Double chocolate chip cookies and Netflix.

Whew.

Whew!

WHEW!!

Chili -1, Cassandra – 0

Tough times truly do reveal who you are. This can be a good or a bad thing. Depending on how you look at it/things.

For the past little while, I have been hiding within my cave of comforters and Netflix. For, days. Days, I am telling you. Have been off work all week, due to system issues, so have spent the days streaming through Netflix, Hulu, HBOMax, Disney+.

I have ‘made it so’ with Picard, fighting Romulons, hiding from The Borg.

I have fought with the Avengers to render Thanos ash, keeping damage to a minimum(what in the fresh hell do these Avengers not understand about NOT destroying the ENTIRE city so folks can actually live there after the enemies have been vanquished).

I have romanced and been romanced, from sea to shining sea, with handsome knaves, brave knights, gentle doctors, cute bakers, cunning lawyers, saved the day/town by raising money for the library/festival and all manner of things small towns do that causes the big meanie corporate raider to fall in love with the fiery mistress of bakery/company being shut down.

I have kicked tail with Reacher to find out what all that animal feed was for…no spoilers here.

All whilst under covers, trying to work out all these why’s that have popped up:

Why, can’t I eat my chili.

Why, is food tasteless.

Why, do I have words in my heart, to share, yet feel hesitant to share them.

Why, do I hide from my daily blog reading, email checking, net surfing. etc(Okay, I know the answer to this one already. If I go back to my daily doings, means I will have moved forward and got on with living after losing my friend).

Why, sleep runs from me.

Why, restlessness has taken up residence in my heart.

I admit it. I am restless. Uncle. I admit it.

Since my young friend passed, my heart is so restless to do whatever the hell I am supposed to be doing with this old, black, tired, broke, busted and disgusted self called me.

LET ME BE ABOUT IT, DAMMIT!!!

I am shouting at God, at Life, now. No longer, shouting into the void. My heart, has become the void. It needs to be filled, now, with all that God and Life has for me. I struggle, now, beloveds, to fill the void with now. Right, now.

I struggle now, waiting for God, for Life, to fill me up with the now They have been trying to get me to live this whole time.

I am demanding, now. Not bearing God’s and Life’s silence, well, now.

“Get to it”, I shout at Them. I have done my part. Now, Yall do Yours. Be about it. Be about mine. Be about me.

So, whilst I wait, whilst I wonder, whilst I wander, in the meantime I do so beneath a mountain of comforters and comfort.

Munching on double chocolate chip cookies.

Making it so, with Picard.

Defeating Thanos, with The Avengers.

Munching on double chocolate chip cookies.

Marrying the town spinster, fighting with the corporate raiders, falling in love with the bull rider.

Rinse.

Repeat.

All while have not the first clue of why I still can’t eat this damned chili.

*Cassandra grabs up a handful of double chocolate, dives under her comforters and lets God and Life run the world*

THE END….I don’t think so! Ha!

Note: It’s ok to have no idea, no taste buds, no forecast for the future, no more chips(gasp). So long as, beloveds, you hold on, hold out, keep looking up, keep moving forward. This too, shall pass. It will. The important thing is making sure that YOU continue to say, live, love, grow and go.

You don’t have to know all, see all, be all things to all people. None of us can do this. ALL we can do is all we can do. That’s it. It’s a good thing that this is ALL that is required. That and a lifetime supply of coffee, bacon, and whatever manner of things you enjoy that helps you make it through when the very last thing you want to do is to make it through, to make it do what it do.

Keep going, beloveds. Even if you have to take a bit of a break. Look beyond the war without, the war within. Look beyond the fear. Look beyond the current boundaries taking up space in your life. Tell those things to go on head and kick rocks. And, if they stay. Well, use them to your advantage. Use the hard as tools to keep digging your way to the best gift you shall ever receive…

YOU!

#YourLifeMattersToMe

• THE HAND FROM HEAVEN ✋🏾☁️🧻🤣
• COME SIT AT MY TABLE 🪑❤️‍🩹
• BELOVEDS, YOU CAN HAVE MY FLOWERS. I DON’T NEED THEM ANYMORE.
• Forgive them, Cassandra, God said to me
• Still In Love