Month: April 2021

You are beloved.

You are:

Beloved.

You are NOT:

Your, mistakes.

Your, worst moments.

Others, words said to/about you.

YOU are:

Beloved.

You are NOT:

A mistake.

The awful things you have said to/about yourself after you have made a mistake.

The awful words said/to about you from others because of a mistake or an on purpose, you made.

You ARE:

Beloved.

So, BE loved!

Be LOVED.

Enough. Enough beating yourself because of things you said, did not say, did, did not do.

Is it not enough, beloved? How many more moments are you willing to withhold yourself to pay for moments when you were not at your best. Must you keep sacrificing the rest:

Of, your moments?

Can you EVER free yourself of:

Guilt?

Fear?

Shame?

(Add whatever you like here)?

You are beloved.

Dictionary definition of beloved:

dearly loved : dear to the heart.

You are dearly loved:

By God.

By Life.

By folk around you. If you will allow them to.

You are dear to the heart. It saddens me, greatly that many walk around feeling unloved. Saddens me more having ever felt God did not love me. He did. Always had. Always will.

Foks are running around chasing fame, fortune, clicks, likes, and all manner of things hoping to purchase good feelings, good will.

The Love of God is free. His Care is free. His Grace is free. They just need to be RECEIVED.

You are loved, this day. BE loved, would you please?

His/yours,

Cassandra

HIS Goofhead.

Cassandra S.'s avatarWhy Can't I Be Loud?!

I admit. I can be a goofhead. At times. I find myself gabbing to God, in the middle of the night, about the dumbest things. He knows it. I know it. I tell Him it ain’t my fault I can’t sleep and He doesn’t need sleep and I am currently wondering about the current ridiculous thing I am wondering about.

Just KNOWING that it is okay to yak with God about anything is so amazing. What is more amazing is that He gets a kick out of it. Gets a hoot out of me.

He enjoys me in ALL my forms. Loves me when I am mad at Him for having to take the damned high road EVERY time. Who the world likes taking the high road all the time, I hope and whine and complain. All whilst being on that high road He put me on.

He understood me…

View original post 813 more words

Repeat after me.

Repeat after me:

I got this.

I am loved.

I am cherished.

I am needed.

I am creative.

I am precious.

I am wonderful.

At times, I can be:

Thoughtless.

A moron.

Unyielding.

Unfortunate.

Unforgiving.

Ridiculous.

Yet, God and Life, love me. STILL!

Whodathunkit😁🤷‍♀️!

I gave all I had to today. Won some things. Tore up some things. Renewed some things. Buried some things.

In ALL things, spend every second with God and Life, LIVING this life.

How great is that?!

Keel going. You really do got this. What you don’t got, God got the rest. So, rest.😎👍💃

Cassandra HIS ALWAYS

Stand, whether you feel like you can or not.

When circumstances tap on the shoulder and punches you square in the face you are welcome to get holy hacked.

That said, you may NOT:

Quit.

Quit.

Quit.

You may fuss at God and Life. Feel free. Throw a tantrum. Have at it. Stomp your feet. Shake your fists.

Then, scratch, claw, cry, holler, wonder your way back and get to standing.

Stand not on YOUR:

Hurt, feelings.

Confused, feelings.

Betrayed, feelings.

Bewildered, feelings.

Feelings. Feelings. Feelings. FEELINGS!

Get the theme here?

We are NOT to stand on our feelings. Standing has ZERO to do with what you feel or don’t feel. Standing, could give two hoots, about what you want or don’t want. Need or don’t need.

Beloved, do not allow yourself to fall into the trap of standing only when you can see God, hear God or know what is going on. There will just be times when you can’t see, can’t trust what you feel, and have not the slightest idea of what is going on.

It’s so easy to walk away when you have tried everything and STILL, dammit, the damned mountain just won’t move already!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What is more maddening, is when you have done all that you know, the mountain won’t move and God and Life are so damned silent!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Don’t yall see me over here doing the best I can do and nothing is giving way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?????????

I can admit to telling God and Life yesterday that I was either going to win, or I was going to lose. Just could not bear, or so I thought, yet another day of going around these same damned mountains. Only, more mountains are being added, the climbs are much steeper, there are more bandits and scary things on these mountains. These mountains never seem to have an end.

I wanted the end, dammit! Wanted off of here. I did NOT WANT to face another mountain, another day, with Jaybird forever yapping in my ear to keep going.

I was tired of the damned mountain. Exhausted from day 10 of this blasted fever. DAY TEN!!!! I was sick of being sick, tired of being tired. Dammit.

DAMMIT!!

So, I made the decision to stop standing….*sigh*…smh. Moron me, using being all up in my feelings, as an excuse. I called a friend. Told him I was fixing to do a whole bunch of drinking and was over it. Thank goodness for friends who will tell you the truth.

I got a nice lecture. A nice boot to the rear. I pouted. A lot. I drank. A fair bit. I cried. Not at all. Just too sick and tired for that. Put on a super hero movie and watched all night. Fussed at the screen. Super heroes were for dummies. Ordinarily, I would be the main one hooting and hollering and donning capes to get in the fight. Just sat glumly, fully engaged in my pity party, drinking not quite so much knowing I was going to get over my mad and go to the job I said I was going to quit come morning….smh…..

Que morning. Turned on my music, poured myself in some clothes, got some act right, sulked past a silently staring God and Life and got back to standing.

Moral of the story, you ask? Beats me, am too busy standing. Too busy living this life and not surviving it. Too busy being grateful for how horribly awful terrible exasperating maddening yesterday was. It gave me the opportunity to watch me give up on myself, ungive up on myself, give up, ungive up, stand, stop standing, stand again, and watch a half way decent super hero movie where the hero wins in the end.

How could I NOT be grateful?

Keep going. We got this. Even when it doesn’t feel like it.

Cassandra GRATEFUL

P.S. You are NOT alone. Have never felt more alone in my life than I did yesterday. I was not alone, yesterday. Not for one second. Tell yo feelings, ANY feelings, that gives you permission to quit to go kick some rocks!!

I run this!

I run this!

Fatigue, does not.

Discouragement, will not.

Sickness, can not.

I run this!

the enemy, does not.

Circumstances, will not.

The unknowns, can not.

I run this!

Fatigue, discouragement and sickness will ALL take their asses to work WITH me.

I run this!

And, since yall won’t let me rest, we starting this day, super early with some praise and prayer.

We shall see who run this house. As for me and mine, we shall serve The Lord no matter what, no matter where and no matter who.

Beloveds let NOTHING come between you and all that God and Life have promised you. Especially, you. Only way you lose is if you quit.

Quitting is no longer an option. We no longer have the time. Too many broken pieces. Too many broken hearts. Not enough folk to give two hoots.

Do whatever else you want to do today but you had best not quit.

You run this!

Keep going.

Cassandra DETERMINED

Can you be TRUSTED with God’s/Life’s silence?

https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=X0f8bg4XEeI&feature=share

NOTHING is harder than waiting. Waiting without hearing a word, that is. Anyone can stand, yield, give when knowing the endgame.

How many can wait, PATIENTLY wait, when God and Life are completely and utterly silent?

Not many, I suspect. Even Jesus, before He had to endure The Cross, cried out “Why hast Thou Forsaken Me?”

It’s easy to feel abandoned. Especially when things are super tough and you have done all you know to do and have done. You valiantly stand, endure, relentlessly pursue and then you…wait…and wait…and wait…and wait….

???

Thinking more effort is required, you valiantly stand, quietly endure, remain relentless in your relentless pursing of the relentless and then you…wait…and wait…and wait…and wait….

!!!!??

Wondering if perhaps, God and Life may have missed your valiant standing, quiet endurance and relentless pursuit of your relentless pursuits you begin again. Rinse/Repeat:

You stand, valiantly.

You endure, quietly.

You pursue, relentlessly.

You then proceed to:

Wait.

Wait!

Wait?!

WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!??

Unbeknownst to you, you have a large audience. For, watching your battle are none other than:

God.

Life.

Jesus.

The Heavenly Host.

the enemy.

Circumstances.

Situations.

Moments.

Chances.

Miracles.

ALL are waiting on YOU. ALL are straining, to see what YOU shall choose:

God will not choose for you.

Life can not choose for you.

Jesus dare not choose for you.

The Heavenly host can only root for you.

the enemy can only suggest to you.

Situations can only invite you.

Moments can only entice you.

Chances can only invite you.

Miracles can only work FOR you.

As you choose:

To, stand.

To, run.

To, give up.

To, give in.

To, win.

To, lose.

To, love.

To, withhold love.

To, open arms.

To, close fists.

To, look up.

To, look down.

To, praise.

To, proclaim.

To, complain.

To, declare victory.

To, accept defeat.

I think we have all read/watched one too many:

Fairy tales.

Romance novels.

Marvel movies.

We are forever waiting for someone to swoop in to save the day. Forever, waiting, as damsels in distress to be rescued. Forever, waiting for someone else to save the day, win the war, rescue this thing or take care of that thing.

God, Life and ALL who watch us, every moment of every day, know the real truth. LIfe is short and nothing to be trifled with. We are running out of moments, chances, miracles. This is why all of Heaven has been in an uproar, lately.

This world has gotten completely out of hand. Everyone appears to be out for themselves. No one appears to be giving a fresh hell about anyone else.

At least, this is how things appears to be. How the enemy wants us to see things. Yes, life is hard right now. Yes, things are dark, right now. But, ONLY due to the fact that folks so busy protecting his/her/their own they are not uplifting and helping others to uplift their light.

We got this, people. LOVE WILL DRIVE OUT THIS DARKNESS. It will. We just have to able to be trusted with God’s and Life’s silence.

Rejoice when things are hard and you hear nothing. It means God is trusting in YOU. He KNOWS you are going to choose to stand, to love, to care, to fight. He KNOWS you will keeping giving your all. His silence is meant to show YOU, how much is already in you. It’s not for His Benefit.

He knows the valiant warrior He made you to be. You don’t have to be loud, to be valiant. You don’t have to expound to be valiant. You don’t have to have this particular talent or reach a million people.A

ALL that is required is…..YOU!

That’s it. YOU are more than enough, beloved. Just by being you. Nothing extra special other than giving what YOU have to give. You don’t have to give my portion. You don’t have to worry about someone else’s portion.

ALL you need to do is to uplift your light. YOUR LIFE IS MAKING A DIFFERENCE. YOU ARE THE DIFFERENCE IN YOUR CIRCLE.

Be glad that God and Life aren’t forever having to scoop you up and bill and coo to you as if you were a feeble child. you are growing, each day. You don’t need your hand held every other five seconds. You can and are walking to school, on your own. Yes, God and Life are walking behind you, hiding in bushes so you can’t see Them, making sure you will get to class safe. They got you.

Keep shining your light, into the darkness. Keep shouting, into the darkness. Broken pieces can hear you. Broken hearts can see you. THEY need you, beloved. Though, you can not see or hear them, they cling to your words, your hope, desperately. You are all they have, right now. Keep going.

Not only are you growing, healing, adjusting and living. But, you are teaching others to do the same. Though they may never tell you, they watch you. YOUR freedom calls them to want to be free, as well. Your life matters to this world. Your life matters to God. Your life matters to me.

Keep going. Even in God’s Silence. ESPECIALLY, when God/Life are silent.

You got this. I got this. We all we got. But, we all we need, yes?

shouting in the darkness til all come,

Cassandra FREE

you matter quotes Great You Matter s and for

I will not…

…sit, today.

…give up, today.

…give in, today.

Any other questions, satan? Circumstances? Health? Issues?

Yall can ALL kick some rocks.

I AM:

Protected.

Loved.

Valued.

Seen.

Heard.

Cherished.

Life can be and has been hard.

Nevertheless, we stand.

However, we shall NEVER, ever, ever, give up on ourselves, on each other.

Keep standing.

Cassandra

Real talk: It’s just the fever talking.

Real talk. Standing, with a fever, good Yikes!

No, fun. I can imagine, it’s the same for you:

Wondering, if these trials will EVER end.

Wondering, if standing will EVER become easy.

Wondering, if our broken pieces, will be healed.

Wondering, if knowing we are NOT our broken pieces, are enough to soothe our tired spirit.

It is at times like these, super hard times, super lonely times, super frustrating times that I have experienced the RELENTLESS Love of God. For ME.

HE has carried me, through days that have been really tough.

HE has laughed with me, when fever has wanted me to run out in the street howling for relief.

HE has read Psalms 27, 30, 31 and 91 with me, as fever mocked me to give up already, as the enemy tried to convince me to stop standing and just forget the whole thing.

HE, My Awesome Father, has said, just rest, turn off the phone, and lean ON ME. Just try. Just stand on:

My Word.

My CHARACTER.

My Deep and Abiding Love for YOU!

God loves us. We got this. Hard days. Easy days. We got this. For, God and Life, has our back. They really do. It may not feel like, it today. It may well not feel like it, tomorrow. Yet, God holds today. He holds tomorrow. How much safer/loved can we be?

You have come far, beloved. Keep going. It’s just the fever talking. Let the fever do it’s work. God IS healing. The fever WILL pass.

We have ALREADY won. If Jesus, is Your Homie. If, Your Father, God, resides, IN you, you have already won the lottery. The rest is just the cherry on top of our sundae!

Keep going. If you are too tired, to fight, rest a moment. It’s perfectly okay to not be okay until you become okay. Okay?

The very fact that you question where you are, is prime example you are EXACTLY where you are supposed to be! Remember, God and Life have ALREADY calculated our failures, our lapses, our failings, our successes, our lack thereof into the equation.

We are:

MORE THAN conquerors.

Kids of the King.

Loved, beyond measure.

Precious, beyond ALL price.

Arise, beloved! Jump into Dad’s Arms and let Him love on you, today. He is there. You are NOT alone. You are NOT lost. Just a bit feverish, perhaps, like me.

I was so pitiful I got up, turned on some lights and having me a nice Dance Party. Join me. Tell your fever, doubt, fear, anxt to kick some rocks!

dancing with and for you.

Cassandra TRIUMPHANT ALWAYS!

Real talk: We are NOT our mistakes.

*sigh*

The work day ended really rough. Wouldn’t you know I would get a call literally FIVE minutes before shift ended.

I had been praying, for hours, for the shift to end. Needed to take some medication, lick the days wounds, lay down, and, as dad used to say ‘try it again, tomorrow’.

My brain was foggy with fever, fatigue and trying to learn things that just made no sense! Dammit! 🤬😰🤢

So, of COURSE, the phone rings, FIVE MINUTES FROM FREEDOM! DAMMIT!!

Cue music. Cue up colossal I have absolutely NO idea last issue.

Dammit, I don’t feel well!

Dammit, I don’t know what I am doing!

Dammit, God WHY did you snatch my job like that?! I shouldn’t be struggling like this!

Yikes!

Whew, thank goodness you showed up for me, Yikes! Thanks for helping me to realize it’s just one issue. Not 50. Thanks for helping me to realize it’s a mistake that can be fixed. Short of that, I have learned what NOT to do next time.

I can remember when I started my job almost 11 years ago. My dad had passed away, earlier in the year. I had just lost my job 29 days before that and had struggled to find another job.

I went from making decent money to 75 percent less of that, with unemployment.

Yikes!

Egads!

Yea, tell me about it, fellas!

Being without a job, finding it hard to find another, getting the phone call dad had passed…*sigh*…just a truly hard and awful time.

Between dad’s passing, and finding a job, I had to make the absolutely AWFUL/HARD soul-crushing decision to keep looking for a job, taking care of weekly things, in order to keep my unemployment and missing dad’s service.

*sigh*……DAMMIT!!

I had talked to mom. She understood. Life was hard. Money, non existent. Told myself to put on my big girl panties, like dad taught us, and to keep it moving. I kept it moving. Just barely. Just barely.

Yikes!

By the time I had found my job, well, I had done such a terrific job of kicking my own ass:

For being an awful daughter: What daughter chooses looking for work over laying her dad to rest? Who DOES THAT, CASSANDRA??!

For not find a job faster: How HARD can it be to find a job, already? Don’t you know the bills are piling up, the savings are almost gone and it is cold outside!(we had record freezing temps forever).

For being a horrible encourager/Christian: After I lost my job, after losing my dad, the bed became my best friend. Moved in, permanently I thought/hoped. Laid in bed, for hours upon hours, hidden beneath mounds of covers, wondering if I would ever find a job, if I would ever stop feeling like the worst daughter in the history of mankind. You can forget about me standing. Wasn’t standing. Far from it. Spent too much time in bed, terrified, terrorizing myself for being human, I guess, and wondered if the nightmare would end.

Cue music. Job found. Sun came out. Warmth ensued. Okay, it was still freezing, but, the sun did come out. I remember sitting at my desk, the first night, starting at the screen and wondering ‘what the fresh hell!’. I had NO clue what I was doing. NO idea.

My boss must have seen my terror/anxt/fear and came up to me. She said words I shall NEVER forget. I think of them, to this very day. In fact, I use them, still. She said:

“There is NOTHING you can do that we can not fix.” She encouraged me to have confidence, to try. I tried. Eventually, I figured out what I was doing. Became fantastic at it, if I do say so myself.

All these years later, I am still fantastic. At least, I WAS fantastic. Until being moved to a completely new job and making entirely new and foreign mistakes.

I KNOW I will get things down, again. I just have to keep trying. I HAVE to forgive my mistakes. I am NOT my mistakes. Neither are you, yours.

This being the case, maybe I can finally move past not being there to lay dad to rest, huh?

Yikes!

Egads!

You are right. I am NOT my mistakes. Also, not being able to go was not a mistake. It’s called a life happens. Life happened. I’m sorry, dad. If I were to keep it completely 100, I don’t think I was strong enough to go.

Back to my raging fever and really dumb work mistake. I figured out what I was doing(who knew!), took care of the issue, did NOT shut the company down from said ‘I have no idea’, clocked out and kept it moving.

Then, I did something completely okay. I let myself NOT be okay, about not feeling okay, not doing ‘okay today’, not being in my house on the ocean, today, not having someone to cool my fever, today.

For five blessed minutes, I ALLOWED myself to be okay with not being okay. Just let myself feel the weight of needs not yet met, dreams not yet fulfilled, life just, well being life. Felt those things, owned those things, then crawled wearily into bed and stood:

On God’s Word.

On God’s CHARACTER.

On God’s Deep and Abiding Love, for me.

There is absolutely NOTHING that will keep us from being:

Loved.

Seen.

Heard.

Respected.

Cherished.

By God. By Life. By others(as we allow). By ourselves(as we allow).

I am NOT my mistakes. You are NOT yours.

Keep going. You CAN. You WILL. As will I.

Cassandra FLYING DENTED

#YourLIfeMattersToMe

Just…breathe.

It has been a long week. Long year. Good yikes, let’s not even mention the words ‘2020’….*shiver*…

In learning my new job, folks kept telling me to ‘just breathe’. ALL week, ‘Just breathe, Cassandra. It will be okay’. For the life of me, could not figure out why everyone kept telling us all to just….breathe.

I kept saying, I can breathe, just have no idea WHAT I AM DOING!!!!!

Finally, yesterday, I decided to stop arguing and just…..well…..just breathe….*shrug*.

I took one calming breath, and wouldn’t you know, ALL my anxiety passed. Just like that. I was able to think(who woulda thunk that!?), learn and take care of the issue.

It’s amazing how taking the time to:

Stop.

Breathe.

Focus.

Begin.

Turned my whole day around. The day wasn’t bad. Just long. Exhausting. Working with a fever has been no great shakes, believe me.

Yet, doing so has really helped me. It has forced me to, give extra time and care to myself. It has forced me to be more tolerant of my mistakes and the mistakes of others. It has forced me to, get more rest. It has really forced me to, see how much I had been pushing myself.

I love working hard. Makes me feel as though I have earned my keep. Being so sick, I have been taking stock, to see where I can work smarter, not necessarily harder.

I liken it to doing too much exercise. Yes, exercise is good for you, and necessary. But, doing too much, too fast, too hard, too early only breaks us down. I think we all over do, over exert, at times, in our lives. I think we over exert thinking the extra effort is what is needed to get us over the top.

Sometimes, it does take that little extra. Many times, though, we have already done all we know to do. All we can do, is the best we can do. It’s hard to not want to dig up the plants, though, to make sure they are growing. That, WE are growing.

The bible says that it is:

Zechariah 4:6-8 –6 Then he answered and spake unto me, saying, This is the word of the Lord unto Zerubbabel, saying, Not by might, nor by power, but by my spirit, saith the Lord of hosts.7 Who art thou, O great mountain? before Zerubbabel thou shalt become a plain: and he shall bring forth the headstone thereof with shoutings, crying, Grace, grace unto it.

God and Life just asks us to try. THEY will do the heavy lifting. Trying is not always easy. Trying when you are alone, seems awfully lonesome, at times. Trying when you seem to be the only one, seems awfully lonesome, at times. Trying when all the trying can be trying and you are so tired of trying to keep on trying….*sigh*.

Yet, in ALL the struggles, in all the aloneness, in all the loneliness, there is great comfort in knowing we ARE growing. We ARE going where we need to be going.

What’s more, we do NOT go it alone. We have our posse:

God.

Life.

Yikes!

Egads!

One another.

Our family.

Our friends.

Ourselves.

So, just…breathe. Just, take a breath. Close your eyes. You have and are doing all you know to do. This is enough. It is all that is required.

ALL things have their end. Good and not so hot. Hang in there. For just a little while longer, okay?

You got this. We can. We will. Make it. Together.

God believes in you. Life believes in you. I believe in you. Jaybird says to tell fear, doubt, discouragement and whatever is keeping you from keeping on to go kick some rocks!

KNOW, of a surety that you ARE:

Loved.

Seen.

Heard.

Respected.

Cherished.

Keep it moving.

His and yours,

Cassandra