Enjoy your evening. If not for 15 minutes. Do SOMETHING you enjoy. You have exchanged a day of what in the fresh hell is going on around here, haven’t you?
As have I.
Initially, I was going to cry uncle, aunt or whatever relative I could to tap out on this day. Once called, I was going to head to bed and stay there until morning slapped me ’round til I woke up already.
Nope.
Not doing that.
Not today.
Life is much too short.
Going to see what random dumbness, romance, sport like, educational, NOT educational, foolishness/seriousness I can find on the telly. Ask my why I am calling the television the telly and I will say….don’t ask me. Even added a British accent for additional flavor…*shrug*. MY evening. Can spend it how I want to.
How you spending yours?
Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Moral of the story for those in need of a moral of the story:
Life is short. Nuff said. Get to enjoying your evening already and leave the morals for tomorrow….sheesh…hehe….gnite all.
It’s called humor, people. Get and try some…*smile*.
Life is short.
We can do some truly dumb things.
Add those things together and…*shrug*.
A whole lotsa patience will be needed and or required.
Rinse.
Repeat.
Repeat.
Rinse.
‘Nuff said.
Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
P.S. STOP giving yourself such a hard time. You ARE doing the best you can. Cut yourself a bit of slack already! If you are going too slow, for some, let them go on by. If you are going too fast, for some, keep it moving. You too fast for them anywho…*shrug*.
If you are going too slow, for you. Tell yourself to go on head and kick some rocks, and cut yourself some slack. Rinse. Repeat.
Today, is my big bro birthday. He passed away, a couple of years ago. These past two weeks, several friends have lost loved ones. Loved ones I have/had been praying forever for. Sadly, as life goes, life went on ahead and called them home…*sigh*.
Have spent days in tears and grieving. Scraped my way out, made myself work, and wombie reminded me today was our big bro birthday. Would you believe I had THE nerve to say, outloud no less ‘sorry big bro, have to put you on the back burner for a few days as you already gone’.
Yikes!
Egads!
Don’t judge me, yall. Just don’t have the tear capacity to go around the ‘dear Lord my big bro is gone’. Not yet. Not today, at least. Maybe, this weekend. Maybe, I can schedule a good cry session for all the things I don’t have time to cry about, here lately. Is all I can do, as a single black woman, to scrape myself out of bed and to work.
If life were, equal. If things, were equal…*shrug*…I would be off, ALL this week, possibly next, crying for all I am worth and grieving for these folks who keep dying at inopportune times. I almost wish I could ask Life to at least have the courtesy to not have them so close together already!!!!!!
Am trying to have a bit of humor. It’s either laugh, a bit, or cry for the next 24 hours. I am running out of kleenex, am in no mood for a headache, and I have a chicken breast cooking nicely in the air fryer….*shrug*…priorities, don’tcha know….*shrug*.
Am doing my utmost, to NOT do unhealthy things, as I do this healthy thing of grieving. I did a bit of comfort eating, yesterday. Okay. Okay! I did quite a bit of comfort eating. No alcohol. I promised myself not to add alcohol on top of grieving.
Found myself on an 11 day, alcohol drinking, bender when mom passed. Didn’t bring her back. Did nothing for me other than annoy me and have me staggering all over the apartment like a complete moron. Made quite the sight, falling every which a way. When I sobered up, I promised mom not to act a complete dummy like that again.
So, on today’s grieving plan/menu:
Laughter. Check.
Water. Check.
Mini cinnamon rolls. Double check!!
Chicken breast, lightly seasoned, golden brown. YYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSS
Cutting of slacketh towards myself. Check.
Unshed tears…hmm….may allot for a trickle or too later.
Chair dance. Check.
Casting ALL my cares upon Him. Check. Check. Check. Check. Check. Rinse. Repeat. Check.
Reaching out for love/support. Check. Check. Check. Check. Liberally applied/utilized.
Well, beloveds, the timer fixing to go off for my chicken breast! Hate to eat and run. But…
brb,
Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
P.S. Happy birthday, big bro. I miss you. Tell mom and dad I said hello. Tell mom don’t be up there cheating at gin rummy!…lol….kidding mom. 😉
I’ve always been the ugly duckling, and that’s okay.
I’ve always been the too loud one, and that’s okay.
I’ve always been the strong one, and that’s okay.
I’ve always been the black one, and that’s okay.
I’ve always been the lonely one, and that’s okay.
I’ve always been the one whose aqua shirt didn’t match her blue pants, and that’s okay.
I’ve always been the one who worked extra hard who never tried for the promotions, and that’s okay.
I’ve always been the one who had never been asked out on dates, and that’s okay.
I’ve always been the one who cared too much for folks who have cared very little if not at all, and that’s okay.
Because, you see, ALL of those things, helped God and Life to shape the Jaybird, the Sweetpea, the beloved one, who chair dances, freely, joyfully, tearfully in her aqua tshirt and undies.
Yes, world, being an ugly duckling, has been my honor, for it helped bring out the kitty in me.
Us ugly ducklings, are beautiful, world, for we fly, we try, we love, STILL.
Us ugly ducklings, fly, disjointed, often alone yet we fly, still.
We don’t do as the beautiful birds do, that is, hide behind their gilded cages. Afraid, to try their wings. Afraid, they may be seen as too loud or too proud or too this or too that.
The beautiful ones, you see, are much more lonelier than us ugly ducklings. They don’t have very many friends. Not, real ones. Or, honest ones, I think. Seems like they are surrounded by folks who want what they have, while feeling like an imposter.
Sadly, I think the beautiful ones feel ugly too. Except, they have never been able to say. They, have rarely, if ever have been asked to fly, to try, so they have no idea if they ever can, if they ever will.
I feel really badly, sorry even, for the beautiful birds whose hearts are locked away, their voices silenced and stashed, there behind their gilded cage(s).
I want to say to them, today, come on out, beautiful ones. Let YOU be heard. You are so very much more than what you look like. You are so very much more than the clothes you wear. Your value has nothing to do with the size of your home, the amount of clothes in your closet.
Your worth, beautiful ones, depends not one iota on how many ‘like’ quotas you fill, or don’t fill.
Your worth, beautiful ones, depends not one wit, on how many baskets you make, how many arenas you fill.
Your worth, beautiful ones, depends not one stitch, upon how many tiks can tok.
Your worth, beautiful ones, depends not one inch, on the square footage of this, that, or the other thing.
You are beautiful, my beautiful ones, simply because you were born. No matter your color, gender, tender, whatever you can and can not render.
You are free to hang with me, beautiful ones. Hang with this ugly duckling, this unshiny chick, this dented woman, this old kid.
You see, world, I am sho nuff an ugly duckling, and that’s okay.
I’ve always been the ugly duckling, and that’s okay.
It didn’t used to be.
Sadly, madly, ungratefully in what God and Life had made, I made myself try and ‘make do’ with thing thing called my life. I tried to ‘pay my dues’ by doing, doing, doing, doing, til doing done went and done me in.
I looked at this face, this life, these hands, this ugly handwriting, this too loud mouth not fit for quiet society and decided I could rent some space, in just a corner of this earth. Paid rent by giving all that I had. Not knowing this was NOT what God, what Life, had called/asked/chosen me to be.
I am here, for a reason.
My life, has meaning.
Always, has.
Always, will.
It just took a relentless pursuit, took some relentless love, from My Relentless Love, God, and Life, to help me to SEE me, value me, cherish me, love me, receive me, accept me.
Today, this ugly duckling laughs at the term. What is ugly, about me? Ugly, was the way I dismissed my worth, my aqua shirt, my chair dancing, my love of all things goofiness, my love for folks who could give nary a hoot in return.
Today, this ugly duckling chair dances, in her non matching aqua shirt and in her undies…
My, country’s care, or lack thereof, of my personage for having the gall, audacity, apparent bad luck of being born a woman, a person of color, and many of the other labels slapped upon me by this world and seemingly all the contents thereof.
I spent 2019, angry about all the foolishness of everyone divided over every damned person, place and thing!
I spent 2020, devastated and furious over George Floyd and Breonna Taylor and…dammit am NOT going to start naming names that are just too damned many to name snuffed out for no damned reason other than having the nerve to live while black.
I spent 2019, 2020, 2021, furious at folks for forgetting we are our brothers and sisters keepers and dammit put on a damned mask if not for your sake for others who could not take the damned vaccine and dammit your doctor gave birth to your dumb ass so why can’t you listen to science already!! I KNOW God loves folks. What the fresh hell does that have to do with trusting the doctors He gave knowledge to??!!😡🤬
I started 2022, grieving the loss of a dear friend and several that followed behind her.
Enough.
It is enough.
I have put down my pitchfork and am done raging about this, outraging about that. Yes, I shall continue to pray for, and be upset about all the upsetting things and folks needing prayer.
Yet, I am choosing to spend the bulk of my time loving folk. We all a bunch of dummies who don’t know what the fresh hell we are doing half the time anywaze.
It is enough.
All this worldwide divide.
All this anger over things beneath is all.
All this foolishness due to fools who refuse to get some act right.
It is enough.
If these strifes and war of words and wars can start with a word, let it and them start with me.
It is enough.
I’m done being mad. I’m a black woman. If I didn’t choose the high road on the daily I would be pissed off 24/7 over this disservice or that mistreatment. I could retire if I had a penny for every slight/unfair thing that happens breathing air.
I love you, my brothers and sisters. Yes, even you dummies who won’t get no act right.
Who am I calling a dummy? ALL of us! We too stupid to love one another like God and Life told us. We been too busy chasing this and running from that.
Watch/listen to I Believe and believe, FINALLY, beloveds, that this is YOUR time!
Say this with me:
I believe, I can.
I believe, I will.
YYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSS!!!!
Chair dance with me, beloveds. Rock, just a little bit. Sway, just a little bit. Move, a toe. Tap, a foot.
I believe, I can.
I believe, I will.
YYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!
We got this.
We can DO this thing, beloveds.
Don’t fret, about the present darkness. Both light and dark are no biggies for God, for Life, for you. Just takes a bit more trust, in the dark. Just a bit, more love, in the dark.
Yet, love/light WILL drive out hate/darkness.
Love someone, beloveds. Begin, with you. Then, extend your heart, to someone else. You can do this. You CAN. You WILL.
How awesome is it to KNOW, of a surety, that you truly can make it, that you truly can take it?
This has been such a long week. Never thought it would end.
Whew.
Whew!
Have scraped myself through these days. One heartache, at a time. One heartbreak, at a time. Had to keep it moving. Whether I wanted to, or not. I did listen to my wombie, and took a couple days off to just grieve/cry and try to get a bit of sleep. Did the first too remarkably, well. Sleep, well, that didn’t go so well.
No matter. I am here, still.
STILL!
Each day, I scraped myself from beneath the covers, grumbled as my feet kept running over crumbs needing to have been vacuumed DAYS ago! Yet, I was physically, emotionally too tired to drag out the vacuum, let alone plug it up and vacuum.
So, daily, I walked over crumbs, grumbled, prayed for strength, Friday, or the vacuum fairy to come along and vacuum the blasted rug so I could get off these dumb crumbs!!!!!!!
Friday has arrived!
Free, at last.
Free, at last.
Thank God, Almighty.
Free, at last!!
Yet, was still ungodly and awfully tired. So much so, I made a delivery order and waited sleepily for them to be delivered.
Yea, yea, beloveds, I KNOW I could have went on ahead and vacuumed the dumb crumb whilst waiting for the driver. Trust a sista, I had this self same argument with myself the ENTIRE time I waited for the delivery to come. An hour….smh…*Cassandra has NO idea why she didn’t just vaccuum the stupid crumbs in that hour!!
Mercifully, the driver was on time. Was so tired I put groceries away by rolling this way and that way in my office chair. Don’t judge me, yall. Be glad I put them up! The chair worked so nicely, guess what I decided to do??
Yeppers, I scooted around, in my office chair, and vacuumed the stupid crumbs!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHAAHAHAHHA!!
*Cassandra satisfyingly scrunches her toes in her now soft again rug*……fantastic!
I had promised myself I would get up, early, and vacuum. Ha! Knew that was highly unlikely.
Now, I have the rest of the evening to relax and admire my newly vacuumed rug.
Moral of the story? Life is exhausting. Still no reason to not do what needs to be done.
Get on up, beloveds. Take out, the trash. Run, the dishwasher. Make, the chili. Vacuum, the crumbs.
That way, you can enjoy the weekend knowing you took care of needed business.
I think of all the wasted minutes, days, weeks, months, years I have spent waiting for energy to come in order to do this, to try that, to give this, to take that. SUCH a waste of time.
Life is much, much too short to waste any more of it. Am doing the best I can, to do the best I can, to BE the best I can, as long and as much as I can. None of us are promised many more or any more moments.
And, don’t get down on yourself, for having wasted said time. God and Life already put all of our dumbness, our laziness, our lack of want to, our fear, our this and that into the equation and we are, ALL of us, EXACTLY where we are supposed to be, at this moment in time.
Don’t waste not one more second, beloveds, in despair over lost time, lost this and lost. Remember, His Loss, was our gain. Easter, is coming! Enjoy, this life. Enjoy, YOUR life. EVERY moment. We don’t get do overs, beloveds. Best be about it, whilst we can be about it, eh?
This morning, I had no idea how I would manage the day. Yet, managed the day, I did. Or, rather, the day managed me whilst I swam in coffee and hurry ups alreadies….*shrug*….
Tonight, though, I find my heart so full, so thankful, so grateful. Grateful, for the fight which makes me want to love harder, fight longer, stand taller, rest sooner, be about it always.
The fight, the tired, the losses, the small gains, the loneliness, the despairing days, the desperate days, the awful days, the boring days, the awesome days, the tearful days, the stressful days have and are making me the me that loves this world, and you, beloveds, more and more on the daily.
Now, I rush to the fight. Knowing that the fight is besides the point. The point is in the TRY. Just TRY, beloveds. Best as you can. Did you hear me? Best as YOU can! Not, as the world tells you. Not as folks around you tells you. But, as YOU know. And, as God and Life shows you. They won’t steer you wrong.
And, when your heart gets it wrong, as it shall from time to time, beloveds. Well, chalk it up to the game and keep it moving. Keep on doing you, beloveds. Keep on BEING you.
You got this.
As do I.
God and Life has us all.
Take care and be encouraged. Your lives matter to me, beloveds, more than you will ever know. It has been SUCH a blessing, seeing the occasional comment or two or three. They have ministered to my soul, truly, coming at times only God knew I needed a kind word or virtual shoulder. I thank each heart who has taken even a moment out of his/her/their/your day to spend a bit of it with me.
BELOVEDS, YOU CAN HAVE MY FLOWERS. I DON’T NEED THEM ANYMORE. ❣️💟💕💞💓💗💛🧡🖤💙💚🤍🩶🤎💜❤️❤️🩹💖💝💘💘🧩🧸 Beloveds, You can have MY flowers. I don’t need them anymore. 🌹🌷🌻 No, really. Take them. Take every last one. Give them to somebody who can smell them. Give them to somebody who can hold them. Give them to somebody who needs to … Continue reading BELOVEDS, YOU CAN HAVE MY FLOWERS. I DON’T NEED THEM ANYMORE.→
God: Forgive him. Me: He said some terribly hurtful words. God: I know. Do this for me. Me: He said some blatantly racist things to his supposed friend!!🥾😡 God: I know. Forgive for they know not what they do. Me: He KNEW. HE CHOSE THOSE AWFUL WORDS!!😠✋️ God: How will he ever learn and grow … Continue reading Forgive them, Cassandra, God said to me→
Good morning! I love my new avatar!! Now I can express me!!! Two issues: I’m almost out of free space and will have to upgrade this week. Secondly, I have been sick enough to have upcoming surgery and to take a full week off to rest. Yet, my heart won’t let me quit you, beloveds. … Continue reading Still In Love→
REAL TALK: DESPISE NOT SMALL BEGINNINGS, BELOVEDS. 👘🦺🥾👟🥿👞🩴👢🩰👡⛑️🔌🕯️🔎🖌️🖋️📢 Beloveds, Real talk. Despise not small beginnings. “For who hath despised the day of small things?”— Zechariah 4:10 KJV I want to talk about your hard. Not motivational-poster hard. Not the kind somebody can wrap up in three sentences and put underneath a pretty picture of a … Continue reading REAL TALK: DESPISE NOT SMALL BEGINNINGS, BELOVEDS.👘🦺🥾👟🥿👞🩴👢🩰👡⛑️🔌🕯️🔎🖌️🖋️📢→
Beloveds, Before there was a blog, there was me. I need to start there. Because if I’m going to introduce myself—really introduce myself—I don’t want to begin with a website. I don’t want to begin with something that happened to me. I don’t want to begin with a list of things I have survived, things … Continue reading IT ME!→
IT IS FINISHED. BUT BELOVEDS, WE ARE NOT. ❤️🩹🌎 For Mom.For Wombie.For every person in this world carrying the name of somebody they love who is no longer here. Beloveds, Before I say anything else, I need to say two names that don’t belong to a sermon. Mom. Wombie. Before there was Why Can’t I … Continue reading IT IS FINISHED. BUT BELOVEDS, WE ARE NOT. ❤️🩹🌎→
💙📫 ONE LAST POSTCARD — LOVE SOMEBODY NOW Beloveds, My mother died on Christmas morning in 2016. Before she died, we had plans. We were supposed to take a vacation together in March. I was going to show her my new car. I was so sure we had time. We never got that chance. We … Continue reading LAST ONE. FRFR!→
💙📫 A POSTCARD FOR YOU: DON’T GIVE UP YET Beloveds, DON’T GIVE UP YET! I don’t know who needs this little postcard today, but I’m sending it anyway. Don’t give up yet. Not because I can promise you everything is about to become easy. I can’t. Not because I know exactly what you’re carrying. I … Continue reading DON’T GIVE UP YET!→
AFTER MIDNIGHT — WHAT ALL OF THIS WAS ABOUT 🌎❤️🔥 Beloveds, Tonight we went a long way around to arrive at something that has actually been here all along. Why Can’t I Be Loud? was never simply about being loud. It was about having a voice. It was about refusing to let this world decide … Continue reading AFTER MIDNIGHT — WHAT ALL OF THIS WAS ABOUT 🌎❤️🔥→
I fight no more, Lord, for the right, to be right.
My right, to my rights, I cede to You.
In all my ways, for the rest of my days, I cede my say, to You.
Take this broken vessel, Lord.
Use this heart as You, shall choose.
I yield this heart, this life, such as it is.
Do what You will.
Your will, I will.
I promise You.
I promise me.
I promise You, me.
I cede my heart, to You.
Your servant and friend,
Cassandra
#JesusMyHomie #ILoveMeSomeYou
#His
Woke this morning with these words in my heart.🤗🥰
Be encouraged, beloveds. Life is truly shorter than any of us realize. Waste not one drop of it. Drop the armor. Receive some love this day. #YourLifeMattersToMe
That reminder to stop trying to prove ourselves and just set down the weight of guilt is so deeply comforting.…
I really enjoyed this, so true and made me smile.
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😉🥰
A sharp, comprehensive breakdown that exposes the friction between rapid growth and operational survival in online businesses.
Why Can't I Be Loud?! 
That reminder to stop trying to prove ourselves and just set down the weight of guilt is so deeply comforting.…