Category: Writing

Prep(aration) takes time.

Ah.

I just finished doing my meal prep for the next couple of days: Veggies and grilled top sirloin. Followed up with a brilliant lime jello vintage 2023!ο₯°

I also ran the dishwasher, tossed in some laundry and cleaned up from meal prep.

It’s awfully satisfying to have all done early. I didn’t used to be so helpful to myself.

I kept telling myself I will start to meal prep. I promised I would keep the dishes out of the sink. I waxed eloquently on the need to cut out the chips, chocolate and soda.

I daydreamed of how my life would look once I started doing those things consistently.

The only problem is I was waiting, apparently, for some divine decree or mood, from on high, to get going.

Finally, I realized nothing was going to happen until I MADE them happen whether I felt like it or not. I started slowly. I made a bit of jello. Got used to that. I moved on to chili. Got used to that.

I switched to different meats and veggies. Now, I have mastered meal prep, clean up and it is super satisfying.

From there, I made myself get my chores done, on the regular. Not making excuses, I get everything cleared out of the way. Feels nice to know I don’t have to load the dishwasher before I start my day.

I have tomorrow’s pieces written and ready for send off.

The washer is humming along, companionably, as I jot these words.

It sure feels good to see good habits having taken over lazy, old habits.ο₯°

It’s important to give yourself time to build some healthy life habits. Don’t get discouraged if old habits get to being stubborn. It all comes out, in the wash.

In the meantime, be good to you.

getting prep(ared),
Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe

Fix-her-upper: Invest in you.

I am one of those fix-her-upper.

You know, one of those run down, dilapidated houses you can buy cheap, fix, then sell for an exorbitant price.

I am going to be worth millions, I tell ya, once I am all dolled up and fixed.

*Cassandra daydreams about a day where her home, being her body, is all fixed up. Almost new. Shiny. Warm. Inviting. She shall have a wrap around porch. She shall have inviting porch furniture. Folks shall be able to sit and visit and daydream upon her porch steps. She shall have pretty curtains adorning spotless bay windows.

Inside, she shall have lovingly polished hard wood floors. Floors just meant to dance on, in socks and undies, of course. In the dark, in the sunlight. Her kitchen shall be filled with stainless steel appliances ready to produce lovely breads, goulash and especially oyster crackers!

Her living room shall have comfy seating where God, Life, Yikes!, Egads!, Jesus, Michael(archangel), mom and herself could play endless games of gin rummy. No cheating mom! The basement and actic will contain…nothing! Her heart, mind and soul has been set free of ALL baggage. Ah!*

Yassssssssssss, I am a fix-her-upper. I have invested much love, much try, much prayer, much fight, much tears, much this, much that, much the other thing, to get me to the place where I am:

Livable.

Loveable.

Maintained.

Precious.

Priceless.

This, me, a place before considered non essential, by me, is my most prized possession: Me.

Me!!

I am unique.

I have been restored.

I have been transformed.

I am continually being…

Remade.

Renewed.

Used.

Lived in.

Loved on.

Come, seek shelter. This world can be a cold place. I have goulash and an oyster cracker to share. If you ask nicely, I may pour you a nice glass of lemonade. Made, by my own hands. From the lemons life seems fit to send me every other five and a half seconds, it feels like…lol.

Be sure to invest in YOU, beloveds. The stock market has nothing for you. All the money in the wide world won’t help a heart lost, a heart lonely, a heart fearful, a heart anxious, a heart hiding. Love yourself. The world, if it is wise, will wisen up and love you back. If not, it is the world’s loss, not yours.

Invest in YOU. Spend time on the dream you have been dreaming. Reach out to that person you have been hesitating reaching out to. Go to the place you have been too afraid to go to. Take the job you thought you were too old, young, inexperienced, over experienced to take. Try the recipe you thought you would put too much of this in or not enough of that in.

Invest in YOU. Let folks know you could use some rest, some support. Whatever it is you are needing, let folk know. They are NOT mind readers. They barely know what the world is going on in their own minds, let alone yours. Especially us female minds….hahahahahahaha!!

Lastly, okay I don’t have a lastly. I just get a kick out of saying the word. Makes me sound super smart, to me…hehe.

