Month: June 2023

Keep loving them.

I was just asking God what I can do.

Just feeling a bit helpless.

So many things going on.

I didn’t know what to do.

I asked God, ‘What can I do?’

I heard in my heart ‘Keep loving them.’

So still.

So quiet.

I will.

I love you.

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Life is short. Love as best you can. Love as many as you can. Love as much as you can. Give all your love away. You can never out love Love! Love you, still….

You are more than a number.

My job, in part, involves numbers.

Research.

More numbers.

More research.

My job, in part, involves time.

Too little time.

Too much work.

I spend a good part of the day, most days, cramming as many numbers, into as much time, as I can.

Some days, I do great. Which makes me feel great.

Some days, I do not so hot. Which, if I let it, make me want to feel not so hot.

I guess it comes from being judged, growing up, on my intelligence. Being smart was a badge of honor for my dad. Report card time was a time for drama and flair to see who got straight As…*sigh*.

We played ‘around the world’ at school. I was good at it. You squared off with a classmate as the teacher held up flash cards to see who got the right answer the fastest. I was fast.

Going into the work world, as a person of color, I had to be better than everyone else to have a ‘chance’. Being a black woman, I had to be better than the best of the better, to have the chance at even getting the chance to even get a chance. Rarely, I was given the chance. I trained many who were given the chance(s) over me.

When I gave my heart/life to God, I wasn’t viewed very highly, by some. I wore pants. I asked questions. I was not pretty like the other pretty church girls. I was loud. I praised loud. I danced awkward. I sang loudly. Not well.

It seemed as though my efforts did not add up to a heck of a lot, for this world.

There are days when it seems as though my efforts don’t add up to a heck of a lot, for this world.

On days like those, like this one, I question if my little, will EVER be enough for God and Life to distribute. For me to distribute. I asked myself, earlier, why even try?

Why not, I shot back.

??

I have been asking these questions for 54 years and counting.

Counting.

There goes those numbers again!

It’s important, to remember we are so very much more than the numbers we total or subtract.

The only number that truly matters is the number of times that God/Life gives up on us:

0.

None.

Nada.

Never.

The rest, and the rest, shall come out in the wash.

Be encouraged.

If no one has told you yet today:

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

being me,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: I keep asking myself why the world I keep writing. Cuz, someone needs to know they are not alone. Be encouraged.

All.

Give your all.

Life is short.

Your all is ALL you need to give.

Try.

Just try.

Who knows what your try will lead to, eh?

All you have to do is choose to give your all and see what happens.

I choose to try.

I give.

All.

Today.

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Give your all. You won’t need it after the day is done.

Why is everyone so mad?

Why is everyone so mad?

Folks mad about everything.

Folks mad at everybody.

Folks mad at themselves.

Why yall mad, bro?

Life is short.

Why you joining other mad folks to be mad about everything which is driving the whole damn world mad?

Why is everybody hatin?

Why yall hatin’ on your brother, on your sister?

Life is short.

Why yall joining other hatin’ folk, who hate themselves, and have turned their hate on the whole hatin’ world?

Why can’t we all be mad ABOUT each other?

Madly in love.

With.

Each other?

I ain’t mad atcha, my bro, my sis.

I love you.

Love me back.

loving you alway,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Life is short. Love one another, beloveds. Begin with you.

It’s okay.

It’s okay…

Not to know.

It’s okay…

To be tired.

It’s okay..

To want to tell folk to kick rocks.

It’s okay…

To want to throw rocks.

It’s okay…

To be.

Whatever.

Your heart needs.

To.

Be.

Shattered.

Scattered.

No matter.

However you may find yourself.

Know.

It’s okay.

As are you.

As will you be.

As will I.

in this together,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Shattered: Unbroken.

Pieces of me.

They are everywhere.

Scattered.

Yet, unbroken.

I find myself:

Introspective?

Sad?

Bewildered?

I am…

Something.

I am.

Ah.

Aha!

I think I shall allow myself to be this something I am currently.

Sometimes, we just have to let our heart free to speak whatever/however it needs to. Many are afraid to allow their hearts to be honest with themselves, with others.

Too many folks have their heart’s mouths closed so tight they can barely breathe. Am giving my heart the space it needs to breathe.

Speak.

I shall listen.

listening,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Don’t be afraid to be discombobulated. Comes with the territory when one is climbing Mt. Hard. Also comes with living, with intention, in the moment. Keep going.

When hard is just too hard.

When hard is just too hard, remember it’s not.

When you know you just can’t, this time, remember you can/will.

When it’s FINALLY over, remember it’s not over, not yet.

When you have lost, this time, remember not all is lost.

When hard is just too damned hard, remember:

Nothing is too hard, for God.

God is there, with/for you.

Which means = Nothing is too hard for you.

Keep going.

going with you even though it’s just too hard,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: The last thing I want to do is to attack this day with enthusiasm. Which is why I am begging this day with enthusiasm. Yesterday was a stalemate. Today? Who knows.

*Cassandra laces up her gloves readying, steadying, fixing to land some haymakers of her own.*

Whew.

I can not tell you the last time I was sooooooooooooooo frustrated.

O, yea I can…

It was yesterday!!

LOL.

I have to laugh.

It’s either that or cry for an hour.

I don’t have an hour.

I am tired.

I am discouraged.

I am/have been honest with God and Life and have told both I am soooooooooo over this day.

Yea, yea, I know it’s a day to rejoice and be glad in it. I am rejoicing this damn, frustrating day is almost over!!!

*stamps foot*.

Whew!

Okay, I admit. I don’t want the day to be over. Just the struggle. Just the hard. Just the lemonade making portion of the day.

Can I tell you a secret, beloveds? The best part of the day is fixing to come. How do I know this? Cuz I am about to ‘make it so’ as Picard would say.

I am going to grill me a chopped steak, make me some baby potatoes, turn on my mood lights, listen to some soothing music, climb onto The Father’s Lap and tell Him ALL about my frustrating day He made for me. We shall laugh. He may tell me something interesting. He may tell me nothing. I may not learn a thing. I may not grow one lick. Sounds satisfying.

Life is short. Much too short to waste the rest of a good evening, remaining frustrated about a day that has done it’s work. As have I. I did my try. Nothing I have tried has worked, it seems, today. Maybe, tomorrow. Who knows? Who cares. I have an evening to enjoy.

Taters,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note:…*shrug*

If you want to get there faster, slow down.

Time is money.

Especially, in my job.

The faster I can go, the more folks I can help. The more folks I can help….

The trick, however, is to understand the best way to do quality/quick work, is to actually slow down, take an extra minute or two, to ensure everything is being done, correctly.

Otherwise, what’s the point/use in scurrying to the point where things are missed or you miss out on things?

There.

Seems like everyone is tearing around trying to get there. When you ask where they are going?…*shrug*.

Ask me if I know where I am going?

No!

Crap.

I have learned, the hard way, how precious time is. Now, I am no longer in so much of a hurry. I am doing my level best, badly today, to enjoy the journey. Today, I just want to get there already.

I’m tired!

Let’s go!!!!

*Cassandra takes a breath and slows down. So she can get there faster.*

Life, annoyingly, can be a paradox. If I weren’t sooooooooooooooooooooooo tired of being tired, I would have encouraged you by telling you to keep on keeping on. I would have also told you to hang in there for just a little while more. Yes, if I was NOT so blasted over everything I would let you know your dreams are just round the corner waiting to greet you and me. We just have to hang on.

Since I am soooooooooooooooooooooooo over it, alas, I guess one of yall will have to do the encouragement today. I am discouraged. Good egads. Fresh crimeny. Still…

still,

Cassandra

Note: What the hooey you waiting around for a note for? Dontcha know I am too blasted discouraged to tell you to hang in the cuz our change is fixing to come? Hadn’t I told you the hardest time is often right when things are about to change forever?!

What do you mean you need a note?! Well….*Cassandra stomps out to find her note bag*

brb. In the meantime, be encouraged. The ONLY thing you are allowed to tell to kick rocks is quit. Tell quit to take two seats and keep moving….Aite?

Giving up on you is never the right answer.

I give up!

I give up trying to figure things out.

I give up trying to make what it do do what it needs to do so I can get what I need done.

I give up trying to squeez a round peg, me, into a square hole of what the fresh hell is going on.

I give up trying to tell myself I am not a bit discouraged from forever trying and trying not to admit to being a bit discouraged as this past little while has been trying.

I give up on everything else BUT giving up!

I try.

I give.

Nothing happens.

I try.

Again.

Nothing happens.

Again.

Crap.

Fresh hell.

*Cassandra stares up at Mt. Hard and prepares to make the exhausting trip, yet again.

Egads.

Drat it all.

*Cassandra pouts about going up Mt. Hard sans Lucky Charms*

What are you looking at, beloveds? You got your own Mt. Hard to get up.

Let’s go!

going,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: When nothing works, take a breath. A deep one. Then, pout a bit, if you must, but get back after it. I know. I know. It is taking forever. So long, in fact, you question if you are going the right way. You wonder if you have missed a turn. You wonder if YOU will ever get a turn. Who knows? You will never find out if you allow yourself to give up. Crap.