Category: Writing

Celebrate you.

https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=z6DhNR3eO0U&feature=share

Look at you!

Go on ‘head, with yo bad self!!

Strut your stuff. 💃

Take a bow.

You livin’, beloved.

You doin’ you.

You handlin’ yo life bidnezz!!

Yassssssss!

Look at you!

You have:

Refused, to give up.

Refused, to give in.

You have:

Loved:

Hard:

No matter the cost.

No matter the why.

Look at you!!

Fear, has NOT defeated you.

Despair, cowers before you.

Discouragement…..well, you done told discouragement to go head and kick rocks, long time ago!

YAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!

Look at YOU!! 😎

You living, you ain’t surviving.

You ain’t letting circumstances, see you sweat. Circumstances are now sweating you!

Take a bow.

Strut your stuff.

Know ye not, beloved, that ALL of Heaven is cheering you on. They sayin’ “Go on ahead, with your bad self!!”.

Know ye not, God and Life, are just swole, with pride, at your TRY, at your precious heart. They are honored to walk alongside you.

Look at you!

You got this!

Yea, you have had to catch your breath a time or two or ten or ten thousand.

No matter.

STILL, YOU STAND!

STILL, YOU LOVE.

STILL, YOU FIGHT.

Celebrate you, beloved. You are NOT your broken pieces. Grief/loss does NOT get the last say, in your life. Victory SHALL be yours.

Who is like you?

NOBODY!

There is only ONE you. Of all the world, in all the land, there is not another, made like you. You are the ONLY one who can do you as well as you do.

Hold up your head, beloveds. Rejoice. You got this. ALL of this. These present circumstances were just meant to help you fly. Eagles soar AGAINST the currents. Sailboats NEED the winds to keep them going. Diamonds are made when pressed. Gold is refined in the fire.

God and Life just making you piles of diamonds and gold, boo. Don’t sweat this small stuff. Yea, even the tough things bow to you. To, your TRY. To, your STANDING. Yea, the enemy don’t know what to do with you.

How can you defeat one who……….REFUSES TO BE DEFEATED!?

Celebrate you. Go on ‘head, with your bad self. ENOUGH giving yourself a hard time. Rejoice, in where you have come. Celebrate, where you are going. You going far, beloveds. Yes, we handlin’ bidnezz and doing work. How great are we??!!!

celebrating me,

Cassandra 😎💃❤🔥

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Time to dance!!

https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=Gjfs3rSIpIQ&feature=share

Time to dance, beloveds!🔥💃❤

Ran the dishwasher.

Turned on the lights.

Loved somebody.

Loved ourselves.

Yasssss!

We have shouted, into the void, and have won.

Time to dance.

Dancing with you,

Cassandra LOVED 😎

Sometimes, you just have to turn on the lights and start the dishwasher.

Egads!

Yikes!

May and June can be rough, at times. Time I dodge, get through, the Mother’s Day bullet, here comes, the Father’s Day bullet…*sigh*.

During, these weeks, I suck it up butter cup, I pull myself up by the bootstraps, I keep on keeping on, and all the other blasted sayings one says to get through times like these!!!!!!!

Opppps…..sorry for letting the mini scream slip out, there. Have been wanting to have a good cry, a good scream, a good SOMETHING to let these, I miss you mom, I miss you dad, feelings out.

I miss you, mom.

I miss you, dad.

So much so, I spent ALL weekend. And, I mean ALL of it, hiding in the dark, whilst binge watching Station 19 AND Grey’s Anatomy. That and ate pizza, in moderation, of course.

I REFUSED to allow myself, to go backwards. Have come to far, dammit, in order to allow myself to slide, to hide, in the dark, and pretend the okay, was okay. When, in fact, the okay has NOT been okay, and, that’s okay.

I did NOT want to:

Turn on the lights.

Go to work.

Live.

I wanted to:

Hide, in the dark.

Survive, under the covers.

Distract myself.

I CHOSE, to keep it moving. Put on my big girl pants, stood, shakily, turned on the lights, went to work, kept it moving. Work was hard. Didn’t want to be there. Fought through the not want to. Took a break and….loaded the dishwasher.

Don’t ask me why doing something so mundane, turned the rest of my outlook and afternoon around. I think because it reminded me of how I FINALLY, turned things around, after mom had passed away. I had spent days, days I tell ya, in the dark, getting roaring drunk. did so, for 11 days, straight. I know, because I counted.

I drank, and cried. Cried, and drank. Fussed at myself for doing so much drinking, when not a drinker. Forget about standing. Forget about reaching out. Was NOTHING but a ball of pain, of mad(at God, of course for taking mom), of…no idea. Just one big ball of fresh hell and grief.

On day 12, I said ‘no more’. Mom wouldn’t want this. Told God….hmm….okay what I told God would not be fit for young viewers. Let’s just say, the words, kick rocks, was all up in the mad/sad somewhere.

God understood. Whispered to me to turn on the lights, take out the trash, and run the dishwasher. He didn’t admonish me. Didn’t chastise me for being angry with Him. Did not toss the previous 11 days in my face. Just whispered “Turn on the light. Take out the trash. Run the dishwasher”.

I get up, still mad, turn on the light, still mad. I slam trash every which way, still mad, stuff all the every which way trash, in the blasted trash bag, dammit, STILL mad. I delicately slam dishes in the dishwasher, still mad. As delicately as you could slam and throw around, plastic dishes, of course.

The hum, of the dishwasher, accompanied my tears, hummed along to my angry ‘why dammit, why’ rant, hummed as I slung the dammed trashbag, over my shoulder like Santa Claus. My hurt and anger and grief, hummed along, with me, as I stomped and stormed my way, to the dumpster.

Dumpster lid, flew one way, trash bags, another, as I tossed them, tossed my grief, howled my anger, into the trash bin. Drug myself back, up the stairs, into a well lit room, with dishwasher humming, keeping me company, keeping my grief company, almost as if to say ‘you will be okay. Just takes time. Just have to start with turning on some lights, with turning on the dishwasher.

Hearing the swish, of the stupid dishwasher(still angry of course), calmed my broken heart. I imagined my heart getting cleaned, as well. The thumping of plates and glasses, opps, didn’t put them in as nicely as I could and should have, seemed comforting, somehow, someway.

God didn’t lecture me. Just stayed with me. Listening to the dishwasher, with me. Listening, to me, as I asked Him, over and over, why He needed to take my mom….*sigh*. She was in pain. He didn’t want her hurting so, anymore. Neither, did I.

By the time, dishes done, my anger, was done. Grief, still there. Is here, still. Yet, said grief is now enveloped in His Comfort.

Now, when I have a really bad missing mom/dad day, I make sure to turn on a light, somewhere. Get on up, take out the trash, and put one foot in front of the other.

If you are struggling, beloveds, get on up, turn on the light, take out the trash, start the dishwasher.

Yes, the losses still hurt. Yes, you still wish to cry, rant, rave, carry on. It’s okay to not be okay, until you ARE okay. Okay?….*smile*.

It felt good, truly, to lean upon God’s Words, Gods Character and God’s Deep and Abiding Love for ME.

I got this. You got this. And, God and Life, has us all.

It WILL be okay. Things really do come out, in the wash. 🙂

His servant and your friend,

Cassandra LOVED

Rely on Your Help.

https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=WJJcemwPMYM&feature=share

One of THE most awesome things to hanging out with God is when life is super tough, and you don’t think you can make it not even one more step, He steps in and is right there, with us.

That is, IF we remember to reach out, for help, for support, for love, when we are struggling.

I don’t know why it’s so easy to withdraw, to hide, when going through things.

We tell ourselves, like dummies, we don’t want to ‘be a burden’ to others.

So, we do a dumbsky, grab our capes…*sigh*…, tell ourselves “we got this”.

Only, to find out, we actually “don’t got this” and are stuck with the following choices:

Keep our dumbsky cape on and keep flying into walls or getting caught in a tree.

Keep our dumbsky cape locked in the closet, where it belongs, and lean upon Our Help, Our Strong Tower, Our Comfort, Our Comforter, Our Friend.

Thankfully, I chose the latter. Ran clumsily, loudly, shakily into The Arms of He Who Loves Me.

Yes, I still missed my mom, terribly so. Yet, His Comfort was soooooooo precious. So needed.

Felt like a little girl, lost in such a big world. Til, He scooped me up, let me know everything really would be okay.

I think why I struggle so much, at times, without mom, is she always told me, on my roughest moments, when I reached out to her, ‘everything will be alright’. Have needed to hear this, that everything WILL be alright, that I will be okay. Maybe, not today. Maybe, even, not tomorrow.

Yet, I KNOW Who holds ALL of my tomorrows. Who holds my todays. Who holds my tears, even the unshed ones.

It’s okay to not be okay, at times. It is NOT okay, though, to hide your heart, during those times. During tough times, especially during tough times, it’s important to rely on Your Help. You are NOT alone. You are not and were not meant to fight your battles, all alone.

You can. If you choose to. You can hide. You can go back to depending on yourself. You can choose to let the broken pieces to stay broken. God and Life understands and will understand. Will just be there, waiting for you. To get up and try again. To reach out, for support.

Your heart is not a burden. Never has been. Never will be. Your hurt, and what you go through, is just as legit as everyone elses’. Not sure when it became vogue to have to validate one’s hurts, in order to be deemed worthy of being seen, heard, and supported.

Rely on Your Help, beloveds. As will I.

we fight on,

Cassandra WOBBLY BUT HERE…

Stillborn dreams.

I’m tired. Tired of shouting into the void.

That’s what I told God and Life, yesterday. And, the day before that. And, the day before that.

I shout into the void.

I wait.

I wait.

I wait.

I wait.

The day, turns into the night…

The void has mocked me. ALL day.

The void says to me “Come again, tomorrow.

Perhaps, the love you seek, the dreams you bring forth for fulfillment, the gifts you wish to utilize may be yours.

Tomorrow.

Return to me, tomorrow. And, we shall see.

So, I fight the night, to win the dawn. I fight, to earn the right, to try, yet again. Tomorrow.

Tomorrow has now become, today.

Again.

Again, I shout, into the void.

For, myself.

For, others.

Rinse.

Repeat.

I wait.

I wait.

I wait.

I wait.

Silence.

The void, is silent.

God, is silent.

Life, is silent.

Now, the silence, not the void, mocks me.

Taunts me.

“Are you sure, beloved?”

“Are you SURE?”

Silence: DID God and Life REALLY mean for you to have these things?

Me: Yes.

The void: Are you sure? What of all the hopes, dreams, goals, unfulfilled, strewn behind you, all these years?

Me: Yes.

Unfulfilled dreams: Are you sure? You sure God and Life are going to give me to you?

Me: Yes.

Circumstances: Are you sure? Don’t you see how I keep you dancing, keep you confused, keep you wondering? Do you trust God and Life? Really? Still? STILL?!

Me: Yes.

Life: Are you sure? Are you sure that you KNOW God has your back? Are you sure?

Me: Yes.

God:..

Me: Speak not, God, My Father. I KNOW you got this. Let the void have it’s silence. Let silence have it’s say. Let circumstances do what they will. Let the unfulfilled dreams taunt and mock. I KNOW You have my back. I KNOW and experience, daily, Your Deep and Abiding Love for me. I KNOW and stand on Your Word. They are true. They never fail. NEVER. YOU, never fail. You never have. You never will.

Today, I shout into the void. I shout, KNOWING, my dreams are not stillborn. They never have been. They never will be.

Yes, there have been dreams, things, situations, circumstances that never panned out the way I THOUGHT they should. Does this mean they did not do as God and Life intended for them? I may never know. Yet, the point in dreaming, in hoping, in loving, in trying, is all in the TRY, beloveds.

It is the TRY in which we grow. It is in the TRY we learn. It is in the TRY we are refined. It is in the TRY we learn when and how to stand. It is in the TRY where our victory truly lies.

Beloveds, it is in the TRY, in the middle of the night, when trying still is STILL so hard, that you find out who/what you are.

Can you TRY, still, when every door seems to have been locked tight, to you?

Can you TRY, STILL, when you have left EVERYTHING on the field, on the job, in the relationship, and NOTHING seems to have come of the thing, the relationship, the situation?

Can you TRY, when you have, faithfully tried, for years, and the thing, situation, relationship, never came to pass?

Can you TRY, and remain hopeful?

Can you TRY, and not allow your TRY to become discouraged, angry, mistrustful, hopeless, helpless?

Are you standing over your stillborn dreams? Are you looking at them, angry, wondering why you wasted so much time, so much energy, so much love, only to see them withered, empty, unfulfilled, still?

Take those stillborn dreams, to God and Life and ask for them to be resurrected. While there, ask for some grace, some comfort, some healing, for yourself, for your heart. Carrying what we perceive to be stillborn dreams, can be painful.

There is good news, for us. Our dreams are NEVER stillborn dreams to God. To Life. Our dreams are our faith seeds. Seeds, of hope. Seeds, of faith. Seeds, of joy. Seeds we joyfully planted. Planted and waited.

And, waited.

And, waited.

And, waited.

And, waited.

You see, the dreams never changed. WE changed. In the waiting. The waiting seemed to take too long. So, we dug up our dreams. Some, we gave up on, completely. Others, meant so much to us, we tucked them in the back of a drawer. Other dreams, well, we began to fear dreaming. Began to water our dreams with doubt, fear, perhaps a bit of anger here and there.

Dreams can’t thrive, breathe and grow, without FAITH, TRUST, HOPE, LOVE. The ONLY things that will grow when we douse them with doubt, fear, discouragement and helplessness is anger, bitterness, despair, mistrust.

The bible says that 2 Timothy 1:7 God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

Jeremiah 29:11 –  For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.

It is up to me, it is up to YOU, to water your dreams, your hopes, you future, your current family, your hoped for family, your friends, your hoped for friends with HIS Word, not your fears, doubts, (add whatever you like here).

ALL God and Life requires of us is that we TRY. We hope. We live. We love. We give. The outcome. Well, the outcome is not up to me, it is not up to you. Things may not turn out the way we thought they would, should, could.

If you have done your all, given your all, have done all you know, let your TRY and God do the rest. The fact you tried, you gave, you loved, you lived, is victory, all in itself. You cared, at least you tried to, care for those around you. You tried to make a difference. You tried to be the difference.

Your efforts, your TRY, your dreams can NEVER be stillborn.

Keep dreaming. Keep trying. Keep reaching out. Keep shouting into the void. Tell the void, circumstances, fear, doubt, despair, hopelessness to go on ‘head and kick some rocks!!

And, when they all try and taunt you telling you you dreams are still born, well, remind them jokers of a man called Lazarus!

Ha!

We got this. I got this. As do you.

Keep going. You do NOT go alone.

praying for us all til our dreams be fulfilled,

Cassandra VICTORIOUS

Turn your comfort food into a meal with The King.

I admit it. I have been upset, ALL day.

Missing mom. Exhausted from doing a new job I don’t know how to do.

On top of all this, I have to live and not survive. Can’t hide behind distraction. Can’t keep my dammed feelings in a drawer where only God and Life can see.

Am forced to live, fully, and, dammit, exposed living leaves one…well, fresh hell…exposed.

EXPOSED!

Life, folks, situations, the enemy, hell, all comers, it appears, get to take pot shots at our hearts.

They get to do as they please with it. And, what’s worse, we have to stand, to allow, to be open, to be receptive.

Fresh hell.

I would love to tell you how I graciously and spiritually stood. How I fought, valiantly, and won.

Ha!

Instead, I made the super dumb choice(don’t judge me, yall) to order a pizza to go with the lone hold out wine cooler that had been guarding the bacon bits in the fridge so religiously for the past few months(from my last dammit I am tired mini pity party rant).

Que sad music, Tuscany Chicken Alfredo Pasta, breadsticks, large pizza, last hold out black cherry wine cooler, and me, star of this show, fixing to have at it and feel sorry for me missing mom so.

One breadstick in, I decided to call my twin and vent my heart ache and mad with her. I yelled a bit. Okay, yelled. A lot. Loudly. Yelled, at God and Life, for all I was worth.

Had a second bread stick.

Yelled.

Started a third. Cried a bit. Yelled a bit more.

Realized, God and Life, were right there, WITH me, as I yelled, cried, ate a bit. Realizing I was NOT alone, I changed my mini pity party into a praise one. Told sis ‘I am switching out this wine cooler for a cup of coffee’. Put the cooler away, packed away the pizza to be eaten, in moderation. Had enough pasta, for a meal, not a binge session, and talked with sis and God and Life for a while.

We had quite the conversation, enjoyed each other’s company.

I REFUSED to go backwards. I absolutely REFUSE to go back to surviving, to go back to hiding and making due.

NO way. NO how. I have come too far, MUCH too far, to give up on me, on my dreams, on my future, on my relationship with God, on my renewed relationships with friends and family, now.

Yes, the ‘in the meantime’, before the realization of dreams come, is painful. Excruciating, at times. Maddening, ALL the time.

Yet, I CHOOSE to keep standing. I CHOOSE to trust God and Life and the process. I CHOOSE to keep my feelings, my heart, out there, exposed, so it can soak up all the love, joy, peace, comfort, freedom meant for it.

Too often, we allow the temporary hurt, discomfort, pain, unfulfillment, silence, (add your own words here), to cause us to give up, give in, walk away, distract ourselves, run away, hide.

Life is much too short for any of that, now, beloveds. We have no idea how many more moments we have.

I’m glad I chose to turn my hurt/anger into a conversation and meal with The King, My Father, God. We had a nice convo. No, He couldn’t bring mom back. No, He didn’t change my circumstances just because I was annoyed, hurting, exhausted, mad, troubled. He understood my mad. Loved me. Still.

I love me, still. Dumb decisions and all. Loved me enough to not hurt myself hiding, binge eating, drinking and any number of dumb things I have done in the past and may have done, tonight.

I have bet on me. On my future. It is a good one. I just have to hold out and to hold on. I must keep on reaching out, caring for folks, ALLOWING folks to care for me.

In short, I must continue to live, exposed, and wait, patiently.

Fresh hell, there goes the patiently waiting bit. I will get it, in a minute.

I don’t dare give up on me. God never will. Life won’t. ONLY way I lose, is if I am a dumbsky and say enough.

No way. No how. Quit can quit it, already, and go kick some rocks! Along with doubt, fear, anger and all their ilk.

I choose me.

I choose love.

I choose joy.

I choose to wait patiently.

I choose to LIVE.

I choose…..

Keep going, beloveds. Do NOT allow ANYTHING to give you the excuse to go backwards. Life is too short.

Choose to keep moving forward, with me. Pack up your pity party, if you are having one. Turn your comfort eating into a meal with The King. He IS there, for you. Life is there, for you.

In the meantime, I pray, rejoice, hope, cry, try.

Do so, with me, beloveds. We have GOT to keep going, in the meantime.

Remember, don’t rush the cook. Let Him prepare the meal, fully.

Whatever you decide, don’t hide: from you. From God. From Life. From those who love and care for you.

waiting patiently with you,

Me

Show your heart.

Life can be hard. So much so can get easy to want to hide. From, Life. From, yourself. From, folks who love and care for you.

Don’t:

Hide.

Do:

Show your heart.

Your heart is:

Beautiful.

Wonderous.

Amazing.

Needed!

Your heart contains too much love and goodness to keep it locked away.

Yea, there have been some dummies who have hurt you, have wounded your heart.

Most have done so, unknowingly. Others, more so.

Yet, no fair for you to be hiding your heart, from the rest of us. No fair, for you to tuck it away, afraid it will be hurt again.

It will, beloved. It will.

I know. It hurts when you try to love others and not feel loved in return.

Yes, it is agonizing when you reach out and silence greets you.

Showing your heart, IS a risk. Every time. It’s a terrifying high wire act of risk. Will he love me? Will she see me? Will they love and accept ALL of me?

We never know the answer, on the front end.

So, we leap and hope. Hope and leap.

Til, one day, the hoping gets too hard. The silences too long. The wait, for love, seems unbearable.

Makes one want to lock their heart away. Made me tuck mine away, in a drawer that ONLY God and Life could ever see.

Until, one day, someone came knocking and asked to see my heart. I could not show it. Had tucked it away, in a drawer, where only God and Life could see and know it was there.

I didn’t even know I had tucked it away, for safe keeping. Thought I was just tired. Had been feeling a bit numb for quite some time.

Told myself I was just tired. From, having lost so much, lately. From, having keep growing and keep going and keep loving, even while losing and missing my mom so much, lately, it’s hard to breathe.

I kept standing and caring and sharing. I gave all my care but appears I tucked my heart and ran.

Stop, running, beloved. Can’t go back to hiding your heart. Can’t go back to existing.

Continue to show your heart. The world needs her. Needs YOU.

I speak these words to myself, first.

I speak them to you. We have come to far to retreat. This world needs what we have to give. God and Life needs us. ALL of us.

Needs our awful handwriting. Needs our loud voices. Needs our ridiculous sense of humor. Needs our serious side. Our quiet side. Our loud side. Our silly side.

Show your heart.

I give you mine.

Cassandra JAYBIRD ALWAYS

I miss you, mom.

I miss you, mom. I’m trying, mom. Trying to be a big girl. Trying to do what’s right. Trying to live right. To do right.

Trying to love folk as you did. You cared about folk. Gave them your last.

Would give every dime I have just to see your face again.

Think I will have a good missing mom cry. Won’t even get started on all those who are with you now.

😥

Me

If you still have your mom on this side of heaven, give her a hug. Call her. If you are not speaking, call her. Life is short. Same for dads.

Your time WILL come.

Waiting, on anything, can get hard at times.

Waiting, on life-changing things, can be:

Agonizing.

Frustrating.

Annoying!

Hurry up already and get here!!!

Feels like we are in a blasted waiting room, doesn’t it?

I HATE WAITING ROOMS!!!

*pout *…*sigh*…

Seems like nothing good comes from waiting. What the world is up with all this in the meantime waiting?!

Yikes!

Egads!

Truth be told, waiting is crucial. Waiting shows us, US!

Yea, anyone can hold on, for a while. Anyone can be positive and optimistic when thinking something is fixing to happen quick, fast, and in a hurry.

The longer the dream tarries, though, the farther the dream appears to be….well….dammit….it is taking toooooooo long God and Life!!!

*pout*….*sniff*….oops…..*Cassandra realizes she has NOT been PATIENTLY waiting and standing*….oops….*Cassandra gets some act right, right quick and remembers the entire ball game rests in her resting AND trusting God and Life to do Their thing*.

Aha!

See, the waiting part, is crucial. God and Life could change my circumstances, could change your circumstances, in an instant.

This being the case, the question is WHY the waiting, still?

The waiting shows us who we truly are, what we REALLY believe, who we are ACTUALLY BELIEVING IN.

If we are trusting/waiting/believing God and Life, we can wait, patiently. We understand that true change takes time, effort, time, more effort, more time. Rinse and repeat.

Yet, if we have some doubt somewhere, our hearts and minds can tend to wander and then wonder. Wander around wondering if God REALLY does care, will Life REALLY change, will we REALLY be free of this, will be able to have that, will be able to go there and be that and….

Yep, the wait game plays it’s own games. The wait game, is a game changer. Is THE game changer.

For, it is the waiting, that we truly grow. In the waiting, we get to see what we are made of. We get to see what our temper is like. We get to see if we are truly committed to the things we are hoping/striving for.

We get to see how much we truly want the thing or the change. We get to find out if we are in this, for the long haul.

We also get to see what we REALLY, REALLY, REALLY think of the promises of God and Life, for our lives.

Yea, it’s easy enough, to believe good things happen for others. You see seeming ‘successful’ couples, businessmen or women. You see folks pushing strollers, when your arms are empty of children and or significant other.

Yea, you see folk with their significants( not sure if this is even a word but sounds good to me), and wonder where are YOUR significants!

Dammit….*pout*…..oopps.

It feels like we are running out of time, doesn’t it?

WE ARE RUNNING OUT OF TIME, GOD AND LIFE! CAN’T YOU SEE THIS???!

Of course, we are not running out of time. There is still time for us to do, have and be. Just takes time. And, waiting for things to be set right, set in motion, put in place, and the myriad of things that must happen before WE can happen.

The trick is in HOW we wait, not in the actual wait time. There really is no getting around the waiting.

It’s like going to a restaurant and ordering a nice meal. Do you want half cooked food? Do you want food hastily prepared and served just because you were too impatient to wait the requisite time?

It is NOT the cook’s fault that you rushed in, just at closing time. It is NOT the server’s fault, you were ‘too busy’ doing other things, those things now done, you want your meal, RIGHT NOW!

It is not the hostess’ fault you did not prepare for the wait time and now waiting to be ‘entertained’ whilst you wait.

Fact of the matter is this: It doesn’t matter what time you got to the restaurant. Doesn’t even matter what mood you were in, when you arrived. ALL that matters is you arrived, BEFORE closing. So, take a chill pill, and WAIT!

Wait for your meal to be prepared fully. Use the wait time to anticipate how great your meal will taste. Read a book. Talk to the person seated next to you. Say a prayer for someone, while you wait for your ‘meal’ to come. Listen to some tunes.

Speaking of tunes, I woke up a bit on the annoyed side. Not so much annoyed. Unhappy. Okay, not so much unhappy but….just found myself not wanting to wait for my time to be here. I just did not ‘feel like’ getting up and doing my current job, the new job I had to take after my old job was suddenly snatched away.

I found myself a bit miffed in being in this ‘in between stage’ of life. I never asked to be snatched out of the job I enjoyed. This new job, it’s okay, just not my heart’s desire job.

DAMMIT I WANT TO BE DOING MY HEART’S DESIRE JOB, GOD AND LIFE!!!!!!!!!….*stamps foot*…

*sigh*. It seems I am no longer satisfied with how things are. Before, I was minding my own damned business, surviving life, helping others, encouraging others, but, well, just surviving, to be honest. I had a job I loved, an apartment with affordable rent, and was waiting around for life to show up and show out for me.

God and Life heard my silent screams of….no idea what I was silently screaming for. Just knew there was much more to the life I had been surviving. My spirit wanted to live. My heart wanted to try new things, see new places, fall flat on my face whilst I laughed at the dumbness I had gotten myself into.

Fast forward to the burning bush. If you have not read about the burning bush, please and thanks go back in the blog and read. 🙂

Fast forward to the burning bush, turning aside and now on fire, pun intended kinda sorta, to LIVE, love, do, see, be, yada yada.

Only problem, however, is God and Life, may have perchance, accidentally on purpose, may have left out the fact these things take TIME.

Fresh hell…*tiny pout*.

We didn’t get in survival mode, over night. We didn’t get in a rut, over night. We didn’t get in our fixes, over night. Why the world we think life will right itself, overnight, is beyond me.

Our impatience has been part of the problem, hasn’t it, though? If we were honest, just for a few seconds, we would admit we may have rushed this a bit, trampled hastily over that.

We said no, because the yes would have taken too long. We said yes, because we were in sucn an all fired hurry to get there already!!

We blasted through life, relationships, jobs, moments, situations, trying to hurry up and get to the end of the damned thing, forgetting WHY we were in such an all fire hurry in the first place and….

hmm…pattern seems to emerge here. Rush. Get in a mess. Pray for mess to be removed. God and Life says okay, tries to get us out of our man-made mess. We get in a hurry, grow impatient, shove THEIR Hands out of the way and proceed to make a bigger mess than the first mess ever made.

God and Life already factored our hard headness, our anxious, our (fill in whatever you like here), into the equation. Figured it in and added liberal doses of wait time so we can get some act right, act right, and correct things needing correcting, fixing things we can fix, letting go of things we have tore up too much to fix on our own.

God and Life don’t just want us free ‘for the moment’ or until we get into other or worse scrapes. God wants us FREE! WHOLE!

It’s in the wait time, in the meantime, we scrape off excess foolishness. We learn, FINALLY, to enjoy the journey. The journey, I have been and am learning, still, is the ball game. If you are truly living, not just existing, you find so many precious moments, in the meantime. You discover how loudly the quietness can be.

You discover your heart has been speaking to you, trying to speak to you, all this time.

Listening to the heart can get scary, though, can’t it? Alas, another topic for another blog.

Waiting forces us to listen:

To, our heart.

To, God.

To, Life.

To, those who TRULY care for us.

If we listen, if we wait, patiently, we SHALL have all we were meant to have. We SHALL do those things meant for just us to do. We SHALL have love, be loved, be able to show/feel/receive/give love.

We WILL, beloveds. We will.

Just takes time.

Be good to you, this time, won’t you please and thanks?

Give yourself the TIME it will take to move forward, move beyond, heal, grow, receive, do, have and ALL the wonderous things God and Life had prepared for you before you were even born.

Remember, your very life, your precious and loved soul, was worthy of the death of The King, Jesus. God, The Father, loved you sooooooooooooooooooooo very much, He sent His Only Son, to let you know how much you are loved, adored, fought for, thought of, revered, honored, accepted, received…..need I go on?

Why wouldn’t you, knowing these things, NOT have all meant for you?

You shall. Give it time. Give yourself time. There IS plently of time to for you. You haven’t missed the boat, missed the mark, and all the other sayings I could be saying, know what I am saying??….lol….

Rejoice, beloveds. Rejoice. You got this.

Take a breath. A deep one. Look around you. Look at how far you have already come. Don’t worry about the miles, yet to be. Those miles will take care of themselves. They are not going anywhere, trust me. They will be waiting for you. Ah, there goes that word again….waiting.

Your time IS coming. Your time is yet here. A paradox. The fact you are straining towards all your dreams are sure sign they are around the corner. Enjoy the journey. ALL of it. The anxious days. The quiet days. The frustrating days. The joyful days. The sad days. We only get one life. Enjoy it.

Enjoy you. God sure does. He enjoys ALL your quirks. He enjoys seeing how hard you try. He enjoys how much you care. Just enjoys you, period. You do the same now, okay?

In the meantime, I shall keep your heart in prayer. I shall continue to ask God and Life to bless you. I shall continue to ask for true healing, peace, love, joy, safety, sanctuary, love, life, love, life. Rinse/repeat.

Be still and know He is God and you are loved and your issues are ever before Him and ALWAYS on His Heart and Mind. As are you.

Be well and stay safe.

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Tell frustration and in the meantime to go kick some rocks!

https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=rmLs1Cu-DEA&feature=share

In the meantime…

IN THE MEANTIME!!

Those three words! Ack!

They can be:

Maddening.

Frustrating.

Discouraging.

IF. Ah, if…

In the meantime, can ONLY be frustrating, maddening, discouraging ONLY if we allow the natural waiting, of life, to be so.

God and Life desires that we ENJOY this life. ALL of it. The exciting times. The supposed boring times. The excruciatingly long times. The tough times. The mad times. The sad times.

We only get one get around period in this getting around thing, called life.

No need wasting too many moments on frustrations over what you don’t yet have or have not done yet.

No need in driving yourself, and others, up ten walls over what should be or ought be or how come it ain’t already!

No need in lamenting, discouraging yourself, and others of all the ‘if only’ and ‘how come’ and all the needless, pointless, foolish things we waste precious moments on pondering all the whys and wherefores.

Since, we control NONE of these, best we get to telling them to go kick some rocks, already!

We SHALL have all that God and Life mean for us to have.

We WILL do all the things put before us.

We CAN do ALL things THROUGH He who loves us.

What in the world we all fretting about/for?!

We got this, people. We really do.

In the meantime, love on some folk. Starting with YOU. Cut yourself some slack, would you, please and thanks? You are doing best you can. Your efforts are being noted.

In the meantime, spend some time with folk you love. Hang out with God and Life. Spend some time getting to know you more and better.

Life is short. Best we get to living it…

…in the meantime.

I love me some you.

God loves you, beloveds. He truly does. Let Him.❤😎🔥

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Cassandra