Me: Can I be honest?
God: Yes.
Me: I mean REEEEEAAAAAAAALLLLLY promise I won’t get to hell for being honest, honest?
God: Yes.
Me: I’m having a hard time with hard. I’m having a realllly hard time waiting for YOU. I know You promised to be with me during hard but You have been awfully quiet. Your Silence is awfully loud, God. Just saying.
God: I understand.
Me: Do You? It doesn’t FEEL like it. It doesn’t LOOK like it. I am simply living by MY faith in YOU.
God: Exactly. Wait for it, beloved.
Me: Ah. Aha!
God: When I am the most silent, your heart speaks the loudest.
Me: I know! I can’t get her to….hhm. I think I see what You mean! I am forever trying to control how my heart needs to be acting or doing. I need to trust her more and just let her BE. Me. I’m afraid to be me.
God: Why?
Me: Because, my me is soooooooooooooooo, well, ME. I can’t find another 55 year old who does this life like I do.
God: Okay, beloved, there is only one you. This was by design.
Me: Why does my design feel sooooooooo inadequate?
God: Inadequate to whom, beloved?
Me: Ah. Aha!
God: Exactly. Keep going. Even when you don’t understand. Especially when you don’t understand. I am here. I keep My Promises. Will you keep YOURS?
Me: I will.
God: That’s all I ask.
Me: K.
Can I be honest, beloveds? It has been terribly difficult to stay the course. My age, my lack of resources, my this, my that and every other thing is laughing all up in my face.
Today, I had to drag myself out of bed. I called my twin. Told her I did NOT know HOW I would do work. today. She told me to do work today.
I told her I did NOT know HOW I would be able to keep on keeping on. She told me to keep on keeping on.
I told myself God told me His Grace was sufficient for me. Whew! Grace where ARE you?!!
I got up.
I started work.
I started enjoying work.
Be encouraged, beloveds. If you are in a terribly difficult spot, get to rejoicing! Your victory IS at hand. If not, fear/doubt and all their friends would not be on such a rampage to get YOU to give up on YOU and your dreams.
Hold fast, beloveds. Oftentimes, your dreams are not being held up because of anything you have done or not done. Your dreams, at times, are being held up because God is doing work in and for someone else.
Now, I don’t know why this hard has had to be THIS hard. I just know hard ain’t nothing but a tool we use to keep us sharp, focused and fresh.
Be encouraged. Don’t let anything keep your joy. Turn on some music. Step out into some fresh air. Get on up, beloveds. We got thangs to do.
Encourage someone. Life is tough for us all. We got this. God has us all. In case no one has told you today: I love me some you. So does He.
Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: Okay, so the whole piece was a note. Geeeeeeeeeez.
One step.
One step.
One step.
You are loved.
You are NOT alone.
Keep on being…YOU!
- SUNDAY WITH CASSANDRA. IT ME!
- MOVIE SATURDAY WITH CASSANDRA🌎🎬👩🏿🦼🍿🌎
- (no title)
- Today…
- 🎬 MAYBE THEY WEREN’T “TOO BLACK.” MAYBE I WAS STILL HOLDING THE RULER. 🪑🔑Beloveds,I told you I caught myself watching Black romance movies and thinking:Too loud.Too boisterous.Too Black.😳And the Holy Spirit convicted me.Then I watched Deliver Us from Eva.WHEW.👀Because suddenly I wasn’t only watching Eva.I was looking at the ruler I sometimes used to measure everybody.Let’s start with Eva.She’s intelligent, professional, beautiful, protective, loving, bossy, controlling, loyal and complicated.All of it.🔑She doesn’t have to become either the Angry Black Woman Who Needs Taming or the Strong Black Woman Whose Every Choice Must Be Defended.Eva needs correction AND Eva deserves dignity.She helped raise her sisters after their parents died. Protection became part of her identity.But eventually protection sometimes became control.⛓️ If I don’t manage everybody, everything will fall apart.🔑 I can love grown people without controlling grown people.Her sisters need a key too.You cannot keep handing somebody the clipboard to your life and then get mad because she keeps writing on it.🤣Eva has to stop managing.Her sisters have to start owning.Everybody gets a chair.🪑And YES—THE MEN TOO.🤣🪑🪑🪑🪑Ray begins by deceiving Eva.That matters.But eventually “the problem” becomes a person to him.Eva.And Ray changes.🔑 Sometimes genuinely knowing somebody destroys the caricature we created from a distance.But Ray deserves his own humanity too.He’s working, dreaming, saving, flawed, funny, romantic, masculine and tender.He doesn’t need to become a CEO before he’s worthy of love.There’s that ten-times-better ruler again.👀Then Mike.Mike has a legitimate frustration with Eva’s interference.His solution?SIR. SIT DOWN.🪑🤣Because here’s another key:🔑 A legitimate grievance does not automatically make every remedy legitimate.Pain deserves acknowledgment.Choices still require accountability.Then Tim made me ask:What does a Black man have to look like before we consider him “man enough”?Dominant?Always in charge?Never soft?Never uncertain?Why?Tim doesn’t need more masculinity.He needs his voice.🔑A loud Black woman shouldn’t have to shrink.A quieter Black man shouldn’t have to perform dominance.Both get chairs.And Darrell?🤣Some people are intellectual heavyweights.And some people are…Darrell.🤣❤️HE GETS A CHAIR TOO.Intelligence isn’t the admission price for dignity.Sophistication isn’t the admission price for love.Black people are allowed to be ordinary.Goofy.Messy.Wrong.Funny.Tender.Brilliant.Ridiculous.Rich.Poor.Loud.Quiet.Human.And suddenly the Holy Spirit’s conviction went deeper.Maybe I had become nervous when Black characters weren’t representing us “well enough.”What will THEY think?Why are they so loud?Why aren’t they more polished?More educated?More professional?More respectable?More…acceptable?😳And suddenly I’m not watching a movie.I’m conducting a performance review of Blackness.⛓️That’s exhausting.Because Black characters should not have to carry the reputation of an entire people on their backs.And sometimes, without realizing it—we help load the backpack.That was part of what the Holy Spirit showed me.Not merely:Cassandra, look at them.But:Cassandra, look at your ruler.👀Who handed it to you?Why are you still carrying it?And I knew part of the answer.Ten times better.There was love and survival inside what Black folk taught me.They were preparing me for an unfair world.But:“You may have to be ten times better to receive the opportunity”can quietly become:“Black people SHOULD be ten times better.”NO.❤️🩹I reject that.Black excellence is beautiful.Black dignity is unconditional.Eva gets correction and dignity.Ray gets tenderness and accountability.Mike gets frustration and responsibility.Tim gets quietness and voice.Darrell gets goofiness and dignity.The sisters get love and agency.Nobody has to become less Black.Nobody has to become ten times more human.EVERYBODY GETS A CHAIR.🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑And maybe that’s what the Holy Spirit was really asking me:Cassandra, why are you still holding the ruler?😳My answer?I’m learning to put it down.🔑And maybe you have one too.Race.Education.Disability.Age.Money.Accent.Religion.Politics.Body size.Mental illness.Addiction.Sexuality.Somebody whose life simply doesn’t look like yours.Don’t perform an answer for me.Be honest with you. For, HIM.🙏🏿What ruler are you carrying?Who handed it to you?Who have you measured with it?Have you measured yourself with it too?And if the Holy Spirit is showing it to you, maybe He isn’t giving you the ruler so you can beat yourself with it.Maybe He’s saying:Child. You don’t need that anymore.Put it down.🔑❤️🩹Pull up your chair.🪑Let somebody else pull up theirs.And let people be fully human in front of you.Including—you.👩🏿🦼💃🏿❤️🔥🌎Asking for A Friend,Cassandra#YourLifeMattersToMeNote: One step. One step. One step. You are loved. You are NOT alone. Keep on being…YOU!Unapologetically His.Unapologetically yours.
Why Can't I Be Loud?! 