Category: Writing

Real talk: The death of dreams.

Last night, ALL night, fought with the night, fought early dawn, fought with the world over old dreams, long held desires, long held beliefs.

The fight was not even close.

I took a look at those old beliefs, of those old desires, that came from believing life-long beliefs that were bestowed onto my heart from mom fears, dad fears, world fears. All finds of fears, it seems, save my own.

As I fought, as I cried, as I wrestled with old lies, long held, I began to wonder if this, if these, were fights still needed, still NECESSARY.

You see, I found I have been fighting for these things for sooooooooooooooo long, muscle memory had taken over, long ago.

And, if truth be told, if I peered, deep into the darkness, I could see God, I could see Life, I could see Yikes, I could see Egads, I could see true friends, I could see true family, fighting FOR and WITH me. Fighting, to get me to see these things, these old beliefs, long held, no longer belonged with me.

It was time, you see, to let them go.

So, I, Cassandra, Jaybird, Sweetpea, could go and be free.

Finally, as morning snatched the last of my tears, from deep within, I…let go.

Just, let go.

I had no idea, at first, what I had let go of.

I only knew that something, something, SOMETHING, deep inside, had died.

I knew not whether to be glad, sad, or indifferent. Just knew something, those dreams, were gone.

I was not:

Mad.

Sad.

Afraid.

I was just….

JUST!

Ah, just.

I found my heart, wanting. I found my heart, getting angry. Thinking, mistakenly, that I would not see justice for the dreams that God, that Life, had allowed to die, within me.

For a moment, briefly, I was angry.

How DARE They take these dreams, from me.

Looking closer, however, I found these dreams, these wantings were no longer wanted. By me.

You see, ALL that I want, NOW, and for the rest of my days, is to love others, to let others KNOW, of a surety that they ARE loved.

That’s it.

I no longer, beloveds, dream of a posse to rescue me from loneliness, from life, from hard days.

Yea, I have learned that loneliness, that life, that hard days, well, they shall come. Yes, they DO come, for us all.

My hearts desires, now, is to part of the possee that rides, for others. To, others. Letting them know, of a surety that they are NOT alone.

In trying, not to be loud, I found my heart shouting louder than any words I could say. What does she say, beloveds?

My heart says:

God LOVES you.

God SEES you.

God CARES DEEPLY for you.

My heart says:

I LOVE you.

I SEE you.

I CARE VERY DEEPLY for you, beloveds.

I ask not, for your love, your care, in return.

I just….

I just….

I AM just.

Therefore, I give you my heart. Use it, as you choose. Love it, by your choice. Not, by strings. Not, by expectations. Not, to return a favor.

As you so choose.

I choose, beloveds, to love you.

No matter what.

No matter how.

No matter why.

Just…

Cuz….

loving you just cuz,

Jaybird

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Saying the hard part out loud: I told my dreams to kick rocks, today.

I told my dreams to kick rocks, today.

They are just too damned:

Expensive.

Heavy.

Ridiculous.

Give them to someone else, Father.

I shall do as the rest and work til work works no more.

I shall listen, finally, and stop being so damned loud…

Love others ‘just cuz’.

Love others ‘just cuz’.

Just cuz, life is hard for all.

Just cuz, someone, many someones, are lonely.

Just cuz, some hearts, many hearts, are broken.

Just cuz, some shoulders, many shoulders, are burdened.

Just cuz, some feet, many feet, are unable to walk even one step further.

Just cuz, some tummies, many tummies, are starving.

Just cuz, some eyes, many eyes, can not see.

Just cuz, some hands, many hands, are empty.

Just cuz, some arms, many arms, are desperate to be filled.

Love others ‘just cuz’.

Just cuz.

They, need your just cuz love.

I, need your just cuz love.

God, needs your just cuz love.

Life, needs your just cuz love.

You, need your just cuz love.

Family, needs your just cuz love.

This world, especially, needs YOUR just cuz love.

Why?

Just cuz.

Give.

Don’t look to receive.

Give, you.

To, others.

Why?

Just cuz.

This world could use oodles and buckets of love.

Love.

Just cuz.

loving me some you just cuz,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Under the weather, and under the weather.

Whew!

Whew!!

I have been under the weather, this past little while.

On top of this, the weather, God bless this weather yall, has been averaging 104 for 10 days straight. Least of which, I live upstairs so ALL the heat from the downstairs apartments have moved in with me. I am currently surrounded by three fire-breathing dragons, er, supposed fans.

ALL these dumb fans have done, and are doing, are shrugging, blowing hot air every which way and telling me it could be worse, that I could be in the middle of The Sahara with no food, water, Youtube, phone, and Disney Plus. There is that…*sigh*.

I wish all could read my mind. Okay, only certain parts of my mind as I may be talking about yall so don’t want yall knowing I be talkin bout yall on the regular….hahahahahahahahaha!!

Alas, I have concocted daily odes, odettes, songs, sonnets and the like, in my head, trying to scrape the energy and coolness in order to deliver my wonderful odes and thoughts, to you, beloveds, who have desperately missed me and have sought, valiantly, hopelessly, pitifully, as you have gazed, forlorn, at your empty inboxes wondering where the world Cassandra, Jaybird, Sweetpea, and the like have been hiding.

It’s either that, my world view, or perhaps, your truth that you have not missed moi, have enjoyed the quiet, and are reading these words through your fingers wondering if some sad words may be about to come amongst thine eyes.

Nope.

Nopers.

Just me, Cassandra, Jaybird, Sweetpea, checking in to say I have been praying for all, on the daily, and wanting to let all know that EVERYTHING will be okay.

No matter what you are going through, you SHALL make it through.

No matter how far things seem to be, you SHALL get to where you need to be getting to.

No matter how badly you may be feeling about your current circumstances, you SHALL, and are overcoming them all.

Keep, fighting.

Keep, going.

Keep, growing.

Keep, loving.

Keep, living in the moment.

Don’t let your fears keep you from experience life.

If you must be afraid, go on ahead and take the fear with you. Fear, you see, gets bored easily. Fear, you know, can NOT stand when we don’t pay it much mind. Fear, you see, is just a bunch of hot air intent on trying to scare you from doing, living and being.

Tell Fear, to, well, go on ahead and kick rocks already!!!

Let nothing, nothing, nothing steal your:

Joy.

Peace.

Dreams.

Hope.

Love.

Faith.

Keep going.

going with you,

Sweetpea

#YourLifeMattersToMe

*Sigh*

*Sigh*

Having all kinds of tech issues at work so making peanut butter sandwiches, out of my day, by calling and yakking to fam members.

Had a super long, delectable yak, with one sis…

Ah.

Had a brief snack yak, with one big bro.

Ah.

Had a kick rocks not answering phone, dial tone, from another sis. 🤷‍♀️

Was feeling so wonderful, I started to call mom.😥

Fresh hell.

*Sigh*

I miss you, mom.

Ssssshhhhhhhhhhhhheeeeeeeeeiit!

Carry the hell on, Cassandra.

carrying on,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Life is short. Days like these used to be spent hollering at malfunctioning equipment and wailing dumb things to God and Life like They really must not like me because my stuff all tore up and I can’t work right…smh. Don’t judge me. I was a this happened so it must mean that person. Now I am a whatever homie God got this person. Carry on, beloveds.

Peanut butter and jelly.

When life hands you lemons, make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

Yep, got my hind end handed to me ALL day and therefore going to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, watch some tv and try again, tomorrow.

In times past, I would have:

Blamed, me.

Blamed, me.

Then, blamed me, some more.

Today, I am going to chalk it up to the game of life and leave life to do what it do.

We are NOT:

Our, successes.

Our, failures.

Our, efforts.

Our, lack of efforts.

Our, paychecks.

Our, setbacks.

We are…

Ah!

We ARE!

So, beloveds, how about we give ourselves permission to just BE. If we be productive, non productive, semi morons, full blown stupid, kinda wonderful, simply fantastic, or absolutely ridiculous…

In ALL these things, how about we remember we all doing the best we can. And, try, at least, to understand folks are doing the same. Or, trying to.

In the meantime, when life hands you lemons, make your face sammich!😎🥰

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Today…

Today…

Nothing went well. My words may as well have been in Russian as most not understood, today.

Today…

Work just refused to work. System issue, again, today.

Today…

I feel better than yesterday. Okay, still not feeling great, today.

Yet, I am me, still, today.

Today…

I counted my winnings, and they seem woefully short, today.

Today…

Never seemed to get started, no matter how many times I tried to get started, today.

Today…

Is almost over.

I shall try again, tomorrow.

Today…

I tip my hat to you. You kicked my ass, today.

Yet, I shall meet you again, hopefully, joyfully, expectantly, tomorrow. Get your lunch pail ready. It may, perhaps, be MY day. We shall see…

To be continued…

here still,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: When you have one of those days, understand that it was simply one of those days! Keep going….

Take care of you.

Was not feeling so hot, this morning.

Made myself get up, make coffee, get the day started.

Started my day, the work day, that is.

Ten minutes into my work day, my heart said…”I don’t feel good. I am tired”.

I decided to take care of me.

I let all know I shall see them in the morning.

Yea, think I shall look after ME, today.

Be sure, beloveds, to take care of you.

I wish this world would do better in taking care of one another.

Take care of you.

taking care of me,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

It’s not about the likes.

It’s not about the likes.

That is, if you like, yourself.

Yea, it never has been.

It never will be.

About, the likes.

That is, beloveds, if you like, yourself.

You do NOT need the like of another, of others, before you can/will/do, like you, first.

FIRST, beloveds, you must like YOU, first!

Then, if folks still not liking you, if you still are not getting those likes, or no likes, who in the holy flying flip gives two hoots!!!??

The ONLY likes you need to be likin and hankering for are:

YOUR, likes.

God’s, Likes for YOU.

Lifes’ Likes, for YOU.

Hopefully, your fam, your peeps, your circle, will ‘like’ you. And, if they choose not to, for whatever reason, well, why, ever flavor ain’t for everybody. Not your work today.

So long as you ain’t runnin around actin a fool, being an unlikable pain, then it’s on them, not you. And, if you ARE being a non likable goof, stop being one, and keep it moving. Forgive yourself. Ask for forgiveness for your acting a fool and continue to love on some you.

Time for folks to STOP chasing likes, thumbs up, smile emojis, and whatever ever things folks be chasing now up in the social media game.

HA!

It ain’t ’bout other folks likes for you, beloveds. So long as you are loving and liking some you, well, tell the world to go on head and kick some rocks!

You are:

Amazing.

Dazzling.

Worthy of love.

And, when you are not so much those things, you STILL worth of love and all of life’s good things.

Love you, some you.

Then, spare a bit of love, for me, okay, please and thanks?

Liking some me and loving me some you,

Cassandra aka Jaybird aka Sweetpea

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Thank you, me.

Thank you, me.

Thank you, for:

Loving, me.

Being there, for me.

Seeing, me.

Laughing with, me.

Laughing at, me.

Cherishing, me.

Thank you, me.

Thank you, for:

Caring about, me.

Receiving, me.

Honoring, me.

Rejoicing over/for, me.

Hearing, me.

Doing, me.

No matter, what.

No matter, who.

No matter, why.

It didn’t matter.

Not to you, it didn’t.

I thank you, so much, me.

loving me,

Cassandra