Month: July 2023

Who knew?: His gift to the world was me.

Wow!

Who knew?

God’s Gift, to this world, was ME!

Me!

I tried to talk Him out of it.

I told Him He could not POSSIBLY have thought of me as a gift to give this world.

Yes, He said.

No way, I shot back.

Can’t you see this tore up from the floor up old decrepit broke tired busted and disgusted piece of humanity, called me, couldn’t possible be….enough.

You are, He said.

Hecks naw, I retorted.

I love you, God said.

Why ever for, I exclaimed.

Just cuz, God replied.

Wow, I said.

I agree, He replied.

Who knew?

I did, God said.

Hmm.

*Cassandra stares at the ordinary being, called her, shrugged, and got about divvying up her foolishness upon the world.*

Sorry, yall, blame Him for all the foolishness coming from me, to you….hahahahahahahahahah

I love you, beloveds.

Love someone.

Begin, with you.

Life is so very short. You are soooooooooooooooooooo worthy of love. Stop dismissing yourselves because others were/are too hurt to love on you. Remember, you are loved and you are NOT alone. I got your backs, in prayer. Have mine.

Let me hear from you. Hit me up, as these young folks say, on my Contact Me Page. Bring a friend. We all need each other, eh?

One step(at a time): Don’t stop til you get to the top step.

One step.

One step.

One step.

One step.

One step.

My lungs were screaming and agony.

Morning one of walk one.

The first.

Of many.

How many?

Who knows.

I begin.

With one step.

With one try.

Just one.

I don’t worry if I will make it or not.

I try.

I take one step.

Then.

Another.

Step.

Ah.

Aha!

I soar.

I climb.

Weightless.

Breathless.

I breathe.

I inhale life.

I exhale.

Ah.

living,

Cassandra

Note: I finally started the morning walks I have been promising myself for seven years. I sounded like a beached whale. I looked like who gives two hoots. I was walking. I was living.

Walk done, I eyed the evil stairs standing in the way of my apartment and the air-conditioner. Cruelty!

I had two choices:

I could collapse in a heap, at the bottom of the stairs and hope a muscular husband material man man came to swoop me into his deliciously tender arms…

I could take a step at a time and get to some blessed air! Heck with this!!

One step.

One step.

One step.

I love you, Cassandra.

I love you, Cassandra.

Nuff said.

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Don’t wait around for someone to love you. Love you some you. Love will love you where you are. Remember you are loved and you are not alone.

Recharge your battery.

I have not driven in months. I have not started my car in months. This is not my usual practice because I take care of my car.

This has been a really hard and tiring year. It has been exhausting. All I wanted to do is sleep for about six months.

I’m still tired. However, I am finding that as I get all of this excess out of my life. I’m getting more energy.

I finally took down a sleeping bag that had been covered my living room window for the past seven years. Yikes. I’m finally moving into my apartment after seven years.

I’m throwing out all the unused things and buying new.

My heart is recharging. I’m making a playlist of love songs as I call in my love from the universe. He’s out there. I just don’t know his name. I love you boo wherever you are.

I am recharging on my battery. My heart is wide open. Ready to receive. Ready to need. Ready to be needed.

What a gorgeous day. What a wonderful day God gave me!

Uh, oh! I hear my blue screw driver calling me.

brb,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

My blue screwdriver II: Nobody Does It Better!

YYYAAAAAAAAASSSSSSS! 🎤

*Cassandra currently waking up half the neighborhood bellowing out ‘Nobody Does It Better’ by Carly Simon. Holding her award winning blue screwdriver, of course *

It has been quite the day.

I did not feel like working.

I went to work.

I did not feel like jumping my car to get the battery going after months of being too lazy to start my car. Smh.

I jumped the battery.

I wanted some Burger King but felt too lazy to drive to BK.

I drove to BK.

I did not feel like starting my walking regime as it was too dark/late/hot.

I walked around my parking lot, looking like a moron, heaving like a beached whale to part of a song, then another.

I did not feel like getting into a much needed shower after playing mechanic.

I showered.

I did not feel like reheating my now cold BK small 🍔 and 🍟.

I reheated my fries, sprinkling with a bit of white cheddar seasoning.

I did not want to make exercise playlist to use for my morning walk.

I made an exercise playlist and chair exercised to Push It by Salt-N-Peppa and Too Legit To Quit by McHammer.

I did not feel like getting tomorrow’s writing prepared.

I yakked with you a spell.

I DO feel like kicking yall all to the curb so I can continue my concert!

YYYAAAAAAAAAAASSS!!💋💃

Life is short, beloveds.

Laugh.

Live.

Love.

Try.

Keep going.

going with you,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

No more, my friend.

No more, my friend.

NO MORE!

No more:

Shedding tears, alone. Your tears are precious. As, are you. Share them. Share them with those who love and care for your life.

Bearing burdens, alone. Your burdens, YOU, yes you, are important. You ARE! Stop being ashamed of being ‘needy’. We are ALL needy. Nothing to be ashamed of. YOU are not to be ashamed of.

Building, alone. Your dreams are awesome, mighty, huge and worth their weight, in gold. As, are you. Share them. Let the ones who love you, love you. If you find yourself alone, share them with God, with Life, with a supportive online group. Don’t keep hiding, from life, from, love, from living, from YOU.

Walking, alone, no more.

I move forward.

Towards all that has been waiting this whole time.

being me,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Your life matters. Love you. Let others in. Folk who won’t, won’t. Plenty will. I do. God does. Life does.

What is this?

This?

THIS?!

THIS is all You need?

God: Yes.

Life: Yes.

Me: Yes.

THIS is what You have been fighting to get me to receive all this time?!

God: Yes.

Life: Yes.

Me: Yes.

Why THIS?!!

God: It is priceless.

Life: It is priceless.

Me: It is priceless.

I don’t know what to do with THIS!

God: Guard it as the precious gift it is.

Life: Cherish it as the finite gift it is.

Me: Regard it as the rare gift it is.

I will.

*Cassandra carefully places her hand over her heart, promising to look upon it as God and Life always have. Knowing, what God loves so fiercely, He SHALL nurture and protect for the rest of her days.*

Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: What is this you ask at this odd thing called you? You are unique. You are priceless. You are loved. You are NOT alone. Keep on being…YOU!

Come closer.

Come.

Closer.

Come closer.

*Cassandra beckons her awakened dreams.*

Come.

Closer.

Come closer, says God.

*Cassandra moves closer towards that she knows not.*

Come.

Closer.

Come closer, says life…

coming closer,
Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: My dreams just won’t let me sleep. Now, awakened, I can scarcely concentrate on the here and now.

I find myself there.

Where?

Tell me and we will both know.

All I know is that I have no idea where I am going. The most maddening, terrifying, joyful, frustrating days of my 54 years of life.

Life is short, beloveds. Write a ridiculous blog. Do the super dumb thing you have been wanting to do for the sheer pleasure of doing it. Try. Screw it up. Reimagine your screw up. Laugh. Screw up ten more times.

Will that make you a screw up? Sometimes. So what? Erasers were made for a reason…

Thank You for remaining silent.

This may sound like THE most asinine statement I have ever made. Note, I have made some really ridiculous statements:

I am THANKFUL that God and Life did not answer my prayer for rest/sabbatical. I was soooooooooo tired mentally, emotionally, physically I could do nothing but see and feel my CIRCUMSTANCES. I became my circumstances. I no longer overcame them. My circumstances had overcome ME.

After that, ALL I could focus was on circumstances of what I thought I saw. All I saw were obstacles I could never really overcome. Not, really. Not, me.

Before, I would have focused on the circumstances. Now, in having gone THROUGH the circumstances, I have learned how to live and be content in the midst of the fiercest battle. I have discovered I can move about in the most heated furnace. I have found I can live, with intention, not dreading the rocks in my shoe.

God and Life have the rocks from my shoes and have given them as diamonds in my hands.

Thank You, God.

Thank You, Life.

For remaining silent.

For teaching me how to speak, how to stand, how to try, how to love, how to endure, how to persevere, how to be content, how to…

Ah.

Aha!

How to!

These past dreams not coming to decades have been me writing my how to. Now, I give my how to to you, beloveds, that you may live. Now, right now, in need of nothing more than being you.

My sabbatical has come.

I rest now.

Speak now, God.

Speak now, Life.

I am ready.

resting,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

There are times.

There are times when I feel as if I could go all day.

There are times when I feel as if I could not take another step.

There are times where I feel like I can take on the entire world.

There are times when I feel as though I couldn’t beat my way out of a wet paper bag.

There are times when I feel as though I am ten feet tall.

We’re at times when I feel smaller than an inch worm.

There are times when I care too much.

There are times when I could just care less.

There are times when I wish I could be anywhere but here.

There are times when here is all I want to be.

Yes there are times.

It’s my time.

Time I allow myself to be all that I am all the time.

being,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe