“Are you busy?”
PSA: Avoid, at all costs, text and phone calls that start with these words. Once, opened. Once, answered, in the affirmative, life inveretably, is never the same.
Like a dummy, I answered, said text. Answered, subsequent phone call and another impossible hole was carved in my heart.
Another precious soul I would never have another moment with.
IMPOSSIBLE!
PREPOSTEROUS!
Cruel.
Like every beaboutingest, we have to keep it goingest, allthingswillworkoutest, I did what was necessary…
I made an arsenal of pbj sandwiches, donned my armor of little girl panties(with the purple pansies),dived in my bunker of covers and food comfort, and hid from the whole damned world.
Defiantly, I turned out the lights. ALL of them!
Kick rocks, lights! Kick rocks, Life! You took a precious light, today. You have had your fun. Go away, now. Leave me be.
That was yesterday. An impossible day. It appears impossible has now bled into today. THIS day.
God and Life both asked me what I was going to do with this day. They had come to deliver my cup, you see. We get a cup of life, every day. Doesn’t matter what happened the day before. Another cup arrives, if we are blessed.
I looked, at my cup. I thought of the cup my lost light, would never again receive.
Dammit! I wanted to yell at God and Life that they should have given her mine. I am an old useless never going to have my damned dreams come true anyway lady. She, young, vibrant, hopeful, beloved…dammit!!😢
God and Life reminded me life just doesn’t work that way. Her journey has been completed. She is now home. I am still here.
God and Life again asked what I would do with my cup, with my day. I refused to answer, at first.
Yet, not answering was an answer all to itself. I did not want nonaction speaking for me. I stared, suspiciously, thoughtfully, tiredly at that damned cup. Crap! I didn’t know how many cups I had left. Best not to waste this one.
I found it impossible to leave my fortress of covers and comfort…
God: Make some chili.
Me: I can’t. Not, today. Not, yet.
Life: Do something else, then. Doesn’t matter what. Just DO one thing. Starting with turning on a light. Just one.
I thought a while. Made a decision. I did what every beaboutingest, we have to keep it goingest, allthingswillworkoutest, I did what was necessary…
I turned on a light, donned my armor of big girl panties(granny panties, of course), bagged up the trash, and commenced living in a…I don’t know what hell kind of world that keeps kicking the holy crapola out of us all yet still a good kind of world.
I would love to end this piece with inspiring words of triumph. I have none. Not, today. Yesterday, I did the dumb thing of opening a ridiculous text.
Real talk: As soon as this post be done, I am heading back to my fortress of covers and comfort. Will I rise, tomorrow, and use my cup? Ask me tomorrow. I got pbj and pjs waiting on me the rest of this day…
Keep going.
Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
- COME SIT AT MY TABLE 🪑❤️🩹
- BELOVEDS, YOU CAN HAVE MY FLOWERS. I DON’T NEED THEM ANYMORE.
- Forgive them, Cassandra, God said to me
- Still In Love
- REAL TALK: DESPISE NOT SMALL BEGINNINGS, BELOVEDS.👘🦺🥾👟🥿👞🩴👢🩰👡⛑️🔌🕯️🔎🖌️🖋️📢
Why Can't I Be Loud?! 
Sending you good vibes and strength from across the pond. Sometimes we need pjs and duvets at least for a while, to rest, recover, process all that life throws at us. I wish I could make a humungous pot of chili for you to keep you going. Will be sending virtual chili over to you and lots of love. I guess, love travels better through the ether, chili might get stuck.
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Thank you for bringing a smile to my spirit. Will enjoy a bit of chili with you and the moms. I have taken to calling my mom and your mum the two moms. Perhaps I can make my chili in a bit. Perhaps I can summon a bit more TRY. A Scot and a Scott bound by friendship across a pond joining two in compassion and care. How great is that.🥰
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