Category: Writing

I could use a cup of coffee, mom.

I could use a cup of coffee, mom. Not literally. I feel like emotionally, I am all put of coffee, creamer and sugar. All I have, mom, is an empty coffee cup. Empty, waiting for someone, for Life, for God, for others(?), to bring round coffee fixings, to fill my cup. To fill ME, up, mom.

I’m not feeling empty. Just in need of a bit of pampering, I guess.

Last night, mom, I thought about my life. Thought about the words I try and put out into this big old thing called Earth. I thought of words, traveling countless miles, to and into, hopefully, hearts that I shall never meet. Hearts that shall never touch mine. Hearts that won’t fill this empty cup.

I could use a cup of coffee, mom. Til then, I shall do my utmost to fill the cup, of others.

Coffee anyone?

here,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

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What will you do, life asked me?

What will you do, life asked me?

The day started, hard.

The middle, of the day, was hard.

The end of the day? No idea, the day just would NOT end.

Hard, became harder.

Harder, became impossible.

Impossible, became miserable.

What will you do, life asked me?

I wanted to tell work where work could shove work. I didn’t. I kept working.

I wanted to tell life where to get go, how to get there and who to take with it. I didn’t. I kept living.

I wanted to hide beneath my comforter cave and wait out all the hardness and madness. I didn’t. I went to the kitchen and made chili, instead.

I over cooked, the chili. I put too much sugar, in my coffee. I didn’t buy enough milk so ran out.

Yet, I remain:

Hopeful.

I made, my chili. Drank, my coffee. Did, my TRY.

Did I do these things well, today?

Honestly, not today. The point is, that I DID today. Best I could. ALL that is required.

When life asks you, beloveds, what YOU shall do, how shall you answer? I showed you mine, let me see your TRY.

here STILL,

Cassandra

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Use your own matches.

I love, love, love this saying!

Too often, we think we need something else before we can make our dreams come true. We need more:

Money.

Time.

People.

Places.

Things.

We wait for:

Greener, grass.

Heftier, bank accounts.

More useful, people.

More, education.

Different, pastures.

We can’t/don’t imagine that WE are enough. That WE have enough.

We look around, look down at what we think we do have, don’t have, won’t get, can’t fix, and remain silent, give up the try, walk away from the thing, thinking it can and never will happen.

STOP!

Turn, around!

Go, back. Go, back.

TRY.

Say.

Live.

Love.

You have the matches, beloveds. You ARE the matches you need to light up this world.

Get after it.

Get a goin’.

Life is much too short. Yet, long enough to do all you would like to do.

doing with you,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

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To snack, or not to snack.

The following account may or may not be pertaining to real life, true events. Depending on whom one believes…

Wombie: What are you doing? WHERE is today’s blog posts?

Me: I’m chillaxing. I worked hard all week. I decided to take off today and just chillax.

Wombie: Who cares! Get my post pages.

Me: Why don’t you blog yourself and read your own?

Wombie: Because I want to read yours. You have me spoiled.

Me: I’m comfortable now. ALL I want to do is to keep enjoying these YouTube videos and get ready for tomorrow’s Championship games. I just wish I had a glass of milk and peanut butter bars. THEN, today would be perfect. It’s nice now but sure would have enjoyed some milk and bars about now.

Wombie: Why don’t you go get some? In the five minutes you have been carrying on you could have been halfway to the store.

*Cassandra argues against for another five minutes. Cassandra ponders that the store is literally five minutes from the house and she could have been to the store already*

Me: Brb

🤷‍♀️

It is now a half hour later. Am sitting in the car, fully snacked up and yakking at mom. Smartly, deftly, I have also managed to turn this into a blog post, thereby taking care of Wombie’s preposterous blog request.

She was right. Life IS short. Why settle for aite when one can make a tiny bit of effort to truly enjoy the moment/day?

It has been hard, scooping through grief, hard, and who gives a damn. I still have not been able to make my chili. At least, I took the meat out of the freezer to thaw. Perhaps, by thaw’s end, my heart will have thawed enough to prepare and enjoy chili once again. My friend would want me to. Yet, she understands that my heart is just not ready, not just yet, to fully let her go.

I’m okay with that, for now. In times past, I would have forced myself. Would have told myself to ‘get over it’. I would have trampled over my heart’s care in order to rush to the care of others.

I would have stayed silent. Broken, whilst trying to stitch up the heart of another. Doing both hearts a disservice.

Though broken, shattered, devastated, I have healed enough to have joy, in the meantime, in the middle, betwixt the hardness and madness called these present days.

Though hurting, I sit, joyful, quiet, reflecting on snacks waiting to be enjoyed. Yes, life hurts, now. But, life is also joyful. I live, now, in the NOW. I no longer lament what was lost. Now, I enjoy the memories from the lives no longer here.

I am here.

Still.

I choose life.

I choose now.

I choose me.

Life is short, beloveds. Yet, long enough to make a difference.

Say.

Live.

Love.

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

P.S. Happy now?!🤨😎

LOL.

LOL.

It’s Friday, yall!

Long, week.

Satisfying, week.

I was too sad to make chili. I cried and ate turkey and cheese, instead.

I gave myself time to be okay with not yet being okay. And, turns out, that was perfectly okay.

I miss my friend. Miss mom.

Today, I am a tiny kitty living in such a big cat world.

And, that’s okay.

I don’t have to roar. Not today.

I don’t have to use commas.

Not today.

Today I can be sad. Eating turkey and cheese. Meowing instead of Roaring. Breaking every writing rule and being okay with the breaking.

I am broken.

Broken still.

I wander rooms in search of the friend who no longer roams this earth with me. She hangs out with mom now. I miss them both.

Meow.

Still I fight on.

Still I love.

Still I love.

Minus chili and commas yet I am here still.

Thankful I am.

Grateful I remain.

LOL.

Life is short, beloveds. Laugh. Love. Live. Say. Try. Do. Be.

STILL,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

The kitty in me.

I love this! More often, than not, I feel like the kitty, and not the tiger in the reflection.

I feel like the kitty, today, missing mom so much it’s hard to breathe. Yea, I have been trying to roar, as the tiger, today, yet my heart is squealing, much like the kitty.

Only, no one can see, save me. Folk hear and respond, to the roar. Can they see, do they see, the kitty that is now me? I wonder.

If I show the world, show you, the kitty in me, will the world care? Or, do they only give two hoots to the roaring, encouraging, be about it tiger?

I wonder.

Still, I shall roar, best as can. With all I am.

The kitty in me. She is hungry. Think I shall make her some chili and see what she will say to me.

Meow.

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

P.S. Don’t get it twisted. This kitty can still scratch out some eyes! We fight on…

Tell somebody.

If someone means something to you, let them know.

If someone has done something that has moved you, let them know.

If someone has made you smile, let them know.

If someone gives your heart a tug, let them know.

I was thinking, of mom. So much so, I almost reached for the phone…*sigh*.

I can no longer, tell her, in person. Yet, I can speak to her, in my heart and do.

I have spent some delish hours, this week, yakking with my sisters and my big brother. Laughing, over foolish things. Pondering, over serious things. Enjoying every moment. Not knowing, how many more moments, we shall have.

Tell somebody.

If you don’t have a somebody, get some. The world is full of lonely folk. Folk who could use your shoulder, ear, compassion, love.

Life is short. Yet, long enough for us to make a difference in each other’s lives.

I miss you, mom.

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Be encouraged.

Be encouraged.

Later today, will be hard. At least, I anticipate so. Am going to get back on the horse and attempt my chili. First pot since my dear friend passed away…*sigh*. Figure it’s time to get back on the horse and get back after it.

I wonder, if the smells will be satisfying, still. I wonder, if the anticipation will be as satisfying, still. I wonder, if the taste will be as satisfying, still. That, I don’t yet know. Yet, I shall make the damned chill, still.

STILL.

Life is a have to. A must. A we gotsa do it. We can’t allow a tough happening, an awful happening, an impossible happening, to happen to us in such a way that we no longer allow Life, or God, or ourselves to happen. We have to continue. beloveds, to keep on happening. No matter what. No matter why.

In times past, when going through tough times, I would wait until the time passed before writing about them. I went through the hell, gathered the nuggets, stored them up, dispensed them when said hell was well past.

Life is short. I think it important, needed, to share these nuggets, whilst in the midst of the hard, in the middle of the hell, in the center of ground zero. So, folks can see it is more than possible to be victorious in the midst of certain and inevitable defeat.

Ha!

Stand up, beloveds. Stand!

I know it’s hard. It is. Hard understands your frustration, your anger, your pissed offness that she is around. Hard understands, full well, you think it strange, think it not fair, that you have been selected for her visit this go around. Hard is only here, beloveds, for your good. In the end, you will thank her. She shall show YOU just how truly amazing you are. You don’t yet believe this. Secretly, won’t you admit, you have wondered if you have the fortitude, the got what it takes, to do and be what it takes.

You got this.

Be encouraged.

Take one step.

Then, another.

Then, another.

Until:

The chili, gets made.

The dishwasher, gets loaded.

The trash, gets taken out.

I have no idea how the chili will taste. Just know I will smile whilst making it. The smells will be a sweet savor of TRY being lifted to the heavens. In, triumph. In, hope. In, thanksgiving.

Whatever state you find yourself in, be okay with that state. Embrace who you are, right now. Not after some phantom goal is reached. Look at you and all you have accomplished! Be encouraged. You are exactly where you were meant to be, right now. Tomorrow will take care of itself. Take care of you, today, would you please and thanks?

Think I shall have a second cup. Who shall join me?

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Friday funny on a Thursday.

Took me a minute to get this…

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Be sure to have a few laughs today. There are enough sadsacks out there.

Don’t waste today looking for or forward to tomorrow. Scrape every last crumb of joy from today. It’s all we go, but all we need. Today, contains everything we need to conquer it, LIVE in it, rejoice because of it.

You got this, beloveds. Let’s attack this day with the vengeance we know we got and can do.

Be about it!

being about it with you,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

You can.

You can.

You CAN!

‘Nuff said.

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe