Month: May 2023

Old habits will tell on you: Back away from the brownie mix, Cassandra.

This has been an exhausting day, beloveds. Found myself fighting with old habits, all day. Old habits was sneaky this time. Old habits paired up with mental fatigue and both lulled me to sleep. Then, the dasterdly crew grabbed 6 mini Milky Ways I had put away in the freezer. Yep, they wooed me with ‘you have done well, Cassandra. 6 of these teeeny, weeny things won’t hurt. You have earned them’. Then, mental fatigue chimed in I have not had chocolate in months.

Fatigued, I ate them then allowed mental fatigue to gently fan me to sleep. After a time, old habits suggested I go ahead and make that box of brownies I had in the cabinet. Yea, the brownies had been there forever and could use a bit of daylight, old habits reasoned.

Sensing some wonderfulness about to commence, stomach quietly growled to fingers to reach on up there and get the brownies. Head began shaking, vehemently, telling mouth to get up and do it’s job and go get legs to help!

Legs, having been alerted, rushed to find new habits who calmly advised hands to reach out to hips and send brain the signal to reach out to act right. Hands, defiantly on hips, entreated act right to get Cassandra to acting right.

Act right, sighed, put on her fave red Nikes and commenced to kicking some serious behind. Behind, shrieking in agony, borrowed legs and rushed back into the kitchen. Behind begged hands to get those blasted brownies BACK into the cabinet.

Calmly, hands put away the brownies. For punishment, act right made Cassandra do extra chores instead of enjoying the NBA Playoffs.

*pout*…..lol.

Thankfully, beloveds, your old habits WILL tell on you. Be sure to listen to them. I sat down, with a cup of coffee, and asked myself WHY I felt the need to unconsciously comfort eat. With intention, I took my comfort in calling my twin, my wombie, and talking to her. With intention, I found comfort in the scriptures. With intention, I sought comfort in letting God know I was awfully tired from not being able to live out my writing dream, right now. I asked for grace. I asked for peace. I asked for rest.

Then, I shared with sis, letting her know I was trying to comfort eat. It was comforting being able to share what was really going on. I didn’t used to. In fact, I would work extra hard to convince myself I was aite. For whatever reason, the church doesn’t appear to want folks to actually have actual feelings. Even though, Jesus wept, it doesn’t appear too acceptable for us to weep and say ‘ow’.

Ha! And, that Ha comes from God. And, from Life. Part of the reason, the main reason, lately, I have this blog is for folk to see BEYOND the curtain and to see it is perfectly fine and needed to be human whilst walking and living a Christian walk.

Christians have been acting such a fool I have told myself I need to find something to call myself. Many have taken to using God and the bible to bash fellow humans all upside the head….smh..

*Cassandra apologizes to God and Life for folk acting ten kinds of fools and not walking in love scaring folk half to death..smh…Cassandra climbs down from her soapbox and gets on with it*.

Back to the near Brownie Caper, I decided to sit with why I wanted to hide, just a bit, in food. I asked myself why I felt soooooooooooo mentally fatigued today. I had taken off 4 days and have spent those days endlessly yakking with family, proudly doing my food prep and keeping up with my chores. I have allowed myself to write and to rest from writing. So, I should be refreshed and ready to work, tomorrow.

I found I was sad from having to go and work tomorrow. I love my job. Love what I do. Yet, my heart just wants to write ALL night and pray for folk and write some more and read my bible and rinse and repeat until morning comes. There is nothing more delicious, to me, then writing in the wee hours of the night. It feels like only God and myself are up in the whole, wide world. I know this isn’t so but it feels this way.

Come morning, I am ready to hit the bed but can’t. It’s time to work. Ack! This has been the delimma for years and why I stopped writing for years. It was just too painful to have to stop writing. Now, my writer won’t stop. Hence, my mental fatigue. Hence, old habits sneaking up. Hence, brownies coming out of the tomb of the back cupboard.

Back away from the brownie mix, Cassandra.

I did.

Old habits, beloveds, will tell on you. I’m thankful mine told on me. Listen to yours. Keep on keeping on. Keep your act right acting right. Follow, old habits to see where they take you. They may/will lead you to some surprising places.

Life is short. It’s okay to have feelings. You just don’t want to live, in your feelings, and have them dominate your life and talk you into do that which is not healthy, helpful or smart.

Feel.

Process.

Forgive.

Move forward.

moving forward with you,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Keep showing up.

Keep showing up.

Even, when no one shows up with you.

Especially, when no one shows up for you.

It’s not about the thing.

It’s not about the place.

It’s not about the person.

It’s all in the try.

You are looking for precious and priceless treasure. You shall find it if you just keep showing up.

I shall give you a hint.

You already have the priceless treasure.

What’s that, you ask?

Ah.

Aha!

Keep asking. You are getting closer!

Keep showing up.

Doors SHALL open.

I’m excited for you.

Are you?

I am.

*Cassandra turns from the mirror and keeps showing up”

showing up no matter what,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Keep showing up. Life is short. The day has much to give and teach you. When you are too tired for instruction, rest. Then, keep showing up. You got this. You CAN. You SHALL.

Who cares?

Who cares?

I do.

Who cares?!

I do!

*Cassandra turns away from doubt, apathy and fatigue and continues to care*

Who cares that YOU care?

Who cares. I shall continue to care, anyway.

*Cassandra turns from the mirror, continuing to care*

caring inspite of, despite of, because of and for a world which could apparently care less,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Here, I usually would have something witty or charming or smart or sappy or…*shrug*. Today, I woke up with zero energy to throw hands against apathy, fatigue and their ilk. Which is precisely why I drug apathy, fatigue and doubt to this keyboard where I am pounding their faces off with these keys. The dummies shouldna woke me up whispering for me to give up on folk. HA! These fools don’t understand I do the OPPOSITE when they show up….*shakes head*. Keep trying, beloveds. Especially when fear, anger, doubt, apathy and the like shows up. This is your sign change IS coming and may yet be near. Look for it. Look for Him. Look…

I’m tired.

I’m tired.

Tired, of trying to live up to YOUR expectations, of me.

Tired, of being tired.

I’m tired.

Tired, of trying, to be the best version of me.

I’m tired.

Tired of, doing the thing, being about being about it.

I’m tired.

Tired of, reaching, searching, seeking, striving.

I’m tired.

Tired of, reaching out to a world who seemingly does not care, anymore. At least about those who look like me. Or, about…who knows why. I want to say fresh hell, here, but hell seems everywhere so why add it here.

I’m tired.

Tired of, waiting for change to come.

Nevertheless, I fight on.

However, I continue to try.

Why?

You tell me.

I am honestly too tired to care, today.

Too tired, to try.

Too tired, to give.

Too tired, to…

Fresh hell, I’m tired.

Rest then, God said.

I will.

*Cassandra turns away from the mirror, in search of what not, she has no clue. Today, she is just too tired.*

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: I have been responding to a thread where I initially commented: As a person of color I thank EVERY commenter for being willing to listen and consider. Folks of color just want the flag to cover us as well. We don’t want to bash white folk to make you feel guilty. We just want to be the sister and brother to you that we are.

That was two months ago. Up to over 2300 likes and over 230 responses. Many of which, are mine. I respond to all. Just about. Even the not so nice responses. Today, this morning, my heart just sighed at a negative response. At first, I wanted to ignore it. In fact, I STILL want to ignore them all. Reaching out, to a world who is….I am just too tired, today, to figure out or even care about why folks do what they do. To, themselves. To, one another. To, me. I have decided to climb down from the world. Today. I shall fight on, tomorrow. If, I have one. Think I shall leave the reaching out to you, beloveds. This day. Will you? Tell me what happened…tomorrow.

Be encouraged. Send me some, would you please/thanks? Asking for a friend…

Building my dream outloud: Overcoming your fear of age.

I give up.

I admit it.

I was a fraidy cat, due to my age.

I was terrified, due to being a woman.

I was skeptical, because I was black.

Yep, beloveds, I had the trifeca. Who, on earth, would take a chance on an old, not having money, female, black sista at that, like me. So, I ran, from my dreams. I hid. Hid behind:

Work.

God.

More work.

More God.

Ministering to the world.

Ministering to my family.

Rinse.

Repeat.

Yes, those things I enjoyed. Yes, those things were needed. Yet, I still hid, amongst my good works. So, to be complete 100, God and Life would not ask my why I was not pursuing my writing. I polished up what I thought They would appreciate and hid.

Folk, the world, users, were all perfectly happy with me using myself up helping them whilst hiding from my dreams. From, me. I think this is partially why I am so in a hurry to get folks to hurry on up and be about being about it.

For the newbies, being about being about it means getting to the thing instead of waiting for this, that and the other thing. Be about BEING ABOUT IT! Do you see?

Losing mom just tore out my soul. Snatched it right out. I thought I would never be whole. I thought I would always be a ball of pain. I am here to let you know that you CAN and will survive the un survivable. One step, at a time. One day, at a time.

Try, beloveds. It is all in the try. Once I finally, finally, FINALLY understood this, the whole planet opened it’s heart before me.

No longer do I worry about who likes this peace. I no longer lament about who may or may not respond to that one. Sure, I want folk to be blessed. If they are not, well, I gave them the best darned me I could serve up.

Some days, I may be too spicy. Other days, I may be too bland. Sometimes, I may be perfectly blended. Other times, I may end up a hot goulash mess. I can promise, though, I have given it my all. This is enough. For me. Hopefully, for you. If not, that’s okay. It was all in the try, anyway.

Go for it.

GO.

NOW!

Life is short. You do NOT go alone. God and Life WILL show you how. In the meantime, let’s learn together, shall we?

Don’t let your age, whether young or old, keep you from keeping on. Embrace the hard. I like to say I eat hard from breakfast. I no longer run from hard. I no longer worry about how much it is going to hurt. It shall. It is just the way life is, sometimes.

Don’t let your fear stop you, either. If need be, drag your fear into the shower and drown it. Step out of the shower, into your day, and run down your dreams until they cry ‘uncle’.

Don’t be afraid to rise, beloveds, from your chair. Like a boxer, rising from their corner, RISE, tap your gloves and start landing some haymakers. I fight alongside you.

We got this.

God has got us all.

throwing hands with you,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Building my dream outloud: Don’t be afraid to lose your seat.

I’m getting old, beloveds. Yep, 54 years young, am I.

I don’t feel old. I still feel like I am 25. My outside is telling me ‘gurl, you look like you 75!’…hahahahaha!!

The older I get, the more I want to try. I didn’t used to feel this way. Truth be told, in my 40s, I was scared to death of moving out of my comfort zone. I told myself I was ‘waiting on God’. Ha! I wish more folks would STOP prophelying on God.

Folk will lament, if it be thy will, God this. And, if you so want me to do this, that and the other thing, God. Yes, we are to seek counsel. Yes, we are to be prudent. Yes, we are to go to God, first. Yet, He also tells us to ask. He also says we have not because we have not and to ask so our joy would be full.

God is not served to have a bunch of fearful, toiling folk running around afraid to live out loud and blaming Him for things not happening. I had to tell my own self to shut up, already, as I was lecturing God and giving Him my two cents for why I was still where I was.

Many, many, many times I had folk who encouraged me to brush up my resume, go for different promotions, do things I KNOW I was beyond qualified and capable of. I even used the death of my mom to keep me bound. Yes, her death affected me. Profoundly.