Finally, don’t look at yourself and see only the fix-her-upper. See the awesome you, with the wraparound porch. We are both the fix-her-upper AND the already transformed home. Be comfy in both.

Take care. Remember ALWAY:

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU>

home,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

My dream(s) have awakenened.

My dreams have awakened.

From deep inside.

They call to me.

I hear them now.

Loudly.

Calling.

To me.

To ME?!

Why me, I ask my dreams?

How can you trust ME to fulfill you, I questioned my dreams.

My dreams winked at me.

My dreams beckoned me to come to them.

Here I come.

Now.

Unafraid.

Where shall we go, I asked my dreams.

Everywhere, my dreams replied.

What shall we see, I questioned my dreams.

Everything, my dreams shared.

Why did you come now, I wondered aloud to my dreams.

You were ready, my dreams reminded me.

Ready for what?

Ah.

Aha!

Come.

*Cassandra took Jesus Hand and walked into her future. *

following You,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: I have no idea why God chose ME to be me. I have no earthly idea why He has continued to impress on me to write. Write and let the world know that they are loved and that they are NOT alone.

I feel sooooooooooo inadequate. So many have been and are disillusioned at the word God, let alone want to believe. Due, in part, to folk who have used the name of God for their own ends.

I can only be me and offer but the oyster and goulash I am:

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU.

God SEES you.

God LOVES you.

God CARES DEEPLY for your life.

Love your life anyway.

Love your life.

It’s YOUR life.

It’s yours.

Warts and all.

If you fall.

WHEN you fall down.

Love your life.

Anyway.

In spite of.

Despite.

Anywho.

Anyways.

Love your life.

It’s the only one you shall have.

Make the most of it.

Make the most of you.

If you don’t make it where you thought you should.

Love your life anyway.

Love yourself anyway.

Love your life.

It’s YOUR life.

You can’t live for another.

Another can’t live for you.

Live your life.

It’s YOUR life.

Live and love your way.

Anyway.

Anyhow.

Life is short.

Best get to living.

Best get to loving.

Start with you.

Even if the you you see isn’t enough for you.

Even if the you they see isn’t enough for them.

Love your life anyway.

loving life with you,
Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Nuff said.

He removed the weight(wait): He gave me everything but what I asked for. Which was everything.

God gave me everything.

Everything but money.

I had asked for money so I could get me some:

Peace, of mind.

Rest, of spirit.

Time, to write.

Lightened shoulders, from having bore so much financial weight pressure.

Time to deal with loss of loved ones, lost dreams, tough things I have been saving up to deal with ‘when I found the time’.

All of those things added up to one awfully tired soul. Me. Me, to the core of me. I was soul tired. Only someone who has been, who is currently soul tired will know what it means to be tired to the depths of all you are.

Lately, I have been feeling every bit of my 54 years. Usually, I enjoy being my age. Means I have been through hell and back and am STILL kicking hind end and taking names. Recently, I have been feeling my mortality. I have been wondering if I have done all I know to be the best version of me I can. I think so. I hope so.

In the meantime, my secret soul tired was dragging down the days. Silently. Secretly. Stalking me at every turn. Around EVERY corner, this death gripping tired was making me…

TIRED.

Sleep, did not help this kind of tired.

Distractions, did not help this kind of soul crushing kind of tired.

Talking to God helped.

Reading the bible helped.

Yakking with Jesus helped.

Talking to fam helped.

For a while.

Then….

WHAM!

I would awake and soul tired would tap me on the shoulder and remind me it was time to get going. I would strap soul tired, onto stooped, weary, old shoulders and be about it as best as could. Not easy with soul tired dogging my every move.

For the last little while, I have been climbing on The Father’s Lap and telling Him all about my soul tired. I didn’t use to. I used to hide THAT from Him. Couldn’t very well admit to THAT, could I?

One day, soul tired told me she was tired and told me to let Him know. So, I began to take soul tired with me as I sat on His Lap. Little by litle, The Father and soul tired became fast friends. Over time, they would shoo me away and talk quietly together: soul tired and He.

And, He would never tell me what they spoke about. All I know is each time I left them, soul tired and The Father, I felt lighter. It was as though they were keeping a pebble and restoring my soul.

Soon, my shoulders were free from the soul crushing tired. I felt light. I felt free!

Amazing.

See, I had been praying for, stubbornly, money so I could take time off so I could get free of soul tired. Who knew I didn’t need money at all?!

ALL I needed, was to place my soul tired, in HIS Hands and let Him do His work in my heart, in my life, in my spirit, in my situation, in my…everything.

Ah.

Aha!

Life is fantastic.

Now, I no longer have to wait, for God and Life to remove the weight, from all that weight me down.

It feels good to be at peace.

Finally.

Free.

Weight-less.

Weighted down, by love.

His.

Mine.

He gave me everything but what I asked for.

Which was everything I needed.

content,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: The weight you carry need not be carried. Let Him take the weight. Be encouraged. Rest. Remember you are loved and you are not alone.

You are loved.

You are loved.

Nuff said.

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Sometimes, you just need to hear/know you are loved. You are. Be encouraged.

What a game!

What a game!

Fantastic!

Awesome!!

Okay, have great night peeps.

WHAT a fantastic, awesome game.

Huh?

Where is your encouragement/edification?

Whatcha mean?

Are you sayin’ I have to be entertainin’, upliftin’, and all the other ing’s, as per usual?

Really.

Really??

HHmm…

Brb….

*Cassandra tears out of the room to find her Notes bag so she can find SOMETHING apparently encouraging, uplifting and other ings and things*

HHmm.

Ah!

Aha!

Note: Life is short. You have worked hard all week. It is time to lay down the shovel/broom/keyboard or whatever you to fight back the I ain’t got no money things and all other life things that are currently besetting/beseeching/befalling you.

You have tried. Let your try be enough. The outcome(s) will be whatever they shall be. It’s not your job to worry about that. Not your job to worry, anywho. So, stop that fretting!

Okay, was that enough?

No?

Desert you need?

Hmm.

Okay, lemme see here….

*Cassandra shakes ner Note bag to see what falls out*

Ow.

P.S. Rinse and repeat above aforementioned note.

*shrug*

Don’t blame me. Blame the Notes bag.

Now, may I please get back to my enjoyment of the game?

What a game!

Fantastic.

Awesome…

living life to the fullest,

Jaybird(aka Cassandra)

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note #2: It’s good to laugh, don’t you think? Rejoice in all you have accomplished this week. What shall come, of the rest, will come and do it’s thing. For now, rest. Be encouraged. Be well. Be at peace. Look around at all you have. Love some folks. Starting with you.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

I love me some you.

Fear: Keep fighting your way free.

I have been writing about fear, here lately.

Why so much?

Cuz fear keeps trying to visit me.

EVERY where.

I find it wanting to pop up every which way.

Mostly, do to finances. Okay, all the way, right now, due to finances. Daily, here lately, fear and I have been in a whale of a boxing match. Fear has shown up, in my dreams. I wake and pop fear upside the head and tell it to kick rocks.

Then, I would find fear, in the shower. I would drown fear, in the shower.

After getting the day going, I found more stupid fear, patiently waiting for me on the job. Doggedly, I sicked some joy on it and fear took off quick, fast and in a hurry.

Stubbornly, I blasted praise music to give fear something to dance to. It did not like this and stormed outside, pouting about the music being just too lively for it to remain.

For the last little while, fear and I have been throwing haymakers, at one another. God and Life just sit there. Staring. Silent. Nodding, each time I have chosen to go another round. Knowing, I would win the round. Again. And, again. And, again.

How long must I wage war with this fear, my fear? Until it is gone. Until, I have left it, finally, with God and Life. How long will THAT take? Beats me. Til then, I shall continue beating the hooey out of fear EVERY time it shows up.

kicking fear in rear,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Don’t be afraid or ashamed to admit when you are afraid. Look beyond the fear to see what it is that is scarying you half to death. Admit it. Deal with it. Then tell it to go on ahead and take two seats. Life is short. I vowed to never allow fear to let me waste another day paralyzed to move forward. Keep it moving. You can do this. You already have.

Rest: Don’t be ashamed to show your fraidy.

I have been trying to rest.

Cassandra rest:

R – Relax

E – eh?

S – Stop

T – Trippin’

HAHAHAAHAHAAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Works for me.

I have been wresting a bit of fear, doubt AND anxiety, down to the ground. Shheeeeeeesh, these puppies do NOT like to go without a major fight.

What’s more, they snatch your very soul, or, at the very least, your belief in your faith and yourself.

It is of utmost importance, to rush fear, doubt and anxiety to the daylight. See, beloveds, they love, love, love to hide in darkness. They can appear super scary, in the darkness. They can be absolutely TERRIFYING in the darkness.

Bills tend to grow supernaturally big, in the darkness.

Mountains seem insurmountable, in the darkness.

Tears never seem to end, in the darkness.

Lonely gets to howling, in the darkness.

That is, until you remember that God and Life are right there, WITH you, in the darkness.

When you realize this, you can breathe, rest your head upon His Shoulder and REST, in the darkness.

God won’t turn the light on for you.

Life won’t turn the light on for you.

You must do so.

You must also know you don’t have to turn on the light.

All you must do is to:

Be honest.

With YOU.

With God.

With Life.

With fam.

With friends.

Don’t be afraid to share your fraidy catness.

Don’t be ashamed to BE a fraidy cat, for a time.

It’s understandable. Those stomping feet, that awful raging and roaring, can be enough to scare the bejeez out of the hardiest of souls.

The wonderful thing about what God and Life does, AFTER we show our fraidy, is wonderful. Neither will smash your face in your fraidy cat. No, They just lift up your timid heart and give it a nice big bowl of cream. A reward, you see, for your having revealed your fraidy to Them.

For so many years, I worked soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo hard to not have weakness, let alone to show any. Heck no. That was NOT allowed. Yep, I had to toil and strain around a mountain of toil and strain for no other reason than to appear super strong toiling and straining around a mountain of toil and strain God said I didn’t have to toil and strain over. He told me to take on HIS yoke as His Yoke was easy and His Burden was light.

Of course, my stubborn, I can do this myself dummmmmmmmmmmmmy self, hoisted ALL the toil and strain, upon my weak/feeble shoulders, just cuz…*shrug*….don’t ask me. I was just doing what I had seen a million other Christian folk do.

It is amazing, truly, to be able to just be me, to rely on HIS Strength, lean on HIS Faithfulness and not have to worry about the fickleness of my own heart. We all do the best we can to love and do the best we can.

Rest, beloveds, and let your try be enough. Even when it does not look like it. Even when it does not feel like it. Even when folks roll their eyes at your try. Let them. You go on ahead and rest. Rest. I rest with you.

resting with you,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Don’t be afraid to share your cringe.

I was feeling some type of way.

Not exactly sure what type of way.

Okay, if I HAVE to be honest I would admit I was afraid.

I had been afraid to tell God how afraid I was.

HOW could I admit to being afraid when every blasted day I remind folk not to be afraid and to drown fear in the shower? Still, I was afraid. Still.

That is, until I admitted, I was afraid. Once I admitted, to ME, I was afraid…

I was able to admit to my wombie, I was afraid….

Once I was able to admit to my wombie, I was afraid…

I was able to climb onto The Father’s Lap and shared my cringey, I’m afraid self, with Him. I felt like an idiot, at first. Until, He took my cringe, turned it inside and out. He shook my cringe, just a bit, put it to His Ear and listened to it like He was listening to some oyster shell. Finally, He said ‘Hmm’ gave it back to me, gently, told me to hold onto it and keep it as a souvenir. When I asked why, He told me to hold it to my ear.

Wondering why, I held my cringe to my ear and…

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Yippeeee, Yikes! and Egads! were having a whale of a time, in my cringe. They were hooting and hollering in my cringe. So much so joy began to spill every which way.

God told me to never be afraid to share my cringe. Cringe is nothing more than the heart’s sheepish cry to make sure we are seen, valued, cherished and loved. The world wants us to be ashamed of our cringe. Don’t be.

It take courage to put one’s heart out there for the world to love or dismiss. Makes one want to cringe and shy away. Don’t. Love, let your heart feel all those squishy, cringey feelings, it sometimes feels, when we don’t know how our try will be received.

Your cringe is just your hearts way of letting you know you are living, in the moment. Keep living. Keep loving. Keep trying. Give Him your cringe. He shall protect and cherish it for you. He knows you are most vulnerable when you have made yourself most vulnerable in trying new things, scary things, hard things, frustrating things. Keep on keeping on. Much cringe, er, joy, awaits.

cringing with you,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe