Uncle!
UNCLE!
Satisfied, Thanos?!😡
Real talk, I didn’t want to hop in here to use currently tough circumstances to help others deal with their currently tough circumstances.
Kick rocks, I said, to my sis at the thought of, yet again, turning a tough moment into a wonderfully, inspiring post that would uplift countless of weary souls to continue on their travels whilst being too blasted tired to continue on my own way.
To blazes with any and everyone who is, was, may yet still be, waiting for the next installment of you got it going on like popcorn whilst my own popcorn has burnt.
Hit the road to God, to Life, to ALL who continually expect me to give and to give and to give and to give and to…
Basically, I was having a mini temper tantrum where I just did NOT, not for one more second, want to, hell folks, I no longer want to, yet I have to. Still.
Dammit.
Yes, I was, am, I think, having a bit of a life tantrum. Not so much sick of life, just sick of what life has been dishing out, lately. Nope, the offerings have not been to my liking. I have tossed ALL lemons, to the side. “I would rather starve then have to eat, make, or make due with another damned lemon!”
HA!
I find myself feeling a million feelings all at once. i want to:
Crawl, into a hole.
Run away, and never come back.
Try, again, not knowing if the damned rock will roll back down the damned hill. Dammit!
Write, having a million words to share, yet, believing the words will be meaningless.
Cry, not knowing for which current loss to grieve, accept, let go of, be okay with the removal of.
Try, again, when trying, lately seems hopeless, joyless, pointless, the point seeming more and more without a point.
Give up the fight and tell Thanos he is welcome to come and snatch the other half.
Fight on and tell Thanos what he can do with his finger snaps.
Begin, again, with the meager half left by such a cruel, such an unwelcome, such a surprising finger snap.
My heart, it seems, has taken ME hostage. Heretofore, I ran this show. Or, so I foolishly thought. Here, lately, my heart has refused to simply go off into that gentle goodnight and keep accepting all these damned lemons!
Yep, beloveds, my heart demanded a meeting. With, God. With, Life. The conversation went something like this:
Heart: Enough, already!
Me: Well, what do you want ME to do about it? I ain’t the ones who keep delivering all these damned lemons expecting me to make damned lemonade or pie or whatever the fresh hell one is supposed to make with all these damned lemons!!!!
Heart: God, I am beyond tired of these lemons coming my way. I don’t want them, I don’t want to write about them, I don’t want to encourage others to eat them.
God: I know, beloved. They are for your benefit, they are for the benefit of others.
Me: I could give two damns about that, right now.
Yikes!: Yikes.
Heart: Life, I am over taking your damned high road all the damned time, in service for folks who neither gives two damns about me or rush past me to take all the blessings I have given up whilst helping others or allowing them to take my turn. Am sick and damned tired of having to hold the damned door for others to enter into THEIR rest, THEIR hopes, and THEIR dreams.
Life: I know, beloved. Yet, YOUR life, YOUR words, YOUR try, YOUR joy, YOUR faith affects more lives than you will ever know.
Heart: Who cares?!
Me: Yea, who cares!!?
God: You, do. I, do. Life, does.
Heart: Fresh hell.
Me: Fresh hell.
Argument over, I scraped my way to work and reached out to check on a coworker and let her know that I was thinking of her, praying for her, and telling her she had some great blessings coming her way.
She, cried.
I wanted to.
She said she had really needed those words, today.
MY, words.
MY, seemingly unneeded words.
My….
O, my!
I wonder, beloveds, what she would have done, today, if I had held onto my words? She, needed to hear them. I, needed to share them.
My, o, my, why, my words, MY words, may in fact, be needed, be necessary!
As are yours.
Someone needs YOUR words, beloveds. Beginning, with me.
Yea, especially me.
here trying still,
Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersTo Me
- BELOVEDS, YOU CAN HAVE MY FLOWERS. I DON’T NEED THEM ANYMORE.
- Forgive them, Cassandra, God said to me
- Still In Love
- REAL TALK: DESPISE NOT SMALL BEGINNINGS, BELOVEDS.👘🦺🥾👟🥿👞🩴👢🩰👡⛑️🔌🕯️🔎🖌️🖋️📢
- IT ME!
Why Can't I Be Loud?! 