Yet, I was struggling with fear of moving forward, long before mom passed away. In fact, she encouraged me to pursue my writing. I was afraid I would fail. I was afraid I would succeed. I was afraid if I got out of my chair I would lose another chair. Like musical chairs: I was afraid I would be the one old lady left standing. I was terrified life would laugh at me and tease me for being DUMB ENOUGH to have given up my comfortable, known, easy to stay in, chair.

Secretly, I longed to take a leap of faith. I yearned to get up and run just to see what happens. I was afraid I would lose my seat. I watched my peers, take the leap, and land, on their feat. I watched as they took a new seat. I watched them grow.

It’s not that I did not also grow. I did. I have. I still do. The thing is, beloveds, I have outgrown my pot. My flowers are blooming all over the place. They are starved to be re-potted. Replanted. Re-imagined and ever other Re there is.

I am listening. I am no longer afraid. I am running out of time. Or, I may have 20 more years. I have no idea. Which is why I rise, now, in search of a dream. My writing dream. MY way. My way, may not pan out. My way, may take me on a long journey. My way, may take me on a weekend jaunt.

All I know, is I KNOW I need to get a move on. My writing dream is outrunning me. She refuses to wait one more second for me. She laughs and tells me to catch up already. We have The Grand Canyon to see, experience and to write about.

Ah, beloveds, I have NO idea how I am going to get there. But, I am out of my seat and running the race set before me. I am enjoying the stretch of muscles. I appreciate the gasping lungs. I laugh at the old, fat, worn out fingers who are racing across these keys in search of my dream.

I search not for a better life, however. My life could not be better. I have learned to BE. Me. I have learned I am loved. I have finally understood I am not alone. How much better could life get?

Ah.

Aha!

I have asked the right question, have I not? Now, I await for God and Life to whisper and give up Their Secrets.

In the meantime, beloveds, it is time for you to get on up out of your comfortable chair. It is time, well past time, for you to live, with INTENTION. It is time for you to stop allowing your fears to hold you back. It’s okay to be afraid. Take the fear with you. Run your fears to God and Life and leave it with Them. Keep doing so until you realize you have nothing to fear given that you are loved and that you are not alone.

Take care. I wish I had more time to spend with you. I don’t. My writing dream has taken off and I have gone in search of her. Hopefully, I shall find her standing next to my ocean-front home or next to a pot of gold waiting to be deposited into my bank account….hahahahahhaha!

Be encouraged.

Take care.

Laugh at yourself.

Forgive yourself for being afraid to try.

Then, TRY.

Just, TRY.

Your TRY is ALL God and Life requires. Try, then let THEM be concerned about the outcome.

in hot pursuit of my writing dreams,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Forgive the amount of pieces. I have no idea who needs which piece of encouragement. I dare not hold them until tomorrow. I don’t know how many tomorrows I have why I give ALL I have today. I leave everything on the field, as they say. Besides, it takes a handful of oyster crackers to top off a good bowl of ghoulash.🤷‍♀️

Building my dream outloud: Doing this together.

Soooooooo, beloveds, me, myself, I, along with Yikes!, Egads!, God and Life have been confabbing about getting my decades long dreams to come true.

For aeons, for years, I have been pouting, or praying.

For decades I have been pursuing my dreams, er, working for others whilst seeking pining for and being afraid my dreams of writing with an ocean view will never come true so I hid in work and encouraging the whole world while taking a backseat hoping someone would take notice of me.

Ha!

Enough of that!

The last six months or so I have kept seeking God and Life. I kept saying ‘I don’t know how’. But THIS time, I started to ask God, to ask God, to show me how.

I admitted to and showed Them my:

Fear.

Sad.

Anger.

Guilt.

Shame.

I gave Them my feelings of failure. They loved me, polished those failures and gave them back as the priceless treasures of experience, knowledge, integrity, fortitude, sticktoitness, try, nevergiveupness, and sooooooooo many laughs and lumps my days are never boring. Not even the boring ones.

Now that I have set aside, kicked to the curb, thrown hands against fear, anxiety and doubt, I am no longer afraid to try.

I am already living out most of it: Writing to you!

Now, I just desire:

A home, of my own, where I can drink coffee, all the day and night long where I can write, write, pray, laugh, cry, encourage, exhort, entreat, love and support as many folk as I can.

Insanely high income from my gift of writing and doing and saying THE most Pollyannish, ridiculously hopeful, obnoxiously encouraging, delightfully stupid things this world has ever heard. If athletes can make tens of millions entertaining, surely doors and donors, lol, can be opened, to slice off a few million, after taxes, for me so I can bless the world and be blessed by seeing some of it.

10,000 or so credit card debt – life erased.

20,000 IRS tab zeroed out. Too, long a story. Did home care for someone who never took out taxes leaving me to pay each year. Did so until they passed and lost job and couldn’t afford and interest and Uncle Sam a killer, whew.

I want to see some of this beautiful land. I want to visit:

The Grand Canyon.

Yosemite.

The Teton.

Those huge Redwood trees.

I would like to meet some folks who just need a hug. Would love to spend a year hugging folk and letting them know they are loved and they are not alone.

How will I complete them all? I have NO idea.

Yet, I AM beginning. I am hoping others shall take the courage and reach for theirs. I am going to live out my try, for all to see.

Why? I don’t want yours to take 30 plus years to happen. Let’s make them come true, together. Some of them may. None of them may. Yet, I shall have a blast trying.

I have a few ideas for a YouTube channel. A faceless one, at first. Not because I am ashamed to be an ugly ashtray. I want folk to hear my heart. Also, my apartment is a miniature disaster. 🤣. Just kidding. Sorta.

I started this blog, three years ago. Have to work on getting it out there, wherever there is. I have NO idea about thisachat and thatagram and what’s up with that or what’s that or whatever that social thing is. I have ZERO experience in tumbling.

I certainly have NO plans to be swiping this way and that way! A friend explained all the swiping and I want to spank all kinds of folks! Stop treating one another like takeout and learn to court and date, for heavens heaven sake!! Egads, stop treating your hearts so casually! They are precious and priceless. Enough with the swinging, swiping and tossing hearts around like trading cards. Yikes!

Before I go on another tangent, I end this where I started: building my dream, MY way. I invite you to join me. We can compare notes. If interested, go to my Contact Me page and let us start a fabulous journey. Who knows? We may make a book out of it…lol.

Life is short. I just want to try. For me, this time. I am taking my I have no idea what to do with me.

Ready.

Set.

Let’s go!

running the race set before me,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Welcome newbies!

I have been inviting folk, left and right. To come in and take a load off. Come! Stay, awhile.

Look out for Yikes! and Egads! They show up, from time to time.

Yipppeeee says hello. You shall become well acquainted with my yippees. I let them loose frequently when excited.

Here, you shall find:

Love, lots of it.

A boot to the rear, liberally, as needed.

Hooting, hollering and carrying on as I cheer you towards your hopes, your dreams, and all that keeps you straining, struggling and fighting for the awesome gift to this world, called YOU.

Here, you shall find a comforting shoulder as you confront the ONE thing that frightens you the most…YOU!

Fear not, beloveds, you got this. Here, you are safe to let your guard down and just be…YOU.

Strap in, settle down. Get those tray tables situated, as makes you comfy. Please make sure your neighbors have ample lounging space.

Visit, early and often. Let me hear from you. Blast me a quick email. Send a deliciously long one! I love, love, love hearing from folk. Let me know what you would like to yak about.

Here, beloveds, I share me. The good, the bad, the ugly, the humorous, the annoying, the boring. Goulash. Me. The way God and Life made. The way I have helped shaped me.

Why? Because it may help give you the courage to BE. That is soooooooo hard for many to do because they have been judged harshly doing so.

I want you to hear this:

You were judged by hearts hurting. In fact, most times they are simply projecting what they are ashamed of, in themselves. They can’t admit this. To, you. To, themselves. They are viewing themselves through the eyes of other hurting folk. A vicious cycle I am doing my level best to help God and Life end.

I shall end here. Be well. If you hear nothing else, hear this:

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU.

You got this.

I got you.

God has us all.

Be encouraged.

Look around and snatch the good seats. This room fixing to fill up soon. Ah, beloveds, life is short. Let’s you and I, do something about a world desperately in need of some love, joy and laughter. Start now. Beginning, with you.

I love you.

your sis,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Mother’s Day: My business, my silence.

Mother’s Day:

My agenda:

Turn off phone.

Check.

Turn off/tune out the word.

Check.

I checked out. Or, so I thought.

God’s agenda:

Turn on the phone.

Check.

Waited for said phone to ring.

Check.

Said phone rang.

Check. Check.

Talked to sis.

Check.

Talk time #1 = 6.40 hours.

During said talk time did the following, in no particular order:

Drank coffee.

Shared stories of mom.

Smiled.

Laughed.

Commiserated.

Drank more coffee.

Loved.

Watched NBA playoffs with sound down…*gasp*😳

Made Cassandra Goulash #2. Goulash #2 ingredients:

One half roll Jimmy Dean’s sausage(original).

One grilled chicken breast.

Two thinly sliced Johnsonville bacon and cheddar brats.

One can French cut green beans.

One can sliced potatoes.

One dab of Irish butter.

One sprinkling shredded Colby/American cheese.

Random seasonings.

Mix all, lovingly, in my lovely new baby electric skillet and tada!:

Check.

Drank more coffee.

Check.

Remembered to switch to decaf in order to not be up until the following Mother’s Day.

Whew!

Check.

Laughed.

Check.

Reminisced.

Check.

Shared hearts.

Check.

Supported on another.

Check.

Laughed.

Check.

Pondered.

Check.

Wondered.

Check.

Meandered.

Check. Check!

Loaded the dishwasher.

Check.

Washed the dishes.

Check.

Separated now loving made Cassandra Goulash #2 into three wonderously scrumptious servings…*excited shiver*.

Check!

Decided to spend a bit of time, with mom, in Cherry, my Ford Focus purchased in 2016. Now, THAT is another story, to be told, shortly…*hugs self*.

Advised sis I needed to take out the now THREE bags of trash, whilst trying NOT to kill two innocent birds with any stones. Poor birds! Forever getting killed with two stones of which I have NO earthly idea why we all be killing birds with two stones when needing to do more than one thing at once….*Cassandra makes note to meander, wonder and ponder who on earth and why the world someone came up with this perfectly awful but useful saying*

Ended Call #1.

Took out trash.

Check.

Sat in Cherry.

Did the following, in no particular order, whilst sitting in Cherry:

Drank coffee…don’t judge me….*shrug*

Talked to mom.

Smiled.

Sniffed.

Laughed.

Smiled.

Recorded short audio to thank mom and let her know how very much I loved her and appreciated her giving me life.

Texted sis who I just spent a delish 6.40 talking to, telling her of my time sitting in Cherry, yakking with mom and loving life.

Decided to call my wombie.

Called wombie which was Call #2. Did the following whist talking with sis, in Cherry, in no random order:

Finished coffee.

Swatted mosquitoes.

Laughed.

Loved.

Shared hearts.

Swatted mosquitoes.

Chased from Cherry by said, now malicious mosquitoes who apparently wanted Cherry and mom to themselves.

Whew.

Tore up the stairs, dived into my thank the good heavens mosquito free apartment.

Continued yakking with wombie.

Ordered from Amazon.

Ordered from Amazon.

Ordered from Amazon….*don’t judge me*.

Decided to give the end of my day to reading in my Thompson Chain Reference Bible….*delicious shiver*.

Read Proverbs Chapter 3. Fantastic!

Told wombie I HAD to kick her discreetly, to the curb, in order to kick it with The Father.

Ended Call #2.

Yakked, endlessly, relentlessly, incessantly, with The Father and thanked Him for the now wonderous motherless Mother’s Day, not wanting it to end.

Not wanting it to end, I rang up wombie for Call #3 and yakked, endlessly, relentlessly, about the wonderfulness of my motherless Mother’s Day.

All the while, my business had gotten all up in our business, deciding my business was worth telling my business, to you, beloveds, which is why my business won’t shut up about my motherless Mother’s Day business and she could give two hoots about my fatigue as she is all about HIS Business.

Which, now brings me, us, to Call #4. Yes, beloveds, there was a 4th call….whew. Mind you, it is well nigh past midnight. Yet, to me, the next day does NOT officially start until I have gone to bed and woken again…*shrug*. Do not ask me why this is true but it IS. Yep, the next day does not officially start until you have ended the previous one with sleep.

N-E_Waze, after I yakked with wombie, I was super tired but sooooooooooooooo not wanting Mother’s Day to end. Being so, I got to texting with sis from Call #1. During said text, the following happened, in no random order:

I texted sis.

Sis texted me.

I texted me.

Sis, remembering I had said I was going watch Marvel Movies and Star Wars movies did not call me back and made the mistake of mentioning she was not calling me back as I had specifically advised I was done talking on the phone with sis as we had talked 6.40 hours.

I call sis for now call #5. During said call we did the following, in random order:

Laughed.

Talked about Marvel Movies and Star Wars movies….*shiver*.

Loved.

Shared.

Reminisced.

Shared picture of scrumptious Italian sausage, eggs and cheese scrambled eggs and toast I had made during either yakking with her, texting her, yakking with wombie..*shrug*. Who the world knows? Was starving by then. Mind you, this was after 2 in the morning!

All the whilst, my business had gotten all up in our business taking notes and taking names. Remembering nuggets best shared with others so she, my writer, my business, could be about His Business which was helping me to be about His Business and share His Heartbeat, His Love, His Laughter, His Joy, His Love for, His Reverence for…YOU!

Anywho, and N-E-Waze, talked to sis until checking my phone for the time.

5:40 am!

Yikes!

Egads!

Crying uncle, I begged off the phone, turned the phone off, then begged my business to take a chill pill so I can get some kind of sleep some kind of time else I will fall out in a heap forever written and or talked out. My business, my writer, took pity on me and allowed me to fall into blissful half sleep whilst I watched Rey beat the holy hooey out of The Dark Side. Go, Rey!

Do NOT ask me how, but I woke, in complete silence, in semi darkness as morning had arrived in the midst of egg eating and incessant yakking, to find the television off. The fan lovingly caressed me and whispered awe at the motherless Mother’s Day that appears just won’t end.

Ah.

I lay, in darkness, listening to the delicious sound of silence. Still, in darkness, now light through the light of sharing mom, now gone, ever here, with family. Reveling in silence, my heart, now silent, now free, full of peace, spoke to me of so many things she woke up my business.

For heaven’s sake!

Said business, my business, my writer, listening to my silence, which spoke to me so loudly, decided it was time to get all up in my business and told me to be about being about His Business, which was letting folks know they were loved, they were not alone and to keep oing being themselves.

My business, hauled me out of a perfectly fine bed. Into the bathroom, phone in tow, my business sent me to, ehem, take care of personal business, then sent me back to the living room so I could be about His Business, with my business, my writer, in order to be about being about it so I can let you know how very much you are loved, thought of, cared for and prayed for.

Do you SEE, beloveds, why I need some time off, from work, in order to keep doing my work, which is His Work, which is letting you know….okay, you KNOW, by now, or should what my be about is all about.

Be careful, beloveds, what you wish for. It is now 12:16 pm and I have yet to enter the day after Mother’s Day. It is Mother’s Day. Still. Til a sister goes to sleep and wake up. Yet, I still don’t want this day to end.

The Mother’s Day I thought I would dread has turned out to one of the most precious days I have ever had. Though alone, I was NOT alone. Sis, wombie, God and Life spent a delicious motherless Mother’s Day with me. As, did mom.

Now, this loud oyster cracker, finds herself wanting to be silent. Needing to be still. Waiting to hear what my business will say to me. What my heart, will say to me. What God will say to me. What Life will say to me. What mom will say to me. Most folks are afraid to be silent. They are terrified to hear what their silence will say to them. What their hearts will say to them.

Don’t be afraid of your silence, beloveds. Don’t be afraid of your business. Don’t be afraid when God changes your agenda. Who knows? He may give you an endless motherless Mother’s Day.

I love you.

You.

YOU, beloveds. If you eyes have fallen upon these words, they were meant for you.

Such as this teeny weeny loud now silent oyster cracker has I offer you.

Take care and be encouraged.

As for me and my house, well, my business just will NOT be silent so I will either write, til I fall out or…*shrug*.

God and Life knows and They aint telling.

Remember alway:

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

*Cassandra goes in search of coffee*.

Whew!

being about being about it,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Life is short. None of us knows when our time shall end. I am doing my level best to live as though this day were my last. Not to be morbid. We truly have no idea. I CAN tell you that I have had the greatest hoot living, with INTENTION, loving me some Him, while allowing Him to love Him some me and taking each day as it comes and will. Be at peace. You got this. God and Life has us all. How much more loved could we be?

Keep reaching out.

Keep reaching out.

Even when and as silence greets you.

Keep on keeping on.

You can do this.

You can.

I have been saying the same, believing the same, TRYing the same for at least the last 34 years.

I will be honest, beloveds. A bit ago, I began to feel like SUCH the failure. Because of the decades long of saying, hoping, believing, trying. I had watched others I had prayed for and rooted for living out the lives I had prayed and hoped for.

Yet, MY prayers, well, they seemed to be, stay and frustratingly remain, unanswered. Still.

One day, in tears, I angrily told God I didn’t know what I was doing wrong. Told Him I had NO idea I was praying wrong. I searched and searched for whatever the world I was obviously not seeing, being doing in all of this trying to TRY. Crap…*sigh*.

One day, I was sharing this with my twin. My wombie. She smartly and rightly reminded me that I was here, still, in the fight. All these years. I was me, still. I was loved. Still.

God told me, reminded me all those years, tears, struggle, fight, flight, return, try, try, try, cry, cry, cry, cry, were but me laying my foundation on this thing, this legacy, called me. I have been laying an unseen foundation of faith, hope, joy, love, laughter, fortitude, integrity, and a million other things the world were not privvy to see. All while, God was/is using those things to encourage others, encourage me, build an eternal legacy others will use as a bridge as they make their way to their own hopelessly never ending silent, not coming true, what in the world is this and why is it taking so long dream.

Until then, I continue to write. I continue to hope. I continue to check an empty inbox in search of those who could use my particular goulash or a teeny tiny oyster cracker.

This morning, i checked my inbox and one person was there! Awesome. Maybe, others may follow? Maybe not. I have goulash and an oyster cracker waiting.

As you wait, beloveds, for whatever your heart and life is currently yearning, straining, longing for, keep on keeping on. You are building a legacy for others to follow. Your steps are helping others to achieve their dreams. Your love is feeding other needing to be filled souls. Your joy is giving others the courage to lift up their discouraged heads. Your TRY is giving others the inspiration to also use their TRY.

Try, beloveds. This is ALL God and Life requires of you. Stop being so hard on you. You are doing all that you know. Let that be enough. Leave the outcome to God and Life. Enjoy this day. Your day. You may fill it with anything you wish. Oh, I so wish you will CHOOSE to fill it with a heaping helping of love, laughter, joy and peace. Share some. With others. Beginning with you.

Take care and know you are loved and not alone.

your friend,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe