in saying: “I need help.”
4. Listen when people who love you tell you something difficult.
They may not always be right.
But don’t automatically dismiss them because you don’t like what they’re saying.
Sometimes the uncomfortable voice is the voice carrying the truth you need.
5. Apologize without adding a BUT.
Not: “I’m sorry, BUT…” No. Just: “I’m sorry. I was wrong.” Whew. That’s a hard sentence for some of us.
But it can be incredibly freeing.
6. Change the behavior.
Because an apology without changed behavior becomes another promise nobody believes.
If I say I’m sorry for fighting everybody who loves me… then I have to learn how to stop fighting everybody who loves me.
That’s the HOW.
7. Let humility have a seat at the table.
You don’t have to know everything. You don’t have to control everything. You don’t have to carry everything!
And you absolutely do NOT have to prove your strength by suffering alone.
❤️ So today I’m saying:
God, I’m sorry.
I’m sorry for the times fear became bigger than my faith.
I’m sorry for the times pride spoke louder than wisdom.
I’m sorry for the ways my resistance hurt the people who were trying to love me.
I’m sorry for making everything about what I was going through and forgetting that the people who loved me were going through it too.
And God… thank You for loving me enough to ask me the question I didn’t want to answer: “What are you so afraid of?”
Because sometimes the beginning of healing isn’t another person changing.
Sometimes… it’s us finally telling the truth about ourselves. ❤️🩹
And Beloveds… if you’re reading this and realizing that fear has been running YOUR life… don’t beat yourself up.
Don’t sit in shame.
Own it.
Ask the hard question.
Apologize where you need to apologize.
Receive correction.
Make the change.
And then…
MOVE FORWARD.
Because accountability isn’t about living forever in yesterday’s mistake.
It’s about learning enough from yesterday that you don’t keep repeating it tomorrow.
That’s what I’m doing.
I’m learning.
I’m surrendering.
I’m receiving help.
I’m getting stronger.
And I’m learning the HOW of love.
Including how to love the people who love me enough to tell me the truth. ❤️🔥
Now I’m asking YOU:
Have you ever let fear, pride, stubbornness, or the need to control something keep you from accepting help?
What happened when you finally had to surrender? You don’t have to tell us anything private. Just ask yourself:
“What am I so afraid of?”
Your answer might teach you something you desperately need to know. We’re going to keep learning this together.
The HOW of love.
How to give it.
How to receive it.
How to recognize it.
How to apologize.
How to forgive.
How to set boundaries.
How to listen.
How to humble ourselves.
How to love somebody enough to tell them the truth… even when the truth hurts.
❤️💞❤️🔥 Come walk this path with me.
Follow along, because we’re just getting started.
Asking for A Friend,
Cassandra #YourLifeMattersToMe
NOTE: Sometimes the bravest words we can say are: “I was wrong.” “I’m sorry.” “I need help.” “I don’t know.” “I surrender.”
And sometimes… “Okay, God. You were right.” 😂🙏🏽
One step. One step. One step. You are loved. You are NOT alone. Keep on being…YOU! ❤️
Why Can't I Be Loud?! 